A child and a swear word. How do parents respond?
It is important to understand that all obscene words are about sexual, intimate and nothing else. System-vector psychology explains that at a certain age (about six years) a child will certainly hear the forbidden word, and this has its own natural meaning. Heard from a peer, a swear word is part of a child's normal sexual maturation.
The child came from the kindergarten and excitedly told you that today he learned THIS word. Round eyes, a confused face - everything speaks of the expectation of your parental reaction.
Yesterday's little angel with curls, today he brought in an obscene word and laid it out as if in spirit! A shocking moment, an unexpected situation for a parent. And it's good if you have time to catch your breath or turn away. After all, at this time he is closely watching you …
Perhaps you were embarrassed and could not say anything sensible. If he is not satisfied with your vague, incoherent explanation, an inquisitive kid may ask further: "Mom, what does THIS mean?"
Or maybe you could not restrain yourself and shouted or scolded the child? At the same time, you feel confused and insecure in this situation. How to treat this and how to react correctly? Of course, a good parent is interested in whether the child will continue to use obscene words in his speech, and what can be done to prevent this from happening.
There is another situation when you, with a child, allow obscene expressions in your speech. Maybe accidentally and infrequently, or maybe systematically. How does the child react to a swear word uttered by a parent, and is it so harmless for him?
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains the influence of a swear word on a child's life and how to respond to the described situations to parents so that the child does not develop psychological anchors.
Through the mouth of a baby
It is important to understand that all obscene words are about sexual, intimate and nothing else. System-vector psychology explains that at a certain age (about six years) a child will certainly hear the forbidden word, and this has its own natural meaning. Heard from a peer, a swear word is part of a child's normal sexual maturation.
When children first hear a swear word, they do not know its meaning, but they always react to it. This is usually a strong unconscious reaction. Confusion might overtake them. For girls, a swear word can cause a feeling of shame, for boys - interest, an emotional outburst. Psychosomatic reactions are also not excluded - a rapid pulse, increased sweating.
The child is covered with an unconscious guess about something secret, forbidden, to which not children, but adults are devoted. And with this guess, children most often run to their mother. Some blur out the word they heard that excited them, others do not dare to pronounce it, freezing in front of their parent in great embarrassment.
How does a swear word get into kindergarten or school?
The mental properties of a person, which determine his desires and abilities, are grouped by vectors, of which there are only eight. There is a certain type of people, one of whose natural tasks is to reanimate our natural instincts, suppressed by culture, to pronounce information about that intimate thing that happens between a man and a woman. These are people with an oral vector. This is how their unconscious processes are arranged. It is from them that we hear what is hidden from us, what we may not be aware of.
At about the age of six, children undergo primary sexual development. They develop an interest in genitals, in varying degrees of body cover. And the awakening of this interest is associated with an obscene word heard from an oral child. For children, this is the discovery of a new, unknown sensation. Over time, as the child grows up, these experiences are forgotten.
Influence of parental reaction to baby mat
Having heard the swear word for the first time and having experienced shock, the child resorts to his mother with his emotions so that she can help him cope with it.
Children's experiences about what they hear pass the filter of parental assessment. The mother's reaction to the swear word she heard from the child for the first time determines his subsequent attitude to sex and the ability to realize his sexuality in the future - no more and no less. Any harsh, judgmental reaction of parents to a child's use of a mat doom tomorrow's man or woman to the impossibility of creating harmonious relationships in a couple.
ATTENTION! When mom says: “Don't you dare say this nasty thing! These are bad words! I will not love you if you speak them! - in a child, her reaction, perceived at the peak of emotional arousal, is fixed in the subconscious, while being forced out of consciousness. In the future, everything related to sex begins to be unconsciously perceived as something shameful and dirty, unworthy of love. From this childhood experience, a distorted attitude towards sexuality begins to form, which affects the relationship in a pair of an already adult person.
In adult relationships, this manifests itself as follows. When we become attracted to a partner, we get a clear answer from our vigilant unconscious: “Disgusting! Do not dare! For this reason, we cannot surrender to sexual desire in any way and always quarrel with a partner.
