How to love a person strongly and passionately forever
It seems to us that we have many different feelings: inspiration, joy and happiness. In fact, there is only one feeling - love. Comprehending the question: how to love people - psychology brings you to a completely new round of knowledge …
Have you seen the eyes of a lover? They shine! We all want to love and be infinitely happy. But how can you fall in love with a person so that you would like to shout to the whole world: I love!
Anyone who has been happy for at least five minutes in their life knows that at this moment everything around is beautiful. Overwhelmed by an unprecedented delight, I want to breathe deeply, the air is intoxicating, it takes my breath away! When the energy is overflowing, a person can even sing, laugh in order to somehow cope with feelings, lower their intoxicating degree.
We are caught in the grip of stereotypes about love. Our landmarks are confused and our desires are enormous. Unhappy without love and with it. A person cannot figure out what he is feeling and why. Let's try to understand love through … quantum mechanics.
Where does she live, eternal love?
Love does not come to us from outside. She is born inside. And only then appears the one with whom we fall in love. This effect is described in many works of classical literature. In Dostoevsky's "White Nights" the hero is inspired: "I walked and sang … like any happy person." In this state, he sees a girl and begins to imagine: what is she like? This is how, passionately and purely, feelings flare up in youth, because we expect, anticipate, how to love another person. Not a conscious expectation, but a feeling of love with the whole being, a premonition of an amazing life.
The external world, as a person sees it, depends on his internal state.
Today quantum theory and our own observations prove it. Doctor of Physical and Mathematical Sciences, Professor MB Mensky explains that “… physics leads us to the long-standing philosophical concept of the microcosm: the whole world inside a person. Deep philosophers have long guessed, and physics comes to this in a rather complicated way, but comes to the same thing."
Of all the vast flow of information, we perceive only the one that corresponds to our ideas about the world. It is not a matter of positive thinking or attitude. This is deeper - the process of perception. A total, deep process associated with our psyche.
The moment we are happy, we perceive all people as good, the world is beautiful. The worse our condition is, the more terrible the world appears. Remember how terrible each person, everything around Anna Karenina, saw before her death. The perception of reality changes following a change in state. The world is as it is in our souls.
The most resourceful, filled state for a person is happiness. Consciously, we can really want to see the world beautiful and kind, but lenses, glass, fragments in the soul refract light so that everything around becomes ugly. Strength and patience are not enough to be kind. Because it seems that you are alone against the mass of evil and shameless, disorder and dirt everywhere. And you can't argue with that: the world is as we imagine it, regardless of the outside world.
Andersen told us a story in the fairy tale "The Snow Queen". At first, Kai and Gerda loved each other. Love is like the most primordial human feeling, from which the whole spectrum of feelings and emotions emerged. The evil troll "made such a mirror, in which everything good and beautiful diminished nowhere further, and everything bad and ugly sticks out and becomes even nastier." Through such a glass of our states of mind, we look at the world.
Fragments of the magic mirror are the sensations that they have offended, not given enough, treated unfairly, deceived. "And a person with such a splinter in his eye began to see everything inside out or notice only bad things in every thing."
When Kai was hit in the eye and heart by fragments of a magic mirror, he shouted: “How ugly you are now! Fu! This rose is being sharpened by a worm! And that one is quite crooked! What ugly roses! No better than the boxes they stick in!"
At the end of the tale, fragments fall out of Kai's heart and eyes, and he sees the world as beautiful again. The great sage Andersen gives the answer on how to love a person again: we need to remove what interferes with looking, and our eyes will shine with happiness.
Imagination is equal to love
I love everything in it: hands, eyes, wrinkles, the sound of a voice. I listen … quiet steps … I jump up and run to meet them. I gasp with delight, how handsome he is - my hero! I imagine him that way, because I love him. When we love another, we imagine him as a noble knight or her as a beautiful lady. And if not, then it is not love.
For a man in love, his woman is the perfect beauty. He is ready to idolize every feature in her, excitedly tells how amazing she is. Others will take a look and may not find anything special. It is hidden from us who we are and what people are around. Therefore, when we love, we see only the best.
“Only in imagination … love can last forever and can be forever surrounded by a sparkling halo of poetry. It seems that I can much better invent love than experience it in reality,”wrote Andersen.
Our chosen one may be absolutely simple, but we adore him because of our imagination. Every person is unique. Only we ourselves determine which quality is a trifle and which is a dignity. Do we like it, admire it, or devalue it?
It is only a matter of our choice - to see the beloved adorable or full of vices.
Since there is no way to see him real, then you can fall in love with anyone. There are no second halves in the world, almost everyone can live a lifetime loving him.
Stefan Zweig has a short story "At Dusk". A boy, just about a young man, meets a stranger in the darkness of the garden. She kisses him, hugs and … runs away. During the day, he looks for her by smell, silhouette, imagines who it could be? The meetings in the garden are repeated several times. His passion is so inflamed that he takes one of the girls he knows for his beloved. The invented image of the beloved is so strong that when the true giver of kisses is revealed to him, he cannot fall in love with her: in dreams he adores another! For many years he keeps the delight of this love in his heart as the best thing that happened to him: "his whole future life seemed to him only an appearance, only a dream, and these memories were the only genuine thing."
