I don’t want to be “just friends”. How to get out of the friend zone and not lose what you have?
The friend zone is the territory of friendly relations between a man and a woman. This illusion of friendship can persist for a long time, causing suffering to those who want more, but hesitate to admit it. It is this partner who asks the questions: is it love, is it worth destroying friendships for the sake of a vague perspective, would it not be a mistake? Is it possible that the "friend" has the same feelings? What is actually going on between them, which decision will be correct in this case?
We grew up in the same yard, went to the same school, and went to college together. Yesterday we climbed trees and played kwacha, and today her fellow students invite her on dates. And I … what about me? I help her pick up a dress, walk her dog and shield her in front of her parents when she is at the disco. I'm her friend.
We had a drink one day on her birthday, and I got up the courage to ask her to dance. She laughed and talked about her gifts, and I held her waist and thought only about how I wanted to kiss her. I didn't dare.
We see each other almost every day. She runs up to me for textbooks, asks for notes, sometimes we walk, go to the cinema, sit in a cafe. And if I ask her to date and she refuses, what then? Then I won't be able to see her that often.
The friend zone is the territory of friendly relations between a man and a woman. As a rule, in such a situation, one of them is in love, but hides his feelings so as not to lose the relationship that already exists.
This illusion of friendship can persist for a long time, causing suffering to those who want more, but hesitate to admit it.
It is this partner who asks the questions: is it love, is it worth destroying friendships for the sake of a vague perspective, would it not be a mistake? Is it possible that the "friend" has the same feelings? What is actually going on between them, which decision will be correct in this case?
Finding ourselves in such an ambiguous situation, we would give a lot to understand what is happening without a broken heart, bitter disappointments and unexpected betrayals.
Now it becomes possible. The psychological knowledge gained at Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" reveals all facets of the relationship between a man and a woman and allows you to look at any situation from a new angle.
Each decision has its own reasons, due to the psychological properties of a person, and we will try to analyze several options for such "friendly" relations.
It so happens that a girl with a skin vector is interested in friendship with a guy, a representative of the anal vector, because it is convenient for her. And in fact, she does not see anything bad in this, simply because she perceives what is happening in a completely different way from him.
She sees nothing wrong with walking together in the park and then asking to copy the essay; dance together at a party, and then ask to replace her on duty; go to the movies together, and then ask to fix her car.
Due to the innate psychological properties of the skin vector, the girl makes decisions, guided exclusively by logic. Her actions are as rational and pragmatic as possible. At the same time, oddly enough it may seem, she has no malicious intent. “Nothing personal - just business” is really about the skin vector.
However, without understanding the psychological characteristics of a guy with an anal vector, it is impossible for a girl with a skin vector to understand that it is such a man who seeks a monogamous relationship and perceives any signs of attention from the opposite sex as a desire to create a couple.
His psyche properties are such that he is always determined for a long time, weighs everything in detail, thinks over, and if he decides on a relationship, then in his ideas it is for life.
When he finally becomes ready to declare his feelings and is refused, he is genuinely indignant and does not understand how she could do this to him. He perceives this as betrayal and a malicious attempt to use it or simply laugh.
In this case, resentment often arises, and it can become an offense against all women - a complex psychological state that significantly affects a person's future life.
The most developed and richest imagination is one of the properties of a person with a visual vector. When real relationships do not give the desired, the viewer is quite capable of imagining the missing features of the desired image. Imagine and believe in their existence.
Additional desired meanings are attributed to each look, gesture, word or decision: “He looked at me so affectionately, I’m sure he is not indifferent to me”, “She stroked me so gently on the shoulder, she definitely feels the same as me”.
Often, being in the world of his fantasies, the visual person is afraid to admit his feelings to his partner, just because this is the risk of destruction of this very world.
According to this mechanism, dependence on a partner can be formed, when the entire emotional sphere of the spectator is closed on one person.
However, no matter how sweet the invented dreams are, sooner or later disappointment comes with reality, since everything in life is not so desperately perfect. Then comes bitter disappointment, tears, tantrums, green melancholy and sometimes even attempts at emotional manipulation, threats to commit suicide.
Only by understanding the essence of the visual vector, one can understand and find a way out of such a difficult psychological state.
Soul kinship and no attraction
A special kind of friendship can arise between two representatives of the sound vector.
It is mutual understanding, the presence of common topics for conversation, and mutual interests that come to the fore.
Due to their psychological properties, sound people are rather introverted individuals who hardly get close to other people. It is difficult to understand them without knowing the features of the sound vector, because non-material desires and the search for meanings are alien to the other seven vectors.
Therefore, finding a kindred spirit, the sound engineer considers such a person a like-minded person, which in itself means great intimacy. At the same time, being the owner of the most asexual of all eight vectors, the sound engineer will be the last to think about creating a pair relationship.
It is he who can stubbornly ignore any signs of attention or hints from the person who is interested in developing relationships, even if they are already obvious and unambiguous. And just the sound engineer will propose rather to preserve the position of like-minded people instead of developing closer paired relationships than, of course, risk breaking the heart of a partner in love.
Friendzone - liberation
In fact, there is no friendship between a man and a woman. Always in such a situation, someone feels for another something more than a friendly attitude. Even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself.
High psychological literacy allows you to figure out what is really going on between you: what kind of connection holds you together and is there a prospect for the development of full-fledged and happy pair relationships?
Friendship in itself provides for the presence of common memories, lived impressions, interesting to both topics for communication and pastime. This is already an excellent basis for the further development of relationships, since this is the foundation for creating an emotional connection with each other - the basis for the strongest and most durable union of a man and a woman.
Having understood what is happening, realizing your own desires and expectations from pairing relationships, your partner's view of marriage and family life, you can accurately assess your overall chances.
Such a clear vision of the situation makes it possible to make the right decision and avoid unnecessary suffering.
For example, if you figured out that your communication is purely consumer in nature, then you are unlikely to value such a person and even more so try to develop a relationship.
When it becomes clear to you that the image of your hero consists more of your fantasies than of the character traits of a real person, you will be able to impartially assess the situation and reconsider the nature of your feelings.
If, in fact, you realize that you both have a lot in common, that you are really good together, and that you are ready to work on strengthening and developing the relationship, you will not be afraid to confess your feelings to your loved one.
The Friendzone is not a dead end, but rather a crossroads with many roads. And to choose the right one, you need one thing - knowledge of human psychology.