Problems of parenting: a thief from under the whip, a prostitute for a carrot
The reason for most of the problems of mutual understanding between children and parents is the perception of the child as a clone. How not to shout at a slow child, because dad is used to jumping into his boots on command! How not to be angry with such a child! Anyone so inhibited … Nobody. Due to the properties of the mental.
The human world is not complete without children. Nature arranged it in such a way that people want to continue themselves in time, to go beyond the measured time limit, to become parents. Children are our future, a part of us where our “I” will not continue, but there will be a memory of it. We peer into the little face, looking for and finding familiar features. Poured dad, a copy of mom! It's so nice to find something of your own in the guise of a new man. It's so sweet to see yourself small again - it's like an extra chance to live another life.
At such moments, few people realize that a new human being was born with completely different properties of the psyche, a different life scenario, a different fate than that of parents and relatives. Flesh from flesh in a physical body, the obvious similarity of features and forms is confusing, we expect the likeness of souls, which … does not exist. This is where the roots of many of the problems of parenting lie. For all the physical resemblance to parents, the mental structure of a child can be radically different. The structure of the psychic, unlike the color of the eyes or the shape of the nose, is not inherited and cannot be deciphered otherwise than through a system of interdependencies of eight possible measures of the psychic unconscious in one single capsule of living matter.
Whoever was he born into …
The reason for most of the problems of mutual understanding between children and parents is the perception of the child as a clone. How not to shout at a slow child, because dad is used to jumping into boots on command! How not to be angry with such a child! Anyone so inhibited … Nobody. Due to the properties of the mental. And here it should be remembered that these properties can develop according to the optimal scenario, and lethargy is only an expression of a very valuable ability, for example, to concentrate. Often, someone who throughout childhood was considered a brake becomes a great scientist, poet or doctor.
Yuri Burlan's training "System Vector Psychology" solves the most acute problems of child psychology and for the first time gives each parent an opportunity not only to determine the child's mental structure from the first days of his life, but also to choose the optimal strategy for the upbringing and development of the baby in accordance with a given happy scenario. Required but not secured. Ensuring the fulfillment of this program is the task of caring parents at a short distance until puberty. Time is running out. After puberty (12-15 years), only what is developed or underdeveloped in childhood will be realized. The realization of underdevelopment is the basis of the most unfortunate human destinies.
But you can not go into differences and opposites, but educate in the old fashioned way, "through yourself." Do not try to understand why the child freaks out "out of the blue", which led to disturbances in attention and behavior, but come up with explanations for all this: capricious, nervous, dull. It is possible to find the correct answers only by knowing the vector matrix of the child as your own. A system-minded parent can easily separate a momentary whim from their child's true desire. He perceives such desires as his own and is not indignant if this or that event causes a certain reaction in the child. Let's try to consider the typical difficulties in raising a child through the prism of the eight-dimensional mental.
The child is crying: to take it in your arms or to stroke the back?
A crying baby is an alarm for the mother. If there are too many of these signals, the mother becomes nervous, may experience severe stress, even become depressed. What caused the baby to cry? In infancy, it can be difficult to determine the exact cause, since the child reacts with cry and tears to any shortage - food, drink, warmth, protection, affection. As the baby grows up a little, the reasons for crying become more obvious, as does the child's mental makeup.
In the period up to a year, the most inconsolable are, oddly enough, muscular, sturdy kids. In addition to the usual needs for food and drink for all children, small muscles are very acutely aware of parting with the intrauterine state, for them the birth is extremely painful in itself. To understand that crying was a signal of muscle discomfort, you can put the baby with you to bed. The baby soon calms down and falls asleep happily. A muscular child cries for up to a year, you just need to be patient and take measures so that, lying next to the baby, not to crush him.
The reason for the crying of a skin baby is inconvenience due to tight clothing or wet diapers (pants). Such a child has very delicate skin, diaper rash and rashes are possible. The dermal baby is often naughty and asks for a hand. It is not enough for him to see his mother, he seeks to feel tenderness, to feel tactile contact with her. A dermal baby is well-soothed by rhythmic stroking on the back, a relaxing massage and a soothing bath before bed. The skin man retains all these qualities for life.
A child with an anal vector can be quite calm, he does not resent dirty diapers and is not so picky about his hands. But as soon as you start dressing or bathing, a cry begins. Anal people do not like change, what to do. Return everything as it was, put it on, put it in the crib - and he will calm down again. Crying can be a reaction to an excess of events around the anal baby, such as going to the clinic or visiting guests. The atmosphere around such a baby should be calm and, if possible, unchanged. A familiar toy relieves stress well in an unfamiliar place.
The child does not sleep well: should all people sleep at night?
