The daughter's friend steals. What should parents do?
A small child is entirely dependent on parents. As he grows, he more and more begins to communicate with peers and make some independent decisions, choose his environment. And this choice is of great importance in the fate of the child.
First acquaintance, or How it all began
The first time in first class. On the way home, the daughter chirps enthusiastically: “Mom, I made friends with such a girl! Imagine, she is very small, but she is already 8 years old. She's so cool, I like her so much! The following is a long description of all the virtues of Eve, this is the name of my daughter's new girlfriend.
A month passes. I pick up my child from school. At home, my daughter takes off her jacket, and I wonder: "What's with your sleeve?"
An enormous scissor hole gapes on the sleeve. God, this is a new blouse! I feel sorry for the spoiled thing, on the other hand, thank God, even though the child was not hurt at the same time. The daughter explained that she had quarreled with her friend, the one with whom she was crazy all this time, and the friend cut her blouse during the quarrel.
I urgently take the phone and call her teacher. The teacher confirms that the girls had a conflict and she had already talked with Eva's mother. Mom conveyed her apologies for her daughter's behavior and added: "Unfortunately, Eva often does this."
I was alarmed by this moment, it was very unpleasant. But the girls continued to communicate as if nothing had happened, and I calmed down.
However, very little time passed, and we had another unpleasant conversation with our daughter:
- Eve stole my money.
- Why did you decide that it was her?
- My money disappears when I leave class. Today I asked Eve to show her hands, and she was holding my money from the portfolio.
The grandmother who came to visit during the children's holidays burst out with indignation: “You need to call, swear with your parents, report them to the police. You need to beat such children with a belt, beat the crap off them before it's too late!.."
- Knock out the crap? In no case!
Of course, such behavior of children causes a negative reaction from others, I would like to at least prohibit my child from continuing to communicate with such a friend or girlfriend, thoughts arise that this child is “bad”, “spoiled”, “nothing good will grow out of him”. Inevitably, thoughts arise: “What if she spoils my daughter or son? After all, it is not for nothing that they say: with whom you will lead, from that you will gain.
How to be?
Let's answer this question with the help of Yuri Burlan's "System-Vector Psychology".
To be friends with girls or not to be friends?
System Vector Psychology explains: we are a consequence of our environment, which shapes us in childhood and guides us in adulthood.
A small child is entirely dependent on parents. As he grows, he more and more begins to communicate with peers and make some independent decisions, choose his environment. And this choice is of great importance in the fate of the child - under his influence, certain conclusions about life and about himself, a system of values, priorities are formed, habits, life goals, hobbies and attitude in general are formed.
We cannot dictate to our child all our lives with whom to be friends and with whom not to be friends - it must be the child's own choice. We are not eternal, we do not know how and where our life will unfold further, and after puberty our child will want and fly away from the nest to make his mistakes, and not live at the behest of his elders. Our task now is not to subjugate the child, but to help as early as possible to develop his abilities, innate properties to the maximum in order to form a developed and socially adapted personality. A person who knows how to find his place in the children's, and then in the adult team.
The maximum development of the child's abilities according to his set of vectors is one of the first and main steps that parents can take to educate, and ultimately, for the happiness and psychological health of their child. The development of talents and the upbringing of cultural and moral values will help protect the child, because then he will draw the right conclusions from any life situation and will never commit immoral acts himself - he will not steal, will not join a bad company, will not drink and smoke in adolescence like everyone else”and so on.
So, you can't forbid children to be friends, but you need to give your child the right guidelines, and then he himself will make a choice towards the best for himself.
Now let's try to figure out why the girl Eva steals.
Reasons for stealing from children
When faced with such behavior, parents first of all begin to condemn the child, but you need to try to understand, then it will turn out to find a way to solve this problem.
It is important to remember that there are no bad children and no other people's children - there are children who need our help, care and support. What does this particular child need, what are his psyche, his desires, talents? What makes him happy and what actions of his parents will develop him, and what will lead, on the contrary, to the occurrence of delays in his development? The answer is very individual. And what is good for one child will be bad for another. It is necessary to understand the characteristics of the child in order to act correctly and not to injure the child's psyche. After all, we all come from our childhood.
"System-vector psychology" explains exactly why and in which children such behavior patterns can occur. When faced with child theft, the systemic parent immediately understands that we are talking about the manifestations and states of the child's skin vector.