Classics are highly psychoanalytically accurate. They confirm that love begins within us. First, a man reacts to the smell of a woman's pheromones by catching the scent of her perfume in the crowd or by accidentally inviting her to dance. Will it be falling in love for an hour or will it become the love of a lifetime? Fate has no ready-made solution, it depends on us.
A common cause or idea that you are working on together, experiences, emotions is the way to love a person who loves you. Talking about books and films, walking, dancing, exhibitions, helping someone together bring even very different people together. There is warmth, a feeling of affection, expectation of a new meeting with a heartfelt friend, longing "… it's hard for me not to wait for you, all day without leaving the door."
What is important is the similarity of views, hobbies, intellectual kinship, the same need to learn and learn new things. People open up to each other, and trust is born. Only in such a relationship will partners love each other all their lives. The moments of the highest happiness leave a trace in the psychic - this is the feeling of love, the merging of souls.
A person can be happy for no reason, which means that he has not yet discovered the object of love. He is overflowing with love as much as his sensual potential holds. Therefore, artists, writers - creative personalities fall in love strongly and passionately. They see the best qualities in those around them. They are filled with themselves and give their feeling of happiness to everyone around. In their perception, the world is amazing, shines with many facets. Every woman is beautiful in her own way, every man is full of dignity, a ray of the sun warms, and a sharp, cold wind invigorates and inspires.
They are not naive, but look from an elevated position. They look admiringly, like children, raising everyone in their eyes, finding the best manifestations in everything. This state is attractive. The world around you will begin to change from one glance of your eyes full of love.
Such a different love
It seems to us that we have many different feelings: inspiration, joy and happiness. In fact, there is only one feeling - love. Knowledge of the online training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan gives us an accurate understanding that for people with different psyches, love is felt differently. Understanding the question: how to love people - psychology brings you to a completely new round of knowledge.
A person with a skin vector perceives love through affection and tenderness, kisses, hugs, touches. People with an anal vector consider gratitude, care, respect and attention to their deeds and words, maintaining cleanliness and comfort as a shade of love.
When you suffer apart from your loved one, this is normal.
But you really feel bad when you lack strong feelings. You feel anger, jealousy, ingratitude, resentment. Lonely, gloomy, displeased, with all your heart you want to be loved the way you are. You are looking for ways to make a person love you. Do you want certain gestures, actions from your partner in order to feel: they love me. The pleasure does not last long: confirmation of love must be received constantly. At the same time, in the eyes of longing, regret, a dumb reproach: here I love you, and you …
Such manipulations are an attempt by all means to attract attention, arouse pity and compassion for oneself. But tantrums, complaints and reproaches have the opposite effect.
These conditions can be corrected. The more the senses are developed, the greater the ability to love. Classical literature of the late 19th and early 20th centuries helps to streamline sensitivity and allow great feeling to mature. Read as much as possible, penetrate and cry, empathizing with the heroes. There is no need to be ashamed of emotionality in the modern world. It is important that emotions are directed outward and not towards yourself.
I would especially like to highlight the novel by Miguel Cervantes "Don Quixote" - the greatest work about imagination, love and life in the world of beautiful ladies and noble knights.
Love is a verb
There used to be more love and loyalty. And today we are consumers and we want the partner to give us more. We want to receive - it seems that only this can make us happy.
If we get from a partner what we need, then we understand: we are loved. We rejoice at how good he is, and love him in return. If the desire to receive something is not satisfied, then it seems to us that we are not loved. We demand reciprocal feelings, we get angry and accuse: you are bad! We broadcast our inner pain to another.
It seems to us that the other person is the source of our pain. When we do not receive confirmation of love, we suffer: you do not love me! - we decide. An interesting mechanism of the psyche is revealed here. If we want to receive love, we will always be unhappy.
And if we learn to share love, to radiate it, we will always be happy. Without demanding or expecting something in return. To give from the generosity of feelings that overwhelm. Love, it is not between you - it comes from within. The one who loves has eyes shining. And the more happy he is, the more love he has for another.
When we give, we don't care how much love and attention the partner returns. But when we get it, we want more correspondence: I did so much for you, and you ?! Counting who, to whom and how much is an exchange. If "you - me, I - you", then the relationship is certainly doomed. Well-being in a couple is only from mutual return.
Giving love is praised in literature. If I love only him, but I hate his mother and friends, then this is selfish, hysterical love. You can never get satisfaction in it. If you love everyone who surrounds your beloved, then this is giving love. I even love his dad - a drunkard, and a dog with a cat, and a nasty mom. If he speaks a non-Russian language, then I love his language and culture: "I am ready to kiss the sand on which you walked …"
Over the years, love does not go anywhere, we just stop looking at our beloved with inspiration and enthusiasm. Reviving the flame in your soul is like loving a person again. Start living with his experiences so that he was happy next to you. He's good - and you're good. He feels bad - and you feel bad. We fall in love again with the one to whom we give our attention, feelings.
Sometimes internal states push a person to love through a trigger of pity. This is an unconscious need: she begins to feel sorry for and falls in love with a drug addict, an alcoholic. Knowledge of the online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to find out the cause and correct the situation.
It turns out that in order to love, you have to be happy yourself. Ask yourself: what feelings and states prevail in me? How do I see the world around?
If loving means investing in a person and a relationship, then what will you share, what important and interesting things will you do together?
The main thing is, whatever your state is now, it can be changed so much that the world will be transformed and the person nearby will also appear in a completely different light. See how it happens after the training: