"Mom, I've already cleaned up!" Is it worth fighting the clutter in the nursery?
Imagine that you go into your child's room, and there it is as if Mamai was walking. Things are scattered about, the bed is carelessly made, the desk is covered with a layer of paper, felt-tip pens, glue, cardboard, and all this is "flavored" with textbooks and notebooks. The curtains are modestly hanging in the corner and, judging by their appearance, they have been in this position for a long time. And it would be fine it was an accident, but this is constantly observed.
Are you familiar with this setting? So Vasina's mother watches this "picturesque" picture every day.
A room where everything is at hand
The mess on Vasya's desk drives her crazy. He loves tinkering, designing, gluing models. But when Vasya starts his lessons, he pushes everything unnecessary to the side and learns in such a blockage. He simply does not have time to remove all this, and why? He is eager to do his homework so that he can start his "important" work as soon as possible.
Toys and belongings can lie on the floor all day. Vasya's mother is already sounding the alarm: “You've made a mess here again, gather everything quickly! So that the books are on the shelf, and the pens are in the pencil case. How can you do this? You can't do your homework normally! There must be order in everything. What have you got?"
Vasya doesn't understand her, he seems to have cleaned up, what's the problem then? And the problem is that for his mother this is not cleaning, it is just things hastily crammed into different corners. She believes that order in the room should always be.
“We need to get used to order,” she recites to him. - Is it bad? After reading the lectures, she tries to explain to her son how important it is to be careful with things, that every thing has its own place, and she must certainly return there after being used for its intended purpose. Vasya, in response, only nods his head, but does not think to clean up again.
He doesn't want to waste time on the same job twice. And, in order not to tidy up again, he begins to cheat and evade cleaning, pretending that he is very tired, that he has a headache or a backache. Usually active, agile, loving to play football, he is ready to pretend to be sick, just not to do the same job again, just to save his energy.
But Vasya’s mother does not calm down: “Redo it to cleanliness”. For her, the ideal, correct, tidy room, like the whole apartment, is, as it were, her face, and she is not going to hit them in the dirt. Therefore, a conflict is inevitable. Complaining that she brought up a lazy person with bad habits, she sighs that her son did not go into her. But is it really so?
For whom cleaning is a burden?
A room in which toys are scattered, the bed is hastily made, a mess on the table - this is a child's room with a certain character warehouse. According to Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, there are eight types of psyche, which are called vectors. A vector is a set of innate properties and desires that determines the aspirations, inclinations and actions of its owner. Vasya is the owner of the skin vector.
The carriers of the skin vector are active, energetic, inquisitive children. They love change and novelty. They are the ones who rearrange their room and introduce new touches, they cannot do the same work for a long time, quickly losing interest in it.
The owners of the skin vector love to compete and win, strive to be the first in everything. Speed is their strong point. They can do several things at once, as a result, the emphasis is not on quality, but on quantity.
Skin children save on everything, this is their nature. They save on information - they won't say too much, secretive. They save on energy - they save their strength, they won't strike a finger on a finger just like that. They like to save space - it is more pleasant for a leather worker to be in a small room, so he feels the boundaries, frames. They like to save time, so they do everything quickly, without worrying about quality, the main thing is to be in time. They are punctual, they have an innate sense of time. From skin children you can often hear the answer: "I have no time", "No time."
Such children have no time to put things in order. For them, time is money, because they have to manage to do even more important things. They will come up with suitable excuses or find a way to clean up quickly, for example, shovel everything into a heap and - under the bed. Or they will design a large box in which everything will be “at hand”. They are endowed with logical thinking and inventive ability. In the future, an excellent engineer or manager can grow from a skin child.
Skin children are looking for benefit in everything. The best motivation for them is encouragement. And adequate punishment is a restriction in time and space: temporary deprivation of cartoons and computer games, walks or entertainment.
For whom is cleaning a joy?
Unlike Vasya, his mother is the owner of the anal vector. It is for such people that order in the house is important.
Neat and tidy by nature, they are scrupulous about all things. Scattered toys that are not in their places cause severe discomfort in the owners of the anal vector. "Take it - put it in place" - they will repeat from day to day. "Every thing should know its place" - anal people are conservative and do not like very much when something changes in their usual way of life.
They keep order in the house and demand it from others, the quality of the work done is important to them. People with an anal vector are true perfectionists. They need to bring everything to perfection. Poor-quality cleaning, albeit fast, will not suit them, they need quality.
Anal people unconsciously prefer straight lines, and all space is judged on the basis of this property. They enjoy straight lines and deep discomfort from any curvature. In their house, everything is as if under a "ruler", only even right angles.
Looking for a solution
When an anal mom makes her son redo, clean up again, put everything perfectly even, she speaks to him through her properties. After all, cleanliness, order and accuracy in everything are important for her. She appeals to his shame and conscience, but it will not work to shame a skin child, it can only be "taken" with benefit and benefit.
For example, as a reward, you can come up with a bonus system. If something does not suit you, you can reduce bonuses or even introduce fines for scattered things.
It is also necessary to limit the space so that he does not "take over" the entire apartment and turn it into a cluttered kingdom. For this purpose, rules can be established. For example, in the living room, kitchen and other rooms - no forgotten toys, books, things, and in the nursery - do what you want. But one day a week, for example, on Saturday, you will clean your room, for which you will receive a reward. Such rules will only benefit the skin child. They will develop in him the skill to limit themselves.
There are many options for approaching cleaning, based on the properties of a skin child.
Vasya and his mother are not at all alike. They are different in their mental properties and desires. Failure to understand this leads to conflicts. However, the perception of your child for who he is, education taking into account the innate properties that nature has endowed him with, will allow you to build harmonious relationships with him.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help in this. Free online lectures on SVP provide a deep analysis of the psyche features of the owners of both skin and anal vectors. Register by the link:
Knowledge of the child's psyche will save parents from tragic mistakes in upbringing that can cause him irreparable trauma. And the purposeful development of his innate talents will help him easily adapt in the future and find his way in adulthood.