It is children with a skin vector that are very active, restless, fast, they are leaders by nature. People are earners, their main goal is to get food and other material goods, as well as to preserve what they have got. However, they are born, like everyone else, in an archetypal, primitive state of development. In the skin vector, this is a "haptile" talent. One of the first words of such a child will be the word "Give!" To a very small child, such a child will grab everything that comes to his hand until they explain to him what is his own and what is someone else's.
In an undeveloped state, a person with a skin vector will just as easily and without a twinge of conscience take someone else's - simply steal. Because on his primitive "I want!" no ban is imposed. But a person with a skin vector develops only on the basis of reasonable prohibitions and restrictions - then more complex thought forms begin to form in him: if you cannot take someone else's, then you can, for example, save money and buy your own. A developed and realized person with a skin vector is disciplined, he knows how to earn and save, achieve goals, win, organize himself and others. He is a leader who respects the law.
The task of parents is to develop their child, and you need to start as early as possible. After all, the properties of the psyche develop only until the end of puberty. In this case, the methods of child development with a skin vector will be different compared to methods of child development with a different set of vectors.
Why does the skin vector not develop? Where does the delay come from?
Is the child guilty of stealing? Wasn't it explained to him that it was wrong to do this? Do his parents steal and spoil other people's property?
What drives the child? Why are its vectors not developing?
And, in the end, can such a child grow up to be a good and honest person?
Can! But while the child is small, his development is greatly influenced by the family and the relationship between the parents. For example, if there are conflicts, quarrels, humiliation in the family between the parents, and the child sees all this. And even if this does not happen before his eyes, he feels the psychological stress of his parents.
His connection with his mother is especially strong. In order for a child to develop in his properties, he needs to receive a sense of security and safety, which his mother provides him. But if the mother herself does not feel psychological comfort, if she is constantly tense and cannot relax for a second, the child catches such her states, while he does not receive the necessary sense of security and safety for him, and his development is inhibited.
In addition, the child loses a sense of security and safety when he is beaten, shouted, insulted, humiliated. More and more, he feels UNPROTECTED in his own family.
Outwardly, such a family may look quite well, but behind closed doors conflicts take place in it. A child who steals is more likely to be beaten and severely punished. It is paradoxical, but true: this makes him even more desire to steal - that is, to preserve himself by realizing the primary species role of a person with a skin vector. In addition to stealing, such relationships in the family create a stable scenario for the child to fail.
Thus, what the child steals is the result of the child's lack of a sense of security and safety and tensions in the family.
Physical punishment and theft - where is the connection?
Children with a skin vector are the most gentle and affectionate children. They love affection, their skin is their most sensitive area. They love to be stroked, hugged, scratched their backs, like no one else needs it. If, when raising such a child, we use physical punishment, that is, beat or humiliate them morally, then we stop his mental development by such actions. It is in these children that the skin is very sensitive to pain - as well as their psyche to humiliation. What can be tolerated for another child - a child with a skin vector will cause severe pain.
Moreover, it is these children, like no other, who know how to adapt to their environment. If you regularly humiliate and beat a child, then he retrains and begins to enjoy not from affection, but from physical and psychological violence. And then he will again and again unconsciously provoke his parents to apply such a punishment to him.
And that's all, the scenario for failure is ready: now the child is retrained to enjoy not the success and realization of his innate properties, affection and tenderness, but to enjoy humiliation and beating, punishment, failure in the social sphere. Consciously, he still strives for affection and success, and his unconscious, hidden from him, leads him through life within the framework of a painful program laid down from childhood.
So what should you do?
The systemic parent knows what exactly is not to scream, humiliate or whip the child …
A child, like any other person, wants to be happy first of all. And he can become happy and truly joyful only through the development and realization of his innate properties. And for this it is very important to understand them both for parents and teachers. Hear the feedback from a mom who solved a similar problem:
It is important to create and maintain an emotional connection with your child. A good, strong emotional connection will guarantee that the child will always come and share his problems with his parents, he will be listened to, understood, he will hear what the parents want to convey to him, and will feel psychological comfort in the family.
We are far from always able to choose the environment for our children, but reading good, high-quality literature allows children to independently choose their best destiny. We develop sensually, reading literature for compassion, we cultivate high life principles and moral values. A stable worldview is formed, the concept of how to act is possible, but how it is impossible, which cannot be so simply devalued by a word or an unseemly act of others.
Many parents note that during the training they gained deep knowledge and understanding of how to raise their child and how to find an approach to him even with the most difficult problems. Read the reviews about this.
Come to the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan to feel freedom from feelings of guilt and confusion, to make your child happy and give him a life full of realization of his talents, joy and pleasure from interacting with other people!