By the age of two, manifestations of visual and sound become obvious, by three - oral. The reasons for crying are becoming more varied. Skin-visual children become the biggest crybaby at this age. To the stress in the skin are added visual fears and, above all, the fear of the dark. The visual child falls asleep badly in fear and sleeps restlessly at night. Such children react violently to an attempt to turn off the light; do not act violently. The fact is that the visual fear of darkness is fundamentally nothing more than the fear of death, it is a very strong fear and it is not easy to get rid of it.
The causative agents of fears in sight are scary tales where the heroes eat each other, watching cartoons with outwardly unattractive characters, of which, unfortunately, there are a lot now, scary toys. If the child does not sleep well not only at night, but also during the day, the situation is critical. It is necessary to revise the daily routine, completely exclude watching films, filling the child's time with walks and drawing only with colored pencils or paints without black. Watch what the child draws, offer him positive images: flowers, the sun, non-predatory animals. Read carefully. The most harmless, at an adult glance, classic fairy tales like "Moidodyr" can be a source of fear for your visual baby.
The reason that the child does not sleep well may be a hectic family environment. Sound children are especially sensitive to the noise and screams of parents. Clarification of your relationship with a child must be excluded. Any child seeks security in the family, parental scandals deprive the child of a sense of security and lead to constant stress in the child. For a small sound person, any loud speech, even without a scandalous component, is traumatic; he will try to hide in a crib, in a closet, and hold his ears with his hands. If you notice this behavior, then the amount of noise you make is intolerable to your baby. Such children have very sensitive hearing, which is especially acute at night. Only complete silence in the evening and at night is a guarantee that the sound child can rest, give him this opportunity.
Poor sleep can also be caused by overeating. If a child often eats a lot, especially at night, his sleep will be restless, such a child cries in his sleep, turns and grunts.
Little glutton or why the child often eats
Feeding a child is the main concern of mothers, and especially grandmothers. In some families, the diet is observed, the quality and quantity of food is monitored, in others snacks and chips in front of the TV are commonplace. In the latter case, it is difficult to notice that the child began to eat more often and more. Parents start to sound the alarm when the child is gaining too much weight. Excessive nutrition is always an indicator of shortages that the child is trying to fill in the most accessible way - food. In a child with an oral vector, this is a lack of a listener.
It is vital for an oral toddler to be heard. In his stories, he is inexhaustible, speaks a lot, emotionally, often lies to maintain the interest of this particular listener. Such a chatterbox can be very tedious, parents know that the baby's story is often pure fantasy, and they simply brush it off. Then the child switches to food, continuing to initiate his sensor - the mouth. If the oral child eats too often and puts on weight, you need to give him the opportunity to speak out, without expressing irritation and doubt that this is a true story.
Overfeeding and therefore being overweight can be a big problem for an anal sweet tooth. Parents' attempts to restrict such a child to sweets will not be effective, since the baby will try to receive the unfinished one at any opportunity. For example, when he is with his grandmother, he immediately eats up sweet to the bone. If the anal child often eats sweets, he lacks praise, attention from the parents. Make up for this true vector lack, and the need for sweets will drop to normal.
The spoiled child: mercy instead of happiness
The upbringing of children in Russia traditionally means vigilant supervision of a child to the point of being overage. But the length of the childhood period does not yet mean the quality of the child's preparation for adulthood. "Pamper your children, gentlemen, you don't know what awaits them," said the writer Vladimir Nabokov, and Russian parents are happy to follow this tradition.
True desires in different vectors are different, some have already been mentioned above. Let's try to understand systematically what a spoiled child is. This is an unfortunate child whose true desires have never been satisfied. Parents themselves come up with wishes for him and they themselves fulfill them. An immense number of toys, satisfaction of any whim, the absence of any restrictions in behavior … It would seem that a child should be grateful for such a "paradise". What is really going on?
Eternal discontent, whims, tantrums. True desires are never fulfilled, the shortage grows, the child signals this, hysteria, cries, but he is small and cannot express what he really lacks, it is not easy for an adult to understand his true desires. Raising a capricious child is a heavy cross and a thankless task, capricious children turn into capricious adults, carrying their spoiledness and exclusivity as a flag in life. Everyone owes them, they owe nobody.
The requirements of a spoiled child are growing, it becomes simply unrealistic to satisfy them. Thus, through the fault of the parents, the child falls into the trap of unlimited consumption and is deprived of a positive future. Consumption cannot be unlimited in nature, the payment for attempts to consume contrary to the law of nature is the absence of happiness. Spoiled, capricious children are the most unhappy, this is perfectly shown in the wonderful French film "Toy". When paying off a child with expensivets, you should remember this.
