"Fathers and Sons". About modern teenagers
Great hopes, grandiose plans and inspired enthusiasm marked the entire process of education, calculated to grow a full-fledged member of society, a worthy personality. Unfortunately, a grown-up child often does not justify the efforts invested in his upbringing.
Any parent who takes a responsible approach to raising a son or daughter will strive as early as possible to provide such a family environment around the newborn, which would later serve and always remain the first and best role model for a new family member.
The skin mother tries to be affectionate, the anal mother tries to be caring, and the visual mother tries to be sympathetic, supportive and loving, understanding and accepting, and everyone expects a similar attitude from the growing child in return. Anal dad wants to teach his son his own craft, pass on to him the experience accumulated over a long life, share what he perfectly owns.
Great hopes, grandiose plans and inspired enthusiasm marked the entire process of education, designed to grow a full-fledged member of society, a person worthy in all respects.
Unfortunately, a grown-up child often does not justify the efforts invested in his upbringing.
Acts contrary to the requirements and expectations of parents, stubbornly resisting and in no way wanting to play the role of a happy confirmation of their well-spent years. He does not heed either the firm instructions or the tearful pleas of his parents tired of his constant disobedience, preferring to be guided in his actions only by selected arguments that do not run counter to his inner essence …
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All parents react differently to the sudden separation of the child from the family hearth. When he is still small, they frivolously let go and disown the calls coming in from time to time, signaling to them that both the child and his fate are not as simple and predictable as they would sometimes wish.
Sometimes the anal-visual mother, tired and unhappy, tears off the accumulated emotions on the child, literally rushing into him with her “love” as a handout, accusing and cursing the child for the lack of a reason to sincerely express maternal love. Her tantrums, obsession and inability to accept and understand, unwillingness to abandon ossified convictions that have become extremely sick, do not add peace of mind either to her or her child, or to the general family atmosphere.
Some adolescents learn to skillfully adapt the parental home, which has long become a foreign territory for them. Reluctantly, they accept the daily portion of blind enthusiasm or bored instructions and with enviable agility behind their parents' backs they turn their own plans (if the parents knew at least some of them, many might have had a heart attack). Other children sternly and mercilessly deal with everyone and everything that conflicts with their ideas about how it should be, even if their own parents are in the way: sometimes the pressure of unspent desires is stronger than filial duty.
However, in the first case, parents are often simply used, standing on ceremony with them only for material reasons or in an attempt to avoid unnecessary problems. Family values are not a priority today, and the generation is special today. An enormous temperament that nullifies most of the constraints.
The conflict of generations was, is and will always be. The specificity of the views and cultural orientation of each generation depends on what it is filled with. Fashion is changing, some new technologies are becoming the norm, and random social influences are becoming generally accepted. Often, a new quality is taken by an inexperienced mind for its immutable absence. Likewise, parents, who do not even make an attempt to enter the world that is to be defended by his child, deny and label everything that does not fit with their experience.
With each generation, the problem of "fathers and children" becomes more and more acute, and today there is almost an abyss between generations.
In order to avoid suffering, troubles and interpersonal disasters associated with the above-mentioned conflict, it is very important to always be aware of its tacit presence in our lives and not resist the obvious, hiding behind dull rationalizations and clinging to the past.
Difficult adolescence. Child's trouble? Mom's mistake?
Many have met such parents, with literally obsessive zeal trying to shove everything possible into their child. All day on duty: music school in the morning, art class in the evening, acting classes on weekends, eight languages to boot - a crazy load. As a rule, these are auditory and visual parents who believe that they themselves did not get it, or are horrified by those "ignoramuses" who shout under the windows all night long, and prefer to choose the appropriate environment for their child themselves.
However, parents make a gross mistake when they naively believe that they will be able to mold out of their "doll" or "hero" the most handsome, clever, exemplary, giving from an early age to all kinds of circles and sections, storing medals and certificates, but completely fencing off from ideas about modern realities. Such a child grows in a halo of fairy-tale castles, parents are proud of him, passers-by admire him, but a fateful moment comes, and rose-colored glasses are shattered …
Going out for the first time into the big world, starting from school, kindergarten or yard, the child immediately faces many situations, among which there are difficult and ambiguous, dangerous and unforeseen. And if a parent carelessly turns a blind eye to everything that beats outside his cozy home world, and also, contrary to all the laws of sanity, to protect his child, then the risk of collision (not trained in identification marks) and even more disastrous outcome (not taught to behave correctly) increases, alas, in a disappointing progression.
