Do not meddle in my life! or How to keep personal boundaries
A person feels best in this world when his innate properties were properly developed in childhood, and also when these properties are fully realized in adulthood. In case of incorrect development or lack of implementation, the same properties appear with a minus sign. It is impossible to do this without realizing their properties and desires, because the desire to be good for everyone, even at the expense of their own realization and life, will still return them to a situation where their personal boundaries will be violated …
You are deeply indignant with immodest questions: "Why are you still not married (not married)?" or “Have you already had something with him? Have you kissed? " Or authoritative advice spoils the mood: "You are already thirty - it's time to think about children!"
Who cares? This is my personal life!
Or you have to do something all the time that you had no intention of doing. Instead of quietly tidying up the house on weekends, you have to ski and party at the party. And you cannot refuse, you are uncomfortable!
What if people invade privacy all the time, disrupt your plans, and even manipulate? There is only one thing left - to learn how to defend and defend personal boundaries. But how? At Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", students begin to clearly understand how to do this. When they really need to be protected, and when too vigilantly guarded personal space makes our life bleak and lonely.
Right to privacy
Borders really need to be defended. For example, when they ask tactless questions about personal life or, even more so, about intimate relationships. These provocations should not be carried out in any case. The intimate life between lovers or spouses really concerns only the two of them and should not be the property of others. Even if it's a close friend or mom.
After letting the third person into the relationship of two, we lose intimacy and trust in the couple. And by splashing emotions with a friend or parents, we take them away from the person to whom they were intended and who caused them, and we cannot build a strong emotional connection that binds the couple for many years.
Too soft people
Why is it easy for some people to stop an impudent person who unceremoniously invades their personal space, to answer “no” to an inconvenient request, or in extreme cases to laugh it off, while others, despite all their attempts, fail?
All people are different, but the most vulnerable in terms of personal boundaries are most often people with an anal-visual ligament of vectors. It is difficult for them to refuse another person, to insist on their opinion, so they easily succumb to various manipulations. They are the ones who often receive advice from psychologists about the need to build personal boundaries, protect their personal space and learn to say "no".
A person feels best in this world when his innate properties were properly developed in childhood, and also when these properties are fully realized in adulthood. In case of incorrect development or lack of implementation, the same properties appear with a minus sign. People with the anal-visual ligament of vectors in this case are easily influenced, often behave as shy and insecure.
For example, all cultured people know what to share. But what to do when people come to you at any time and behave like at home? These kind and gentle people cannot refuse, and then they suffer and worry. It seems that they really need to set a boundary: "when I'm kind and when I'm not." Just how to do it?
It is impossible to do this without awareness of their properties and desires, because the desire to be good for everyone, even at the expense of their own realization and life, will still return them to a situation where their personal boundaries will be violated.
Stop: personal boundaries
Owners of skin and sound vectors are especially sensitive to violation of personal boundaries. The first are by nature individualists. They came up with the idea of protecting private property and personal space, because these are their values. They perceive the violation of personal boundaries very painfully and perfectly know how to protect them. It is easiest for them to refuse another person, if this does not coincide with their understanding of the benefit-benefit.
The latter are also extremely sensitive to invasions of personal space, but for different reasons. The sound engineer likes to think, to focus the thought. It gives him pleasure. And for this he needs silence and solitude. Ideally, when the sound engineer has his own room in the house, his own personal space, where others should not intrude without permission.
The soundman also does not like advice on when he should get married and have children and, in general, be like everyone else, because he feels like a unique person, far from everyday problems. The desire of others to direct him into the mainstream of philistine life with its cycle of "work - family" is regarded as pressure, as an attempt to interfere with personal life.
To feel the desire for this, the sound engineer must realize his desires to know himself and other people. Then he will not need to be forced to live a "normal" life - he himself will want it. Filling sound desires awakens interest in life in all its manifestations.
How to protect yourself from invasion of personal space and obsessive curiosity?
First you need to find out your weaknesses, and also at the very early stages, learn to track attempts to manipulate and violate your boundaries. Trainees of the training "System-vector psychology", in addition to understanding themselves, acquire the ability to recognize the properties and intentions of other people. This avoids any manipulation.
For example, do not make concessions when another person, even if it is close, throws tantrums, uses emotional blackmail. There is an understanding of what to do in each such situation, how to remain calm, and even how to help the blackmailer himself without detriment to himself. There is no feeling of guilt, and therefore no desire to somehow compensate for it and fulfill the conditions of the manipulator.
A person begins to see who should be allowed closer and who should be kept at a distance. For example, to distinguish between the same owners of the skin vector who, in certain states, so zealously defend their right to privacy, and they themselves are very fond of prying into other people's affairs and using this information for their own purposes.
Or the owner of the oral vector, which is included in the personal space of almost any person because of its ability to laugh, chat, relieve tension. People love orals and get too close easily. However, the secret told to such a person very soon ceases to be a secret, everyone will know about it, and with a million non-existent details.
"Limitless" people
In the perception and respect of other people's personal boundaries, mental characteristics play an important role. For example, in Western countries with a skin mentality, most people hold sacred personal boundaries because they value privacy. Here, even at a job interview, you cannot ask a candidate about everything.
And in Russia, with its communal mentality, there is no internal concept of personal boundaries. For millennia, we survived only together, in close interaction with each other in a harsh climate and an unstable harvest. And during the years of Soviet power, they got along in communal apartments. Sometimes they swore and fought, and yet they lived together and always helped each other in difficult situations. Everyone was in plain sight, closer to each other than relatives, and knew everything about each other - it was simply impossible to hide something.
And although times have changed and the skin phase of human development is in the yard with the flowering of skin values of individualism and private property, mentally we have remained the same. Our business is based on a personal relationship, and it is not shameful to ask a barely familiar person how he feels and how his close relatives are doing. Or "sympathize": "You've been too late in the girls."
Borders borders strife
Now you can often hear that you need to love yourself, put your personal interests above everything. And some "knowledgeable people" even advise getting rid of the feeling of guilt and sense of responsibility - they say, it is easier to preserve your personal boundaries.
This is deeply harmful advice, because it does not allow the development of emotional ties between people, sincere communication, which gives a modern person the most pleasure. Is it possible to love a person who, upon a call for help, says: “These are your problems”? Wouldn't he himself feel deeply lonely and therefore completely unhappy?
And in our mentality, with such an attitude towards people, we generally risk becoming outcasts. After all, we do not particularly like individualists and greedy people.
The art of setting personal boundaries where they should be and fearlessly opening up to people in other situations is formed during the training. This knowledge is not perceived as something that must be constantly kept in mind so as not to weaken the defense. It becomes natural, like breathing. You understand who you can trust and who you shouldn't, with whom and how to build sincere sincere communication. It is interesting that the desire to hurt you or manipulate you in others also goes away.
