Unreasonable tears and thoughts of death, or How to understand yourself at seventeen?
I feel that I am not living my life, that I am not me, and that everything around me is not mine, someone else's. I'm 17, I'm dating a guy, my mom has a good relationship. There are no particular problems, but I still feel bad. What does it mean bad inside, while outside everything is fine?
Nothing bad happens, but I feel bad
The internal state is contradictory and oppressive. Either there are absolutely no desires, then, on the contrary, I want everything, here and now. For a whole month I can “hold my face” and smile at everyone. Make plans and set ambitious goals. And a month later I again fall into depression. Inside it is both hard and painful, and some kind of anger. It happens that I just wedge. I would like to throw out this aggression and pain. At any moment I can burst into tears for no reason, throw a tantrum.
I feel that I am not living my life, that I am not me, and that everything around me is not mine, someone else's. But in my life, if you look, everything is fine. I'm 17, I'm dating a guy, my mom has a good relationship. There are no particular problems, but I still feel bad. And every day it gets worse. And the worst thing is that there is no desire to live on. I don't know why I'm writing all this here. Maybe be patient again, and that's it? But I no longer have the strength.
Such superficial well-being, with the most catastrophic internal state, is considered a sign of latent depression. Everything seems to be going well, but the feeling is that everything is terrible.
Nothing pleases that would please other people - new things, entertainment, socializing with friends, academic success, personal money, etc. A person in this state of affairs thinks that either he has a major psychological, if not psychiatric, the problem, either you just have to endure or pull yourself together.
He often asks himself questions: what is wrong with me, what am I missing and why am I not like everyone else? Without the support and understanding of loved ones, it becomes generally difficult. Desires, thoughts and questions are born in my head, which, it seems, no one has. There is no one to share them with, because there is a fear of stumbling into surprised eyes, ridicule or rejection.
What does it mean bad inside, while outside everything is fine? This means that there is no satisfaction of those desires that we are not aware of, which are hidden in the subconscious. Therefore, we call this lack of desire groundless, unreasonable, unreasonable.
It is very scary when strange thoughts arise in my head … about life and death, about the reasons and the very essence of human life, about suicide, about hatred of people and many other things, no less frightening.
It seems strange a state when from apathy and immersion in oneself there is a switch to the desire for communication, the desire to laugh and cry at the same time, activity. Such pole states replace each other, aggravating with each new wave.
When you are thrown from hysterics to depression, from exaltation to apathy and you do not understand what is happening to you, these "swing" scares you, and you do not know what to do with all this. But when you receive a guide to your own psyche, you begin to understand what is really happening to you and where first some desires come from, then others, practically opposite.
At the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology" you can learn that such fluctuations occur when a person has two vectors, which are in many ways opposite in properties - sound and visual.
Born to think
Each vector is a facet of the human psyche, a complex of properties that shapes a person's worldview, desires and capabilities. Every desire that arises in our head is supported by the corresponding properties, and therefore it can be fulfilled if we make an effort.
The sound vector is, first of all, extraordinary intelligence. He manifests himself with the ability to think deeply, the ability to concentrate, a constant desire to understand everything around - himself, nature, life, death, God, etc.
Only the sound engineer thinks about the meaning of his life. Therefore, he is close to the topics of knowledge of the laws of nature (physics, chemistry, mathematics, the study of space or the world of atoms), the nature of the human soul (philosophy, religion, spirituality, psychology), translation of meanings into sounds and words (music, foreign languages, programming, philology), creation of intangible reality (literature, poetry, virtual reality).
In the process of realizing the properties inherent in nature, thought forms are born - something new, which did not exist before, what exactly this person created and what is something necessary, useful for other people.
For example, a translator translated an interesting article, a musician wrote a song, a programmer created a useful program, a doctor made a diagnosis, prescribed treatment for a patient, etc.
When a sound engineer finds an opportunity to realize his psychological properties, he feels inner balance, fullness, meaningfulness, pleasure, joy from every day he has lived. Then there is no place for fatigue, irritation, apathy, drowsiness, depression.
All this negativity arises when the innate desires of the psyche remain unfulfilled. It's like a powerful engine running idle - it burns fuel, hums, heats up, but doesn't create movement.
In such a situation, life seems meaningless, there is a feeling that every day passes by, that someone else's life is being lived, that I am not me, but someone else. Because it lacks the main thing - a productive tension of the intellect, an understanding of oneself and the meaning of what is happening, that is, exactly what the sound engineer was born for.
I don't want to live
When the state of the sound engineer worsens, he, an introvert by nature, increasingly prefers solitude, begins to avoid crowded places, communication. It may not leave the house at all, since external reality causes pain. The incentive to study or work is lost. Everything seems superficial, stupid and meaningless.
However, isolating himself from the outside world, the sound engineer makes it even worse - he forces himself to “stew in his own juice,” and mental activity becomes ineffective. By limiting his interaction with others, the sound engineer also limits his possibilities for improving the condition.
