The child is afraid of the dark: what to do?
Not every child suffers from the fear of the dark. Only children with certain properties are susceptible to this. From an early age, they are characterized by high emotional excitability. They can quickly switch from funny laughter to violent hysteria or get stuck in a whiny mood for a long time. In this article, we will analyze in detail the causes of children's fears and tell you how to get rid of them …
When a child is afraid of the dark, it can be a real torture for the parents. Children's screams in the middle of the night, the inability to get enough sleep - all this is exhausting. Anxiety does not leave: what is happening to the child? How to help? What to do so that hysteria and fears do not stay for a long time, do not take hold for a lifetime?
In this article, we will analyze in detail the causes of children's fears and tell you how to get rid of them.
Why is a child afraid of the dark
Not every child suffers from the fear of the dark. Only children with certain properties are susceptible to this. From an early age, they are characterized by high emotional excitability. They can quickly switch from funny laughter to violent hysteria or get stuck in a whiny mood for a long time.
In any case, such a child is always a fountain of emotions, he violently and dramatically experiences even what seems to others to be a mere trifle. The reason is in the special emotional range that is assigned to such children. It is much larger than that of all other people, and requires special conditions for development so that fears and anxiety do not torment the child.
What you need to know if your child is afraid of the dark
The largest sensory range is assigned to the carriers of the visual vector. At its root lies the fear of death, or, more precisely, the fear of being eaten (by a predator or cannibal).
This is an ancient unconscious fear, it is associated with the evolution of mankind and with the dangers that awaited people in the early stages of the development of society. But even today a modern child with a visual vector in his mental development repeats this path, starting from the root emotion - the fear of death. In itself, this is natural and natural. The main thing is that the baby does not get stuck in fears, but sufficiently develops his sensuality.
Darkness plays a special role here. Owners of the visual vector have a high sensitivity of the eye analyzer. Their eyes are distinguished by many more shades of light and color, midtones. Kids with such properties notice every blade of grass and grain of sand, every little thing that no one else sees. Such features allowed visual people in ancient times to fulfill the role of day guards of the entire flock. They were able to spot danger much earlier than others.
But in the dark, even special vision is powerless. And the root fear of death is triggered in the child in full force. He sees nothing at night and experiences uncontrollable fear: it is in the darkness that he sees the source of danger.
When a child is afraid of the dark: age characteristics
- Until the age of 3, the child is not yet fully aware of himself, so the fear of the dark most often manifests itself as night tantrums. Much here depends on the psychological state of the mother: if she is calm and does not experience bad conditions, the baby calms down quickly enough. Until the age of 3, children still do not have enough experience of visual representations, fantasies, so they can rarely explain what exactly they are afraid of.
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After 3 years, the child already separates himself from others, realizes that he is afraid for his life. If he managed to collect enough frightening images, then he can explain that he is afraid of monsters, skeletons, a black hand or other "horror stories" that he saw in cartoons, heard about them in fairy tales or from other people. In fact, the baby simply gives his unconscious fear of death a certain form, tries to somehow "call him by name."
- At any age, there can be stress factors that provoke night fears of a child, fix him in a state of fear and even cause psychological trauma. Let's talk about this in more detail.
Factors affecting a child's constant fear of the dark
- Scary tales, especially tales associated with eating characters (any - from "Kolobok" to "Three Little Pigs"). Since the natural fear in the visual vector is precisely the fear of being eaten, reading such tales can fix a child in a state of fear for a long time. As a result, various phobias, and anxiety, and, of course, fear of the dark can arise.
- Scary cartoons (from there the child draws images in which he concretizes his fear).
- Any intimidation fixes the visual child in a state of fear. Even if you want to protect him from danger, this method cannot be used. The child will not necessarily be afraid of just "someone else's uncle who will take away", his night fears can then have any form. But the main thing is that fear as such will remain and will become stable.
- A funeral can fix the child's fear (you cannot take small spectators there). From this, the child receives a complex trauma: there is a special “smell of death”, which he feels more strongly than others, and vivid visual images (wreaths, a coffin), and severe emotional states of adults (crying relatives, etc.).
