Granny
The film "Granny" caused a storm of comments on the Internet. We look at ourselves from the outside, and we are unbearable. Are you ashamed? Scary. In the sad prospect of being unnecessary, we see our own future. But the sons are not coming. Those same grannies, who carried "babies" for their children, are no longer needed by anyone. Should we? The film "Granny" unadorned illuminates our collective answer to this question …
Granny always brought the very first cucumber on my June birthday. Affectionately she called him "pupilok". Along with this tiny fragrant treasure, I got the feeling that I was loved more than life!
Even when the doctors strictly forbade grandma to be in the sun, she found a way to work - she went to the garden until sunrise. I came back with heavy bags of fruits of her immense care grown for us. And she herself always said that she did not like fruits, if only we would get more. Is your grandmother like that too?
Eight out of ten old people living in nursing homes have relatives who are capable of caring for and supporting them. And how many lonely grandparents at home have been waiting for a call from a loved one for years, standing like a shadow at the window. Burst into my memory is a report about an old woman who often fell asleep on the stairwell - she was so afraid not to hear when her son would come.
But the sons are not coming. Those same grannies, who carried "babies" for their children, are no longer needed by anyone. Should we? The film "Granny" unadorned illuminates our collective answer to this question.
Where am I?
Grandmother Tosya raised five grandchildren - her daughter and son-in-law worked on the railroad and they considered the main thing to be able to buy “shoes and revolvers” for their children. The guys have grown up. Two boys died in the service. Baba Tosya sold her large house in the village and divided the money equally between her three grandchildren - Lyuba, Taya and Tolik. Who, if not a grandmother, will help young people get on their feet in difficult times for the country?
For Baba Tosya, relatives always came first. “My dear daughter, calm down, don't cry”, “I feel sorry for her,” “And I won't leave my daughter, I will take care of her,” even when she herself has nowhere to go, her heart does not bleed for herself.
Allegedly going to the hospital, the son-in-law takes the grandmother to her sister. Granny comes to his native village with one little bundle: saving for oneself was never the value of that generation. But it became almost the only aspiration of the subsequent ones.
Soon the sad news comes to the house - the daughter has died. For several days Baba Tosya does not eat, does not speak, does not get out of bed.
Next comes another misfortune - because of her son-drunk, Baba's sister Tosi breaks her thigh. Now she needs to go to the regional hospital for a long time. It's scary to leave a rowdy woman Tosya alone. Niece Lisa decides to take her aunt back to the city to her son-in-law and grandchildren. They can't help but take the grandmother who gave them the last!
Lark hover, hover over me, my heart is full of love and spring
Saying goodbye to Baba Tosya, the grandmothers sing together at the table. The overflow of village voices merge for me into one image - my grandmother.
Do you remember how your grandmother sings? Her voice, not combed by the rules, flows in all directions and reaches the most secret corners of the soul. Grandma sings like nature, like a breeze on the shore, to calm the waves, to smooth out protruding branches, to break the rock of fossilized hearts.
Do you remember how your grandmother kneads the dough? She has such power in her hands! Because they were not afraid of any work, just to feed, to caress, to save from trouble.
Remember how grandma looks? Her eyes and wrinkles nearby reflect how her heart aches for you every second. Her modestly tied white shawl. Her embroidered picture on the wall, her embossed tablecloth with an openwork pattern. Her prayer is whispered while everyone is asleep. Her meek life. The whole thing is for you.
Landmark contrast
The film shows the fundamental difference in the moral priorities of generations.
Here the granny shares with her temporarily sober nephew what she lived with:
“I was sent to harrow as a teenager, but I don’t know how to screw horses. So I wanted to work, but I was not allowed. They didn't let me go to work, I sat down and cried.
… And in the war they worked, they gave everything, they gave all their strength, not sparing themselves. For the front, for the homeland.
- And you were paid a lot for your military work?
- They paid little, in workdays. There was no money then.
- So what did you work for, why, for whom did you try?
- For the homeland, but how?"
The grandmother is sincerely perplexed, but how could it have been otherwise? How could you take care of yourself, think only of your own piece, when the whole country is suffering? Even to the person who just shouted: “I'll bury both of them!” Our grandmothers are straightening the blanket so as not to catch a cold.
And here is the answer from the generation of “new Russians”. Lisa and her grandmothers travel from one relative to another, and everywhere they are thrown away like street dogs, for good reasons:
- Yes, I won’t take her for a million! At least I’m retired to live for myself! - son-in-law Ivan does not hide the joy of being freed from his sick wife and mother-in-law.
- She divided the money for the house for three. But then we asked for half, we needed money for the business, that's how we needed it! - the husband of Luba's granddaughter was seriously offended by the "small" share. The grandmother didn’t have enough - she would never see a corner in their multi-storey cottage!
- And I can't take it, I'm going to the dentist! And in general, we have no extra room, well, where am I to her? In the living room, we receive the right people, they drink here, make noise, she will only get worse with us! Yes, my husband will put me out! - Tae's granddaughter cannot share the elite quarter with the village granny.
The last hope is Tolik's grandson, a refugee from Chechnya, who huddles illegally in someone else's house with his disabled wife and daughter. Despite his hardships, Tolik does not drive away the granny.
On the way, Lisa treats Baba Tosya with a tangerine. Grandmother is sincerely happy: “Now I will be with a present!"