Eventually, the physical world, including your own body, begins to bring unbearable suffering. And then thoughts of death arise. Against the background of mental pain, suicide is mistakenly perceived by the sound engineer as the only way to end his suffering. He does not want to die, he simply seeks to soothe his mental pain, because he does not understand where it comes from and what to do with it.
Suicidal thoughts are a signal of a serious condition of the sound vector.
From depression to hysteria
The sound vector sets the strongest desires, so it must be realized first of all. When they manage to fill them at least partially, the needs of other vectors get the opportunity to also declare themselves.
The most emotional, expressive and extroverted vector - the visual one - manifests itself as a desire for communication, emotional connection with other people. Switching from a sound to a visual vector causes a strange feeling of a change in state, intensifies the lack of understanding of oneself, one's own desires.
I didn't want to see anyone yesterday. I wanted to sit silently, listening to music on headphones, and quietly hate everyone around, but today I desperately need people, I want communication, emotions, impressions. I call friends, make appointments, go to a cafe, for a walk, notice a beautiful sunset, lilac blooming and a new dress from a friend.
Only if all the desires of the visual vector cannot be fully satisfied due to ignorance, misunderstanding, lack of skill and opportunities for implementation, its properties also begin to manifest negatively.
What does it mean?
By nature, man is attuned to receiving. Feeling a desire within himself, he seeks to satisfy it for himself. Experiencing a storm of emotions, he tries to attract attention to himself, to declare his feelings, to cause self-pity, to speak out, to talk with someone about his feelings, to discuss his feelings. However, it is impossible to fully satisfy the properties of the visual vector on one receipt (attracting attention). As well as filling the sound vector by closing in a dark room under the covers.
A visual person strives for communication because he subtly feels the mood, emotions and internal state of the interlocutor, knows how to notice the smallest change in facial expressions, facial expressions, posture or gestures. For what? In order to be able to help him, to alleviate his condition by sharing his grief or problem.
Unexpressed emotions, feelings not given to another, not focused on compassion for others, the experiences of the viewer begin to accumulate inside and spill out in the form of tantrums, clarifications of relationships, scandals, gratuitous tears and feeling like the most unhappy person in the world.
Combining the sound and visual vectors, feeling the change of such opposite desires as the need for solitude, concentration and the desire for communication and the return of emotions, the sound-visual person is faced with a difficult task - to understand himself in order to balance his life.
Switching between vectors is frightening and surprising, causing misunderstanding and even more confusion in one's own desires. In such a situation, knowledge of system-vector psychology becomes the tool that allows you to understand yourself and learn to receive joy from life in its various manifestations.
The key to a new reality
The process of self-knowledge, which takes place at the training "System-vector psychology", fills the sound needs to such an extent that the world around us no longer brings suffering, but causes surprise, admiration, and provides fascinating food for the mind. When the existing reality attracts, arouses interest, when a large-scale deep meaning is suddenly discovered in it, such a reality no longer wants to change, one does not want to escape from it, one wants to live in it. The desire for suicide disappears by itself.
Receiving answers to those questions that have tormented all my life, but often have not been formulated, a person with a sound vector is greatly relieved. The very understanding that you are normal, that everything is all right with you, and that many people have such mental features, greatly facilitates the condition.
Your daily search for the meaning of life is not evidence that you are superfluous on this earth, it is the natural direction of your thoughts for you. Your mission is to understand yourself and other people. And this awareness is already the first step to happiness.
Not a child anymore, but not yet an adult
The end of puberty is a difficult age for any person. Childhood is over, the time when your parents were responsible for you, made decisions, provided a feeling of security and safety is a thing of the past. Adulthood begins. The first steps towards independence, attempts at implementation, a try to take responsibility for your future.
Even when we consciously seem to be ready and strive for an independent life, subconsciously we need a feeling of security and safety, which becomes confidence in the future, support and a source of energy.
An adult feels secure when he realizes himself in society and in paired relationships. But while a stable skill is not yet available, when it is not yet possible to completely take the reins of control of your life into your own hands, it is very important not to lose contact with your parents. Do not push them away if they are supportive or willing to help, do not neglect communication. Surely, this period is also difficult for them, and mutual support will help you cope with difficulties more easily.
Step to a happy life
At seventeen, life is really just beginning. And how it develops in the future depends on understanding yourself and those around you. A person is successful when he knows how to get along with other people. There is no need to waste years on trial and error, losing yourself in depression and tantrums. Now there is a way to get the necessary knowledge for a full awareness of one's own psyche - training System-vector psychology.
Up to eighteen years of age, you can take full training with written permission from parents. You can get started with free introductory lectures.
You can read articles in the portal's library on the topic of finding the meaning of life, depression, tantrums and emotional outbursts, ask your question in the Q&A section, go to the reviews section, get acquainted with the results of overcoming depression and … want to get your result.
It is very difficult for a person who seeks to understand himself to live without answers. These answers can be found at the training in System Vector Psychology. Understand yourself, the cause of your pain and get the opportunity to get rid of it.
