How to stop being afraid of people
How to stop being afraid of people and being ashamed when an unconscious sensation suggests: there are not people around, but terrible monsters? Even if he is consciously sure that nothing bad will happen. Everyone seems to want to hurt you …
My heart is tearing my ribcage, my fingers grip the leather binding so as not to give out a shiver, my throat is dry and my eyes are moist. Knees are tightly clenched, feet shriveled and hid under a chair. How to stop being afraid of people? And I'm not afraid. Well, I didn't seem to be afraid. Only the voice quivers as I frantically flip through the menu pages.
- Shrimp salad, vegetable puree soup, mojito … And … and … ("Damn, what else? Ah, it doesn't matter.") That's all.
The waiter smiles.
- Your order…
He lists my friends' favorite dishes for a long time and repeats my wishes at the end. Then I remember: "More khachapuri with cheese!"
- Anything else?
My chest felt heavy, as if a stone had been thrust into it instead of a heart. I want to say something, but I can't even breathe. Everyone else is shaking their heads.
- It will be ready in half an hour.
And there is no waiter.
- Katya, you loved cheese khachapuri here. Now don't you want?
I shrug my shoulders. My face is probably very sad now. I want to crawl under the table …
- I'll go wash my hands.
… or run to the bathroom.
This is how it all began. It's harmless. Now I am afraid of any contact with people. I do not reveal myself even to the closest. I'm afraid:
- eat in a public place
- talking on the phone,
- to speak in public,
- come to interviews and business meetings,
- get to know the opposite sex,
- to hear that they are laughing at me,
- look like a fool.
I read the statistics on social anxiety: every fifth person is treated with alcohol, and 18% abuse psychoactive substances. 17% suffer from depression, 33% from panic disorder. Now it seems to me that I might go crazy. If I don’t fight, I’ll soon die of loneliness.
Where does the fear of communication lead
Who cares how to stop being afraid of people? Sensitive and vulnerable people. It is important for them what impression they make on others. They want to be liked and feel comfortable in society only when they are sure that they are loved and accepted. Such people, owners of a visual vector, are impressionable and even suspicious at times. One word of a significant person can shake the confidence that they are loved. People's fear can also appear in the event of separation from a loved one.
The fear of people cuts off a person with a visual vector from society, does not allow communication. Just listening to how someone had a day does not work, because asking "How are you?" - a whole problem, an unsolvable task. When you are in the spotlight, whether it is a diploma presentation or your own birthday, you burn with shame. How to make an appointment with a doctor? Fingers tremble when you dial the clinic phone.
And I don't want to go outside. Especially for a visit or a concert. How to stop being afraid of people and being ashamed of strangers? Every time the thoughts come: “There are so many strangers there, how will I look next to them? After all, I don't even know who will be there. What if I can't talk to anyone? I will stand quietly in the corner. Or worse, I'll spill something on myself. It's horror and not fun at all. I'll stay at home today. I will say that she is very, very busy."
Such behavior seems strange not only to the people around him, but also to the person himself who is afraid of people. When you realize that you cannot communicate, you feel that you cannot live. Fear of communication prevents you from realizing your desires and dreams, because they all require cooperation with others. On a test, all knowledge flies out of my head when you see a beautiful girl. The palms are sweating, and the tongue dries up, and not a single sensible remark comes to mind. Talking with the authorities about the promotion is like death. A person who is afraid of people involuntarily gets the impression that he is a failure in life.
Three reasons for fear of people
How to stop being afraid of people and being ashamed when an unconscious sensation suggests: there are not people around, but terrible monsters? Even if he is consciously sure that nothing bad will happen. Everyone seems to want to hurt you.
Usually, the foundation of social phobia is laid in childhood and is the result of psychological trauma.
- Bullying in the children's team. Children with sound and visual vectors are especially sensitive, thoughtful and intelligent. The bulk of the kindergarten and elementary school class, on the contrary, look like little lion cubs or cubs. Sound and visual children look strange in comparison with the rest. The children's flock poison those who stand out, and audiovisual children can become victims and outcasts. They get injured, which subsequently develop into social phobia.
- A tense family environment. When a visual child is frightened, jokingly jumping out of the corner, they read scary tales like "Hansel and Grettel" and let them watch horror films. When parents yell at, insult, or swear at a child. Negative emotions frighten the visual child, and loud sounds traumatize the sound engineer. How to live among people when you feel like a stranger even in your own family? It becomes difficult for the child to trust strangers.
- The severing of important relationships, especially during childhood and adolescence. The visual child faced death, saw the funeral of his beloved grandmother, the body, the coffin. Or the body of a dog that a car drove over, the corpse of a cat that leaped from the ninth floor. The visual child is horrified, his beloved is no longer in the world. Rejected falling in love is also traumatic when you opened up to a person, and he refused or even ridiculed your feelings.
These three situations leave a deep imprint on the psyche, interfere with building relationships, even if a person has long forgotten about them and is not aware of the influence of past experience. If emotional connections with people continue to disappoint, the communication barrier swells into social phobia, fear of people.
How to stop being afraid of people and communication
It is almost impossible to get rid of social phobia on your own without knowledge of psychology. In online forums dedicated to fear of people, heroes who have healed themselves are more myth than reality. Talking to strangers, walking into a store and leaving empty-handed, playing an extrovert for a day are great exercises. But what about when your eye twitches in front of a sales assistant?
I want to become invisible. During the experiments, Swedish neuroscientists created the illusion of invisibility of the body. Invisible people had less anxiety in the presence of strangers. People with anxiety disorders see enemies around them, from whom they want to hide. But how to stop being afraid of people and communication if no one has invented the invisible hat yet? You will have to get into your head and change your attitude towards people.
When you are afraid of someone, you are afraid of the unknown. What's in people's heads? How will they react to your actions? How to communicate with them in order to win over? One big question mark. We need to find the answers. Begin to discern what people really want from you, rather than making up terrible things about strangers. Most people wish you no harm. Either they don't care about you, or they want something from you. When you distinguish between the desires of people, it is easier for you to understand who needs what from you.
At Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", people get to know their loved ones and ordinary passers-by from a new perspective. The person in front of you no longer seems dangerous and alien, he makes you smile. And smiling at a stranger becomes fearless. You bring injuries to the surface, you find the cause - a certain situation, a picture in your psyche. Having seen the cause of social anxiety, you understand how to stop being afraid of people and ashamed of them.