Our first priority is to educate a generation. Instill the right values, set the direction. It is strictly forbidden for every parent to understand that it will not be possible to abstract from the external world of an individual child, to ignore and underestimate the role of the extrafamily environment.
Urethral man (the species role of the leader) and in the role of a parent manifests himself as a leader, brings up not only his child, but the entire court. This is no accident, because sooner or later our children will have to live among other people and adapt the landscape created by others.
It is important for an anal person to look decent in public, they are the ones who are inclined to constantly curse children: "What are you doing, come here, do not disgrace yourself!" “What difference does it make what this bastard Petya said? And if everyone jumps from the roof, will you jump too? Or will you bang against the wall?”Is a standard trick that, alas, rarely leads to the desired effect. The whole comic nature of the situation lies precisely in the fact that yes, he will do it! Will do everything that is needed in order to gain weight in the team: few people are ready to admit they are outcasts.
There is another significant nuance regarding the release of a future member of society into the light. Childhood (up to 12-13 years old) is given in order to learn how to rank in a team and develop in the lower vectors. A child who has not been in the yard in childhood, has not received the irreplaceable skills of interaction in a group, no matter how intelligent and erudite he may grow up, in the future - the first contender for the role of a scapegoat and a whipping doll, an object of ridicule and a victim of teenage cruelty.
A child is archetypal, childhood is a period of playing specific roles. Today, childhood alone is a whole life of a long-gone muscle phase, and it is necessary to go through it in order to be able to reach a new level.
In connection with puberty, the beginning of which marks the onset of puberty (adolescence, youthful maximalism, as we call it), lower sexual vectors begin to manifest themselves like never before. If earlier these vectors turned out to be underdeveloped (the emphasis in development was placed on intelligence to the detriment of the development of lower properties, as already mentioned above), then the child can make desperate attempts to grasp, further develop what itching and interferes. He begins to behave archetypally, furiously trying to adapt and conquer the world around him, which does not lend itself to any, because the skills, it turns out, are not enough, and this is revealed completely unexpectedly.
So the "obedient" son - the offspring of an anal mother - suddenly goes all out, is not accustomed to obey, does not possess the art of discipline, does whatever comes to mind. Trying to achieve something, he flickers, pokes at random and more often than not gets caught, not dividing, where possible and where not, - a real teenage chaos in all its glory.
“I’ve lost my mind”, “I lost my mind!”, “Such a child was golden, but what has grown!”, “He completely got out of hand!”, “He decided to bury me ahead of time ?!”, “at least Show a drop of respect / sympathy, eh! - the usual parental epithets and crazy comments on the madness that happens in puberty with children, and it is natural that such an attitude only further removes children from the desire to be frank with their parents who do not understand them. Indeed, one after another: bad companies, drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, unprotected sex, immediately the risk of intensifying suicidal tendencies, the tendency to immerse in virtual reality, addiction to computer games, inadequate judgments about reality.
It is very important to instill in a child before puberty the skills of using all his vectors, even (!) If they do not coincide with the parental ones. Each parent is obliged to write this down in a memo.
Generation NEXT, or "Everyone will die, but I will stay"
And, as always happens, the main question is: who is to blame? Could anything be sweeter than looking for the right and the wrong? (Of course, anyone is to blame, but not us.) Parents who went through fire, water and copper pipes for the sake of the child, but he betrayed and substituted, and even in old age did not put a pillow under his head! Or children, mired in ignorance and lack of culture, spit and despise all the sacred anal values of the last century?
The mistake of both those and others is that they judge through themselves, through their own vectors and desires. Parents are responsible for the children, for the future, but there is no feedback and cannot be: it is one-sided. And even caring for elderly parents is an echo of culture, but not natural roles.
It should be remembered that our vectors most often do not coincide with the parent ones. And if they do coincide, then the state and direction can vary. We do not know where we are taking the children and where we are going ourselves. Deceived by our own, so carefully preserved, life experience, we are no longer able to deceive our children with it, who feel and see further and deeper and more promising. For the modern generation, our wisdom is an empty space, and it would be naive to believe that we have something to offer them. Alas, good intention does not always equal correct outcome. What is good for us is often unacceptable, and our child simply does not need it.
The modern teenager already lacks a roof over his head and a piece of bread provided by his loving parents. They do not develop, they suffer and for their suffering they are ready to gnaw each other's throats, destroy themselves and those around them, and sometimes the whole world is ready to blow up.
It is true that the power of desire pushes out from under parental oppression. The teenager breaks out of the conditions that are corrupting his psyche and finds his place. It happens that the circumstances are successful. But, alas, not always. Although it cannot be said that a happy turn of events is an exception. It should be borne in mind that in order to maintain a direct course, one needs real efforts and knowledge of where and how to apply their natural capabilities - for those who “survived” by successfully breaking away from the parental nest.
The ideology of modern civilization: "If you want to live - be able to spin!" We go over the heads, sweeping away everything in our path. Parents in their direction, and children in theirs. The illusion of freedom, where one’s own “free” territory is now and then superimposed on someone else’s, creating competition, giving rise to conflicts, suffering, contradictions and pain. Everyone is in a hurry to measure according to their own standards, until they are overtaken by another.
At the same time, the technical progress accompanying all spheres dictates qualitatively different conditions for survival than before, which our children will have to master - the ancient crafts of their fathers are absolutely useless for them!
In Russia, we observe a double contradiction: both with the past anal phase, in which our parents grew up, and with the Russian urethral mentality, today's skin world is in strong contradiction. All this undoubtedly affects the situation in schools, courtyards, children's companies, within families.
In the cinema (“Everyone will die, but I will stay”, “School”, “Class”) all the delights of teenage life are brilliantly shown. And also the unpleasant consequences of a misunderstanding by others of the child's internal problems and experiences, which may end in suicide.
Not everything is so hopeless …
In turn, we must not forget about the other side of the medal of growing desires. Child prodigies, indigo children, testimonies of which are full of newspaper headlines now and then … What is the recent reportage about a boy who learned to read at the age of 2, and a girl who began to receive higher education at the age of 10, for whom a separate special training program was even developed ! An 8-year-old child, almost blindly working with computer programs, and his wise mother, who for two years barely remembered the location of the power button. Gifted youth, able to plug any adult in the belt …
This is a new generation facing the most important tasks - tasks of the evolutionary level. That is why today it is so important for children to get out from under the warm mother's wing in time. They are led by the unconscious, hidden from human eyes, which now and then makes itself felt, taking shape in specific mental forms: desires, motives, needs, and then thoughts, actions, goals. And all this requires filling, realization, and externalization.
Therefore, parents should not be surprised or indignant if children ignore all their insistent demands, authoritative statements, and what is really there - do not pay attention even to the simplest instructions!
This does not mean that any child should be raised in an atmosphere of permissiveness or selective guardianship. There should be no extremes in raising children, you need to be smart and always understand what kind of vector set your child carries. One thing is the general state of the generation, and another is a very real opportunity here and now to develop in a child the qualities and traits that are most assigned to him (!), To give him a chance to become truly happy when he grows up.
Approaching the end, I would like to encourage readers a little more and inform that not everything is so hopeless. Any parent, if desired, can learn to determine the vectors, and at the same time the roles, talents of their child from an early age, and skilled gynecologists are able to "see" the lower vectors even during the course of pregnancy, observing the intrauterine manifestations of the future newborn!
In order to be confident in the fidelity of your movement, to clearly understand where certain of our aspirations and goals will lead, it is necessary to accept the existing gap in generations, not to complain about the bitter lot, but to clearly know your role in society, to see what development is. person, to understand its meaning.
You cannot instill something, impose, persuade, force something - all such methods ultimately do not work. The only opportunity lies in understanding, truly comprehending and realizing the eight-dimensional whole, which System-Vector Psychology opens, clearly marking the path of humanity in front of everyone who is interested in knowing these things and investing something of their own in the overall development process.
