The child is masturbating. What should parents do?
Masturbation for a child is one of the ways to know himself, his body, to determine his capabilities, to understand how his body works. The child's sexuality is infantile; it is self-directed. The pleasant sensations he experiences while exploring himself suggest nothing more. And there is no reason to fear "corruption" here. Baby masturbation is a natural stage in the maturation of a child, and harm from it is possible only when there is a gross intervention of adults.
The child is masturbating. And he doesn't even hide it. What should I do? And if someone notices? Horrible. What about him? He's still very small. What can it be - stress, attention deficit, interest in one's own body, early sexuality, a psychological problem?..
Every mother thinks that she knows her child better than anyone, and when he suddenly begins to behave differently, she gets into a dead end. In most cases, when parents notice episodes of masturbation for a child, they are completely unprepared for such a turn of events, therefore they do not know how to react correctly.
The first thing that a mother feels in such a situation is strong surprise, indignation and burning shame for her child. For this reason, the mother's reaction can be quite impulsive and emotional. Screaming, trying to steer a child aside, hitting his hands, tugging, intimidating and even insulting can be a severe trauma for the child with long-term consequences for the psyche.
Let's talk about children's masturbation in the context of modern psychological knowledge.
Why does the child do it
The kid develops, gets acquainted with the world around him and with himself as well. Exploring your own body is part of the learning curve for life. If all other parts of the body have already been passed and nothing interesting was found, then the genitals suddenly gave an unexpected response to touch.
The child does not know how it happened, does not understand what he actually did and what he actually felt. It is difficult to ask my mother, because it is not clear what to ask. For a start, he tries to figure it out himself. How to do it? Of course, try again.
Why in a crowded place
Children under six years of age do not have special reasons for this, because the child simply does not know that it is not accepted to do this in public. For him, it's like tying your shoelaces or brushing your hair. He cannot wait until home, because it is so interesting and you need to figure it out right here and now. Have you noticed with what enthusiasm children take up a new business if they are passionate about something? They simply cannot be stopped or even distracted.
Masturbation for a child is one of the ways to know himself, his body, to determine his capabilities, to understand how his body works. The child's sexuality is infantile; it is self-directed. The pleasant sensations he experiences while exploring himself suggest nothing more. And there is no reason to fear "corruption" here. Baby masturbation is a natural stage in the maturation of a child, and harm from it is possible only when there is a gross intervention of adults.
At what age do children do it
Almost in any, but there are certain guidelines associated with innate properties and characteristics of the development of the psyche.
All children go through what is called primary puberty at about the age of six. This is the time when the very first early humans became adults. At this age, the first interest in peers of the opposite sex comes and at the same time there is a study of one's own body. Interest can be expressed in both sympathy and hostility.
The child begins to distinguish between children by gender. However, he is not yet able to independently connect his own feelings during masturbation with the participation of other children of any gender. Such associations can arise if a child has access to erotic scenes in the parent's bedroom, watches porn films or porn magazines, and so on. For him, this information is premature - it stops the child's psychosexual development, causing him colossal trauma. It's like picking the fruit too early.
Why the violent reaction of parents is dangerous
The consequences of psychological trauma from a sharp and aggressive reaction of adults to an episode of masturbation for a child depend on the characteristics of his psyche.
Children with an anal vector, for whom parents are the indisputable authority, risk the most harmful consequences. Mother's words are always taken on faith, and the most coveted reward is parental praise. The shame of your own body, your desires, sexual fantasies and actually attraction - all these are echoes of a mother screaming at the whole house that "you can't do this, because you will grow up as a prostitute!" …
The fear of the first sexual experience, the fear of not being able to cope, being unable to have sex, being disgraced in front of a girl - such feelings also come from childhood, in which the assertion that masturbation is a shame and shame, the occupation of the sick or losers, was a common thread. The words "Do not do this, otherwise it will fall off!" able to bring the future man to problems with potency.
“Sex is a dirty, low, vulgar and animal process, and the people who engage in it simply lose their human appearance” - such beliefs can accompany adult men and women for many years, if not all their lives, depriving them of the opportunity not only to get pleasure from intercourse, but also a chance for a long-term, strong pair relationship.
