The psychology of resentment. The story of the oblique soul
The key words of these people are "evenly, equally, fairly." Any deviation from what in his sensations seems to be correct and fair causes severe psychological discomfort in such a person.
You can't kill at first, Then whisper: "I'm not on purpose!"
You can't betray all the time, Then pray: "I'll correct it, for sure!"
You can not run away cowardly, Saying that he went out for a minute. When you
return, you cannot pretend that
everything remains the same, After all, life does not stand still!
EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS REWARDED FOR EVERYTHING!
Resentment is the curse of a person, gradually it destroys our life, but we do not even notice it. Sometimes we confidently say that no, we are not offended at all, while unconsciously resentment guides our every action, every thought, forming a certain life scenario where there is no room for trust and joy.
Unconscious geometry: hostages of straight lines
Resentment arises only in one vector - the anal one. The reason for its appearance lies in the peculiarities of the human psyche with an anal vector. The unconscious geometry of comfort in the anal vector is a square. Figuratively speaking, this is the template by which he subjectively (unconsciously) evaluates the world around him. The anal square is the key to a three-dimensional understanding of both this vector and its carriers.
The key words of such people are "EXACTLY, EQUALLY, FAIRLY", these concepts clearly reflect the direction of their thoughts. A square has a rigid structure, the slightest deviation of even one of its edges immediately breaks it, creating a skew in the whole square. So it is in the psyche of an anal person: any deviation from what in his sensations seems to be correct and fair, causes severe psychological discomfort in his carrier.
Any negative about an anal person, be it a word or deed, instantly causes a similar bias and, along with it, a feeling of injustice. Resentment wakes up, the person becomes isolated, the mood spoils. From that second on, he is a thundercloud, swelling with indignation: “This is not fair to me! How could he! I am only good to him, but in response this is!.."
Unconscious measurements are made, the psychic square is skewed. And this immense inner discomfort triggers the alignment mechanism. I was done badly, now I have to compensate for it with the same action in order to regain psychological comfort again. The concept of revenge is only in the anal vector. In a sense, revenge is the pursuit of alignment of the psychic square.
Things get more complicated when the resentment is multiplied by time. Alas, time does not heal an offense, quite the opposite. Time, drop by drop, only pushes the negative bias deeper, increasing the initial size of the “price” that the offender must pay in order for the anal's mental state to even out. If at the very beginning, as a rule, it is enough for the offender to sincerely ask for forgiveness, then after a short time his "guilt" grows so much that it will become almost impossible to compensate for it. All of its participants become hostages of resentment, and the relationship will never be the same.
Originally from childhood
Childhood, without exaggeration, is the most critical time for an anal person, the most favorable environment for the birth of resentment. And there is a reason for that. The anal person has an innate program to accumulate and transmit information over time. Everything he encounters is important to him as an experience, especially what happens for the first time. Childhood is one big first experience that affects the whole life.
We can say that these are people of the past, because it is there that they are called upon to collect information (time-tested! - how else?) In order to pass it on to the next generation. Therefore, everything that was yesterday, for them, in sensations, is better than what is happening today, and the future is a continuous projection of the past. Yesterday everything was better: the water is wetter, and the sky is blue, and people are kinder … Not objectively, but because the psyche is like this: without asking us, it transfers the past to the future. The past is the standard for everything, the basis of the attitude!
The first experience turns out to be decisive. This is the peculiarity of anal people - to draw conclusions in advance, to generalize, based on their first experience. If in childhood an anal boy was sprayed by a passing cyclist and had the audacity not to apologize, then, rest assured, the boy will subsequently carry inside himself a resentment not only against a specific person, but also against all cyclists, whom he will indiscriminately be ready to blame for all sins only for the fact of having a bicycle.
And so with any experience. First woman… first employer… first friend - the list can be endless.
Anal Mom - Grudge Mom
The role of mom in the life of an anal person can hardly be overestimated. Mom is his stronghold, the pivot that holds the whole world. After all, the anal child, due to the peculiarities of his psyche - special helplessness and intelligence - is more dependent on his mother than other children. Communication with mom is an indispensable basis for the development of an anal child, unconditional trust in her. She is his everything: and the guarantor of his survival, and the creator of the first experience, and the chief operator of the psychic square. And then everything is very simple. If mom intuitively understands the principle of his psyche, then he is lucky, if not, then … you understand.
Anal babies are very obedient. Such children, unconsciously measuring "equally" in categories, believe that by giving obedience, you can get pleasure in the form of praise and protection, which they so need. We perform some action and are sure to wait for a response from the back side. If our positive effort is not aligned with the same positive response, resentment arises - they have not given it enough, underestimated: I am so good, but my mother does not notice this.
Mom for an anal child is associated with the entire outside world. Therefore, childhood resentment against the mother, accumulating, is transferred at a conscious age into resentment against the world. The feeling of security that was not received in childhood is projected onto the whole world around us, and there is a claim and suspicion about everything. Overestimated requirements, colliding with a misunderstanding of others, provoke an aggravation of negative states until the internal imbalance reaches a critical point, and the analys himself goes to take what he was not given. His revenge in this case can be terrible.
First love as a sentence
For an anal person, family is everything! This is based on a deep metaphysical meaning. Being the keeper of the cave and taking care of the safety of his fellow tribesmen is his primeval species role. There is no statute of limitations for psychic programs, and this pattern is still observable today. The carriers of the anal vector are couch potatoes, caring husbands, the best fathers and masters. They provide us with a reliable rear and home.
Still on the way, still only thinking about their first relationship with the opposite sex, the theme of the family is already idealized for them. Anal people are looking for this kind of relationship to last a lifetime! The property of dividing everything into clean and dirty determines the choice: a girl should be simply a saint in every sense - pure, immaculate.
There are two traps for the anal again. Firstly, he makes a transfer of relationships with his mother to relationships with women in general. And if in childhood these key relationships were not the standard of mutual understanding, then a greater or lesser skew of the anal square psyche is guaranteed. For the prescription of the term, the insult to the mother reaches enormous proportions. This resentment will determine the whole future life, and the desire for destructive alignment will already take place in a relationship with a woman.
Let's remember that this is an unconscious process, and the anal person does not control it, he is simply led by this state, which means that he will subconsciously look for such relationships where he can confirm the prevailing negative image of women. Unconsciously, he will make claims in a relationship with a woman that she can never satisfy, expectations that she can never meet. Obsession with one's own ideals, a long-gone past leads sooner or later to the collapse of relations …
Revenge, obvious or not, will be an invariable part of a relationship with an offended person. This is compensation - his way of leveling out a long-standing resentment: "I was done badly, and now I do badly - equally."
This will manifest itself in sadism - verbal or physical. Relationships according to the scheme: fears and suspicion (so that they do not hurt again) - confirmation of their fears ("I knew that this bitch cannot be trusted, all women are the same") - even deeper immersion in resentment. Only the degree of destructiveness will now be different: an increase and spread of resentment from a specific person (to mother) to a group (women in general).
All subsequent relationships are like a stopper of an airplane steadily diving down.
The second trap is a failed first relationship with a woman. As a result, they will lead to the same results as in the first scenario, with only some differences in the interval.
According to the natural algorithm, the attraction of an anal person is attracted by women, who in many ways are their complete opposite. We are talking about carriers of the skin vector. They are driven by completely different desires and life values: career growth or their own business, social status, material wealth, etc. And the psyche of such people is incommensurably more flexible.
Skin people in an archetypal (undeveloped or unrealized) state are users in life, they are the first to get out of a relationship, slightly sensing a more profitable prospect elsewhere. The anal person in this case does not just get upset, he gets traumatized for life.
It may take him many years before he regains consciousness a little. Having accumulated a fair amount of resentment and frustration during this time, the analnik already looks askance at everyone, with reproach and suspicion. And so everything new is given to him with difficulty, and the shell of suspicion even slows down his movement through life. Instead of living a normal life and starting a new relationship, the analnik waits and looks closely for several years: "What if this one will cheat ?!" Fearing another blow, he actually gives up life.
The future ricochets over the past
Separately, it is worth talking about the anal person's perception of new information. We already know that the anal vector is responsible for the accumulation and transfer of experience to future generations. We can’t transfer anything, any unverified nonsense. Hence the anal's passion for books, for reading. We read in wagons. For us, books are a symbol of the very experience that must be conveyed. We perceive the book as a proven source of knowledge: "Since this is printed, then it is a thing!" We believe in books and what is written there. And for the same reason, the first reaction of the analysor to the acquaintance with new information, presented, for example, orally: “Show me where is it written? And where can you read about it?"
This is practically nonsense today, isn't it ?! This is the age of high technologies and crazy speeds. Hell for an anal. The format of the classic book is fading into oblivion. Like any information, knowledge is transmitted much faster, and therefore more efficiently. Television, internet, mobile communications. An anal person simply cannot not study.
He is not able to restrain the accumulation of information. We have to somehow adapt. And then an interesting moment occurs. A person is faced with new information or knowledge, admits it. And if it happens that the knowledge gained is extremely advanced and casts doubt on all the accumulated past experience, then a paradox arises.
On the one hand, the advantages and possibilities of information are so obvious that it is simply impossible not to accept it, but by taking this step, the analyst immediately cancels, partially or completely, the entire foundation of knowledge on which he has relied so far. Along with this, the assessment of the past also changes. From positive to negative. After all, it turns out that the previous sources simply deceived me. This is a mentally very uncomfortable moment when you receive an inoculation of the future, losing in front of your eyes the old basis of the worldview, without having a new one formed.
The unconscious ambush is that when trying to replace existing knowledge with newer and more progressive past, it immediately begins to be assessed as a negative experience, which means that the square is inadvertently skewed, manifested in a latent or explicit resentment against past sources of information. And as you may have guessed, a chain reaction leads to the transfer of resentment to a new source of knowledge: everyone is lying around, and these are probably too! A person may not feel it, not be aware of it.
This is expressed in the lack of desire to delve into information, distrust of the author or other similar opposition. The anal person cannot afford to annul the past, it’s like depriving himself of the ground under his feet - his whole outlook collapses.
Sodom and gomorrah
It is a mistake to think that resentment in anal sex always manifests itself in an explicit way - revenge or other negative action. On the surface, a person can live an ordinary life, he can have a relationship, outwardly not be offended, but there is no development … just not. Absolute inertia.
Resentment is always expressed in the absence of action - in the inhibition of development in general. In human sensations, this is perceived as a lack of desire for movement. I just don't want to. I'm sitting on the couch, and I feel so good. In a sense, I’m waiting for the world to come to me and bow to me, straighten my hopelessly twisted straight line. Since this is often the transfer of a child's or long-forgotten offense, it is almost impossible to trace the roots of such inhibition on your own.
Stupor inevitably leads to a loss of realization, which, in turn, leads to growing frustrations and hatred of all living things: "How dare you rejoice when I feel so bad ?!" A vicious circle and inevitably a bad ending. It is not for nothing that our news is full of reports of violence … Today, as never before, it is difficult for an anal person, because he is looking for and cannot find his place in life with great difficulty, does not keep up with the frantic skin speeds … Is it really hopeless?
Life is what it is. But our inner assessment gives polarity to the events of the observed world. The inability to realize the source of the flow of our thoughts and feelings makes us hostages of our own ideas. It is good if the assessment provokes active actions and all-round development … But when is it the other way around? When, with our biased opinion, we lead to total paralysis of any activity?..
Think about the price you have to pay for an offense, receiving only a shadow of your existence.
Nature does not provide for inhibition or conservation of states, and offense deprives a person of movement, of any development in principle. This is expressed by bad feelings, illnesses and simply life failures.
The best therapy for resentment and a "pill of happiness" in general for all troubles is awareness, understanding of how our states live by us, setting this or that life scenario. You won't be able to just say to yourself: “Don't be offended!”, It doesn't work that way. But deeply understanding the mechanism of resentment, its intricacies, a person is freed from this inner heaviness, as if this understanding brings the long-awaited order in his head, and the mechanism again begins to work flawlessly, as it was intended - in positive action. There is a switch in the head from the desire to get in yourself to the desire to maximize investment in socially useful action.
Think about what you can give to the world you live in and start just doing it. Very soon, you will notice an amazing pattern that the degree of inner comfort and satisfaction from life is proportional to the strength of your movement to do something for someone else.
Your real step begins with realizing the roots of your resentment.