Sadism in the family. Part 1. I want to hurt you
Revealing the psychological background of a relationship based on violence, we are aware of the life scenario of this couple, an unconscious conspiracy, where the masochist literally attracts the sadist. We understand why it is so difficult to leave, why the victim repeats a similar scenario over and over again, even once running away from the rapist. Having understood the psychological background of these relationships, a person gains real freedom of choice and the opportunity to live his life differently.
More than 36 thousand Russian women are beaten by their husbands every day. 12 thousand die as a result of domestic violence every year. 97% of cases related to this problem do not go to court. These numbers will terrify any person, and if you take into account that many stories are simply not made public, it becomes really scary. We cannot be calm for our safety, not only outside the boundaries of our home, but also outside the seemingly cozy and solid walls of the “home fortress”.
Women who are subjected to domestic violence are humiliated, lost and morally disfigured by the monstrous attitude towards themselves, but at the same time they do not believe that they can escape from this everyday hell. Do they want to live like this? Of course not. Let's help them find a way out and understand what breeds cruelty in their husbands and why they cannot end their suffering.
An unconscious collusion of sado-maso. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps us to understand these issues. Thanks to the knowledge of how the human psyche works, we can understand the reasons for both our own and others' actions.
Revealing the psychological background of a relationship based on violence, we are aware of the life scenario of this couple, an unconscious conspiracy, where the masochist literally attracts the sadist. We understand why it is so difficult to leave, why the victim repeats a similar scenario over and over again, even once running away from the rapist. Having understood the psychological background of these relationships, a person gains real freedom of choice and the opportunity to live his life differently.
Based on systemic knowledge, we will give a psychological portrait of a sadist husband and his victim-wife. A sadist is always the owner of the so-called anal vector; the victim, as a rule, has a skin vector. Couples with mental qualities inherent in these vectors are able to create strong family relationships. But under certain life scenarios of both partners, this relationship can become a waking nightmare.
Favorite husband or devil lame?
No matter how ironic it may sound within the framework of this narrative, it is the owner of the anal vector that is potentially an ideal family man. But why, instead of a gift of fate, we can get a "nightmare on Elm Street"?
Many of our problems are rooted in childhood, but social pressure throughout our lives also has an important impact on us. Therefore, in any case, it is necessary to separate the mental problems rooted in the diaper-diaper years, and the psychological trauma received in adulthood due to the lack of realization in society and sexual life.
Most often, the sadistic tendencies of men with an anal vector are associated with childhood trauma. But first, let's look at who these people are with a good scenario of development and implementation.
First of all, these are people with excellent memory and a desire to transfer knowledge to future generations. For the natural development of human society, people were needed who were able to educate children and adolescents so that they would not reinvent the wheel every time and did not repeat the mistakes of their fathers and grandfathers. Degree, slow, diligent, giving all their attention to quality, not speed, they have accumulated and systematized knowledge for thousands of years, delighting us, ordinary people, with their perseverance, patience and self-control.
They were not agile and fast, but being physically strong, they guarded fortresses and communities from enemies, while the musculocutaneous army went to war or for prey. One would think that they have always had a choice among single women without husbands. But no. These are the people who, from time immemorial, have valued loyalty, loyalty and family ties the most. They kept the honor of the women of their flock and did everything to save her from enemies.
The gaze of such people is turned to the past. It is their core value. But they are not so arranged to get stuck in past grievances and a desire for revenge. No, this is the wrong path that they so often follow, crushed by life circumstances and childhood problems.
For people with an anal vector, memory is given for the accumulation of knowledge, and not for the accumulation of resentment. To love your natural calling, to teach future generations, you need to value the past. That is why the owners of the anal vector strive most of all to preserve traditions, the institution of marriage and family, despite the fact that in the modern skin phase of the development of these traditions these traditions have clearly been shaken and are suffering catastrophic transformations and changes.
It is changes that are one of the main difficulties for such people. Due to their conservatism associated with basic values, they find it most difficult to adapt in the modern world of hypersonic speeds. Hence, the first bells of psychotraumas are heard, often received in childhood, when parents were always rushing their child, slightly "inhibited" in their understanding. And what happens to children who are forced to do things that do not correspond to their nature? Their mental properties stop developing. And instead of a genius scientist, professor or sculptor, we get a sadist, foul language, and even a murderer.
Don't rush me, mom
But why does the parental desire to make them move faster, speak shorter, have such an influence on children with an anal vector? Looking through ourselves, we wish the children only the best … or we simply want them not to interfere with our lives as it is convenient for us. Let's go back to the early days of the potted period now.
Although I don't really want to remember these intimate details, they are very important for a leisurely and detailed baby.
If the mother, beloved by all owners of the anal vector, turned out to be the carrier of the skin vector, then this is a fast, flexible, always controlling woman. She, of course, saves every minute. And then her little, "slightly" slow son, just before going to the kindergarten, goes to the toilet, so to speak, "for a big".
This is followed by an oil painting, as she runs around the apartment, flickering and hurrying her "toilet inhabitant". After all, a little more, and because of him she will be late for work. While for a child with an anal vector, bowel cleansing is a time-consuming intimate process associated with his most sensitive area.
The further psychosexual development of the child with the anal vector largely depends on how the stage of potty training will be passed. With the passage of this period without any excesses, the little person learns to bring the purification (and any business) to the end, without putting it on the back burner. He also correctly develops the categories of clean and dirty that are important for him, which is associated with a complete and timely cleansing of the body. It is the development of these qualities that will determine his further ability to be a professional in his field - to find the slightest mistake in the mass of information, to start business on time and always bring them to the end without a single oversight, absolutely perfect.
But if during the process of cleansing the child is interrupted by the mother, then, naturally, he experiences trauma. Not only does this physically carry unpleasant sensations (the sphincter is clamped), it also puts pressure on the psyche. The mother drags him by the hand to kindergarten, and the baby is already under stress. And this is repeated almost every day.
The anal child reacts to stress with a spasm in the gastrointestinal tract, the anal sphincter is clamped first. As a result, the child becomes constipated. For the second time, trying to avoid the pain accompanying the cleansing of the intestines with constipation, he unconsciously begins to postpone the process of going to the toilet, further aggravating the problem.
Of course, after postponing for several days, the baby still performs an act of defecation, but at the same time experiences pain. However, after that comes relief, a feeling of satisfaction. Thus, what should normally be pleasant for an anal child (the process of cleansing) is accompanied by pain, and positive feelings arise only after experiencing pain. With the constant repetition of such cases, the thought is gradually fixed in the child's mind: in order to become pleasant, first it must be painful. It is in this deviation of development that the roots of sadism lie - voluptuousness in inflicting pain, because only by inflicting pain, he knows how to get his relief.
It is worth noting that a similar mechanism works in all cases when a child with an anal vector is offended by the mother. A mother for such a child is sacred, he needs her encouragement more than other children, idealizes her, wants to be good for her. Not receiving her support or experiencing undeserved punishment, observing the unworthy (dirty) behavior of the mother, the child reacts with stress and resentment, and, as a result, constipation, and this disrupts his development. And since the memory of a person with an anal vector is strong like steel, he is able to carry this insult through his whole life, which gives its consequences in relations with women in general.
Trying to relieve the accumulated tension, at first such a boy will sadist over insects, tearing off their paws, then move on to larger animals. Do not have time to notice, as he already kicks your cat with pleasure, throws a small dog against the wall.
He likes to inflict pain on others, because somewhere out there, in the depths of his consciousness, the connection “hurts and then it is pleasant” has stuck with him for centuries. He has not learned to experience the pleasure of cleansing, he knows how to receive a semblance of joy only from causing pain. Such men are capable of experiencing orgasmic pleasure, beating up their wife, who is already "sitting in the liver." Mom once offended, but now all the women went …
Thrown to the sidelines of life
Childhood trauma is not the only cause of sadistic behavior. Social non-realization also sooner or later leads to the fact that the accumulated frustration and tension are dumped through physical violence. Unfortunately, in the modern world with its cutaneous rhythms, quite prosperous owners of the anal vector can lose their jobs, failing to adapt to rapidly changing conditions. For any man, job loss, social unfulfillment is the greatest stress. And here it is the owner of the anal vector that can enter into a stupor for a long time, get bogged down in resentment. And how to compensate for your suffering, to align the biochemistry of the brain? Relieve dislike and frustration on others in the form of verbal or physical violence.
However, not every woman will live with this, not everyone will endure beatings and be afraid to leave. Some, after the first blow, file for divorce, and some walk with bruises all their lives, or maybe stay with their "beloved husband" and until the last fatal blow … Who are they - victims of domestic violence, unhappy women with a twisted fate - read the next part.
