Mother-in-law: systemic recruiting of the agent of influence
The husband's relationship with his mother-in-law is a favorite theme of many anecdotes and comedy films, in which, mind you, a man ultimately remains in his own interests, no matter how much the new “mother” worries him. A completely different plot in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, where the interests of the latter are overshadowed by the pressure of boundless maternal love for her son, sweeping away everything in its path, including the newly-made spouse …
Linking our life with a loved one, we do not even suspect how closely it will "connect" with other people, whom we later call relatives.
The husband's relationship with his mother-in-law is a favorite theme of many anecdotes and comedy films, in which, mind you, a man ultimately remains in his own interests, no matter how much the new “mother” worries him. A completely different plot of relations between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, where the interests of the latter are overshadowed by the pressure of boundless maternal love for her son, sweeping away everything in its path, including the newly-made spouse.
A rare couple manage to maintain mutual understanding and tender feelings without clarifying the relationship, reproaches, scandals or grievances in an atmosphere of tense communication with close relatives, especially in Russian families, where the housing issue is still very acute and everyone is forced to exist on a common living space.
Why is it that, sincerely wishing their child goodness and happiness, “caring” relatives are able to simply destroy any, even successfully established, family relationships?
Is it possible to get along with the husband's parents if the mother-in-law frankly nags and constantly provokes a scandal?
How to protect your family from the negative influence of relatives?
What if resistance is useless - the husband is always on the side of the mother-in-law?
How many sad stories can one hear about how a mother "divorced" her son "from this whore …", gradually, drop by drop, undermining the love and trust of the newlyweds from day to day. Even the presence of a child in the family is not an obstacle for a “loving” mother-in-law to dissolve a marriage she dislikes, because she is better able to raise her grandson than a negligent daughter-in-law.
Is there a chance to keep the family together if you are so “lucky” with your mother-in-law?
Monster mother-in-law … Why is she like that?
We all strive to get pleasure from life, to do what we love, to make our dreams come true, to realize our desires, which, as if by themselves, arise in our heads. Agree, we all do not want the same thing. One strives to build a career, put together his own business, and ensure himself a stable financial future. Another thirsts for recognition and respect, the well-deserved praise of his labors, which he always brings to its end, titles, diplomas and regalia are important for him. For the third, his home and garden is enough, he is able to provide himself with everything necessary for him: food, water, a roof over his head, and he does not need more. And even those who are knocked out of the general mass, those rebels, torn for the flags, not recognizing any rules and unable to obey anyone, but conquering with their charisma and animal magnetism,they, too, live in an effort to realize themselves, their innate psychological properties given by nature, their vectors.
In the same way, the "caring" mother, with her scandalous behavior and somewhat mean actions, is trying to realize her desires that require satisfaction.
Undoubtedly, such attempts are an archetypal way of realizing the existing properties, which, due to the insufficient level of psychological literacy, do not find a higher, creative and useful for society option for their implementation. It's not even about innate harm, quarrelsomeness or meanness of character, but solely in ignorance, misunderstanding and unconsciousness of their actions.
Shortages hurt with their incompleteness, demand and demand to realize their desires, feeling like suffering because of the imbalance in the biochemistry of the brain, and the method already depends on the level of development of psychological properties.
So, in order.
One-actor theater, or solo in a shared kitchen
An intelligent, well-groomed, even one might say, a spectacular middle-aged woman, a worker of culture or art, medicine or the social sphere, an active public figure and the like - all this is the owner of the skin-visual ligament of vectors, who, after retiring and having lost the possibility of social realization, having lost in other words, its audience, viewers, is in a state of dissatisfaction. The satisfaction that she previously received at her work is now inaccessible, she feels bad, she suffers and from this subconsciously tries to find any way available to her to realize the existing properties.
The acute need for an emotional connection, a surge of feelings and emotions, experiences, various emotional states pushes its owner to provoke domestic conflicts. In the midst of a stormy scandal, you can suffer a lot, cry, get worried, play the role of an offended, humiliated, deceived, offended, indignant, and the like. In general, it doesn't matter to live your entire role without a trace at the very peak of emotions, negative or positive, and get the longed-for fulfillment of the needs of the visual vector.
It is clear that such filling will not last long, so in a couple of days everything is repeated again.
An even sadder option is the combination of a skin-visual mother and an anal-visual son, the so-called "good boy complex." This is a case when a mother of a low level of development brings up the most obedient and mother-dependent boy as her only spectator, raising him dependent on the mood of her mother.
Not having a sufficient degree of realization in society, she realizes herself in raising her son, manipulating his joy from maternal praise in the anal vector and the need for an emotional connection in the visual. Praising for insignificant actions instead of stimulating great personal achievements of an already indecisive boy, she guides any of his decisions and actions, forming in him the conviction that the highest joy for him is the favor of his mother, pushing his interests as a person into the background.