Mom's cry or dad's cuff is a direct path to killed sexuality and the unhappy fate of a child.
Masturbation is the first step in a child's personal life, and no one has the right to interfere with this process. Including his parents.
What to do if you notice a child at home doing this activity? Close the door to his room and provide privacy … as you would like him to do, becoming an unwitting witness of your intimate life with your husband.
What to do if it is in front of strangers
Of course, it is impossible to provide privacy on the playground, as well as to remain without comments, teachings or condemnations from the outside. And for parents to survive such an episode is quite difficult.
Alternatively, you can distract the child with a game, a question, an offer for a walk, or other entertainment. If it didn't work, calmly, in a quiet tone, we call and explain in a sideways ear that it is not customary to do such things in front of everyone. Because other people are uncomfortable, but they don't want to reprimand you. Let's not embarrass them, okay?
Do not be discouraged if after a while the child forgets about your request and again takes up his own in public. This means that neither he nor your words had an emphasis on what was happening, and this is wonderful. We calmly repeat, instill, teach us to behave in society. In the same way as we teach to greet friends or give way to grandmother, throw garbage in the trash can and share sweets with friends.
Hot blood
In this topic, it is important to mention children with a urethral vector. Both boys and girls, they usually grow up much faster than their peers. Possessing an innate four-dimensional libido, they begin to show sexuality early. Having by nature a psychological erogenous zone precisely in the genital area, just urethral children tend to masturbate anywhere, without hesitation and without observing any rules.
Yes, while masturbating in any place convenient for him, a little urethral boy or girl, due to his psychological characteristics, will never listen to you, let alone hide from prying eyes. Such a child does not know what shame or cultural behavior is and is completely incapable of obeying. And this is not because he is “bad”.
According to his inner feelings, the urethral child is a leader who bears responsibility for the future of his people, even if so far it is a flock of ten boys. He knows no restrictions, the norms of decency are alien to him, because by his nature he is an altruist, aimed at bestowal, and bestowal does not need to be limited. Urethral girls, although they do not have the same natural role, have the same mental properties.
The father of a urethral girl who possesses an anal vector will be amazed at her behavior. He, a connoisseur of purity - and purity of a woman means a lot to him - expects decent behavior from a girl. His daughter's "shameless" masturbation is practically equated in his eyes with debauchery. If she is now doing this in full view of everyone, then what to expect from her next ?! He is shocked and wants to take tough measures to prevent shame in his family.
In order not to cripple the child's fate, it is important to understand the difference in the mental structure of the anal and urethral vectors, and it is colossal. It is important to understand that child masturbation has nothing to do with the vicious behavior of the future woman.
How to find an approach
Raising a urethral child is difficult until you have a deep understanding of the psychological characteristics of the urethral vector. Physical or psychological pressure on the little urethral leads to an angry protest and forms in him the belief that this world is hostile to him. Having no fear or attachment to the place, in such a situation the urethral child goes in search of a more supportive environment for him, where he could express himself freely. This environment is often a criminal society.
An urethral girl, under pressure from her father, becomes uncontrollable, challenges adults, uniting boys around her and becoming their leader. She begins to feel like a boy, to behave like a boy, because a boy is allowed what is not allowed for her as a girl … And this is only the beginning of the problems that may await her on this path of rebellion.
The only correct and therefore effective option for raising an urethral child is the position of a regent under a young monarch.
You cannot tell him - but you can ask for his opinion. It cannot be guided - but it can be given direction. He cannot be blamed - but he can be oriented towards the future, show great goals, support and develop responsibility for others.
For example: “Sonny, if we don’t hurry now, we’ll be late for the garden, and Fedya will again pull the girls by the pigtails, and there is no one but you to protect them, maybe we can go faster?” …
Or: “Do you think we should buy this book about airplanes? If you read it, you will understand how they fly and you can become a pilot when you grow up."
By itself, the masturbation of a child does not say anything, it is a natural stage in the development of a growing personality. With a clear understanding of the psychological mechanisms of what is happening, parents have the opportunity to leave masturbation just an experience for the child, an episode of exploring their own body. Lack of understanding and violent reaction of parents can leave an indelible mark on the psychosexual development of a child, who will manifest itself already in adulthood.
