How to forget love if you can't help but love
Why do you want to forget love? After all, this is the highest feeling available to a person. And why is it so difficult to do when you want to do it with all your heart?
Not to be loved is just a failure, not to love is a misfortune.
Albert Camus
How does the Meeting take place? First, there is a premonition of love - a state of readiness to share feelings with another. And only then does the right person meet. This is the beginning.
But there is also an end.
Why do you want to forget love? After all, this is the highest feeling available to a person. And why is it so difficult to do when you want to do it with all your heart?
Three stories
David
David was already a famous artist, I was still studying. The passion that threw us into each other's arms grew into a whirlwind romance - with travel, his betrayals, partings and hot reconciliation. A couple of times he made an offer, and I did not refuse, but something once again bred us, leaving some kind of fatal attraction.
We were both tired of such a relationship, and after another breakup, a long and painful period of forgetting began. It was a feat every second. The outfits presented to them, the profession given to them, one city, mutual friends - everything reminded of a loved one. Or he himself, who appeared with an armful of flowers. How to forget such a man? To overcome oneself and not to call, not to enter the workshop, not to return to this boil again - the struggle with oneself was waged not for life, but for death.
With my heart I knew that nothing would come of it, that even if we really got married, we would certainly part. And only two years later, when he got along with a more suitable girl, the throwing stopped and I finally exhaled.
Andrew
For several years I have loved a man living in the other hemisphere. We saw each other a few times, but from the very first meeting we understood: soon we won't forget each other. The connection was established such that we thought about the same thing, wrote to each other at the same time, and I could, for example, accurately name the date of his birth, just internally asking this question.
Walking around the city, I seemed to be looking around not with my own, but with his eyes. There was never even a single small doubt in this person - the trust was absolute, like oneself, and the closeness was palpable physically. She gave incredible inspiration!
Sorry, we were unable to connect. My beloved had to wait for a residence permit, I was not ready to move. Despite the inner experiences and the inability to be together, I did not want to forget either Andrew or love for him. Why forget the miracle that illuminated life?
You might think that this lightness and lightness is a consequence of distance. So I decided. How surprised I was when the most painful break in my life was… online break.
Floor
In reality, Paul and I never met - which was the reason for the end. Correspondence, conversations, video communication - general thoughts and feelings were enough to "fall into love" headlong. The emotional connection was so strong that the beloved felt every look of others in my direction, and I dreamed of living my life with him.
My heart broke when, after months of growing heat, my beloved suddenly refused to come. How to forget the dearest person in the world? This is what Paul has become. Impossible. Neither the distance of thousands of kilometers, nor the absence of personal encounters, did not ease the grief. Everything - the light of the sun, a cup of coffee, people on the street, his own voice - absolutely everything reminded of him.
It often seems to us that it is difficult to forget a loved one because of the common city, friends, children, property. In fact, even the distance of many thousands and the lack of physical contact and mutual acquaintances does not help. You can completely cool off to a person sleeping with you in the same bed. And to be unable to snatch from the heart of the overseas lover, to whom he has never touched.
End: sadness or pain?
Love. The highest point on the scale of emotional states. In an ideal world, its opposite, lower state, is sadness. A bright feeling that fills the soul with gratitude for all the good that was lucky enough to experience. The experience of sadness provides food for sensuality, which means that we feel life. There is no desire in the soul to get rid of this state. The question - how to forget love - arises for a different reason.
All sensations - love, joy, sadness or despair - are born in the sensory part: in the psyche, consisting of desires that require fulfillment. Filling them, we feel deep satisfaction from life.
The easiest way to disagree is when you find incompatibility or disappointment. Or by doing everything possible. In either case, we no longer expect anything from a person. Everything that I wanted was received, everything I wanted to give was given. When everything has taken place, it does not hurt, even if they parted, even if at the initiative of the other side. The question - how to forget a man - does not arise.
The desire to part must mature. If this did not happen, if the willingness to disperse was not formed in the soul and the connection is interrupted, as they say, “from above,” under the influence of the situation or reason, then a huge gaping emptiness remains in the soul. Instead of sexual pleasure, intellectual harmony and emotional closeness, we experience one thing - pain.
It is interesting that when you love and do not have the opportunity to give love and passion, you suffer more than when you could not simply receive. It's one thing when you quickly realize that a person is not suitable - neither sexually, nor emotionally, nor intellectually. I didn't get pleasure - I got upset, but you just move on. And when there is a coincidence - in thoughts, feelings, in bed - it means that receiving occurs, and you want to give all of yourself. If suddenly the connection is cut off - you are left with an overflowing heart, bursting with love.
What to do with it?