Later she will leave this present to her great-granddaughter Olenka, Tolik's daughter. With the power of her love, which does not demand anything in return, Granny will cure Olin's ailment in a short time. A strong feeling of compassion for the other will drive the fear out of the child's heart. Grandma's warmth will defeat the cold and horror of another war. Three generations of children have been warmed by grandmothers. The frosty night calls her.
Do old people need a lot?
From the recommendations of a charity that cares for the elderly.
To congratulate grandparents on the holiday, sign the postcard, following the rules:
1. Do not wish them comfort at home and joy with loved ones. (Unrealizable and acutely painful.)
2. Subscribe not from the fund, but with your name, indicate the return address. Not all grandmothers answer, but the lack of such an opportunity offends many. (Too many unreceived news from their children and grandchildren, too much unheard and unspoken, and so squeezes his chest and nails his shoulders to the floor.)
3. It is better not to send gifts and souvenirs - this confuses older people. (They are not used to receiving. If a trusting relationship is built with a volunteer, grandparents often don’t ask for themselves, but they themselves collect gifts from the last thing they have: sweets, oranges, their medals, they are even ready to give their pension, like to grandchildren. feel needed again.)
Can you imagine the degree of their loneliness, defenselessness and pain?
They do not know how to ask, they are used to doing everything on their own, they devoted their entire lives to the country, business, children and grandchildren. They don't want to be a burden. But they no longer have the strength. What do they need at the end of their lives? Stroke your daughter's hair, take her cheeks in your palms, say lovingly: “I have lost weight” - and hug her tightly - that's it, happiness.
We live with dreams of the future, and for old people this place is occupied by children and grandchildren. There comes a moment in life when there is a feeling: “So what, everything?”, And then disappointment. When there is an emotional connection with children and grandchildren, old people do not have the bitterness of years gone by. There is a justification for your life in the next generations. Then the soul is light and calm.
Who needs more care?
The film "Granny" caused a storm of comments on the Internet. We look at ourselves from the outside, and we are unbearable. Are you ashamed? Scary. In the sad prospect of being unnecessary, we see our own future. From comments:
Take away, LORD, and have mercy on such a fate !!!
This is how spiritual we are …
We are such monsters!
How terrible and ruthless old age is … No one knows where we will end up, having lived to such years …
How to bring up children so that in old age you will not be left an orphan with living relatives?
How not to become a bastard?
We need to care for the weak first of all ourselves. Otherwise, we are eaten away from the inside.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan explains this dependence of one on the other, which is not obvious in our time. The psychological umbilical cord between mom and baby is instinctive. And the connection from an adult child to elderly parents is developed by human culture. Nature motivates us with pleasure to do what preserves our species. Eating, having sex, realizing in society - all this is pleasant to us if we developed without pathologies.
By the same law of conservation of the species, caring for parents, we are rewarded with a sense of satisfaction from life. We, however, mainly observe the inverse relationship. When we do not take care of our parents, we do not give them psychological comfort, for some reason the feeling that something is wrong in life does not leave. But we do not associate this with the forgotten relatives of the elderly.
“Nothing human is alien to me,” we declare when we behave like an animal. We want to live “like a human being,” but a person does not survive alone. Without connection with other people, we are zero. A person is a social group. Our ancestor exterminated the physically stronger species of people, because he learned to interact. The ability to cooperate in good faith still defines our competitive advantages. By leaving our parents, we are depriving ourselves of the basis for interacting with society as a whole. We're going to a dead end.
Observing abandoned old people, we see ourselves in them. Fearing the same fate, we hasten to live "for ourselves." And then the interaction and the social benefits of one's own efforts no longer matter. Against the backdrop of endless self-care, the family, the collective, the country lose all value.
It is only important to grab enough for yourself so that it is not scary to grow old, so as not to be dependent on someone. It is important to protect the collected "good" with a high fence and not let anyone near it. What kind of relationship is there!
In this way, society turns into an infantile sandbox, where everyone builds a castle in their corner, does not get to know each other, does not make friends, does not help, does not rejoice with someone, but only rakes up more sand for himself and protects his property from envious people.
We will not get out of this sandbox as long as we blindly ignore the evolutionary law of humanity: to take care of the weak, the old and the weak.
The heart of each person beats only about himself and therefore inexorably strays from the rhythm of happiness.
I can get my unshakable right to happiness, provided that I allow it for all the other 7 billion people
At the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, we reveal our real potential, develop the skills of sensing other people. Even the closest ones, who for some reason have become distant, are revealed to us in a different way. We have a resource for interaction, old grievances and nagging recede. When a connection is established between parents and adult children, the parents have the feeling that life has not been lived in vain, and that the inexplicable inner "imbalance" of the grown-up children disappears.
When we take care of the elderly and see peace in the eyes of the elderly, we are no longer worried about our future, and by itself there is a desire to do something good for others in the present. This leads to the consolidation of society.
A few days before her death, my grandmother asked me for a banana for the first time in her life. Small, defenseless, immensely strong in that she gave all of herself to her children and grandchildren, leaving not a single drop for herself.
How important it is to just be there to accept the warmth that does not dry out in them with age, but only multiplies. Sometimes it hides behind armor from a hard life, but it is melted by our sincerity. How we need to hold them by the hand, if they give, prop up their back, if necessary. Be with them to notice the movement of their souls towards ours. In order not to miss, perhaps, their first and last request.