How to forgive resentment and let go of pain
Resentment is not just a negative emotion, it is one of the most difficult human conditions. The desire to learn to forget the past is not enough here. Something more needed
Resentment captures, imprisons in a tiny space of memories. In my feelings, I am constantly where I experienced an offense. Thoughts are concentrated around what happened, options for revenge, a way out of the situation are scrolled. I would be glad to leave, but how to let go of the insult if she herself does not let me go?
To understand, forget, let go are good, but naive wishes.
Resentment is not just a negative emotion, it is one of the most difficult human conditions. The desire to learn to forget the past is not enough here. Something more is needed.
Why is it so hard to forgive? It is for the very reason that the offended person is within his state, focused on his experiences. This makes it difficult to understand the situation as a whole, to look at it on a larger scale. This is the only way to understand why this unpleasant situation happened and where to look for a way out.
The psychology of resentment and forgiveness
At the training "System-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan reveals the mechanisms of the human psyche and explains why people lie to each other, and why they trust, why the offender is perceived as a traitor and how the mechanism of resentment is triggered. It is very important to understand this knowledge, systematize and put it in your head in order to learn to forgive, or rather, not to be offended.
You need to start with the fact that not all people can be offended, but only about 20%. Others have no properties for this - we can say that they have nothing to be offended with.
Forgiveness is built on understanding
If a person knows how to be offended, then he is the bearer of the anal vector. This does not mean that all people with an anal vector are offended, no. It all depends on where the person directs their talents.
There are only eight vectors - each of them has its own properties. All of them are created so that a person is happy and brings this happiness to the world. But you need to use your properties as intended.
Let me give you an example. There is a microscope that, when used correctly, helps to study the world around us. But if you try to hammer them in nails, it will probably not work out very well.
Or a medicine. It's one thing when it's taken at the right time and in the right doses. But the wrong medicine can become poison.
Many things in this world have their purpose and correct application. And the same thing happens to us humans. We have properties from birth.
It depends on how correctly we apply our properties in life whether they will serve us and others for happiness or cause suffering.
This is so in every vector, so there are no good or bad vectors and properties. There is underdevelopment and / or incorrect implementation.
In this article we will talk about what properties of the anal vector give rise to feelings of resentment and why. And let's think about how to forgive the insult.
Anatomy of resentment
Depending on the innate properties, we perceive the world around us differently: we have different values, a different sense of justice, inner balance, and even time and space.
The most interesting thing is that we expect from other people exactly the same perception of the world as we do ourselves. It is difficult for us to understand what it is like to experience life differently. After all, it is clear to anyone - here is black, but white. And whoever is not clear is mistaken. This is where the ground for grievances is born: against men and women, for words, for the actions of others.
A person with an anal vector is straightforward, trusting. For him, such values as friendship, loyalty, honesty are natural. When he believes, it does not occur to him that they can lie. When he trusts, he expects loyalty in return. When the owner of the anal vector is not treated the way he expected it, he is offended.
How to forget a grudge if I have a phenomenal memory
Why is it so difficult to let go and forgive? This is due to the species role of a person with an anal vector. The species role is the social benefit that our properties can and should bring to humanity.
The properties of the anal vector are intended for the accumulation, systematization and transmission of information to future generations. Often this is a teacher, mentor, master. What do you need to have for this?
The first is memory. To teach something, you must first learn yourself. The carriers of the anal vector are assiduous, accurate, responsible students with a very good memory. Such people are erudites, professionals - people who thoroughly know their area of knowledge. They value the past, turn to sources, remember in maximum detail and forever, so that later they can tell others word for word, without distorting anything.
A person with an anal vector needs to realize his memory in social life, in society. But if she is not in demand in his work, if he does not comprehend anything and does not convey anything to anyone, his memory begins to work in his personal life with a vengeance.
Therefore, when a person is offended, there is no point in telling him “time heals” or “forget”. Even after 30 years he will remember the situation as if it were yesterday. Unless it starts to apply its properties, including memory, as intended.
How to forgive an offense: the psychology of equality
The bearer of the anal vector from birth perceives the world through the category of equality - this is another property for fulfilling a species role.
"You have half and I have half" - this is how a child with an anal vector shares the sweetness with a friend. When he becomes an adult, he also divides everything in half - everything good and everything bad:
- someone paid for me in transport - I am waiting for the opportunity to pay for it;
- a friend gave me a present - I will give him a present for the same amount;
- a teacher at school instilled in me a love of literature - I will go to her with flowers for many years after graduation;
- my mother gave me life - this is a debt that cannot be repaid, so my mother is a saint for me.
What if someone hit me? You yourself understand what awaits him in return. Everything is fair, that is, equally.
If they hit me in the heart - betrayed, deceived, insulted - I feel the need to return the debt equally. This is the root of revenge as compensation for resentment. If there is no compensation, we do not know how to forgive the person and get rid of the hurt.
How to forgive someone: wanting to finish what you started
Another property of the anal vector that is useful for transferring experience and knowledge to the future is the rigidity of the psyche. In order to remember, analyze a large amount of information, you need perseverance and consistency. Perfectionist - he concentrates on one object, works it through deeply and meticulously, and only then moves on to another object.
The switchability and multitasking so natural to the skin vector can be a serious mistake here. And a mistake in transferring experience can cost humanity dearly. Therefore, the bearer of the anal vector is rigid, circumstantial - he is doing one thing at a particular moment in time and starts the next one only when he has finished the previous one.
What is resentment? Resentment is unfinished business. We are in a situation where justice is violated (in our feelings), the balance is skewed. Until we align this line of inner comfort, the matter will not be completed and we will not be able to move on to the next state. Generally not to any.
Therefore, resentment limits us in change, literally does not allow us to budge. Has the person failed to use their properties (memory, sense of equality, consistency) in positive actions in society? They are playing a cruel joke with him now. He stands looking back like a biblical pillar of salt and does not know how to step forward.
How to forgive a person and throw a stone from the soul?
To forgive and no longer return to grievances, you need to expand your perception - from your small world to active interaction with society.
We are all reasonable, shy, nimble, thoughtful, emotional - different just in order to do something better in this life. Each of our peculiarities, "weirdness", each desire has a lot of meaning. Only this meaning can be discerned on the scale of society, and not by looking in the mirror.
How to understand and forgive the person who hurt?
First, understand why it hurts. Today we tried to make it out. The second step is to understand why that person did this. After all, he had the same weighty reasons as ours - he was born this way and so developed.
After completing the psychological training "System-vector psychology", you begin to understand any person in any situation: what desires he has, what drives him, what values he has. And when you understand what a person will do or say now, in this situation, there are no unjustified expectations and resentments.
Only interest in people remains. Instead of resentment and a depressed state, an inner researcher wakes up, who looks with curiosity at human souls. With every word, every deed, a person opens up to you in his deepest desires. You can see what worries him, why he is angry or smiling now, what can make him happy. It is interesting to check the accuracy of this knowledge over and over again.
From their height, you look at each of your relationships, analyze, learn, comprehend. Suddenly you realize that the question of how to forgive a person who hurt has disappeared by itself. This is the effect of training on people. Hear what they have to say:
Try for yourself the free online lectures "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Already on them you will hear a lot of important things about the anal vector and how to forgive an offense. Register: here.