Love is action
To love means to constantly struggle with thousands of obstacles around us and in ourselves.
Jean Anouil
Forgetting love will not work. You can repress the pain - and then it will turn into an anchor and will be really dangerous. Or you can live and comprehend the experience, albeit painful, in order to:
- to get rid of pain, - to become a little better, - to be able to build an even stronger connection.
What and how to do to forget a loved one after a breakup - it doesn't matter whether it is a man or a woman? More on that later.
What to do and what not to do?
The heart cries and groans … Pain is a natural signal that something needs to be done to get out of the situation.
When we search the web for how to forget a loved one after breaking up, we are willing to put in the effort. They have already forbidden themselves to write and call, they have thrown out common photographs, only it is not getting easier. Attempts to “not think” or even displace a loved one with a new love from thinking about him or her do not distract and only intensify suffering.
How to forget a man whom you still love, but whom you cannot be with? Internal work will help. Not by forgetting, but by awareness. Desires, abilities, opportunities - not seeming, but real. And their own, and a partner.
Express feelings
Feelings are essential. To forbid oneself to cry is the same as forbidding to feel, and therefore to live. To cry into the pillow - in silence or to the sound of music, to relive the pain of movie characters, or even better - heroes of classic books, to throw out feelings in a diary, song or picture - all this gives an emotional release.
Mental hygiene is important. If possible, it is better not to stay in the same house if it is painful: over-stress is not good for anyone. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with continuing communication: it is easier to be able to express feelings, share warmth than to forcefully limit yourself. It doesn't really matter much, so hang out if the other person doesn't mind.
What you should definitely not do is stay in an unstable state. Only because of him, calls and messages can be inadequate, attempts to have fun - dangerous or meaningless, and efforts to forget a person and love for him - are ineffectual. How to change and stabilize your inner state in the next chapter.
Answer the question "why?"
"Why?!" Someone considers this question a weakness, but it is a relief and a source of our movement forward. We live in a world of cause and effect, and understanding the hidden connections creates a sense of inner balance, as it builds a connection between feelings and reason.
Any situation is the result of our choices and actions. Not always conscious. More often, on the contrary, they are completely unconscious. Sometimes - rationalized, that is, at the very least, explained to themselves logically. The true reasons for what is happening lie in the unconscious. It contains all desires, which means life energy.
Maybe the loved one lacked an emotional connection and he found it on the side? Or maybe, on the contrary, he is a sound engineer, tired of being overly emotional? Or is it me - a sound person and really longing not for the former, but for the not found meaning of life?
When we love, the imagination completes the image dear to our hearts to the ideal. But neither a dream, nor even sober observations without system-vector analysis do not reveal to us the essence of what happened. It is possible to see everything as it is, only knowing the desires of the participants, secret even for themselves.
We all strive for happiness. As we can. With the properties that are. What did the beloved want? What is his nature? What did I want? What did I give him? Why couldn't you give it and why? Where did the feelings go and what kind of connection was it?
Seeing the situation from the inside, not from our own point of view and not even from the point of view of the beloved, but objectively - in an eight-dimensional volume, we know the answers to all these questions. Moreover, these answers are not only realized - they are felt sensually, and this coherence gives peace.
Having dealt with the source of our pain, we automatically get the answer - what we really want and how to achieve it. How we understand ourselves as a former partner and see him with different eyes.
Realize and justify
What holds the pair together? The more human we become, the higher and stronger bonds. Intellectual connection, emotional.
Sexual addiction based on attraction is a powerful thing, and the more difficult it is to overcome, the stronger the person's libido. Emotional connection as a connection of a higher order includes attraction and in a good sense enhances mutual dependence in a couple. People really become one whole that hurts to separate.
In today's increasingly complex world, given our ever-growing desire for happiness, it is very, very difficult to build strong happy relationships without special knowledge. Old forms of relationships go away, new ones appear. Despite the fact that we are going through extremely painful breaks, on the whole this is a positive process.
Our request - the desire for perfect love - now has an answer. New perception is the ability to see the psyche, and hence the ability to build ideal relationships.
When we see how and according to what laws the psyche lives by us, there is an understanding and justification by the heart - both the partner and ourselves. It becomes obvious why everything happened this way and nothing else. Without awareness of the unconscious, we do not belong to ourselves. But his awareness makes us masters.
Where does change begin?
There are many examples of how a couple, after breaking up, converge and build relationships on a new level. There are no less cases when those whom we today cannot stop loving and forget, reappear years later - but we no longer feel anything for them. The reason for both situations is in our condition.
What is psyche? Great desire for pleasure. The same pain is a kind of measure of the strength of potential happiness. It shows that we are thirsty for pleasure but cannot yet receive.
How to achieve it? Here again you need system-vector knowledge. The entire volume of feelings can be filled by directing energy - the power of desire - into action. Most of all we want feelings, and we experience the strongest through the ultimate realization of our nature, that is, given properties.
Libido is not only about sex drive. This is an attraction to life, an active desire to enjoy, which has its manifestations in different vectors. Knowing them, a person understands what kind of sublimation suits him, and enjoys being realized.
It is much easier for those who have already revealed their talents. Knowing the taste of fulfillment from self-realization, we involuntarily reach for pleasure and dive into the work of life. Self-realization has the same root as sexual pleasure.
Those who do not yet know their most important talent will have to make a conscious effort. When we recognize our properties correctly, we get involved with lightning speed. Nature rewards generously for the realization of the one who does what she created him for.
You can start filling vector desires already at the stage of getting out of the relationship.
People with a skin vector grasp on the fly and highly value logic, cause-and-effect relationships. These are the greatest connoisseurs of benefits and effectiveness, who will immediately apply new knowledge. Meticulous people with an anal vector will find relief and pleasure from a leisurely comprehensive analysis of the current situation in its entirety. The layout of everything on the shelves is true - for them sources of good condition.
Sensitive spectators and thoughtful sound people will be filled with concentration: visual - on the feelings of other people, or sound - on the meaning of what is happening between them. Surprisingly, it is true: for the eternally immersed in themselves, the concentration outside can deliver pleasure comparable to orgasm. As well as for viewers - switching from one's feelings to the feelings of often completely strangers.
The use of natural properties for their intended purpose is a very rewarding business. Each little joy thus obtained increases the desire - and therefore the potential joy of one's own actions. Realization is the best prevention of all addictions, including love: there are no painful voids left, which means that there is no need to fill them with something or someone.
Through awareness and correct actions, the state changes. The state changes - life changes.
Revival
In a world divided into men and women, created for each other and striving with all their hearts to each other, parting with a loved one is a serious test. And as in any crisis, this event lurks opportunities for overcoming and growth.
Manifested and conscious inconsistencies and conflicts, mistakes and miscalculations, illusions and disappointments turn into a new force. Revealing the hidden, awareness of one's nature, mastering the state turns into a new person.
As a result of thinking coordinated with nature, a more coordinated and harmonious life is formed. Either beloved ones return, or new ones are found. It happens that external barriers crumble - and a relationship that seemed impossible suddenly becomes a reality. In any case, if we have overcome the crisis, the new relationship is more perfect, since pain is an instrument of evolution.
“When the causal relationship is uncovered, you are not doing wrong things. And you have a different life, a different development. - says Yuri Burlan. - How to get inspiration, where are its sources? Why do I feel happy? I have ideal thought-forms correlated with my psyche."
Thank you heart that you know how to love so
Any experience is development. Pain is the background for cognition of pleasure and a signal that we are doing something wrong or not doing the necessary. To forget the bad means to throw oneself back, because forgetting does not give correction. After going through pain, understanding its causes, we not only get rid of it and acquire immunity, we become better, more perfect, and therefore happier, including in love.
Today I can call Andrew, Paul, and even David my friends with peace of mind. Not in some abstract understanding, but in a completely concrete one. We communicate, we are glad to each other, we are in each other's life. Rejoicing at an exhibition, supporting a release or a successful project, having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, supporting and simply discussing world events is a reality that seemed impossible in moments of painful separation. I am glad for Andrew's two children, David's happy marriage, and Paul's success. And I know for sure that it is mutual.
Love is endless
Tomorrow he who has never loved will know love, and he who has already fallen out of love will know love tomorrow.
John Fowles
Love is within us. This is our ability to experience feeling. This is a gift. And that's a skill. If it didn't work this time, it will work the next. We just draw conclusions, experience difficult moments, realize them - and become a little better. And since we have become better, it means that the next relationship will be more perfect. And they will be necessary, because according to the law of nature, what the lack is, so is the filling. So our task is to understand our own shortcomings so as not to sabotage their filling.
The reasons that hinder fulfillment - beliefs, trauma, not knowing oneself, inability to realize one's potential - are surmountable. Conscious decisions can be wrong - and this can also be corrected by studying the psychic, reconciling the mind with the soul.
Paradise Lost makes a lot of sense.
Everything that we are able to experience, we are able to achieve no longer as a gift from above, but as a result of our own right actions. Which ones are correct? Consistent with nature.
This is how we grow. First we get something wonderful, unprecedented, delightful. Then we lose. And inside, a desire grows so strong that we learn to achieve a miracle on our own and surpass ourselves.
