How to learn to love yourself: what I lack for happiness
Where does such a desire come from - to know how a woman can learn to love herself? It is clear that this is not the end goal. We were convinced that by loving ourselves, we will become more confident, more successful, more attractive and more worthy of the love of others …
He who loves is loved.
He who is bright is holy.
B. Grebenshchikov "Golden City"
If you believe today's trends, self-love is almost the main condition for a happy life. Under the bright flag "Love yourself!" before our eyes, crowds of psychologists, media personalities, talk show hosts and film characters are rapidly sweeping by. If this is so important, then the question is: how to learn to love yourself? Should there be any science? A set of rules and guidelines to follow to achieve what you want?
What does it mean to love
It would be nice to get started with the concepts so that you can sort everything out on the shelves. What do we mean by the word "love" in general? And how, in this case, can you love yourself?
To love others is to give
When we talk about love, we are talking about the ability to put another person in the first place, think first of all about his desires, about his well-being and comfort, rejoice at his successes and empathize with his misfortunes.
This is giving. Their feelings, cares, mental and physical strength, time, patience and diligence. This is not only about romantic love, it's about love in general.
When we really love (it doesn't matter - a man, friends, family and friends), because we do not think about whether we feel love for ourselves and self-respect, such thoughts do not come to mind.
Observe your surroundings: who is the most pleasant to people? Who is more attracted to than others? To those from whom they feel warm feelings, who are ready to give their love, think about others.
To love yourself means to strive to receive
And if we are talking about self-love, then it turns out that I myself come first.
Where does such a desire come from - to know how a woman can learn to love herself? It is clear that this is not the end goal. We were convinced that by loving ourselves, we will become more confident, more successful, more attractive and more worthy of the love of others.
We want to be appreciated, respected, and wanted to be taken care of. If we feel a lack of such manifestations in our lives, then we begin to look for the cause of failure and a way to change the situation. And then we hear or read: love yourself! Supposedly then the rest will also kindle to us with love.
Sometimes we think that we see illustrative examples in our environment. “She loves herself,” they say about a flirtatious beauty who devotes a lot of time to taking care of her appearance and health, turning heads of men and passing by with a smile, without looking back at others.
"How he respects himself!" - we hear about a colleague who will not strike a finger on a finger if he is not properly paid for it, and only provides assistance if he benefits from it. “This is self-esteem”, - sounds to the address of a friend who does not care what others think of him, and lives for his own pleasure, considers himself worthy of all the best.
Do we really want to be like these people? We don't even like everything about them. But we want our life to be more pleasant, to make it easier to get what we want. It seems to us that they do. Therefore, we strive to understand the "science" of self-love. Suddenly it will help.
Sometimes a bad experience can be the cause. For example, the experience of unrequited love, when you are ready for anything for him, and he does not reciprocate, not appreciating your feelings. Then a caring friend or an emotionally charged article on the web can give advice: “You must respect yourself! He's not worthy of you. You don't owe anyone anything. So love yourself first and enjoy life. " But is that the point?
We just don't want to suffer, we want to be happy, we want to be appreciated. How to learn to love yourself and be loved - this is what a request sounds in our head, and in our hearts there is a desire to be happy. Therefore, we fall for the bait of false beliefs about self-love, popular in modern society.
Remember the generation of our grandmothers and grandfathers, remember the Soviet films - have you heard a word about “love yourself” there? Will you say that this is a different time, different values? But the person's feelings are the same. The pursuit of happiness remains as it was. And it still lies in good relationships with other people and self-realization for the good of society.
Why you can't love yourself and others
The child is infantile. While he is just developing, he thinks first of all about himself. If he grows up as it should, he learns to show concern for other people, worry and care for them - starting with his mother and close relatives. This is due to the values and attitudes that the family, school and society as a whole put into it.
But it happens that the development process has slowed down somewhere or gone to the wrong place. For example, if the child in childhood lacked a sense of security and safety from the parents. In this case, his psyche can, as it were, skip some stages of formation. There is a possibility that already an adult will remain in his soul an infantile child, incapable of a real manifestation of feelings for others.
Or if the parents, unknowingly, with the best intentions brought up "strength" in the child, forbidding crying and showing emotions. This can have a particularly traumatic effect on those people who are naturally endowed with increased emotionality and sensitivity. To live the full palette of feelings, share them with others, showing the best qualities: compassion, understanding and kindness, are necessary for such people, for this they were born that way. Without strong emotional ties with other people, life is not a joy for them. And when deep in the soul sits an inner prohibition on the manifestation of feelings, they would be glad to love, they wish it with all their hearts, but it does not work. The inner barrier does not allow you to truly open up.