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A breakdown in emotional connection with significant people and even with a pet can become a strong stress factor for a visual child. For example, the divorce of the parents can provoke that the child is afraid of the dark. Or this fear first appears after the death of someone close to whom the child was attached with all his heart. Even the death of a beloved hamster or the loss of a beloved toy can turn into a real tragedy. As a result of a sharp break in the emotional connection, not only the psychological, but also the physical health of the child suffers. He reacts with his most sensitive area: his vision can be significantly reduced.
- The difficult psychological state of the mother can lead to the fact that the child loses the sense of security and safety necessary for development. As a result, fears increase. And here it does not matter what kind of state the mother has (perhaps she herself does not have any fears, but she suffers from depression, experiences severe stress from divorce, etc.). In any case, a child with a visual vector, losing the feeling of being protected and safe from the mother, reacts with fear.
What to do if your child is afraid of the dark: tips for parents
It is necessary to avoid situations that are traumatic for the child. But the fear of the dark by itself will not go away from this. As the baby grows, so does his range of sensory experiences, the number of different fears can increase.
The only sure way to get rid of fears is to properly develop and direct the child's emotional sphere. This is achieved by reading classic children's literature for empathy and compassion for the main characters. When a baby is worried not for himself, but for another, his sensory range is directed to empathy and fears go away.
For example, Andersen has many great fairy tales for empathy: "Girl with matches", "Ugly duckling", "Tin soldier", etc. The work of Russian and Soviet writers is rich in good tales: Bianki, Gaidar, Uspensky, Zakhoder, Bazhov. An extensive list of relevant literature can be found here.
Reading such literature together with the family contributes not only to the harmonious development of the child, but also to the creation of strong family ties, warmth between all family members. As soon as the child has mastered the skill of independent reading, involve him, too, to read aloud for others.
And don't be scared if, as a result of reading, the baby is crying with compassion for the heroes. These are tears from which his sensuality is revealed, and the child receives a balanced inner state.
As the child grows, channel his empathy skills to real people. Remind him that it is important to call and inquire about the health of a sick classmate. Visit an elderly grandmother, help an old neighbor.
What not to do if your child is afraid of the dark
- Do not try to appeal to the child's sound logic. It’s useless to explain that it’s all about fantasy and the danger exists only in his head. After all, the baby does not choose his inner state, does not control his feelings. Fear is an ancient, unconscious, very first emotion. You cannot get rid of it - you can only create conditions for the child to develop his sensuality in favor of empathy for others. Then any fears will naturally go away on their own.
- Do not shame the child for fear, do not forbid crying. It's like shaming a person for being sad and telling them to have some fun. No one is able to do this - "you cannot order the heart", our psychological states are not controlled by consciousness. In addition, the prohibition on the expression of feelings can play a deplorable role in the further development of the child. It will be difficult for him to open up to people and build emotional connections with them. And for visual kids, this is generally a question of a happy or unhappy fate. After all, the creation of emotional connections is their special role given by nature; only by realizing it fully, such people can take place in life.
- Never intimidate a child - not by a policeman, not by a "babayka" or in any other way. Even in a comic form, you can inadvertently fix a child in a state of fear for a long time. Games like "bite-bite, how sweet you are, I'll eat you" are unacceptable for visual kids. They fall straight into their unconscious fear of being eaten.
- Eliminate books and cartoons with a plot of eating (until the visual kid learns to empathize, he is contraindicated in "Boy-with-a-finger", and "Seven kids", and any other similar fairy tales). It is also worth excluding other "scary" books and cartoons, from which a child can draw vivid images for his nightly fears (about vampires, zombies, dead people, monsters, etc.).
- You shouldn't take children with a visual vector to a funeral. Even if you become accidental witnesses of a funeral at neighbors', it is better to take the child away.
- Do not have pets for visual children. In addition to the risk of losing sight (this comes from a sharp break in the emotional connection when the pet died or fled), there is a danger that the child will direct his skill of creating sensory connections in the wrong place. Every time a child asks for a pet, just know that the volume of his sensuality is growing. He is looking for an object where to direct his emotions. But it is more difficult to build connections with people - they have their own experiences, their own states. And the child tries to follow the simplest path - asks for a pet.
