Psychology of relationships with parents. How not to kill your mother-in-law?
When we met, his attention and concern for his mother seemed so sweet to me. I thought, here is a real man who respects a woman, a good husband and a caring father, this is how he will take care of his family. A dream, not a spouse. How wrong I was!..
THE LAST DROPS OF MY PATIENCE
The working day was drawing to a close. Almost no one was left in the office. I opened the window, hot stuffy air blew into my face with a mixture of smells of melting asphalt, exhaust gases and acacia blossoming under the windows.
Do not wanna go Home. Disgusting feeling.
What's happening to us? Is this really the end? I don’t know how much more I can endure, I have to do something …
The phone rings - his number.
“Hello, Tanechka, be so kind, buy me a Corvalola when you go home. I washed your floors for half a day, the dirt is terrible, I probably never washed here. Apparently, the pressure jumped. Yes, and also chicken liver, Slavochka loves liver cake very much."
All beeps. There is no need for an answer. Naturally, it was SHE, my mother-in-law … from his phone! It seems that Slavochka himself cannot go to a pharmacy or a grocery store, he is very busy … And what is he doing in general ?! Lord, how tired I am of all this!
When we met, his attention and concern for his mother seemed so sweet to me. I thought, here is a real man who respects a woman, a good husband and a caring father, this is how he will take care of his family. A dream, not a spouse. How wrong I was!
Our family consists of him and his mother, and then somewhere in the background is my figure. His mom is in control of everything from stocks in the fridge to the issue of having a baby. Slavik does not and never had his own opinion, and my attempts to solve something in our life end in scandals and heart attacks, fainting or unexpected spasms and shortness of breath in my beloved mother-in-law.
My son is shaking over her in horror, an ambulance comes to us every other day, but only I see that these are all demonstration performances, playing for the audience and exhausting him and my nerves.
My patience has run out, today only one woman will remain in our apartment …
Getting married safely is a great success, and building relationships with your mother-in-law is just happiness. After all, there are mothers-in-law who do not interfere in the family life of their son. And there are those who themselves smooth out the conflicts of spouses, who want grandchildren and are ready to help, and not demand endless attention to their person.
How to recognize a real "mama's boy" and his mom, a lover of speculating on the feelings of her son, not in the tenth year of family life, but even before the wedding?
How not to take heavy emotional dependence for your son's care?
How to discern behind maternal care the need for unlimited attention and emotional swings? How to figure out all the tricks of the psychology of relationships with parents before it's too late?
Let us consider these issues using the knowledge gained at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
The answers lie in the peculiarities of the psyche of such a peculiar couple as a son with an anal and visual vector and a mother with an unrealized skin-visual combination.
Relationships of this kind are called the "good boy complex", it has been formed for more than one day, these are the fruits of raising a son from childhood.
The impressionable anal-visual child, who gets the greatest pleasure from the praise of his parents, is ready to do anything just to hear the approval from his beloved mother. She, due to the underdevelopment of the skin-visual ligament, instead of pushing her son to personal achievements and the development of his properties, is trying to realize at his expense, her need for emotional swings. From praising his trivial deeds to threatening heart attacks if he stays at school for five minutes.
And the psychology of relations with his mother develops in such a way that his whole life turns into a desire to receive praise, to hear words of approval from his mother, to please her, because this is the most important thing, because her feelings from childhood were a priority. And how can you please an unrealized skin-visual mommy? Only by maintaining an emotional connection with her, experiencing together her emotional swings, acting as an audience for her home plays and scenes.
There can be no other woman next to the skin-visual mother. She cannot lose her opportunity for even a meager realization - this is the only source of pleasure, the only spectator in her theater.
And what opinion can her son have if he lived for 20-30-40 years with the thought that the main joy in life is not personal success or fulfillment, but maternal praise, approval and recognition that “he is the best son in the world ".
Can such a "good boy" grow up?
It all depends on the neglect of the case, on the level of emotional dependence and the presence of other vectors in the son, but the main driving moment in the mechanism of growing up is understanding the essence of what is happening, understanding the nature of one's desires and the needs of the mother, then everything is possible.
That evening I was driving home with an imaginary tomahawk in my hands and ready to put the question squarely, but before my arrival Slavochka took my mother to the hospital once again, now with some colic. Not otherwise, as the mother-in-law felt …
Although now I am even grateful to her somewhere.
Now she has finally moved to her place, although Slavik calls her every day or hour, it doesn't matter anymore. The main thing is that we live separately! Every weekend we go to her, she plays the piano and sings, even rehearses with familiar children. The headmaster of the school, her longtime admirer, finally persuaded her to become the artistic director of the theater group. Oh yes, here's another - heart attacks have passed, and colic, and spasms … Even, one might say, the lady blossomed, bathing in ovations and signs of attention from her admirer.
After all these years of living together, I now really want to go home. For the first time, our union began to resemble a family, we had some common interests, some goals, a place appeared in its heart for me too. I remembered why I still love him: for sensuality, openness, sincere spontaneity and the ability to see beauty in everything.
Now I am sure that we can be happy together, and his mother … Let her live a long time in her country house and play the piano.
Anal vector - on free introductory lectures, coming soon.