Often already adults set such a barrier for themselves. Once deceived in someone's feelings, feeling a loss of trust, or if their love has been devalued by someone, they make it a rule never to open up emotionally again. It is even sadder because it is they who are able to love like no one else. Find the meaning of your life in an all-encompassing feeling for your loved one and fill him and your life with colors.
This can be changed, you can again be able to feel real joy in feeling feelings for someone. To do this, you need to realize your nature - your psyche. To understand what is in us, how it should manifest itself, and how it should not. Understand what caused any failures. Awareness is already half the solution.
But puzzling over how to learn to love yourself is an absolutely stupid task. By focusing on herself, a woman becomes less capable of genuinely showing feelings for others. She is just waiting for their demonstration from others to herself. But you can be truly happy only by giving love from yourself.
Is self-esteem what I'm missing?
The situation is similar with self-esteem and self-esteem. We constantly hear that in society only those who respect themselves are respected, and one of the main reasons for failure in business, in relationships and in life in general is low self-esteem.
Such judgments most often evoke a response from people for whom such things as recognition of merit, gratitude for what was done, professionalism and high-quality performance of duties, decency and honesty and, as a result, respect and honor in society are important.
Such people strive to do everything perfectly, without the slightest mistake or oversight. Therefore, they are somewhat unsure of themselves: suddenly you miss something, there will be a shame! It is they who prefer to thoroughly study all the data before getting down to business, double-check everything, repeat everything several times.
If things don't go well, they may blame low self-esteem. And now they are trying to solve an incomprehensible problem, how to learn to love yourself and be confident. They look for instructions and rules, diligently try to follow them, but instead of confidence and recognition - internal discomfort. Because there is no positive effect, and it is inconvenient in front of people.
How is it - to love and respect yourself?
So what allows us to find inner harmony and build relationships with others in the best way? Only that which is directed outward. After all, we want expressions of love, sympathy, respect from others. This means that our actions should be directed towards others. Not on yourself. There is only one rule: what I put in the effort, from that I got the result!
Not affirmations in front of the mirror: "How I love myself, how wonderful I am and how much I deserve." And openness and willingness to give your feelings to people. Love towards others makes you happy, which means it causes sympathy and makes you desirable for others.
Self-confidence is ensured not by an increase in self-esteem, but by a sense of inner dignity due to the demand by society. And this is due, firstly, to respect for others, and secondly, to the ability to be valuable to society. That is, to be competent in their field of activity, able to provide assistance to others, have a competent approach to solving various issues and get a high-quality result. The maximum realization of innate properties for the benefit of society is the key to self-confidence.
To do this, you need to understand what is in us and how to implement it. To accept yourself for who you are, you must first answer the questions: "What am I?" and "What can I become?" Invaluable help in this difficult matter is provided by the knowledge gained at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Our inner potential is always interconnected with our desires. Really, man wants only what he is able to achieve - nature has taken care to provide us with the necessary tools. And how to use them depends on ourselves.
Instead of “I don’t like” (that they don’t like me / that they don’t respect me / that I lack confidence), we define “what I would like” and “what I can do to achieve this”.
What gives and receives the one who has learned to love
A loving woman, tuned in to bestowal, is able to give a lot to loved ones. Your warmth and sincerity, understanding, support, positive emotions that are not wasted, but, on the contrary, multiply, returning back.
Such a woman knows how to inspire her man for creative activity, for success, for showing affection and care. It awakens in him a desire to strive for great achievements - everything in order to please her, to be worthy of her love!
A woman who knows how to love others will never be alone. She is able to create a warm atmosphere of mutual understanding and support in any team. From subtle, tender feelings, like from the strongest vine, to twist a strong, cozy family nest.
In giving, she receives more than if she only wanted to receive. A loving woman accepts with genuine joy and gratitude, which motivates for further bestowal. Note, not demanding, but encouraging!
There is no need to seek answers to questions about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman who has learned to love and respect others. She feels dignity, harmony, calmness and contentment in a natural way. Because she is appreciated and loved by those to whom she is not indifferent.
The better we understand people, their characteristics, their values and desires, the better our relationships develop. The better we know and understand ourselves, the easier it is to show our best sides and arouse sympathy.
Get to know the results of those who completed Yuri Burlan's training in Systemic Vector Psychology and changed their relationship with others for the better. And he also found his love or brought his relationship with the other half to a new level.