Secrets of sex for children, or what is better not to know for children
In some Western countries, already in kindergarten, the child is told and shown everything in detail with pictures and models. At school, education continues. So that children are not afraid of what they will have to face in adulthood, the teacher demonstrates all the simple mechanics and varieties of the process with the help of natural models of penises and vaginas. What does this have to do with the future family happiness of these children? NO ONE. But the violation of the intimacy of sexual intercourse is the most immediate.
Is there a difference from whom the child learns, where and how children actually come from - from mom, from friends or from the Internet? Why even the most progressive mothers, after reading the recommendations about the need for sexuality education from childhood, begin to blush, turn pale, become covered with spots, hide their eyes and hum something unintelligible when the child comes to talk about this simple matter? What prevents educated adults from honestly and directly explaining to their own children, the younger generation, the mechanics of a simple process called sex?
In fact, sex education and child sex education are two different things. From how correctly the child goes through these processes, his future, happy or not very happy, life as a couple will depend. Let us understand with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, what is sex education and what is the role of parents in this delicate process.
Taboo view
People do not have innate knowledge about where children come from and what needs to be done to make them appear. Our reproductive instinct is suppressed by consciousness, limited by social shame and culture. And for the human race to continue, we must receive sex education. In society, from time immemorial, this function belongs to a person with an oral vector. From the mouth of his oral peer, at about the age of six, a child first hears an obscene word, which breaks through the hidden layer of suppressed primary urges in him and causes an internal guess about the sexual component of life. This is enough so that, when his hour comes in adulthood, he intuitively understands what to do in an intimate moment of intimacy between a man and a woman.
A swear word
Mat is always about the sexual, and these words are culturally forbidden. They shouldn't be heard in society. By uttering obscenities, we seem to remove the prohibitions of culture. Mat excites in us the animal nature - the desire for sex. At the same time, libido and mortido are always two sides of one whole. Thus, by disinhibiting the sexual, we simultaneously awaken aggression.
An important rule that parents should introduce as soon as they have a child is a ban on using swear words with him. It doesn't matter how old the child is - 3 years old, 13 or 18 - he shouldn't hear a mat from a parent!
Since the inception of human history, incest and communication with a child or adolescent have been strictly taboo to ensure the survival of the species. When we hear about cases of violation of such taboos in our time, it causes us active rejection and strong disgust.
When an adult swears in front of a child, even if the child is too young to understand all the words, he commits a kind of psychological incest, thereby inflicting mental trauma on the child. Even if the words are not addressed directly to the child, and mom and dad argue with each other with the use of obscene vocabulary, this also has an extremely negative effect on his psychosexual development. And both boys and girls.
Heard to the depths of the soul shakes the child, causing a storm of feelings: confusion, horror, a sense of loss of security and safety. In this case, these experiences are always clearly negative in nature and are very quickly displaced into the unconscious. Subsequently, it is this trauma that does not allow adult men and women to enjoy intimate relationships. This can manifest itself in different ways. In women, the inability to reveal their sexuality, tightness, avoidance of sex, coldness, or, conversely, licentiousness with devaluation of intimacy. A man traumatized by obscenities heard from his parents, even loving and desiring his woman, may lose the ability to receive pleasure from intimacy, unconsciously feeling the very act of intercourse as unworthy, dirty, vicious.
Sex without witnesses
Another important limitation for parents is the taboo on intimate relationships within sight or hearing of children. Intimate relationships are intimate, so that outsiders should not know about them.
If a child becomes a witness to parental intimate relationships, then he feels a strong confusion, denial. Subsequently, sex can be associated with something forbidden, shameful, unworthy.
If a child has an anal vector, then an accidentally seen picture of bed relationships can become the reason for his future sexual failures. Also, an anal child may begin to consider the mother dirty, and then, when he grows up, he will broadcast this opinion to all women, so his relations with women will develop in a negative scenario. An impressionable girl with an anal-visual ligament may begin to regard her father as an animal, an animal, which, again, will affect her future relationships with men.
It is even worse when the child did not see, but heard, for example, from the next room, how mom and dad are having sex. Especially if at the same time negative meanings were caught - swearing, coercion. Imagination will paint an invisible picture, and then the trauma will become even worse.
The habit of some parents to walk at home naked also has a negative impact. What's wrong with that? They will say. “There are nudist beaches where people take a break from all the clothes that fetter us externally and internally.” This opinion is shared only by people with the cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors in certain conditions. Only they are happy to show their naked bodies to others, without feeling embarrassed. Children of such parents get a failure in their life script that violates their entire natural sexuality. What is comfortable and natural for skin-visual people may be completely unacceptable to others.
Sometimes it is these seemingly insignificant cases that cause unnatural and inappropriate shame in adults in their intimate life. And the person himself does not know why: he wants, and can, but something prevents him from relaxing, letting himself go and making the moments of intimacy unique for two.
Sex-enlightenment
Because of the incest taboo, parents should not engage in direct sexual informing of children. Let children learn about everything on the street from their peers, from a book or from special sources on the Internet - there will be less harm to the psyche than if they hear it from their own parents.
In some Western countries, already in kindergarten, the child is told and shown everything in detail with pictures and models. At school, education continues. So that children are not afraid of what they will have to face in adulthood, the teacher demonstrates all the simple mechanics and varieties of the process with the help of natural models of penises and vaginas. What does this have to do with the future family happiness of these children? NO ONE. But the violation of the intimacy of sexual intercourse is the most immediate. Yes, indeed, the child will know all this anyway. But it's too early to talk about this topic in kindergarten, and at school you need to teach not the technique of sex, but the ability to protect yourself from unwanted diseases and pregnancy, as well as the ability to live among other people without hostility and hatred, empathy and sympathy for other people. Only this can make his life happy.
What is the difference between sex with a prostitute and intimacy with your beloved woman? The mechanics of the process are the same, but the pleasure is different a million times! Under the influence of visual measure, the act of intercourse in humans, in contrast to animals, has become intimate, secret from prying eyes. It has become more than reproduction or simple physiological pleasure. People create emotional connections and, thanks to this, greatly increase the pleasure of intimacy.
How to Raise a Happy Child
If you want your children to have a happy intimate life, show them an example of beautiful, warm, joyful, respectful family relationships. Teach them to eat at a common family table, share what is necessary, help others, enjoy giving gifts, from the fact that someone is pleased with it. Teach you to be sincere and open. Read books to help children develop compassion and love. Learn to understand people, understand their desires and intentions.
Finally, learn to be happy yourself
Don't know how? All this is taught at the online training on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Sign up for the next free online seminars here.
