God why did you betray me?
“Why did God betray me? What have I done wrong? Why is it so bad, painful, hard? Why don't you want anything? Why, if God created us for happiness, am I so unhappy? Where's the justice? Why do rascals prosper and honest people vegetate? " - these numerous "why" do not let go of the brain of the anal sound specialist, offended by God.
We have lived in the same entrance for 30 years, and I have never encountered him. Quiet, unsociable invisible man. I learned about his fate thanks to the communication of our mothers. The reasons for the difficult life scenario were unraveled with the help of systemic psychoanalysis - training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". Vyacheslav's life was slowly corroded by resentment against God.
Resentment towards mother
It is difficult to say what was the trigger of the resentment against his mother - history is silent about the reasons for his unhappy fate. But the result was obvious - my mother was the main culprit in his disorder in life. He thought so.
Let's start with the fact that, according to Slava, she gave birth to him from the wrong person. Originally from the south of Russia, she once chose a man of Caucasian nationality, who became the father of Slavik. Then my mother separated from her husband and left with her son to the capital. Slavik had already graduated from high school and entered the institute as a sound engineer.
After graduation, there was a long search for work and finally a low-paid position of a system administrator. The career was clearly not working out. “And why did you give birth to me from your father? Was it really impossible to find a Russian? Well, it’s written on my face that I’m a khachik. Because of this, they don’t take me anywhere,”became the mother’s duty reproach.
The golden mother, the owner of the anal-visual ligament of vectors, deeply sympathized with him, felt guilty for everything that happened to him, and helped as best she could. A believer, she trusted in God and tried to involve her son in prayer. Meanwhile, Slavik's fate continued to make sharp turns.
Resentment against women
Even at school, he had his first love - a daring and charming skin-visual beauty Svetka. Clumsy and slow Slavik fell head over heels into her. But the relationship did not last long. Something didn't work out. They broke up.
First love did not let go. I didn't want another woman. In addition, the first bad experience lowered self-confidence below the baseboard. “Am I really so uninteresting, scary that women don't pay attention to me? As if no one sees me,”he complained to his mother. He was embarrassed to approach the woman himself. He was in despair that he was not suitable even for such an insignificant occupation - he did not come out. The mother's heart ached for her son.
When the sluggish relationship with another girl came to naught, Svetlana appeared on the horizon again, who, of course, was attracted by life in the capital. She appeared not alone, but with her daughter from her first marriage. And then she began to put things in order - she bought new furniture, began to saw Slavik so that he would quit his low-profile job and look for a better place. Now I have to support my wife and daughter. And also to buy an apartment to live separately from my mother.
But Slavik was still clumsy and slow. He did not want to change anything, because he did not feel that he could change anything in his life. He remembered well that he was not hired anywhere, and was not going to risk a safe, if not financial, job.
When the enterprising Sveta desperate to budge him, she suddenly packed her bags and disappeared. Most of all, Slavik was killed by the fact that she did not even say goodbye and did not thank for those short moments of happiness that they experienced together.
Resentment at first love, so significant for a person with this type of psyche, has forever discouraged the desire to create new relationships. Women began to evoke only hatred.
Resentment against God
Mom's attempts to convert her son to the faith finally reached a dead end. “What has he done for me, your God? Where are the results of your prayers? Why am I so good - so unhappy? Where's the justice? Where was your God when I was born ?! - somehow he exclaimed and forever cut off the mother's attempts to interfere in his life. So the resentment against the mother grew to the size of resentment against the world and God and forever stopped the life of a still young and outwardly attractive man, locked him in the four walls of his own mind.
Now it is not visible or audible. He rarely leaves the house, spending days at the computer. The heart and lower back ache. He had the last hope - that someday he will meet his Teacher, who will show the way to the light from his hopeless life. A lonely, uncommunicative, retired recluse. A failed, unlived life is the result of resentment against God.
Thanks to the training "System-vector psychology" I know that only the owners of the anal-sound ligament of vectors can experience such a feeling. And this is a truly unbearable, heavy, oppressive feeling. Sometimes I am seized with anxiety - a potential Breivik or Vinogradov lives in our house. Or a possible suicide. How much longer will it be possible to restrain the onslaught of such strong unfulfilled desires - anal libido and dominant fruitless sound search?
What is it like living with grudge against God?
“Why did God betray me? What have I done wrong? Why is it so bad, painful, hard? Why don't you want anything? Why, if God created us for happiness, am I so unhappy? Where's the justice? Why do rascals prosper and honest people vegetate? " - these numerous "why" do not let go of the brain of the anal sound specialist, offended by God.
There is another facet of the manifestation of this feeling - resentment against oneself: “Why am I so helpless? Why can't I prove myself in life? Why am I failing? Why was I born so worthless? There is no excuse for my life. I am an empty place, complete insignificance."
Two vectors
Resentment is a feeling inherent only in the owners of the anal vector, no one else. It can be different in volume, in level: personal (to one person), in relation to the group (to women, cyclists; this is a generalized offense), to the world (to all people, animate and inanimate nature).
Resentment grows from the innate ability of a person with an anal vector to feel justice as the need to divide everything equally, everyone is the same. The structure of such a psyche is like a square. How much you gave, so much you need to get. And if you gave, and nothing was returned to you for it, at least gratitude, - the square skews.
To restore balance to the psyche, it is required to compensate for what was not given. Often this compensation is revenge. Sometimes effective, sometimes in the form of sabotaging life. This is how our hero punished his mother - not living his life and thus bringing suffering to the mother.
The most powerful and destructive form - resentment against God and oneself - is possible only with a combination of anal and sound vectors. This is an accusation from a higher power: "You created me for joy and happiness, and I do not even for a moment enjoy life." The most common trigger for this feeling is resentment against the mother.
Mother is the most sacred and purest thing for a child with an anal vector. He longs for her approval, praise, gratitude, because he is so obedient, honest, good. If the mother does not appreciate his efforts, does not understand his properties, trying to remake, the resentment remains with the person for life, taking various forms.
The man of the past - the owner of the anal vector values the first experience most of all. And if he was unsuccessful and became a source of resentment, then this feeling is generalized, transferred to all subsequent situations. This is how resentment against women, employers, people of other nationalities appears.
The property of resentment is to accumulate and displace into the unconscious. It happens that he has already forgotten about the insult to his mother, but in his soul the insult to God and himself blooms in a magnificent color. And God is already to blame for the failure of life.
The sound vector imposes on this painful feeling an equally painful emptiness from lack of realization. The soundman feels that this world is not all that he has. There is something more, more. There is a vague sense of his own genius.
But the lack of understanding of oneself, the feeling of being different, unrecognized, strange, alien to everything that happens around, the inability to fit into the canvas of life does not allow realizing this genius, this is a different understanding. And then the depression covers. Complete withdrawal into oneself, global loneliness, breaking ties with people.
Resentment, together with a sense of unrecognition in severe sound depression, causes intense hatred of people. “Why did everyone turn their back on me? Why doesn't anyone accept me? Why am I worse than others? I hate this world so much that I want only one thing - for it to cease to exist,”the sound engineer thinks in this state.
In the sound vector there is no value of the body, the insult in the anal vector pushes to restore the lost balance and take revenge. Loneliness and self-isolation lead to a loss of emotional ties with people, a feeling of the illusory nature of the outside world, which becomes like a computer game where you can go and just shoot. People do not mind. They are just a dull, gray mass for such a sound engineer. Moral guidelines are blurring, like the boundaries between the real and the virtual world.
The result of these thoughts is often fatal. From such sound scientists grow Breiviks, Roslyakovs, Vinogradovs - individuals with lost moral guidelines, with a diagnosis that is defined at the training "System-Vector Psychology" as moral and moral degeneration. These are people with a tendency to mass murder, teetering on the brink of their hatred. Or they are suicides of the anal type - by compression, by hanging.
Of course, this is an extreme case. Most of people with a grudge against God simply turn into nothing, do not live their life as a potential genius. Concentrates all loneliness in one single head. In fact, he puts an end to his life.
Exit from the dark basement of resentment
The state of resentment against God is the second most severe after sound depression. It becomes super significant for a person and determines his fate. Resentment is destructive and does not allow to take place in life with joy. A feeling of inner deprivation that everyone owes you - mother, woman, society, God; the expectation of satisfaction absolutely immobilizes a person. He does not even have the thought that he himself can change his life. It feels burdensome, frozen, static.
It is simply impossible to forgive or order yourself not to be offended by an effort of will. Consciousness cannot command the unconscious. We can only realize the psyche, bring it out of hiding. What does it mean to realize? This is when we begin to understand why we are given our desires and properties, for example, a good memory and love for the past. They were given to us not in order to keep grudges, but in order to accumulate knowledge and pass it on to future generations. When we begin to see the motives of the actions of others. Did your mother really hurt you or did she want good, but understood it in her own way, through herself? And could your first girlfriend have acted differently if she had not been taught to love, but only to consume - love, attention?
When you realize all this, resentment dissipates by itself. It becomes impossible to be offended, because you begin to understand that people are not your tormentors. They are also victims - of their life circumstances, of their ignorance of human life and nature. They're just different, after all, but that doesn't diminish your importance to the world at all. Each has its own role in this life. Gradually, an excuse for what is happening in life comes, and with it an extraordinary lightness and joy of being, as if an exorbitant burden falls off your shoulders.
Self-knowledge at the training "System-Vector Psychology" as a balm heals mental wounds from the meaninglessness of life. Answers come to thousands of questions, to all the numerous “why?” That burned the brain with a hot iron, not allowing it to relax either day or night. You understand why you were born, what is your destiny, where to go and develop. You understand the structure of the human psyche, and this is the biggest discovery that every sound engineer unconsciously strives for.
And then relief comes: “I'm normal! I am needed! Potentially a genius, I am. I've always felt this way and now I understand what my genius is!"
When a person is happy and fulfilled, hatred can no longer live in his heart. He opens up to meet people and begins to live his life - joyfully, with gratitude for every day.
For those who are near
Most likely, Slava will not read this article. Resentment against God, as a rule, is not realized. People in such dire conditions really believe that other people are to blame for their unlived life. They find thousands of reasons why their life has turned out this way. They are not ready to change and do not believe that they need help. In their feelings they are the smartest, who can know more about them than themselves?
Therefore, this article is more for loved ones who can suffer no less, because they want to live, want to be happy. But can you be happy when you see the empty eyes of your son or husband? Relatives often feel guilty for their mistakes, for the inability to help.
Already free online training sessions "System Vector Psychology" can provide relief and an opportunity to competently find an approach to those who have lost faith in life. You will be able to understand them, speak their language, let them relax next to you, trust, open up …
The knowledge about vectors works, and this is confirmed by people who overcame the hardest feeling of resentment against God at the SVP training:
