How to forget the person you love with all your soul
If he left, found another, then it is also insulting, it hits the self-esteem. Thoughts do not give rest: “What did I do wrong? What was the mistake? Why am I bad? Or maybe you yourself initiated the breakup. For example, he is married and would not leave the family. I understood that such relationships have no future, that they will never fully give you what you need to be happy, and now you rush about: I myself decided that, it was right, but how can I forget it?
I really wanted to once and for all, to be together happily ever after. But joint happiness did not happen. And it will never be. And what I feel does not give me any strength - on the contrary, it takes away, draws out those that are still left. I want this to end. I myself do not know how to endure all this. How to forget the person you love as you have never loved before? Except him, no one is needed - can such a feeling pass?
A life
Perhaps it was a wonderful love story, you were both happy, you saw your future next to this person, dreamed of a family. But for some reason this was not destined to come true - you broke up. Now nothing but memories binds you. This knocks the ground out from under your feet: before he was the most important part of your life, and now you are strangers to each other. Like this? The head does not fit how to deal with it.
Or maybe, on the contrary, there were joint children. It is necessary not only to somehow endure the break with the beloved man myself, but also to make sure that this difficult period for children passes with the least damage. Or there are common affairs, business, property - you need to solve a lot of issues together with him and at the same time somehow find a balance point between the necessary calmness and a huge amount of emotions, from which there is no escape.
Usually, the first piece of advice on how to forget someone is to completely limit contact with them. Whether this method works or not, it is often impossible to apply. For example, if you work with him, study, often visit the same places. There is no escape from his presence in your life, even if it causes great pain.
When he got a job in our team, we quickly found a common language, we had something to talk about: similar interests and outlook on life. I've never been in love like this before. We started dating. He loved me, I know. He was always attentive, romantic, tried to protect, help with something. We were very happy.
Eight months later, a girl came to our department. She was unsociable, few people talked to her. We decided to support her, to be friendly with her. I did not notice how he began to spend more time with her. And once he simply said that we need to part, that he fell in love with another and wants to be with her.
So they started dating that girl. And all this happens every day before my eyes - we all work together. I constantly see how they smile at each other, how they hold hands, how they whisper, bending close, close. It is unbearable! I don't know what to do next, how to restrain myself, how to focus on business, how not to go crazy from all this nightmare. I can’t quit my job, but I can’t take this torment anymore either. How to stop loving him, how to forget in order to live your life in peace?
If he left, found another, then it is also insulting, it hits the self-esteem. Thoughts do not give rest: “What did I do wrong? What was the mistake? Why am I bad?"
Or maybe you yourself initiated the breakup. For example, he is married and would not leave the family. I understood that such relationships have no future, that they will never fully give you what you need to be happy, but now you rush about: I myself decided that, it was right, but how can I forget it?
There are many such stories, each of us has our own, but the main thing is similar to the rest. You cannot be with the one you love, and you do not know how to endure all this now.
Who does not know how to forget and why
Own experiences are always felt most acutely, painfully. However, after observing others, one can come to the conclusion that it is much more difficult for some people to forget their former lover than others.
Met a friend from a previous job the other day. His wife left him six months ago. This was a complete surprise to him. They just recently moved to a new apartment, changed their car - he worked two jobs in order to quickly get rid of the loans.
Now the division of property and mortgage payments, legal issues, no personal communication - all through a lawyer.
"How do you?" - I ask. He replies: “They are calling for a new job. The battery must be changed in the car. And it's time to start a new family - you just have to choose."
“Yes-ah,” I think, “I would have suffered in his place, I didn’t know how to continue to live, how to forget the former. And he is already sorting out applicants … People can do it!"
The point is the difference in mental properties. These differences are explained most fully and clearly at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
The man from the above example is the owner of a skin vector. Such people are nimble by nature, adapt more easily to changes, quickly switch from one task to another, strive for novelty. It takes them less time and mental strength to stop suffering from a breakup and find another partner. Pair relationships and family are important for them, but they are not overvalued. Their psyche is aimed at obtaining, preserving and increasing - material wealth, social status. This is their natural task, their specific role.
Owners of the anal vector are opposite to them in properties. They are solid, conservative people who value constancy, loyalty, honesty, and justice. It is especially difficult for them to understand how to forget a loved one forever. A solid mind - a solid memory - a solid habit.
People with an anal vector remember everything in detail. Their specific role is the transfer of knowledge and experience. To do this, the information must first be assimilated, memorized so as to most fully and effectively save it and pass it on. Some people are excellent at realizing this quality in their professional activities (teachers, mentors, scientists, analysts, writers, librarians and archives).
They bring up children well and with pleasure, teach them everything they know themselves. In general, everything related to family values is especially dear and memorable for them. Therefore, it is impossible to take and forget a loved one, whom the owner of the anal vector has thoroughly chosen, to whom he has become attached with all his soul, with whom the family has already been or has seen in dreams. The dream of such a person is a strong relationship once and for life.
The past is a value for people with an anal vector. Lovers of historical novels, old traditions, viewing old photographs, talking about bygone times and shared moments, they cherish all the most precious things in their memory: events, people, relationships. Passing the "test of time", all this begins to be perceived as more valuable, high quality, proven itself and proved its significance.
How do you forget who was most valuable to you? Deep down, the answer has always been known: you can't forget, and you don't want to unconsciously. The conscious desire is that these memories are not painful.
And what about love? Tender feelings, emotional closeness take a special place in the life of the owners of the visual vector. Their range of emotions is wider, but they are lived brighter, leave a more tangible imprint on everything that happens.
Such a person cannot be alone for long. He needs to share with someone that ocean of feelings that is raging inside him, so that he is not covered by a wave, not sucked into the abyss.
Feelings need to be given, they do not fit inside you alone.
If you find a kindred spirit, a loved one with whom you can easily and happily share your emotions, this gives you indescribable satisfaction from life. But if the relationship ends (or does not even begin), there is still something to give, and a lot, but nowhere. Feelings begin to burn from the inside, it's so cramped for them.
The psyche of one person can have the properties of several vectors (there are eight in total) in various combinations. The visual vector always adds emotional intensity to any experience, including suffering from the inability to forget the past.
How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist with systems thinking
Advice that you find on the Internet or receive from friends rarely works, even those that are given with the most sincere desire to help. This is because everyone advises through themselves, but you can be completely different people: what helped one person is not suitable for another.
The reason for the inability to forget your beloved man is in your mental properties. With these features you were born, they are part of you, your essence. It is impossible to become a different person. You can learn to direct your properties in the right direction, which will not hurt. Nature has endowed us with talents so that we realize ourselves and receive satisfaction from life, and not so that we suffer.
A solid memory that carefully stores and invariably reproduces all the details? Learn to use it for the benefit of yourself and society. Learning and transferring knowledge is the challenge. Try to load your memory so that there is less room for painful memories.
High emotionality and the ability to experience strong feelings? Try to find a high-order application for them - in compassion for other people, showing a sincere interest in them and in what they care about. As we empathize with others, we become less inclined to worry about ourselves, to yearn and grieve over unfulfilled dreams.
This can be complemented by pleasant little things like doing creative work, reading literature that awakens feelings, watching touching films. It is important that these methods help to feel life outside, and not hide from everything around in your little world. Communication on thematic forums can be useful if you focus on the stories of other people, try to be imbued with their experiences: sometimes you come across such confessions that your heart aches.
You need to learn to show sensuality, not to be afraid to do it. We live in such a strange time, when many are afraid to be sincere and open, ashamed to show tenderness and participation, when feelings are equated with weakness, and callousness - with strength, turning human nature upside down. Don't be shy about being human.
Precautions
It happens that trying to solve the problem of how to forget a person, we make big mistakes.
Being bogged down in his suffering, a person can somehow harm himself (for example, he tries to drown out the pain with alcohol, drugs). It never helped anybody solve problems. And the damage to oneself is colossal.
It is very difficult to give up the person you love, from hopes, albeit ghostly. A serious mistake is the persecution, the imposition of your society on a loved one. You cannot forcefully push your huge warm feeling where it is not needed.
Sometimes for this purpose, some turn to esotericism, "mystical love spells", etc. This is such an unconscious shift of responsibility for their lives into the hands of dubious people. Of course, it cannot resolve the issue of your feelings.
The advice "love yourself" seems to be attractive. What does this advice actually mean? "Stay alone, lock your feelings in yourself." He will never help to solve matters of the heart, since he alienates a person from the manifestation of feelings outside. And if this is not done, then these feelings, locked inside, will continue to manifest themselves in suffering from loneliness and non-reciprocity.
The method of "knocking out a wedge by a wedge" is simply unsuitable for those who dream of great love, emotional closeness, and a strong family. New relationships will fill you with joy when they are sincere, truly desired, but not when you are trying to plug a hole in your heart with them.
Finding a man like a former lover can only lead to disappointment. "The same" is not and cannot be. A new man will lose a priori when compared with a conventional standard. However, there can be no generalizations and comparisons in love. Each person brings something unique into your life. And your new relationship can bring you unique feelings of happiness and love.
"Happily Ever After" everyone can have
A woman for whom family, loyalty and constancy are so valuable and desirable can potentially become an ideal wife and thereby make her chosen one happy. The one who is able to show feelings of immense strength, to be close and open, can become a real muse for a loved one, inspire him to any accomplishments.
Love is a person's ability, it does not disappear anywhere, even if once it turned out to be unclaimed by someone from the outside. But she needs a way out. It is impossible to forget a person for whom you had a strong feeling - you can learn to remember him with warmth and gratitude, draw inspiration for new relationships.
I always knew that nothing could be between us. He was married. But it so happened that it was for this person that I began to feel tender feelings. He was a kind of role model for me. Energetic, intelligent, inquisitive, affable, very capable, almost perfect.
One feature was especially attractive to him. If he was pleased to see you, he would say so: “Oh! It's great that you came! " During a telephone conversation, one could hear from him: "I'm glad you called." It seems like ordinary things: we are all glad to someone, we all are pleasant to someone. But how often do we talk about this? Discomfort, even a certain shame to be sincere - that's what we sometimes feel.
Once I decided to do what he did: openly say how pleasant it is for me to communicate with him, that I am glad for his success. In the first seconds it was difficult to overpower oneself. But after a moment I felt an unprecedented lightness, and then the fact that positive emotions seemed to grow, because his response was added to them.
Soon, life scattered us forever. I didn't shed a tear for him. I can only remember him with a smile and gratitude for being in my life and for teaching sincerity.
How to forget the person you love is a question that requires knowledge about yourself and about people. You need to understand yourself, be aware of the peculiarities of your psyche and be able to manifest them, learn to identify the causes of problems and the possibilities to avoid them. And if you understand your beloved man as yourself, then you can build with him such a close relationship that you only dreamed of before. Then every memory associated with it will be precious.
