How to deal with your wife's cheating if you love her
If you are thinking about how to survive the betrayal of your wife and divorce, then I will ask you this question: how will you build a new relationship so as not to repeat mistakes? You can get out of marriage, but the next you will come with the same baggage. Where is the guarantee that everything will not happen again with another woman?
… If this man hugged me at that minute, called me, I would follow him to the end of the world, I would disgrace my name, the name of my children …
despising human rumor and the voice of reason, I would run with him …
I would not ask where and for how long, she didn't even cast a
farewell glance at her past life …
Stefan Zweig. Twenty-four hours in a woman's life
Cheated on her husband twice. Hurt him unthinkable. How could this heroic man forgive me? All the years I tried to understand the reasons for my behavior. I feel that it is my duty to tell the story of how it became true. And maybe help you learn how to cope with your wife's cheating.
How could this happen to me madly in love with my husband? She was ashamed and swore not to change again. But ten years after the first time, I fell in love again and ran away with another man. She left her husband and two children, but then came back again. They say about such people: weak on the front, walking.
How to survive the betrayal of your wife and keep your family
This happened for the first time in the third year of marriage. Until the age of three, family life is full of passion and inspiration thanks to pheromones. A person is unconsciously guided by them when making a choice.
The whole man is one desire: I want this woman! This mechanism of mutual attraction has been formed over millennia of evolution. Most marriages fall apart when the physiological attraction weakens.
It may happen that at some point the spouses will look at each other and see a stranger next to them. Completely different interests, nothing in common. Everything in a partner irritates: the manner of speaking, gait, jokes. They do not understand how they could have fallen in love, where their eyes were looking, why they had not seen it before. Alexander describes this situation:
Love in a couple can be extended for life only by those who emotionally became close in the first years. They are bound by a special state of trust in the relationship. A sincere, deep understanding of each other, when you guess an unspoken thought or continue a phrase that another began.
“When she started talking, I just listened, and at one point tears came out. She noticed and asked why I was crying, I replied that tears of joy came out of happiness, because, it turns out, we can be so interesting together, as with no one else. " - Alexander got a second chance to get to know his beloved after the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
We did not create soul kinship
Even falling in love with another guy, I did not understand that this was a betrayal. My desire came first: I want love! There was no thought that I was hurting my spouse. As I understand now, this is the mistake of many people in the modern world: they want to receive love - love me!
Now that we have been married for twenty-two years, I know that to love is to give, to act, to give to the one you love, without demanding anything in return.
From the stories of people, I realized that the tragedies of betrayal very often happen in families. Someone how glues this broken cup, but the blood from the fragments in the soul flows for years and decades. Having lived their entire lives together, the couple continue to hide skeletons in closets, and memories ache like unhealed wounds.
The trouble happened to two, it was necessary to talk, open up to each other. Pain can be relieved only by knowing what is happening in the soul of another. Understanding comes after the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, as it happened with Andrey:
How a husband experiences his wife's betrayal
When I returned after my escape, my husband threatened: "Once again, we will get divorced!" I was scared. I was ashamed in front of all people: I reproached and blamed myself for being dissolute and dirty.
She fenced herself off from everyone, became weak-willed and insensitive, cried at night: how to live now? I was afraid to lose him. Sexual life went wrong. Because sex is not just sexual intercourse, but intercourse in total trust and openness. The desire to have pleasure in order to please him, fill him with inspiration to live and create.
His desire to get me back was overwhelming. He took me to travel to different cities with walks, excursions, visiting guests. Showed attention, affection. He was in great confusion, confusion, as he admitted, as he did not notice the change in his beloved woman. Tried my best to keep our marriage together. When I got married, I thought it would be for life. He cried.
A man chooses a life partner, focusing on her decent, bashful behavior. So he is sure that his children will be only from him. A woman has a taboo on sexual behavior in society, and in the bedroom with her husband she is free to express herself without restrictions.
A man has no restrictions on his behavior in society, so he easily shows his interest. In any case, the category of shame is an indispensable phenomenon of the development of the psyche.
In the modern world, shame leaves where it should be and manifests itself where it should not be. False shame arises. This is when you go to cheat in order to take revenge on your wife, it's not a shame, but talking to her about what's in your heart is a shame. A man is afraid that he will be betrayed again, but being a traitor is much worse.
The second time, when I broke, my husband roared, tore and rushed about like a wounded animal. Deprived of landmarks, we have done everything that shouldn't have been done.
Any occurrence of a third in the union of a man and a woman destroys the relationship. She changed - a blow, he decided to take revenge - another blow, complaining to friends about each other, swing experiments - everything turns the temple of love into ruins.
How to survive a wife's betrayal - advice from a psychologist
I am a psychologist by profession, but like a shoemaker without boots, I could not help myself. The only way to fix everything for our family was the online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Even one of the spouses, after completing the training, is able to focus on the other. To look through the eyes of love, to penetrate the soul - this corrects everything in a relationship. This is the most effective.
Where to start:
- Confidential communication. Talk openly, calmly, discuss without accusations. In such a conversation, the nerves are at the limit, every word is given with difficulty. Open up your feelings to each other. Let it be memories, tears, tell us about your despair - it will not be more painful than it is. Let love and honesty work a miracle - you will see your real yourself. As long as everyone is hiding behind the screens of words, omissions, the healing of the relationship will not happen.
- Get to know each other again, agree to start a relationship from scratch.
- Every woman needs a sense of security and safety. When she chose you, she was unconsciously guided by this guideline. She was calm and safe with you, all worries went away when you were around. Think together what has changed: why does she unconsciously feel defenseless, insecure about the future?
- In the psychology of paired relationships, a woman receives protection and aliment from a man, at the physical level - a seed. In response, she gives him a sensual response, gives birth to a child. He is filled with her admiring look, gratitude, care, what she gives. And he again wants to conquer the peaks, to create. The psyche of a man is so arranged that it is in a woman that he finds a source of inspiration. A wise woman lifts a man in the eyes of others, without belittling herself.
- Sometimes a woman takes earnings, purchases, and the affairs of a man for granted. Doesn't notice, devalues. He, not receiving gratitude, an enthusiastic look, loses the desire to extract, to bring it to her. Then she expresses displeasure, and he loses hope to please her. The mutual exchange mechanism is broken.
Psychological reasons for cheating
Most people are naturally monogamous, but some desires in the psyche push us to change:
- People with a skin vector are very fond of variety. They feel and show love through affection, tenderness, touching, stroking. If the partner rejects such manifestations, then you want to caress the one who will accept. Also, a passion for novelty, change pushes them to seek new sensations with another partner.
- The visual vector in this sense is full of surprises: love is above all. The amorousness of such people is amazing. They rush into a whirlpool for new love. For her sake, they, like the heroine from the epigraph, are ready to flee to the ends of the world, leaving their former life behind.
- Some women have a skin-visual sheaf of vectors in their psyche. They grab attention, flirt, clap their eyes. They are not limited by women's shame, like the rest, but by culture. In a state of stress or underdeveloped mental properties, they begin to seduce all men in a row. Unconsciously looking for a defender. It is about them that human rumor goes. A woman may not understand what attracts men in her so much.
I am innocent, he came himself
A sigh of relief escaped me when at the training Yuri Burlan spoke about people like me. Tears of relief flowed: I'm not bad, not spoiled! At that moment, everything changed inside: the realization came that I would never change again.
I learned about deeply hidden unfulfilled desires. Previously, they broke through in a distorted way: in the desire to attract attention with makeup and clothes, defiant behavior, tantrums, demands for gifts and reproaches to her husband, which pays little attention.
Often women blame their husbands - that it was he who brought her to such an act that she deserves a better life. I did not know at that moment that I could be an inspiration, a muse for my man.
We like to love those who love us. And we hate those who hurt us. At such moments it seems that there is no more love for this woman. If you are thinking about how to survive the betrayal of your wife and divorce, then I will ask you this question: how will you build a new relationship so as not to repeat mistakes? You can get out of marriage, but the next you will come with the same baggage. Where is the guarantee that everything will not happen again with another woman?
I propose to take a fresh look at my experience at the online training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, as Sergei did:
