A stranger among his own. How to understand yourself at sixteen?
Where did I come from? What was I born for? Why all this?" - your family questions …
Computer is a window to the world
You are sitting in your room alone. Lighting - monitor light. Quiet, you can hear the ticking clock. It is necessary to remove them away, they interfere with concentration. 24/7 shooters are a stage passed. The new forum is exciting. Everyone here is not like everyone else. They have one wave, they are laconic and understand each other.
They disagree with how society works. They openly say that this is the world of freaks. All rallies and coups in an attempt to make society happy are mouse fuss, causing a grin. On the forum, they share their thoughts that this world has outlived its usefulness. And you agree with them.
Your home is a battlefield
The chilling sound of the key being inserted, two creaking turns, the front door slamming violently. A minute later, the door of the room opens, and the mother's loud, high-pitched screeching voice fills the entire space:
- Have you come home from school long ago? Why didn't you eat, why borscht and cutlets weren't touched?
- For a long time. Did not want.
- Didn't want to again? And the lessons? Made? What are the grades today? Why are you silent when your mother talks to you? Have respect!
The voice rises even higher and becomes even louder and nastier. Another moment and it seems that the eardrums will burst, and the head will be blown into thousands of pieces by tension.
- Why are you keeping silent?! How long will you mock your mother? I do everything for you, dress, put on, feed! Do you remember that in two months you graduate from school? You have only two! I'm talking to you!!! Have you thought where you will go to study? Or will your mother decide everything for you again ?!
- I do not care.
- So, maybe you will sit at home on the stove and do nothing? Let the mother continue to feed and water ?! I raised you, raised you, I thought there would be help, but you? I had to listen to kind people, and why did I give birth to you ?!
You cringe from unbearable ear pain. You shrink to a small black point, and only the high, piercing voice of your mother keeps you from being completely passed out. You break down:
- I did not ask me to give birth! Hysterical !!! Get out of my room! And don't yell at me! Do you hear, never yell again! Hate you! Got it out !!!
Yes. You have only two. You sit at the last desk. Always alone. You don't need anyone. And for all these years you have not got a friend. Not in the classroom, not in the yard. What for? What's the point? Dumb fun - laughing at recess. What's a reason to have fun?
Girls make eyes at boys, write little notes to them, and they turn into obedient workers, carry their briefcases and fulfill stupid desires. Looking at this circus, there is only one thought - never to fall in love and not to marry. You are your own king, not someone's servant. And let them consider you arrogant and unsociable. It doesn't bother you, you don't care. Like a lonely star in the black abyss of the universe. If only you weren't touched. They did not ask stupid questions. Do not pierce your ears with daggers.
You put your headphones back on and turn the heavy metal up at full volume. Just not to hear the screams of the mother.
A stranger among his own
How difficult it is to see strangers near relatives every day. When you don't understand why your mother with every word, every sound hurts you unbearably. When these idiots, who unwittingly turn out to be around, swarm and rejoice, like dung beetles, while doing all they can to drag you into this heap of invented worries and problems.
How to survive if you are a stranger to everyone at school, in the classroom? If there is no place for you at home and there is no personal rest zone. You do not understand how to escape from all this to a place where you will be comfortable, where there will be just silence.
Not like everyone else
You always knew that you were special, not like everyone else. But which one?
There are only 5% of such people. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan calls us sound scientists. A vector is a set of innate desires and abilities.
The sound vector is not called that for nothing - after all, every sound engineer has a special relationship with sounds. You are able to hear the creak of a floorboard two floors higher, you are attracted by something in the viscous silence of the night, and you can jam yourself with heavy music for days on end and head off any attempts to come into contact with you with headphones.
Where did I come from? What was I born for? Why all this?" - your family questions.
You have a quiet voice and your usual state of aloof reverie. Night is your element. At this time, you can be alone with yourself, with your thoughts. You can chat on the Internet with people like you who do not like to talk out loud. Only then in the morning it is hard to wake up, to be included in the world outside.
Sound - the only one of the eight vectors does not gravitate towards the desires of the physical world. Entertainment, ways to grab "fun" - everything is empty. There is not even a desire to look for a couple.
Sound scientists are philosophers, physicists, lyricists by birthright. All philosophies, discoveries in the field of physics, Internet technologies are the work of sound. Abstract sciences allow you to focus in a world that cannot be touched.
If the sound person is surrounded by noise that painfully hits his sensitive eardrums, if the mother shouts at him, says unpleasant things, then he withdraws into himself. In this case, cutting off the world outside is the only way to save yourself.
Of course, being a genius is not easy. Feel as if locked in your own body for an unknown purpose, put up with the demands of the world, try to comply, be disappointed in everything, disappointed in yourself. The void of meaninglessness is a constant companion of modern sound.
Today you can do physics, study the whole philosophy and learn seven languages and still not find yourself and the meaning of your temporary stay on this ball.
Where is the exit? What is behind your desire to achieve an altered state of consciousness? And is there any sense in your separate life?
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