For men, this manifests itself as the inability to create full-fledged relationships. A woman after an intimate relationship can be perceived as fallen, he himself will not understand why it is difficult for him to love her, intimate relationships can be perceived as dirty, negative. More serious consequences arise for a woman: the inability to surrender to desire, relax, get an orgasm, as well as fear of sexual relations, up to the physical impossibility of intercourse.
To prevent such consequences, parents need to be very delicate about the fact that the child first utters an obscene word and the question of its meaning. Hug your child to make him feel safe and secure, and tell him that he will know when he grows up. Calmly say that this is an adult word and children do not need to use it with adults.
When a schoolboy swears
The first acquaintance of the child with the swear word happened. It so happens that at school, closer to adolescence, the child begins to swear again. And again, a very unpleasant situation for parents, when an older child uses abusive words in his speech. Why is this happening?
Mom gives the child a sense of security and safety. He needs this feeling to preserve himself and develop his natural properties. Until about six years of age, the condition of the child depends entirely on the condition of the mother, which can either undermine the development of the child or be a good basis for his future. By the age of puberty (12-16 years), dependence on parents decreases. Adolescence is the time when a child tries himself in adulthood. Whether or not he will use mate during this period depends on a number of factors.
At the age from 6 to 16 years old, the child develops a cultural layer that regulates human behavior in society. Culture is a way of existence that humanity has chosen for its own self-preservation, a mechanism for limiting hostility that can destroy society. Swearing, like a word about an animal, about a sexual, breaks through the cultural layer, lifting the existing ban on sex and murder in society and provoking aggressive behavior. Therefore, in society, you cannot speak obscenely.
Insufficient upbringing, an unfavorable environment for a child, a temporary or complete lack of a sense of security and safety from the mother, the permissibility of swear words in his environment set the appropriate basis for development. In this case, he does not feel the inhibitions of culture, and the use of obscene words in speech will be a kind of norm for him.
A teenager, in an effort to show himself as an adult, independent of his parents, and also due to the inherent desire of a teenager not to stand out from his own kind, can use obscene words to be "like everyone else." In this case, family support, the right direction in development and the creation of an emotional connection with the child from an early age will give results - the period of using the mat will not last long, and the child, who has received appropriate understanding in the family, is unlikely to continue his acquaintance with obscene words, he will drag on to more.
When parents swear
The cultural layer of each person is based on social norms, but the main role in the cultural and moral education of the child is played by the parents. The parental model of family behavior has a huge impact on the child's future.
It so happens that in the family swear words are used by parents. The obscene word tells us about intimate, and voicing this act in public is a violation of intimacy, of what happens between a man and a woman, a huge stress factor for the child's psyche. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows how destructive it is for the parent-child relationship. An obscene word from a parent removes cultural restrictions from parent-child relationships. Mat in the family where the child grows up unconsciously jeopardizes the prohibition of incestuous sexual relations. In this way, the child becomes confident in the sinfulness and inadmissibility of intimate relationships as such.
On the other hand, obscene words used in conversation with parents remove the restrictions that society instills in a child in the process of education. A child may feel such a situation as permissiveness, acceptability of behavior that contradicts the values of modern society.
The same happens if the family allows a grown-up child to swear with his parents.
Parent behavior is the foundation of the child's future well-being
It is difficult to overestimate the importance of the parental reaction to one word about THAT ITSELF and the parent's attitude to the mate. Thanks to the knowledge of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, it becomes clear to us, adults, why it is important not to dismiss, but to show patience and tactfully explain to the child that we should not say these words and, of course, not use obscene words ourselves. Thus, for our child - the future adult - we create the basis for a successful relationship in a couple.
Depending on their mental characteristics, our children react differently to obscene words. There is a certain type of children who are especially sensitive to swear words. Their psyche can be crippled with one obscene word.
Yuri Burlan's training in system-vector psychology helps to understand and work through the psychotraumas received through swear words. The revelations and results on sexuality of the trainees can be found here. More information about how our life scenarios are formed and how to learn to receive more joy from life and relationships can be found at the free online training on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Registration by link.
