Relationship in a couple. How much can you use me?
People who are in such a relationship often ask themselves: how long to endure? And is it worth it? To answer them, you need to be well versed in the psychic laws that operate in the relationship between a man and a woman …
The problem we'll talk about now is fairly typical. When one of the partners gives everything, invests in the relationship, and the other only accepts, uses, in a word, parasitizes.
What is behind this relationship? What is the threat of such a scenario? And how to get out of it?
Pictures at an Exhibition
The first picture. She is beautiful and bright, very emotional. Being with her is like owning an expensive Ferrari sports car. The ride is breathtaking. She achieves her goal at any cost - screams, demands, breaks down. He is calm, balanced, delicate. Adjusts, smoothes sharp edges, apologizes, even when not guilty. Family for him is a value, so he strives to do whatever she wants for her. But her “want” is unlimited and cannot be filled in any way. This also applies to how she wants to see him. In her opinion, he is to blame for everything. He is disappointed in the relationship - happiness does not work.
Scene two. She is very active, active, she succeeds everywhere. Works, brings up children, leads the house. He is an unrecognized genius. Nobody understands him. No one can appreciate his talent. Therefore, he prefers to wait … lying on the couch and flicking the TV remote control. When will someone finally come and offer him the very job that will be worthy of him? It's okay that he is rude to her and is always dissatisfied, throws things around and spreads dirt. She understands: he feels bad, because no one can appreciate his genius. She will do everything to make him happy. She would never leave him. But where to get the strength for everything?..
Typical situations, isn't it? People who are in such a relationship often ask themselves: how long to endure? And is it worth it? To answer them, you need to be well versed in the mental laws that operate in the relationship between a man and a woman. It is also necessary to understand yourself and the person you have chosen to go through life together.
Man and woman - how it should be
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that a man was created as a principle of bestowal, a woman - as a principle of receiving. The greatest desire of a man (which is not always realized) is to fulfill the desires of a woman. He wants her, because she gives him the greatest pleasure - orgasm. But in order to own her, he must give to her - provision, a sense of security and safety. After all, she is a mother. She needs to be sure that while she is raising the child, nothing will happen to them. There are women who do not give birth, there are few of them - only five percent, but it is equally important for them to feel the security that can be obtained from men.
A man sublimates his desire for a woman in social activity, earning a livelihood for his family and at the same time realizing his abilities.
The woman accepts from the man his protection and provision. Traditionally, a woman led the house and household, raised children, supported her man. Now the situation is somewhat different - it works and provides for itself, but the internal, psychological principle of relations has remained unchanged. In a family in which a man and a woman fulfill their natural roles, there will always be a balance under certain conditions.
Why is there a skew?
It seems that the situation with a demanding, eternally dissatisfied wife and a husband striving to fulfill all her desires corresponds to the principle of bestowal and receiving. She demands, he seeks to fulfill her desires. What could be wrong here? Why is there no happiness in a relationship? Why are both not satisfied with each other all the time?
This happens when the couple does not take into account the needs of the other person, the one who gives. Relationships can only take place if both partners understand and accept each other's desires, when you want to think first about your beloved, and then about yourself.
Constant receiving only for oneself gives short-term pleasure, because desire, when filled, doubles. How can we not recall Pushkin's tale about a greedy old woman who demanded a new trough from her husband, but this seemed to her not enough. She has a new home, and then give her a palace! A person who only consumes does not develop. Moreover, it degrades.
The one that gives, on the contrary, develops and grows all the time. He learns to understand and accept another person, constantly solves some problems of joint survival. He grows up in soul. And at some point, such a relationship ceases to be interesting to him. He outgrows them and becomes disillusioned. The couple's potential is running out. The giver has received his lessons and leaves. But this is not always the case. Often people get stuck in such a relationship.
When such a bias, when one only gives, and the other only consumes, while not even experiencing the joy of receiving, exists for a long time, this indicates serious psychological problems in both participants in the relationship. Consider the basis on which such a relationship can develop. Why does one partner agree to be parasitized, and what this can lead to.
Good boys and girls
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan identifies eight vectors in the human mental - eight groups of innate desires, properties, values. Among them there is an anal vector, the owner of which is especially difficult to decide to end the relationship. The main value of a person with an anal vector is family, children, home. He is attached to the past, it is difficult for him to change something. Everything new for him is stress, so he prefers to keep what is, at any cost.
If a person also has a visual vector in the vector ligament, then he may still feel fear of being alone and pity for an unlucky partner. These are his properties - feelings, emotional connections for him in the first place. He is patient, delicate, caring, afraid to leave his family. Such a man is a really good husband and father, and a woman with such a bunch of vectors is the best mother and wife. But even such people are on the verge of taking a decisive step towards the dissolution of paired relations.
Dependence on unequal relationships will go much deeper if one of the partners has a good boy or good girl complex. This complex comes from childhood, if the mother had a skin-visual ligament of vectors in not very good condition - she was hysterical, demanded attention to herself, manipulated the children. A boy or girl with an anal-visual ligament of vectors is very obedient, emotionally dependent on his mother. They try in every possible way to please her, constantly feel guilty for the fact that mom is bad. This is how a complex develops, an imprint in the psychic for the rest of his life.
In adulthood, such people please everyone - spouses, children, colleagues. Sometimes they are exhausted so that everyone can see how good they are, in the hope that their efforts will be appreciated and in return they will receive attention and love from others, which they did not receive from their mother. They will suffer next to the parasitic partner, but they will never get out of the relationship.
Is family important to everyone? Who are gigolos?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that, unlike anal people, the owners of the skin vector do not have family value. Moreover, the novelty factor is attractive for them. They easily often change partners when they are not realized in society. Therefore, they are unlikely to stay in an uninteresting relationship for themselves. For someone to sit on their neck? No way in the world! It's not profitable to spend money on a partner who does nothing, lies on the couch and does not invest anything in the family budget. A leatherworker values his time, effort and money.
But the opposite happens: male gigolos, who choose to live at the expense of women, also have a skin vector. This happens when their properties are not developed. A developed and realized dermal person is one who strives for social and property superiority and achieves this.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to identify male gigolos very quickly, helping you not to connect your life with them from the very beginning. Instead of realizing their desire for success, social status in society, they actually deceive and rob women, showing archetypal (undeveloped, characteristic of ancient people) properties.
There is only one case when a woman takes a man under her care, and this is naturally justified: the relationship between a urethral woman and a skin-visual man. The first, possessing great vitality, has an innate desire to bestow on shortages, to protect the weak. The second, poorly adapted to life, fragile in body and psyche, just beginning to find his social realization, is looking for a strong patron who could protect him. They find each other and feel great satisfaction from such a relationship.
The libido of the urethral woman is so strong that even in her declining years she can enter into relationships with young men. Such a relationship is easy to see on the example of urethral pop divas: Pugacheva, Babkina, Madonna. They have young husbands, not as successful as themselves, but women are absolutely satisfied with this state of affairs.
Scenario for failure
Let's go back to problem pairs. The owners of the skin vector may also have a situation where they will remain in an unsuccessful relationship in a couple at the expense of their own well-being. This is mainly the case in dermal women who have masochistic tendencies due to developmental failure because they were abused or beaten in childhood. In a dermal man, the scenario of failure leads, first of all, to failures in society, in a career, and not in pair relationships.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that a person with a skin vector has ambitions, is inclined to be competitive, wants to be the first. But if from childhood he is constantly being told that he is no good for anything, that he is failing and will never succeed, he does not develop his natural qualities. On the contrary, he carries out from childhood the belief that he is a failure.
A dermal person has a mobile flexible body and an equally flexible psyche. And therefore, when he is beaten or insulted, he adapts to pain, adapts it through the release of natural opiates, endorphins, by the brain, which makes him enjoy. In the future, he unconsciously looks for situations in life that will give him pain, because he has learned to experience the pleasure of suffering.
The owner of the cutaneous vector, who has masochistic tendencies, chooses a very difficult life full of humiliation, unconsciously following a scenario of failure. A skin woman, it happens, cannot get out of unsuccessful pair relationships. Finds various excuses for his verbally or physically sadistic partner, just to get his little masochistic pleasure from suffering.
Happiness is possible. Should not be tolerated
Every person wants to enjoy life. We all strive for happiness. Why do we suffer so much? Why choose the wrong people and spend our lives in relationships that don't bring happiness?
Because we do not know ourselves and do not understand those around us. We do not recognize their psychic properties and hope that we can re-educate them, make them better. We want to help them get out of a difficult situation, often taking on all their problems. Good intention … But, not seeing their potential, level of development, natural properties, we are often mistaken. And the price of these mistakes is tens of years spent in patience, suppression of one's own desires and dissatisfaction with life.
Is it worth it? Of course not. After all, happiness is quite possible. You just need to know how a person is arranged, what are his mental properties, what he really wants. It is not difficult. Get started with Yuri Burlan's free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology. Registration here:
