My Child's Imaginary Friend - Threat or Mischief?
What is this - a violent imagination, the next stage of a child's development, or a dangerous symptom? Where do such fantasies come from and is it worth to dissuade the child in the existence of a friend?
A child-dreamer is constantly inventing: he plays a whole performance with dolls, speaks with pictures in a book, composes a fairy tale on the go, and lying in bed plays with his fingers and carries on a dialogue with the ceiling. Nobody taught him this, he just comes up with everything himself.
Can ask for a treat for a friend, take him on a trip around the room, and then talk about their adventures along the way.
An imaginary friend of a child may become ill, then he should be looked after and treated. Like a real Carlson, his friend disappears at the very moment when adults come, although he may just hide under a table, bed or in a closet.
Children's imagination is enough to present everything in detail: the appearance of their hero, his character, words, actions, their communication, joint games. The child lives these episodes of his life as real. He can sincerely believe in his invention as a true friend.
What is this - a violent imagination, the next stage of a child's development, or a dangerous symptom? Where do such fantasies come from and is it worth to dissuade the child in the existence of a friend?
Where did he get it
Imaginary friends appear in the most emotional children with a visual vector. We receive most of the information about the world around us through sight, and they have it especially sensitive. They are very observant kids. Along with a variety of colors and shades around them, visual children are able to notice the mood of the mother, her feelings, experiences, the slightest changes in facial expressions, facial expressions, and behavior. The greatest pleasure for such a child is the creation of an emotional connection, the exchange of feelings, communication. Therefore, when the baby is left alone or the emotions and communication that he already has are not enough for him, he tries to build such a connection with an imaginary friend.
Childhood is a period of all-round development, both physical and mental. The child learns to use the properties of the psyche that he received from birth, the same applies to the properties of the visual vector. Yes, it may look primitive from the point of view of an adult, but when a child learns to walk, he also rearranges his legs funny and ridiculous. The task of the parent is to help, teach everything to be done as conveniently and efficiently as possible. Show the direction in which it is most promising to develop. So that someone who today learns to walk and falls, in the future could become an Olympic champion in running, climber or ballerina. The same applies to the expression of feelings, communication, the exchange of emotions, the development of imagination and sensuality. Today a child plays a children's theater or paints walls, and tomorrow he may become an actor or artist. Today he teaches to read dolls and bears and gives them injections, and tomorrow he will become a teacher or a doctor.
Fantasies come alive - a problem or a trifle?
Neither one nor the other. When a child at the age of five plays with Cheburashka, puts him to bed, feeds and walks, this is a natural stage of development - not a problem or a disease. Therefore, it is definitely not worth focusing on this, and even more so, you should not scold the child for this, dissuade or forbid to invent.
The best thing is to get involved. Offer help, new fun, say hello to an imaginary friend of the child, talk to him, allow himself to be drawn into the game and thus gain access to the world of children's fantasies.
Brushing aside and forgetting about your child's imaginary friend is also not an option. And that's why. As already mentioned, this is the next stage of development, but it is a dead end. You can go this way, but it should not become a stop and even less a terminal station. At fifteen, playing with fictional characters, replacing living people with them, is a problem. To avoid this, you need to move forward.
The presence of an imaginary friend suggests that part of your child's inner potential and capabilities is wasted, does not find its realization in real life, and he comes up with where to apply it. The kid embodies his capabilities in caring, communication, games with an imaginary friend - which means that he has room to grow.
When we develop a child with a visual vector correctly, any fictional characters go away as unnecessary. The need for them simply disappears, as more attractive options for implementation come to the fore.
What to do? Show where is more interesting. To give the skill of more "tasty" implementation - that is, the skill of emotional connection with a living person. First of all, with my mother.
Life is better than any fantasy
Constant imaginary friends appear when the emotional connection with mom weakens. The child is trying to create a substitute for a vital emotional connection with his mother.
This happens when a mother is in a state of stress, constant psychological stress, does not feel confident in the future, suffers from a lack of realization of her own psychological properties.
Mom does not want to share her feelings with the child, does not want to burden the baby with her feelings, she believes that he does not need it. Thus, she involuntarily fences herself off from the child, trying to protect him from adult difficulties. The mutual exchange of feelings is lost - the emotional connection weakens, and the need for emotions does not go anywhere.
This does not mean that a four-year-old child should be told about all the twists and turns at work or a scandalous neighbor from the upper floor, by no means. With a child, you should be sincere in your feelings. It is very difficult to hide his feelings from a visual baby, even if he does not yet know how to delicately ask what the mother is upset about. He just sees it, he just feels it. And, yes, he seeks to share with her mom her experiences, both good and bad.
Turning away from the child to cry into the pillow is not the best way out, albeit the easiest one.
It's difficult to admit that mom is upset, tired and is now experiencing difficulties at work. This is unusual, inconvenient, even strange, but it's honest. To tell the child that now mom is not feeling well, but she loves him and will always love him - this is very strong. This is important, necessary and promising. For all.
This approach strengthens the bond between mother and child. Provides hope. It gives birth to the belief that everything will be fine. Creates the child's confidence that his mother always loves him, even when she feels bad, when he feels bad, when life is difficult and when it seems that there is no way out.
The mother's sincerity and the ability to share feelings is a guarantee that in ten years the child will share them with his mother and precisely when it will be difficult, painful and when he needs help.
A strong emotional connection with the mother gives the filling of the properties of the visual vector of such an intensity that no imaginary comrade can match. The living emotions of a living person are much more interesting and important for a child than all his fantasies combined.
No stops
The development of a visual child begins with an emotional connection with the mother. This is the foundation, the foundation on which all subsequent, more complex levels of development can be built.
The violent imagination of a visual baby cannot remain inactive. It can and should be directed in the right direction. Classical literature helps a lot in this. For reading, a child with a visual vector should select literature with special attention. These should be works focused on compassion for the heroes, their plight, their losses and deprivations, their kind heart.
A visual child, while small, loves very much to be read to him. In his imagination, he is carried away into the plot of the book and lives all the events as if in his own life. Therefore, in the children's library there should be no fairy tales with eating, aggression, violence, no scarecrows or horrors - nothing that causes fear. Since this is a step back in the development of visual properties.
Getting used to good literature, the visual kid himself seeks to learn to read. Thanks to visual memory and imaginative thinking, he does it quickly and subsequently reads voraciously.
An important aspect of a child's development is his socialization. Communication with peers in kindergarten becomes simply necessary for a child from the age of three. It is at this age that the skills of interaction with others are developed, which are used throughout adulthood. Communication with completely different children of the same age, the search for their place in the team, the perception of oneself as an integral part of the whole - all this is also an important stage in the development of the child's personality.
In the process of socialization, the child is affirmed in the idea that live communication, playing with real children, real friends are much more interesting, emotional and richer than imaginary comrades. Reality becomes more attractive to him in comparison with fantasy.
Your child's imaginary friend cannot harm him until he replaces real people for him. You can play fairies and wizards, it's fun and interesting, but the main thing is to see those around them, feel them, understand and love them. But this already needs to be learned so as not to remain an unhappy person in the valley of fairies, but to grow up as a real “fairy” among real people.
You can get the first insights already at the free online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