Every spoiled child is unhappy in his own way
The hardest part is probably the spoiled skin child. At the root of the skin lies the true desire for restriction, prohibition. Developed skins are the most disciplined, they not only easily obey the regime, but can discipline others, become leaders of the group. In our modern skin society, a child with a skin vector has every chance for the most wonderful future. Not having received in childhood for a true lack, that is, without having a concept of a reasonable restriction and prohibition, such a child is doomed to carry out the scenario to failure.
In the meantime, he is simply insane: he rushes around without a goal, everything is enough, everything spoils, drags, plays, irritates adults. Difficulties arise at school. An overactive dermal child is unable to concentrate, and these children have serious learning problems. Teachers complain, and it is not uncommon for parents to resort to parenting with a belt. This topic is huge, and the internal mechanisms of protection against pain in a skin child are complex. The parents may even have a feeling that the spanking "helps", the flickering stops for a while, and the child calms down. In fact, defense mechanisms are turned on, as a result of which the skin child becomes a masochist or … a thief. Theft, and its form of kleptomania, is just a response to severe skin stress caused by beatings.
Having an idea of what a skin vector is, a competent parent understands that it is not so difficult to discipline a skin person. Outside of discipline, the dermal child exhausts itself. Being in the system of reasonable restrictions, he is able to move mountains both in his studies and in socially useful activities.
A leatherworker must be motivated to succeed. For the sake of accumulating knowledge (as a bearer of the anal vector), he will not study, but for the sake of some privileges, for the sake of expanding the territory of what is permitted - for a sweet soul. It is believed that the leatherworker must certainly be encouraged financially: do not praise me, it is better to give a bicycle. This is not enough. Moreover, over-emphasis on material incentives can have adverse consequences, especially for girls who gain experience using their bodies as an asset. Skin ingenuity, the ability to invent something interesting, must certainly be involved in the process of playing and learning. The attention of dermal children is easily dispersed, jumping from one object to another, it must be directed into a peaceful channel to solve feasible problems, otherwise the skin man will invent something … not the most useful.
Using hyperenergy for peaceful purposes
It is good when it is possible to direct hyperenergy skin children to solve a simple engineering problem, to save resources, to extract material useful for some common cause. Such problems can be solved at the level of the younger group of kindergarten. "Who will pick up the fallen leaves / berries / garbage faster?" “How can we save water / electricity / gas / matches”? What is the best hamster drinker / fish feeder? "How to get from point A to point B faster"? Teamwork, passion, competition - in all this, skin children are like fish in water. And the result from such work will be optimal - benefit, benefit for everyone.
When a parent fulfills the child's true desires, the development of the qualities and properties necessary for the child for further adult life occurs. In this case, the problems of raising children simply do not arise, because the child has no reason to be capricious, he receives not from his parents, but from his own shortcomings. When a parent educates through himself, the child's shortages grow and the ballast of underdevelopment accumulates, which is impossible to cope with after puberty without slipping into the archetype.
You can spoil not only by buying expensive things. Inadequate praise can play a negative role for the anal child. The sense of justice in the anal vector is very strong, such a child realizes that his work does not correspond to the praise received and experiences a feeling of resentment or guilt, falls into a stupor. Adequate praise, corresponding to the effort expended, is a true lack in the anal vector and an excellent stimulus for the development of such a baby. Lack of praise develops apathy in the anal child, he becomes passive and lazy, which is a certain difficulty in raising anal children.
A spoiled muscle, deprived of the opportunity to fill his true desire to work, becomes a parasite without the joy of life. And although it is difficult to find pure muscles now, it is necessary to pay attention to this vector. A strong, calm child is often sought to be given to sports. This is mistake. Sport is the lot of leather workers. Only useful work in a group of people, helping loved ones make muscle people truly happy. Do not deprive your child of the joy of feeling like a strong and reliable helper, part of a whole. Even if it seems to you that he does not understand everything as quickly as other children, you should not yell at the child. Have the patience to explain clearly, show him how to do it, and you will be surprised with what joy a muscular child will join in physical work.
Problems of child psychology solved: we pamper systemically
The volume of the article does not make it possible to consider all the possible nuances and difficulties of raising a child with one or another vector set. We have stopped here only on the most common parenting mistakes and their consequences.
Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" makes it possible to know what awaits a child with a favorable and unfavorable development of the life scenario and to exclude falling under the control of a bad fate. Pampering a child systemically means satisfying his true desires, only then will we be able to give him the opportunity to develop to the level of an adequate response to any trials of adult life and to take place as it is specified in the initially optimal life scenario. To paraphrase V. Nabokov, we can say: "Pamper children systematically, gentlemen, you know what awaits them."