During such a period, it is worth reading more literature for empathy and simply creating situations so that the baby adapts in a team of peers. Then you will be able to raise an adult who is able to build deep sensory connections with people: he will have both great love in a couple and wonderful relationships with others. Otherwise, already an adult will experience the joy of communicating with dogs and cats, but have constant problems with people.
- In no case should a situation be created for the child to “overcome fear” - for example, forcibly leaving him in the dark. Tips “scream and stop” are useless: for visual children, this is a guaranteed psychological trauma.
- No children should be yelled at or physically punished (beaten). Each child will react differently, depending on the qualities and properties set by nature. A small spectator will grow hysterical and fearful.
Is your child afraid of the dark: fear of a lifetime or a happy destiny?
The large emotional range given to a child from birth is not a scourge or a disadvantage at all. In fact, this is an unpaved field of opportunities for future realization in society. The main thing is to develop the child's talents correctly and on time.
For example, the ability to vividly experience various emotional states gives such people the talent of a singer and an actor. Sensitive vision can realize itself in photography, painting, design. The developed ability to empathize makes such people excellent doctors and social workers, educators and educators.
Babies with visual vector have a stormy, rich imagination. If a child develops well and reads quality literature, his imagination becomes the key to a wonderful future. After all, everything that was created by humanity was first invented in the mind, that is, created by the imagination. Therefore, almost every ordinary scientist in science is a developed bearer of the visual vector.
But if a child is fixed in a state of fear in childhood, then in adulthood his imagination is not aimed at creation at all. It draws frightening pictures about yourself or those who are dear to him (you see a partner's betrayal, sudden death or illness, your own or loved ones, and so on).
You can meet adolescents and even adults who, for the same reason (fixation of fear), are afraid of the dark. It happens that just going to the toilet at night is sheer torture for them. With a sinking heart, with all his might, a person runs to the switch, although with his mind he understands that there is no real threat. Fixation in a state of fear and the associated psychological trauma can even lead to persistent anxiety and panic attacks. Of course, no parent wishes such a future for their baby.
The child is afraid of the dark - what if nothing helps?
It happens that no one has scared the child with anything, he reads a lot and is versatile, but the fear of the dark is still present. If you break your head, what to do if the child is afraid of the dark, but still do not find a single visible cause of his conditions, then most likely it is the mother's psychological state.
Even if we want the best for our children, we are not always able to give it. For example, a single mom struggles to “plow” three jobs to feed her child and give him the best education. Barely alive, she crawls home in the evening and simply is no longer able to give the child the necessary filling with a sense of security and safety, psychological comfort.
In addition, visual children get "emotional infection" more easily than others, that is, they pick up negative emotions from other people, since they themselves are super-emotional by nature. You cannot hide anything from such a child behind the outer facade of well-being - he is very sensitive emotionally. Feels when mom is annoyed, depressed, or anxious.
On the other hand, the mother is the main person in the child's life. She is able to compensate even for the damage that a child can get just in the process of life. After all, we cannot close ourselves in a cocoon and not interact with anyone for fear of injuring the child.
For example, no one is immune from the death of a beloved grandmother. How does the child adapt this loss? Will his eyesight fall, will fears appear? It all depends on the condition of the mother. If the mother provides the child with a guaranteed sense of security and safety, then he will overcome this situation without prejudice to his health and development.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan makes it possible to solve any problems of raising children in a complex way:
- At the training, the mother herself gets rid of any bad conditions and experienced traumas. She is able to fully realize herself both in the family and in society, keeping any stress without losing the psychological balance.
- The training provides a complete picture of the child's innate psychological properties and talents (this article briefly describes only one vector out of eight possible). Mom can get a detailed answer to the question of what to do if the child is afraid of the dark or has other fears. This is the most effective prevention of any behavioral and psychological disorders in a child.
Here's what mothers who have already received results for themselves and their children say:
