I'm afraid to communicate with people, I'm afraid to say nonsense
What are the roots of the fear of communication with people and how can you overcome it?
Are you afraid to communicate with people? When talking with an unfamiliar person, is it difficult for you to answer this or that question? Maybe it's scary to say something stupid, scary what others will think of you? When this happens to us, this is a really serious problem, because it interferes with freely communicating with people and building our lives.
I'm afraid of people, they are evil
Fear of communication can take many forms. This often manifests itself in the fact that a person is afraid of aggression from others and therefore simply does not communicate with them. When talking with people, he is afraid that they will answer him in a boorish way or they will look askance with an unfriendly look, that he will be hurt by a rude word. And this leads to the fact that even asking a passer-by for the time on the street is like going into a cage to a hungry tiger. Such a person is afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. He takes everything personally and only feels an embittered society against him alone.
Afraid to say nonsense and be laughed at
Another has the main problem that he is terribly worried about what others think of him. A person is afraid that when communicating about him they will think badly. It seems to him that all people who meet on the street look with an appraising look. And in their thoughts, they probably do not have the best opinion of him. And all this leads to the fact that he begins to reduce communication with people, minimizes contacts, as he is afraid of someone else's underestimated opinion of himself.
When communicating in a company, he is very worried, there is some kind of awkwardness, begins to convulsively think about what to say. As a result, he is silent for a long time, terribly nervous because of the pauses. But his fear grips his throat and he is afraid to say something stupid. After communication, it seems to him that he uttered a bunch of unreasonable, unwise words and he is tormented by the thought that now they will think badly of him.
I'm afraid to show myself in the company
The third is afraid that all attention will be focused on him when he wants to tell something. He blushes, and his pulse rises from the embarrassment that everyone is looking at him and waiting for his speech. He himself does not notice how his voice begins to tremble treacherously, his hands shake, and the accelerating speech swallows and smears all his words. He begins to mumble, stumble, stumble, he is no longer able to find the words to express his thoughts. As a result, he cannot connect two phrases.
What are the roots of the fear of communication with people and how can you overcome it?
What do psychologists advise?
What psychologists do not advise in such situations: do exercises that allow you to develop communication skills and skills to overcome fear; always set yourself up for the fact that all the people with whom we meet and communicate, do not wish us harm. They suggest telling yourself this every day, setting yourself up for good relationships with people. They offer advice such as: “This fear is because we do not accept and do not love ourselves. Love yourself and everything will pass. " Good advice, isn't it? They would still work, and it would be easier for everyone, and there would not be so many unhappy people in the world. But they don't work.
When a person is afraid to communicate with people, it greatly interferes with his life, it brings suffering, and for many even the meaning of existence is lost. But a person continues to want to communicate with others, be it a passer-by on the street, a neighbor in turn, or work colleagues. But he cannot do this, because he is afraid, and he himself does not understand what. Let's try to understand the reason for such fears using the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
So different this fear
As Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, there are eight types of psyche, which are called vectors. A vector is innate properties and desires set from nature, which shape a person's character, his thinking characteristics, determine his actions and actions.
Each vector has its own natural fears, they are quite specific. But only one single vector has absorbed all possible phobias, anxiety disorders and has become simply a champion in fears - it is called visual.
Fear has big eyes
A person with a visual vector, first of all, experiences fear for his own life - this is the primitive state of the visual vector, due to its historical development. Fear of death has been inherent in its representatives since deep times.
People with a visual vector are sensitive, sensitive people with a very delicate, gentle psyche and soul. They are kind and not capable of harming anyone. It is in their psyche. And in ancient times, there were needed miners, warriors, defenders who could kill a mammoth or protect the tribe from the enemy.
Such people were not needed by the pack - they could neither get nor kill, only an extra mouth. Boys with a visual vector faced an unenviable fate - they were sacrificed. And the girls were taken on the hunt for sensitive eyes, capable of discerning danger or the enemy, where others did not see them. The fact is that visual people see everything differently of others, they have very keen eyesight. They are able to analyze visual information 40 times more than others. Such girls were chosen as daytime guards of the pack, for their keen eyesight. But they also had their own danger, their own fear of being eaten by a predator.
To this day, this fear remains with us, only in a more latent form. We are afraid that we will be "eaten" - not physically, but verbally or simply by sight. We even say this: "He ate me with his eyes." We try not to protrude so that we are not noticed. We are scared to show ourselves, and suddenly there is danger, because predators are everywhere. When talking with strangers, our voice may become uncertain, as if we are not comfortable in front of a person, as if we are not on solid feet. There is a fear that we will not be able to stand up for ourselves with a word if we are told something unflattering in response.
Lack of self-confidence is characteristic of visual people. When a visual person does not have friends, there is no support from the outside, there is no feeling that someone needs him, the emotional connections that are necessary for a visual person are not created, then self-doubt appears. With the fear of "being eaten," all this turns into a fear of communicating with people.
Hostages of the first experience
Another reason for the fear of communication can be a sad first experience and fixation on it, which the owners of the anal vector are subject to. These are detailed, slow, calm, diligent people. Such people do not have a flexible psyche, but a phenomenal memory, they remember all the past, both good and bad.
A person with an anal vector is characterized by a desire to accumulate and pass on experience to the next generation. All the properties of his psyche are given for this task. But these properties can play a cruel joke with him when used for other purposes. Memory was given to him for collecting experience, accumulating and transferring further. And he begins to remember and accumulate the bad experience of past states, which slows down and leads to unconscious fencing off from people.
His fear can be fixed from childhood from insults, name-calling, or because classmates bullied at school. A person with an anal vector remembers bad experiences for a long time. And if at school, in the courtyard, in the company of his peers, he was bullied, humiliated, he will always remember this. And then to generalize this experience to everyone - all people are the same, all are evil and from all one can expect only one bad thing. Thus, without realizing it ourselves, we fix bad experiences for life. We do not measure our little negative experience with our whole life and are stuck in the past.
We want to have a lot of friends and acquaintances and spend interesting time, but communication is a skill that has been developed since childhood, and which, under certain circumstances, simply did not form at the right time. If there was a bad communication experience, then the person is simply afraid to further expose himself to attacks from the outside. Classmates mocked, humiliated, called names. And when you grow up and become an adult, you are already afraid to communicate.
Psychologists say: "Just feel more confident in society, don't be afraid to express your opinion." And if it is scary to express an opinion, because there was an experience that you were attacked for your, in their opinion, incorrect thoughts. And you have captured this experience that all people are evil, from the majority there are only negative emotions and it's scary to say something - they will look with hatred and disapprove.
A visual person, out of fear of people, needs to go into a state of love for a person. This is when the fear "for oneself" turns into sympathy and compassion for those who are worse off than us. But sometimes he cannot do this because he still has an anal vector. He cannot, because people once caused him pain, suffering, and this was fixed in his memory. It is the sad experience of the past and the burden of resentment on all people that prevents him from realizing in the visual vector.
Who cares what people think of him?
Perhaps you care what people think of you? What will be critical of you? System-vector psychology explains this state by the presence of certain properties of the anal vector.
The owners of the anal vector are real clean, neat. They have perfect order in the house, clean tablecloths and dishes, always polished clean shoes, they are neat - not a single speck, not an extra fold on their clothes. Such people have their dearest and greatest fear of people - to be "dirty", to be disgraced.
It is important for us to be appreciated, noted with a plus sign. For a person with an anal vector, the main thing is that the reputation is good, clean, spotless, that there is authority and honor. We feel good among other people, when we are appreciated and respected, from this we feel joyful and satisfied in life. Sometimes we even begin to experience a painful addiction to approval.
But it so happens that you meet smart people, the best professionals, and even it is inconvenient to open your mouth and insert a word - real erudites. You feel your lack of knowledge. You catch yourself thinking that it's scary to say stupidity and be ridiculed. And suddenly they ridicule your thoughts, put them on a laughing stock - it's scary to disgrace yourself with your modest knowledge and skills. And when there is a small social circle, the skill and practice of expressing your knowledge and thoughts verbally is generally lost. On people there is an effect of inhibition and fear: "What if I say something wrong?" Fearing disgrace, a person experiences a strong fear of saying stupid things, saying something wrong.
It is important for us what completely strangers think of us. A man with an anal vector wants to be the best for everyone. And if he also has a visual vector, then the best one. But if he said that something is wrong, and they looked at him with a reproachful, appraising, disapproving look, then the person is immediately stressed: “They thought about me badly! The opinion of me will be that I am stupid and stupid. " He remembers these states and in the future is already afraid to express his thoughts, as he is afraid to experience shame.
People are not animals. "Bite" only from lack
The painful experience of communication, for various reasons, can cause a person to want to close themselves off from people and become a recluse. If we were hermit crabs, we probably wouldn't care. Having voluntarily exposed themselves to loneliness, they would hide in their shell and live there until old age. But man is a social being, he cannot live alone. He needs to communicate and keep in touch with people. And fear becomes a real barrier for him on the way to a happy life.
When a person begins to understand other people, to see them from the inside, what drives them, he can see that some are unhappy because of their lacks. It turns out that no one wants to "eat" you or even offend you with a word, they just snap, swear, insult, scoff because of their pain, feel hatred because of their bad conditions.
And you no longer see that people are animals, that they will immediately devour them, but you see their pain and suffering. Then there is a desire only to sympathize, realizing what is wrong in the life of the interlocutor. And there is no longer that fear that you will be offended or perceived in the wrong way - what has been said is no longer taken to heart, since in fact it does not relate to you in any way. A person speaks with his shortcomings, and if he is in pain, he will project it onto others.
Thanks to system-vector psychology, fears go away, and any fears at that. This is the effect of understanding the causes and the psyche of a person as a whole. Here are just a few reviews from people who managed to get rid of fears:
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to understand the cause of your fears, to realize their roots, to work out states in depth, and also to understand other people, their states and shortages.
Register for free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan here.