As a result, an infantile, completely dependent and in everything agrees with the mother grows up an over-aged child who, even if he decides to start a family, will always be on the mother's side in any disagreements between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. She, feeling that she is losing her only spectator, her last opportunity for realization, will do her best to survive the “other woman” from the life of her son, to whom she sincerely, through herself, wishes well.
What to do and what are the chances of keeping a young family?
It all depends, of course, on the "neglect" of each particular case, but if such a "good boy" nevertheless decided on an independent act, then, apparently, not all is lost.
When we understand, clearly realize the true reasons for what is happening, and a psychological picture of all relatives and friends clearly arises before us, the first thing that happens is that hostility goes away. The irritation and any other negative feelings caused by misunderstanding, which we usually describe with the words "how can this be ?!", "why did she / he do it?", "What happens to her?" and the like. The motives of each word or deed become obvious to predictability and cause only a smile of understanding.
Also, alternative options for filling the vectors of the unhappy mother-in-law become clear. For example, for the visual vector, a theater group, singing or acting lessons, social activities, and volunteer work, caring for the elderly, sick, disabled or children can be an excellent option. Or perhaps a new boyfriend?
Having tasted once the pleasure that the realization of a higher level than kitchen performances gives, the mother-in-law will calm down, the desire to scandalize and get a small, scanty pleasure from such a primitive filling of the visual vector will disappear by itself. For a person who has fully realized himself during the day, any controversial everyday trifles do not matter at all - the state of joy, fulfillment and enjoyment of life overshadows any desire to show negativity towards another person, there is simply no room for this in the mental.
I'm right because I'm right!
Another option for a painful relationship with a daughter-in-law may be insufficient implementation of the mother-in-law's anal vector.
A neat, neat, homely, often overweight woman, an excellent housewife who knows how to perfectly cook and keep the house and households clean and tidy, who has her own, authoritative opinion on any account and does not miss the slightest opportunity to read a morality, give advice, reproach or explain, "How to" do anything.
A woman with an anal vector is a teacher or educator, doctor or analyst, employee of an archive, library, museum, cook or accountant, her activity in any form is associated with the accumulation, storage or transfer of information or skills to the next generation. However, it is the anal woman who more often than all others can devote herself to the family, working as a housewife all her life and raising children.
It is she who most painfully perceives the appearance in her kitchen, in her house of a stranger, and even more so a woman younger than herself. She gets used to changes for a long time, she is inclined to criticize and lecture, especially in matters related to the household, where she simply has no equal. Any personal opinion of the young daughter-in-law is perceived by her with hostility, a priori arouses skepticism, since “what can she know in her years?”.
With retirement, a woman with an anal vector loses her social realization, which cannot but affect her psychological state. Inborn properties require respect, recognition of her authority as older in age, honor and gratitude for her work, obligatory consideration of her opinion in any matters and, of course, obedience.
All this can be present in the rarest relationship of a mother-in-law with a daughter-in-law, who usually tries to solve everything in her own way and often does not agree to take into account the opinion of the “mother” in making family decisions. In addition, the constant criticism, reproaches and reproaches against her from her mother-in-law intensify the already tense situation in the common house. All attempts of the younger generation to change something, introduce new habits or a way of life are nipped in the bud and rejected as unauthorized, which means they have no right to exist. Rigid psyche, innate conservatism and the desire to maintain traditions, adhere to the rules established by ancestors and complete confidence in their righteousness make any changes in the life of the whole large family almost impossible.
At the same time, it is the anal mother-in-law, who owns systemic thinking, can become the best home assistant and grandmother. Indeed, in housekeeping and raising children, she simply has no equal, her psychological qualities were created for this very purpose.
Understanding the situation systematically, realizing the psychological properties of all her household members and her own, it is she who is best able to analyze the situation in detail, draw psychologically competent conclusions and draw up a detailed plan for the systemic education of her beloved grandchildren in order to develop their data from the nature of the quality of the psyche.
Only a scrupulous mother-in-law with an anal vector has sufficient patience and perseverance to bring up the most fastidious toddlers, creating for one the necessary daily routine and discipline, for another - dosed praise and approval, for the third - an atmosphere of silence, for the fourth - emotional participation and so on. Thus, she can relieve young parents of some of the home burden for a fuller personal social realization.
Becoming an expert in systemic education, such a breathtaking grandmother in all respects, on the one hand, realizes herself, on the other hand, she helps parents in their implementation, and on the third, she educates full-fledged, highly developed, and therefore, able to enjoy the life of members of the society of the future.
Relatives of a husband, like a wife, are those people who, whatever one may say, will accompany you all your life. Whether you live together or separately, they will still begin to exert their influence on your family, and it is high psychological literacy that can become a real way out of any controversial situation. System-vector psychology provides a unique tool that allows you to establish communication with the most difficult, at first glance, people and build good family relationships, even having completely different views on life, a way of thinking and a seemingly insurmountable generational conflict.
