How to keep love. Love grammar lessons
Still the philosopher of antiquity Plato released the myth that every person somewhere has his own "half" that suits him perfectly: he thinks like he, feels like he, looks at the world like he does. However, are we not too naive, going in search of this same mythical half?
In our culture, one myth is firmly entrenched - about ideal relationships. Hollywood shows carefully "licked" families with a caring handsome husband and a gentle, loving and charming wife; gloss publishes pictures with smiling spouses hugging happy children. Advertising in the same place: white-toothed lovers of juice, mayonnaise and other "healthy" products laugh from billboards and TV screens. And now, when we think about the family, a kind of collage of all these imposed images appears in our head. Unfortunately, these pictures are not able to help you realize where to find and how to keep your love.
Although it is unfair to blame only the modern media for this - even the philosopher of antiquity Plato released the myth that every person somewhere has his own "half" that suits him ideally: he thinks how he feels, how he feels, looks at the world as he does.
However, are we not too naive, going in search of this same mythical half? Do we not deprive ourselves of the joy of communicating with a person who is not like us in many ways, but is able to become a partner in family life? Don't we take away the chance to be happy when, at the very first difficulties, we conclude that we were mistaken in the half, instead of bothering to think about how to maintain a long relationship?
Relationship with a loved one: lessons in love grammar
In order to coexist harmoniously in a couple, it is not enough for us to think that women came to earth from Venus, and men from Mars. We need some more serious typology. And even better - knowledge that gives one hundred percent answers to any questions that arise in a relationship with a loved one. And such knowledge is the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Take, for example, a common situation: a noisy, overly talkative wife and a quiet, overly silent husband.
She doesn't really talk a lot - she literally thinks out loud, voicing her momentary thoughts and moods. Her speech is a stream, and often changing its direction. For a partner with a different type of psyche, this causes bewilderment: “Why talk so much? Why not just be quiet for a minute? And why does she change her mind so often?"
He is silent for a long time, often ignoring her requests and questions, with difficulty looking up from his affairs. She perceives this behavior as a lack of interest in her, is angry with him and reproaches him.
Long-term relationships in such a pair are possible only with a mutual willingness to recognize other people's psyche. A man should understand that his wife's speech with a visual vector is not chatter, but a way of expressing emotions. And a woman needs to realize that the silence of her husband with a sound vector is not a way to express her contempt, but a nature-given need for reflection, for which silence and time are needed.
How can such two different people live under one roof and not infringe on themselves in their desires? A woman with a visual vector - to expand the circle of interlocutors and accept the fact that her husband, who loves solitude and silence, will not be able to become as extrovert as she is. But harmonious relationships are impossible without the contribution of both, so the husband should at least sometimes go out and pamper his wife with his attention and communication.
Another example of the complexities of "translation" can be disassembled: a wife, who prefers clear-cut specifics in everything, and a husband, who spreads his thoughts along the tree on any issue.
Here, a woman with a skin vector prefers objective information and facts in everything. She uses exact words in speech, does not go into unnecessary details and expects the same from others. A husband with an anal vector, on the contrary, loves these very details very much (he does not even like it - he considers it necessary to report them), which is why he gets bogged down in any story. The wife is terribly annoyed, and the husband, in turn, is lost due to the brevity of his wife, does not grasp the essence of her words, falls into a stupor.
Such a different psychology of a man and a woman with different sets of vectors manifests itself not only in the style of communication, but also in everything else: in life values, world views, hobbies. This difference becomes the cause of marital conflicts, everyone pulls the blanket over himself, not wanting to look at the spouse with different eyes.
It is clear that the keys to mutual understanding do not lie in everyone's pocket. But they can be obtained - after the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. And they open the doors of strong relationships in which you can understand and accept the originality of the other.
How to maintain a relationship with age?
Katya and Pasha have lived together for 15 years. It was a life in constant travel, with contract work, without obligations and ties to everyday life, city, children. Those were happy years. However, when Katya turned 35, this way of life began to weigh her more and more, she wanted stability, children, and normal work. Pasha was afraid of constancy like fire. Katya did not understand what to do and how to maintain a relationship with a man with whom she lived happily for 15 years. There was a feeling that she was ready for changes in her life, and Pasha seemed to be marking time, clinging to his usual carefree existence.
Well, this story is familiar to many couples. And even if not all of them traveled around the world, sooner or later they came across a situation when one of the spouses wants to make some important adjustments to his life, and the other prefers to live in the old way. And with all this, somehow it is necessary to preserve the relationship.
It can be anything: a new job that makes you feel needed again after maternity leave; on the contrary, the desire to lead a "sedentary" lifestyle and give birth to three children; the decision to move to a metropolis and accelerate the pace of one's own life - or, on the contrary, the desire to escape from the bustle of the capital to a small provincial town.
The question is how the partner will react to such decisions. Consider your thoughts foolish? Can't take them seriously? Wouldn't trust your inspiration? Will she start to dissuade?
If you are really interested in how to maintain a relationship, the important thing to think about here is: What role have you assigned to your partner in your plans? Is it not more important for you now what is happening with you than the relationship with a loved one? And should you blame him for being suspicious and not as enthusiastic as you dreamed about communicating your thoughts about change?
Worrying about how to maintain a good relationship with your spouse, you need to make sure that it works out well for both of you. Find a place for your partner in a new version of your life, give him a chance to try his new role, evaluate all the pros and cons. And, of course, choose this role with knowledge of the innate properties and qualities of your loved one.
Is your husband a leather worker and he stubbornly refuses to live a stable family life? Well, here you have to explain to him that all the trouble of caring for and raising children will fall on you. And he needs to provide his family with "prey", which you will sparingly spend on various needs. The specific role of a person with a skin vector is precisely the acquisition of material wealth, so such a task may suit his taste.
How to maintain a relationship with a girl who stubbornly does not want to change a metropolis to a village? Here you need to understand what drives the girl's desire: does she care about the fast pace of life, which is set by the big city, or does she simply not know how to entertain herself and shifts these responsibilities to the metropolis? If your loved one cannot live in a measured and sedate manner, it will not work to insist - a person with a skin vector can get stress and, as a result, start to fidget, fuss, have health problems.
In any case, whether you want to change something in your family life or find a common language with a partner, you need to recognize that the other is entitled to his interests and manifestations of character. After all, partners do not have to always be there - each of us should have a personal space. However, there must be something that connects them, something that at the very beginning of the relationship united a man and a woman. Having lost this, they risk moving too far apart from each other. Is a long and happy marriage possible today? Today, when the religious sense of the sanctity of the union has already evaporated? Today, when divorce is an easy way to break out of a painful relationship?
Quite. Those who stay together may not just coexist in parallel in the same space. And to move towards happiness within the framework of the unity of marriage, while remaining self-sufficient individuals. Move every day and hour starting from the wedding day.
This became possible thanks to the amazing knowledge about the nature of human desires, thoughts, actions - the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.