How to maintain a relationship for a long time and become a happy couple
Often, only one thing prevents us from maintaining a relationship: we do not understand each other. And involuntarily, instead of joy and happiness, we inflict pain, provoke quarrels and conflicts. How to penetrate into the soul of a husband or wife, how to find an approach to a loved one?
What to do when a couple's relationship is declining? When wormholes have accumulated that destroy your love: quarrels, boredom, or just a monotonous life. How to give new life to relationships, to preserve them, to make them deep and stable?
There is a way to maintain a relationship - to learn to see the soul of your partner, to know his every thought, every movement of his heart, just as you managed to study moles on the body or facial features.
A transcendental fantasy? Not at all. In this article, we share the secrets of how to maintain a relationship for a long time.
Why everything has become bland and boring in a relationship
First you have to dispel a couple of myths. They are called "feelings have cooled down" and "life has eaten." With these vague words, we usually describe a situation where passion, attraction and vivid emotions go away in marriage. Here is the story of one couple who turned to a psychologist for advice:
“The relationship just ran out of steam. Somehow life sucked in, love passed, it became boring with each other. While the child was still young, there was no time for introspection. And then at some point they just realized that we were not a family for a long time, but just neighbors, that they live together on the same territory. Does it make sense to keep the relationship or is it better to separate?"
You can define this situation in a relationship with one precise word: "sniffed." The fact is that is hidden from ourselves: the attraction in a couple is ruled by pheromones - unconscious body odors. Under the influence of pheromones, physical attraction and emotional uplift occurs. Passion, strong, vivid feelings. But they do not live long.
Enchanting happiness lasts up to a maximum of three years. Then the smell of the partner becomes familiar. And it no longer arouses such emotions, such a strong attraction, as before. It is at this moment that thoughts creep in: “We made the wrong choice. There is no point in trying to maintain this relationship. Better to give each other a chance to find happiness with someone else."
The trouble is that in another couple the same thing repeats over time - the attraction subsides. This is how our nature works. Can you keep your attraction? Only if we make special efforts towards it. To maintain family relationships for a long time, you need a deep emotional connection with your loved one.
When such an emotional connection is built in a couple, a completely different scenario of relationships develops. Partners open their souls to each other more and more every day. The psychological state is changing for the better, an emotional uplift arises. And, as a result, the smell of our pheromones intensifies. You re-awaken each other's strong feelings and emotions. Such relationships do not have an “expiration date”.
Often, only one thing prevents us from maintaining a relationship: we do not understand each other. And involuntarily, instead of joy and happiness, we inflict pain, provoke quarrels and conflicts. How to penetrate into the soul of a husband or wife, how to find an approach to a loved one?
We are different - so we don't fit together?
When the storm of passions begins to decline, the psychological differences between partners come to the fore. It happens that feelings are still strong, and both want to keep the relationship, but nothing comes of it. Disagreements erupt on any occasion, it is not clear how to resolve problematic issues:
“This is probably a crisis in relations … I don't know why it occurs, but we have it. There is no question of love, it is mutual and strong with us. But everything is ruined by some strange misunderstanding, quarrels. There is no way I can handle this. I don’t want to lose this person, and he doesn’t want to either, but you can’t live like that either … How can we keep our relationship?"
Here is another myth to debunk. It is called “we didn’t agree with each other”, “we are too different” and the like. Have you heard that opposites attract? It really is. If people with absolutely identical properties of the psyche come together, there will simply be no attraction between them.
Therefore, a thorough, scrupulous and unhurried man is attracted by the pheromones of an active, mobile and purposeful woman. An emotional, sensual woman is interested in a closed, self-absorbed philosopher, a seeker of the meaning of life. There is no mistake in this - it is a natural rule.
To preserve the relationship between opposites and avoid conflicts, you need to know the basis of the human psyche. These are 8 vectors, each of which sets certain qualities and properties, desires and priorities for its owner.
Modern city dwellers are often carriers of 3-4 vectors out of 8 possible. If you accurately determine the characteristics of your soulmate, understand the desires of a loved one, any problematic questions will disappear by themselves. Let's take a look at simple examples.
“Take care of your relationship” - how?
Often, advice on how to maintain a relationship contains the following postulates: “Talk to each other. Communicate. Take care of your relationship. It's a pity, no one tells how exactly to do this. Sometimes, even wishing for the best, we are able to completely destroy the family. Here's a real life example:
“There was mutual love, trust, and heart-to-heart talks. One problem: my husband was not doing well. My wife always supported and encouraged. But at some point, another large order ended in failure. Wanting to give good advice, the woman said: - You yourself see that nothing comes out of you. Well, don't take on such large orders. Do what is smaller, simpler, with your own hands. Well, we won't have a lot of money - nothing, we'll live on a modest income. The husband somehow went out, wilted. Then he went into apathy and stopped working altogether. After a few years, the family broke up, it was not possible to keep the relationship. In parting he said: “With these words you just destroyed me then. And the worst thing is that I believed you that I am not good for anything serious …"
For any man, the basis of a happy life is to take place in society. In this example, the husband is an ambitious owner of the skin vector. He feels the beating of life in career growth, property and social superiority, and this is all for the woman he loves. When a woman does not believe in his ability to occupy a higher social niche, for him it is tantamount to the fact that he is a failure. It's just like death for such a person. Knowing the natural properties of a husband, a loving wife will never strike such a blow.
Distance paired
We often hear: in order to maintain a relationship with a loved one, it is necessary from time to time to give yourself the opportunity to take a break from each other. Why does my beloved get tired of me? Why does there even arise a desire to "take a break" from each other?
Here, too, you need to understand the mental properties of your partner. For example, a brooding, a little “out of this world” person with a sound vector needs to be in silence sometimes, to immerse himself in his thoughts. If the house does not give such an opportunity, he will “run away” anywhere: walk alone down the street, sit on a bench, stay late at work. Just to give rest to your ears and focus on your thoughts.
The owner of the skin vector in good condition tends to touch, hug, and kiss. But under stress, his sensitive skin reacts exactly the opposite: “Don't touch me! Don't touch! And this does not mean that the person has stopped loving you - he just really feels bad. The ability to understand, choose the right distance at the right time, but stay close - this requires psychological knowledge.
Money question in relationships
Money is often said to be a stumbling block in couples. In fact, we treat money differently. In accordance with innate qualities. The owners of the skin vector have the most reverent relationship with money. By nature, they strive not only to earn money, but also to save and save resources. It gives them pleasure. When it is moderate frugality, it only benefits the family. But it happens that a dermal person experiences severe stress or lacks realization in society. Then he can make an unnecessary emphasis - literally "save on matches", make trouble because someone did not turn off the light. Or vice versa - he wastes all the money down the drain, relieving stress with the help of the next shopping. Understanding the essence of the problem, one partner can help the other get out of this state.
And if the husband doesn't want to work? If he seemed to be frozen on the couch? Can the situation be changed? Read about this in the article Lazy husband: what to do?
Long distance relationships
Can the fact that one of the couple is often on business trips or, due to circumstances, have to live in different cities, spoil the relationship?
Distance itself doesn't change anything. You can, sitting on one sofa, at arm's length, be infinitely far from each other soul. Feel complete loneliness. And you can feel a spiritual connection with a loved one for thousands of kilometers. And even perceive his mood, state. So a family where a man is a seafarer can be quite happy.
But if you have had a real opportunity to move in and be together for a long time, and your soul mate hesitates with a decision, this is a reason to think. Maybe this person does not need a serious relationship at all and he is satisfied with everything as it is? Or maybe he just has a bad experience behind him and fear prevents him from taking a serious step? By understanding the human psyche, you can never go wrong.
About mothers, sisters, girlfriends and other close people
But the widespread assertion that "third parties" should not be initiated into your relationship is not a myth at all, but an absolute truth. A couple is only two, and everything that happens between you is an intimate process.
It is easier for us to understand this when it comes to sex: we do not share the details of intimate life. But the fact is that our emotions, feelings and even the problems that we experience in a couple are also an intimate sphere.
Women often share these experiences: with their mother, girlfriend, sister. Get self-attention and empathy. As a result, well, just intimate, trusting relationships with women are developing! And the couple collapses. Why? The fact is that an emotional connection is created from woman to man. She "provides", saturates him with her states, feelings, emotions and this creates an emotional, sensual background in a couple. When the wife had time to "drain" her feelings to her friend or mother, she received a release. It is emotionally emasculated, empty. And the sensual connection in a pair does not add up. First, alienation arises, then conflicts grow, and even later, a man begins to seek emotional fulfillment, looking "to the side."
Even if tension has arisen between partners, conflict is an occasion to discuss the situation only together. Feel each other's feelings, find a joint way out of the situation. If such conversations are built on the foundation of understanding the partner's psyche, your connection and love will only grow stronger.
How to maintain a relationship after infidelity
But what if a third person stands between you? For many, this is an extremely difficult, unbearable situation. Maintaining a relationship with a rival or lover is not easy:
“All these years we lived in perfect harmony. And now, recently my husband admitted that he had changed. But the worst thing about his confession is that his feelings for me have changed, have become not so bright. I begged to forgive, I said - I want to keep the relationship. But how to live with him, knowing that he does not love? He says that you cannot change your beloved. So the love has passed. How will I live with him? I do not know what to do…"
You can, of course, gather all your will into a fist and try to start building relationships from scratch. Try again to revive the old feelings: arrange a romantic evening, go somewhere together … But the trouble is that obsessive thoughts follow on your heels: “Where is the guarantee that this will not happen again? What if your partner's feelings will never be the same now?"
To decide whether to keep a couple or not, you need to understand what prompted a loved one to cheat. After all, the reasons why a person decides to cheat are different for everyone, for example:
- an emotional person with a visual vector can decide on adultery when he lacks sensory experiences. An emotional connection with another person as a way to experience sensual fulfillment can be the impetus for betrayal. But if you know how to build a deep sensory connection paired with the laws of the psyche, there will be no more such risk. After all, love is something that is created, and is not given by nature as an attraction.
- the owner of the skin vector is excited by novelty and change. He fulfills this need for work. But if his activity does not allow him to enjoy the changes, then he looks for them in a pair relationship. New places for intimacy, new positions. The next step is a new partner. But there is a way to ward off trouble: to gently guide and inspire the partner to “innovate” in social realization. When a skin man comes up with new projects, creative ideas, creates engineering and technical innovations for society - his desire for novelty and change is saturated. And he can be completely monogamous in marriage.
How to make the right choice
Yuri Burlan's training has already helped many couples to maintain relationships that seemed simply hopeless. And take them to a whole new level. Thanks to the knowledge of system-vector psychology, you can build relationships consciously, understanding the causes and consequences of any event in family life.
But even if you understand that there is no point in continuing the relationship further, it will be much easier to go through their break, understanding the mental properties of a person. It will be possible to maintain a good relationship with a former partner: good, without mutual claims. You no longer have to carry a bad experience and the pain of parting into a new life.
Come to the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan to learn more about your differences from each other, how to find understanding, and the secrets of happiness in a couple.
