Physics of relations: the force of static friction. My friend is a sofa
Stupor. Inaction. An endless process of falling into the abyss of dissatisfaction and resentment. And the current law of physics is the force of static friction in the constant contact of two bodies: Ivan and the sofa. But life could have developed in a completely different way …
"The force of friction at rest is the force acting on a given body from the side of another body in contact with it along the surface of contact of bodies in the case when the bodies are at rest relative to each other …"
(Terminological dictionary. Physics)
Ivan did not know that his life in recent years was fully consistent with the well-known law of physics. The space of the two-room apartment narrowed, and now there were only two bodies acting on each other - Ivan and the sofa.
The sofa was always at rest. His force of attraction was irresistible, so Ivan was in constant contact with him - he sat, lay, waddled from side to side. In general, I practically lived on it.
Gone are family, work, friends, and the feeling that someone needs you. Everything that served as a support and made up the meaning of his life burned up in the fire of reproaches and scandals, turning into ashes from resentment, guilt and hopelessness.
Ivan was left alone. It was as if they had put the hand brake on. Time has stopped. He did not understand and did not want to accept a life in which he had no place. Reality and support were only here on the couch.
TV, books and, of course, the Internet. Here he could be anyone - a professional in his field, a wise counselor, a fair judge and a strict critic. He was respected for his valuable advice, praised and admired for his firm life position. But … something was wrong, not so … wrong. Gradually, his advice turned into moralizing, the judge became the prosecutor, and instead of the expert critic, the critic appeared, seeking to throw mud at the criticized subject.
The relief that came after the massacre of another Internet interlocutor briefly restored balance. You could exhale and calm down. But it was not there. Memories of the past began to spin in his head, of the time when he was happy and unhappy, where there were two most significant women in his life - mother and wife. And again the resentment that had accumulated over the decades was overwhelmed. God, how they looked alike!
Both selfish, mercantile, always rushing him and driving him crazy with their commanding tone. They were constantly tugging at him, always demanding something. Money, business, connections … Not at all what he dreamed of, what he wanted to do. It is because of them that he suffers, because of them he is now nobody. One. On the sofa. Lost work, family destroyed, friends turned away. But he could have had a completely different life …
First steps to living on the couch
All people are different, it is known. But not everyone understands how they are different. Yuri Burlan's training "System Vector Psychology" provides an accurate understanding of the differences. For example, take values and desires. One person appreciates career growth, focuses on money, material well-being, while for the other, the main value is family, a cozy home, traditions, and professionalism. Such people are not just not alike, they are opposite in everything.
By nature, Ivan inherited an excellent memory and desire to learn, so the school curriculum was easy. A diligent and diligent boy received good grades and did not cause trouble for teachers. With another five, he went home to please the most beloved and dear person in the world - his mother! Ivan so wanted her to see how he tried, what a fine fellow he is, and praised him. He deserved it.
But every time he was disappointed. Mom indifferently perceived his stories about school, cut off without listening to the end, or hurried, they say, come on quickly, you are always with your details. And it was always like this: dress faster, walk faster, think faster … But he could not have done it faster. Everything worked out only when he was not rushed, when he calmly, at his own pace, did his homework, was going to school, ate.
Mom never praised him. It was bitter and unfair. He tried so hard and was not appreciated. The insult accumulated gradually and grew with Ivan, firmly instilling in the boy's head the idea that no matter how hard you tried, no matter what you achieved, they would not appreciate it anyway. There was self-doubt, stubbornness.
And that's half the trouble. Mom was always ahead. She did everything better and faster than Ivan. Yes, not always of high quality, not always well thought out, but who will understand this if mom confidently says that it is necessary. It was always difficult for him to make decisions, because his mother knew better than him what was good and what was bad. But gradually these eternal "no" and "no" and "no" raised a wave of indignation in the soul, leaving a residue of their own uselessness and inferiority.
It annoyed her when he "got" underfoot, and infuriated the slowness. At some point, he found a way out - he climbed into the corner of the sofa with a textbook, and a miracle happened. Ivan seemed to have become invisible, merged with the sofa into a single whole. There were no shouts, pressure, anger. Mom, as always, was rapidly moving around the apartment, not noticing him. Everything was perfect. He did not interfere, did not bother with stories, did not ask for anything. And the boy realized that he had a friend at home who would protect him from trouble.
The remaining years of study at school and then at the institute were spent on the couch. The meaning of the sofa grew, expanded and turned into a “refuge” where Ivan hid from problems. Here he had his own life - calm, unhurried, filled with pleasant things to do and entertainment. He became a good specialist, quickly found a job where he was appreciated and respected for his professionalism.
There were thoughts of family … But he will have a completely different relationship with his wife. She will respect him, will listen to his stories. He will find understanding and support from her. And with children, he will behave differently. He will teach them, become an authority for them and a just, loving father. And when they grow up, they will be grateful for the knowledge and experience they received. So he dreamed, comfortably sitting on the sofa, which was his support and reality.
He, she and the sofa. Third wheel
She burst into Ivan's life like a comet - bright and impetuous. He realized that this was fate, a lucky break, a trump card - call it whatever you like. The meeting was not supposed to take place. After work, he almost never went out and spent time as usual on the couch - reading, surfing the Internet, watching movies. The unknown girl needed a little help, he gladly rendered a favor. Word for word, look, smile … He realized that he was gone.
Thin, fragile, very weak in his eyes. This girl wanted to protect, hide from the hardships of this world and hide like a jewel from prying eyes. She was like another planet, completely unlike him. Easy-going, positive, non-offensive. It was easy and convenient with her. She knew how to find a solution in one minute, but if this did not suit him, then she changed it just as quickly.
Ivan was admired and touched by her ability to “not hang around” on problems, because everything was solved the way he wanted. So, for his sake, she is ready to sacrifice her plans, which means that he is important and dear to her? It was a complete delight! Evenings on the couch no longer seemed so attractive, I wanted to be close to my beloved and enjoy life.
This girl would be his ideal wife. Economical, she does not spend money on trifles … True, she is very active, restless, well, nothing, she will settle down later. The indecision acquired in childhood did not allow taking the first step. Therefore, when she directly asked about his intentions and literally made him an offer, he happily agreed. And so, Ivan had what he dreamed of - a family. A new life began, in which there was almost no room left for a faithful friend - a sofa.
Return. An old friend is better …
He no longer remembers when everything changed. It was like déjà vu. All this he had already seen and experienced. And now nightmares from childhood began to appear in his family life, only instead of his mother, his wife became the main irritant. How could he not understand, not see? How did he manage to marry a copy of his mother, the grievance against which has not passed until now! Where were his eyes, the mind he was so proud of? Yes, and friends said something like that, but …
Ivan did not understand anything. How did an easy-going, reasonably rational and problem-free girl turn into an angry, greedy and envious shrew? He was ready to do everything for her, but it was never enough for her. She never thanked, did not praise, but only pushed him to look for additional earnings, a new promising and money job. And Ivan was happy with everything, he did not want to change anything. He was a specialist in his place, he was paid well and appreciated as a professional.
He dreamed of understanding, long evening conversations … Ha! What are the conversations? She couldn't sit still for a minute. Favorite words - "shorter", "come quickly." Any sentence began with the word "no"! She constantly talked about money, compared which of her acquaintances had more or less of it, envied him, put pressure on him, forced him. It was impossible to discuss anything with her, because there was only her opinion - categorical, not tolerating objections.
Friends … There weren't many of them anyway, but they gradually moved away. The wife did not recognize useless friends. She was interested in people who could benefit, who had connections, influence. Such people drove Ivan into terrible stress. It seemed to him that his wife was turning into a many-headed hydra - these people were so similar, their conversations and desires. Even outwardly, they looked alike.
She purposefully imposed her attitudes on him, forced him to live in her frantic rhythm. A familiar feeling of injustice and resentment grew in Ivan's soul. Once again, the desire arose to hide in a shelter - to climb up on the sofa and become invisible. He more and more often refused to go out with his wife "in society", more and more often he stayed at home. Any desire of his wife provoked a protest, sometimes aggression, but she kept pressing and pressing, constantly tugging, did not allow to live in peace.
Then Ivan began to come home from work later, turned on the TV, took a book. He more and more wanted to dissolve in the sofa, as he had once, in childhood, stubbornly postponing the search for a new job. And so, one of the "necessary" people offered to go to his business, more money, more prestigious. His wife insisted, pressed, and Ivan left his favorite job with a heavy heart. His co-workers were genuinely grieved at the loss of a valuable and reliable employee.
The business turned out to be completely different from the job that Ivan was promised. The salary was piecework, directly dependent on the result, and the result on the ability to sell, mobility and the speed of decision-making. It was a disaster! He did not possess any of these qualities, so he soon felt worthless, inept, and incapable of anything. Scandals, reproaches and insults began at home.
The wife did not choose expressions. With the precision of a sniper, she hit the most painful points: you are not a man, you cannot do anything, you are not able to learn such a simple thing, a loser. And then time stopped. Ivan stopped, fell into a stupor. I ran out of energy, there was no resource, no motivation. It was all in vain. He remained an insecure boy who had lost the meaning of his life - respect, professionalism. He felt that the last stronghold - the family - was crumbling.
When all the supports were knocked out, family and favorite work were lost, there was only one thing that came to mind from childhood - his shelter, a sofa. Only he returned calmness and supported both literally and figuratively. The movement ended. Ivan went to rest. I didn’t have the strength to change something in my life, I didn’t have the courage to admit that I was wrong, I was unbearably ashamed that he had “betrayed” his colleagues, so he could not return to his old job.
Stupor. Inaction. An endless process of falling into the abyss of dissatisfaction and resentment. And the current law of physics is the force of static friction in the constant contact of two bodies: Ivan and the sofa. But life could have developed in a completely different way …
Antigravity. The force lifting from the couch
The events described above are a fairly common life scenario for a man who has an anal vector and lives today, in an era of a high-speed, rapidly changing world. But this is only one of the options for attraction to the sofa. But there are also reasons such as procrastination, fear of dishonor, laziness. And each of them has its own roots, its own points of origin and development of events, leading to one result - life on the couch.
How to understand what is happening to you and your life? How do you succeed? How to choose a life partner consciously, unmistakably and forever? How can you create lasting family relationships based on loyalty, love, and trust? You can find the answer to these and many more questions at the training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
Thousands of people received results and left feedback on how they rebuilt families, created couples, got the job they dreamed of, understood their desires and realized them. The knowledge that can become your reliable support is already available at the free online training "System Vector Psychology". You can listen to it right on the couch, it will not hurt.
