How to start a new life
This article is for those who are looking for ways to start living in a new way, but do not know how. And also for those who managed to try on other people's recipes for happiness, but they did not work. To get out on the road to a new life, you first need to get out of the dead end where your old life took you. Let's start with this …
How tired of sadly dragging along the road of life! I would like to somehow differently: get out of a series of problems and feel the joy of every day. Get pleasure and a decent income from your work. Enjoy companionship and build happiness as a couple. To feel that you are not living in vain, that every moment of life is meaningful. Only how to start a new life if past mistakes, bad experiences or your own incomprehensible states are being pulled down like a stone?
This article is for those who are looking for ways to start living in a new way, but do not know how. And also for those who managed to try on other people's recipes for happiness, but they did not work. To get out on the road to a new life, you first need to get out of the dead end where your old life took you. Let's start with this.
Reasons to start a new life
We are looking for tips on how to start a new life from scratch when:
- The previous "draft" clearly did not work out. This can be a specific problem (for example, dissatisfaction with paired relationships) or a complex feeling: the boss is a "freak", the job is unloved, there is not enough money, the wife is "hysterical", the children generally "got out of hand".
- An event happened that unsettled and threw you into serious conditions. And you can't get out of them on your own. For some, this is a divorce, for others it is the death of a loved one, etc.
- The feeling of "life to hell" is global. It is not even clear where to start. Perhaps you would gladly change your country. Or the era in which he was born. Although no, it is better just a planet or the Universe.
Dissatisfaction with the old life pushes forward - to look for a way out. I would like to get some more practical advice on where and how to look for it …
The recipe trap: tips that don't work and even harm
I would like to receive clear instructions, a step-by-step plan on how to start a new life. It seems that there is no shortage of advisers: ready-made recipes are always happy to broadcast from the height of their experience to friends, relatives or the Internet. But trying on these tips for ourselves, we are forced to admit that "everything goes wrong":
- Option 1. You would be glad, but not able to follow these tips. For example, they broadcast to you: "The past is a long outlived time, and there is nothing to remember and regret about it." I myself would be glad not to remember and not regret! Yes, without asking, it climbs into my head and hurts my heart, this is the past. And how can this advice be followed - to amputate the heart and brains?
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Option 2. You honestly try to follow formal advice, but the strength to follow them is fading. For example, I really want to start living in a new way after a divorce. Well, you try, of course: a new hairstyle, a new image. Jogging in the morning, traveling to a new place. At first there is enthusiasm, but it does not last long. It turns out that everything inside you has remained the same: the same longing, dissatisfaction rolls over again. And now, instead of a diet - a night snack, instead of jogging - 30 approaches of lying on the couch. For dessert, tear-filled soundtracks from the past. Well, at least you can cry …
- Option 3. You do your best to follow the advice that makes you sick, and it gets worse. For example, a girl is trying to get rid of loneliness, to find a couple. In my heart I want to be like people: for a man to show interest himself, to court. But the advisers are relentless: “Take the situation into your own hands! The makeup is brighter, the skirt is shorter - both herself, herself. Speak, flirt, the man is now lazy, spoiled - there are so many beauties around. " Oh, well, it must be so, smart psychologists probably know better. Although the soul is sickening - but you go and do. And the result? And it corresponds to the inner feelings. You feel like some kind of "send" - and men turn back. The damage is huge: there is a false feeling that you are not a woman at all and you will never see happiness in a couple.
No matter how good the intention of the advisers, they have one thing in common - they give advice "through themselves." They offer what may suit them personally. But these methods may be powerless, impracticable or harmful for you.
The unmistakable answer to how to start a new life begins with an analysis of what is going on in your soul. With the search for reasons, where do such states come from from the inside, which keep them in the old scenario of life, dull and joyless.
Why can't I start a new life: I have a heart, and my heart has a secret …
It is hidden from ourselves that our states are governed by the unconscious (psyche). Its device is revealed in the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. It makes it possible to find out where a certain “scenario of life” comes from and why you just can't get out of it. A few concrete examples will help you see how this works.
"With the departure of this man - my life is over …"
Maybe that same person of yours passed away. Or maybe - just from your life. But at that moment, time stopped. And it is not clear how to start all over again - how to live again, to rejoice in something? The past holds completely both thoughts and feelings, everything that has already gone and will never return …
The past is of particular value only for people with a certain mentality. They are given a talent for phenomenal memory: past events are remembered in detail and detail. Such a person carefully keeps family photos, asks relatives about their youth and past times, appreciates the experience of their ancestors. Conservative, does not like abrupt and unexpected changes.
Such people want to build paired relationships once and for life. Family and loyalty are of special importance to them. They are going through a hard divorce, betrayal of a partner and even more so the death of someone close.
Not knowing the structure of the psyche, we do not even suspect that a special aspiration to the past is given to a person to fulfill a special role in the life of society. He can become an excellent teacher, master mentor, expert. Its task is to transfer the experience and knowledge accumulated by people to the next generations.
When he manages to sufficiently realize his talent in society, then the divorce, and even the loss of loved ones, the person gradually adapts, comes out of painful memories and can live on. But if there is not enough realization in society, memory takes hold of your personal past, becomes your executioner.
I fall in love all the time with dysfunctional or "idiots"
There is a legend that somewhere far away at the end of the earth there is a very, very good girl who once fell in love with a smart and worthy guy instead of a jerk and broke the space-time continuum. But it is not exactly. And at least not about you. It's the other way around with you: the worthy always pass by, and something absurd sticks to you. It seems just some kind of mysticism. But in fact, damage or the evil eye has nothing to do with it.
Such problems are familiar to many women who by nature had a wide range of emotions, felt subtly, had tears close by, and had a lot of fears in childhood. But dad or mom brought up: “Don't cry! You have to be strong. Or shamed for openly expressing feelings.
As a result, the natural desire to live life emotionally and to experience strong feelings does not go anywhere, but a false prohibition leads to the fact that you can only fall in love with someone who causes pity. There are a bunch of options: an alcoholic or drug addict, a prisoner, a tragic genius of a sofa-sitting type, a "lone wolf", which others prudently bypass. And you are simply irresistibly drawn to him. How to start a new life and change yourself, if the false prohibition comes from childhood, and we cannot influence the past?
High-quality psychotherapy can reveal and eliminate this false attitude, and only then is pity directed to the right place: to the sick, the elderly, the disabled, orphans. And worthy men begin to evoke a feeling of love.
You are beaten and you don't know how to leave
He is a caring family man, a wonderful husband and father - when in a normal state. But sometimes the devil takes over in this man. When something is not right for him, he is stubborn like a bull, starts calling you dirty words and raises his hand.
Perhaps your BDSM relationship was once just a private game in the bedroom. But then it became a threatening reality. At some point it becomes scary, and yet you remain in this relationship, contrary to common sense. Is it possible and how to start a new life without violence?
Hidden masochism is laid in childhood, when a child with especially sensitive skin is physically punished by adults (spanking, beating). Or humiliated with a word. When the pain is severe (physical or mental), the body produces opiates to numb the pain. Over time, the child, hidden from himself, becomes dependent on these opiates.
And already in adulthood, you unconsciously find just such a partner who will humiliate and beat. It happens that even the change of partner does not matter: we leave one sadist and then meet another. The established scenario can only be changed with a deep disclosure of the psychological mechanism of the trauma received in childhood.
I can't budge myself
It happens that procrastination (the cider of postponed affairs or postponed life) becomes a hindrance in how to start a new life and change yourself. Knowing for themselves the tendency to constantly procrastinate, people chuckle and even invent special emoticons: "waiting" and the like.
This is actually a serious problem and not fun to live with. It's like putting your own destiny on a freeze-frame to the grave. Nothing changes, things don't go anywhere, life stands still.
The reasons for procrastination lie in childhood and are the result of mistaken parenting. When a person has procrastination, he is pathologically incapable of starting something new, making a choice, making a decision. Hidden from himself, he enjoys procrastination. Experiencing a sense of relief and inner balance, once again postponing the solution of a problem for an indefinite period.
Learn more about the mechanism of procrastination in this video:
Stop Earth, I'll get off
It happens that you are already sick of your fate, and of the country where you live, and in general of where humanity has come. Such states are inherent in people with a philosophical mindset. They are natural introverts, do not like a noisy crowd, value solitude and silence. They have a special hearing sensitivity: loud noises can cause them severe pain.
Such a person experiences depressive states when he does not find an answer to the inner, hidden question: why was I born and live at all? What's the point if everyone dies anyway? Why do we come to this world then?
We are trying to look for answers in philosophy, religion, esoterics - but it seems that these are only grains, and the very essence escapes. The roots of the plan of life and the purpose of man are hidden in the unconscious, in the psyche. Having learned to read its meanings, we find the answer to any question.
How to start a new life when nothing is going well
Modern city dwellers have a psyche that combines completely different, sometimes contradictory qualities and properties. Any breakdown in this mechanism (for example, childhood psychotrauma) can cause a difficult life scenario, which a person cannot get out of for years.
False attitudes, both received in childhood and those that are massively imposed by society, add to the problems. And we cannot fully realize ourselves and our talents, we get stuck in difficult conditions.
As a result, life turns into a whole tangle of suffering when nothing goes well. It happens that various spheres collapse at the same time: it does not go well either in the family, or at work, not in the head, or in the heart. How to start a new life, if it is not even clear where the end of this ball is?
There is only one answer: to reveal the structure of your psyche entirely, to identify and eliminate the root of each of the problems and to realize yourself. It truly divides life into "before" and "after". For the old sad and joyless life in your soul there will simply be no place.
