Apathy. How to live when there are no more desires?
Travels? Relaxation? New impressions? This is an empty phrase for me. I want one thing: lie down, turn to the wall so as not to see anyone, cover my head with a pillow so as not to hear anyone. And sleep, sleep … Until you fall asleep forever …
I live by inertia. Every morning I barely tear my body off the bed, make coffee and go to work. I do everything mechanically, automatically. No joy, no inspiration. Each next day is similar to the previous one, like an old worn-out record that repeats the same stupid, stupid melody endlessly. In my life there is no taste, no joy, no real desires. One empty, useless everyday vanity, in which, by and large, there is no point. Anyway, it makes no sense to me.
I'm tired of living. I'm tired of all. I don't want anything for a long time. For a long time nothing warms up: not work, not friends, not love, not food. I do not live, but as if I am serving a term that will never end. Travels? Relaxation? New impressions? This is an empty phrase for me. I want one thing: lie down, turn away to the wall so as not to see anyone, cover my head with a pillow so as not to hear anyone. And sleep, sleep … Until you fall asleep forever.
Am I living life or is life living by me?
How to live when you force yourself? Forcing yourself to get up in the morning. You make yourself want something. You force yourself to pretend that you care. Forcing yourself to live. They say to me: “Pull yourself together. Everyone is the master of his own life. " But I'm not sure about that. My life is like a murky, echoing stream that carries me to no one knows where. Without purpose, without meaning, without asking if I want to go there and if I need at least something. And my heart is cold and empty.
What should you call this condition? Life? Sleep? An illusion? When I am not in control of my desires, my life. When every day I am drawn deeper and deeper into this viscous, muddy, sticky swamp without light, without faith, without hope, without meaning.
"Latent depression". When nothing matters
Apathy, lack of desire, indifference, persistent weariness from life. This is often called "latent depression." Why hidden? Because a person seems to live like everyone else, he has no apparent reason for depression. He is not hysterical, he does not jump out of the window. He just gradually fades away, silently, quietly, without complaints or groans.
This is not a bad mood, not laziness, not a temporary decline after stress. This is a mortification of feelings as a consequence of a difficult psychological state, which in Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology is called sound depression.
Only the owners of the sound vector can suffer from depression as a lack of material desires, a suppressed state, a loss of interest in life.
A sound engineer is a thinking person, immersed in himself and his thoughts. He thinks about many things and about different things, but, in fact, about one thing - about the meaning of human life and the world in general. This is his natural heartfelt aspiration - to understand what the meaning of life is. By and large, he is looking for an answer to the question: “Why did we come to this world? What is the specific meaning of my life and the life of all mankind? What is the meaning of the world itself?"
The natural desires of the owner of the sound vector lie outside the physical world. Not all sound people realize this, not all of them ask this question directly. It is often spoken by sound children aged 5-6 years. Then he is repressed deeply into the unconscious. But, as Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology explains, this question does not go anywhere, it remains unanswered deep in the soul and guides a person's life scenario.
The soundman unsuccessfully searches for himself in philosophy, science fiction, spiritual practices, mathematics, physics, astronomy, music, literature. But he doesn't. Until he comes to the conclusion: life has no meaning. The feeling of finiteness, the futility of one's life makes any action meaningless, takes away joy.
When he does not find the answer to his inner question hidden in the unconscious, then everything else that is in this life ceases to worry him. Emptiness, lack of fulfillment of the desires of the dominant sound vector with its vacuum suppresses desires in other vectors. No desire - no interest - no satisfaction and pleasure from life. These are dead feelings. Real apathy.
Being an introvert by nature and not understanding other people and their stupid fuss, the sound engineer is more and more fenced off from them. Closing and concentrating on myself, day by day he sinks deeper into apathy. Soon she covers him with her head, hiding from the world and from life.
We were born to enjoy life, not to suffer
But the world is and will be. Regardless of whether we are happy or are thrown our face on the asphalt. We are not actually born to suffer and endless depression. And life is not empty or meaningless. How do I find it? How to find meaning and desire to live?
Joy and satisfaction from every step, pleasure from every day lived, meaningfulness of every moment comes through awareness of the peculiarities of our psyche, through understanding of our nature, our tasks and goals.
When we reveal what is hidden, our true nature, it turns out that within us there is an inexhaustible source of ideas, desires and energy for their realization. We are looking forward to meeting each new day. After all, now we know that it will be rich and interesting, meaningful and real.
You can look at the world, discover a new life filled with meaning and desires, find a source of vitality in yourself at free nightly online lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.