Planning for tomorrow - I never do it, or Delayed Life Syndrome
Uncertainty in ourselves, our strengths, knowledge, fear of not justifying hopes and not coping only worsen the situation, and we no longer just postpone another task until tomorrow, but in principle are not able to take on it …
Our life is fleeting. Days pass, months pass, years pass. There comes a moment when we begin to ask the question: “What is my life? How do I live, why, what have I achieved?"
And we are not always satisfied with the answer, and sometimes we simply have nothing to say, we seem to live, but there is no pleasure, no happiness, no movement in life. All important and necessary affairs and events in life have been postponed indefinitely with various reservations: I’ll gather my strength, it’s not time yet, I need to finish what I started, etc.
There are a lot of rationalizations, but the real reason for the postponement is not always clear.
Delayed life symptoms
There is a pathological postponement of important affairs and events for an indefinite time, it becomes very difficult to tune in and start doing something, especially if it is a new business.
Uncertainty in ourselves, in our strengths, knowledge, fear of not living up to expectations and not coping with it only worsen the situation, and we no longer just postpone the next task until tomorrow, but in principle are not able to take on it.
And perfectionism, taken to the extreme, to the point of absurdity, does not allow completing the work that has already begun, because we continue and continue to look for flaws, and simply are not able to switch to something else, trying to bring our creation to the ideal.
All this is complemented by a sense of guilt that we do not do what is necessary, let people down, and resentment because everyone around does not understand how difficult it is for us.
From the outside, all attempts to explain why it is impossible to start and finish the job look, to say the least, ridiculous, but this is from the outside, but we really feel bad …
Properties are the same, but manifestations are different
Let us consider the described phenomenon from the point of view of the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
System-vector psychology distinguishes between eight vectors - eight sets of innate desires that determine our mental properties.
Professionals in their field, responsible and obligatory people who bring the work started to the end, are able to find inaccuracies in a huge amount of processed material and correct it, and people insecure in their abilities, unable to get down to business and finish it, fixated on looking for inaccuracies - this is all owners of the anal vector. Why is there such a difference between them in the manifestation of mental properties?
Our desires are given to us from birth, as are the properties for the realization of these desires. They determine our type of thinking, our values and the way we move through life. The realization of our desires depends on the degree and correctness of the development of our properties and on how successfully we apply these properties in life. If everything is in order with the development and realization of mental properties, then the person lives happily. And if not?
What goes around comes around
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that the degree of development or underdevelopment of our mental properties largely depends on the influence of the environment - family, school, peers, that is, on the correct development process from early childhood until the end of puberty, that is, until 15-16 years.
In the life of every child, a mother is of great importance. From her, he first of all receives a sense of safety and security, and she also inflicts the most tangible damage on the development of the child's mental properties in the event of improper upbringing.
An anal child is by nature the most obedient, calm, striving to be the best, and at the same time he is still somewhat slow, thorough. He needs time to complete the action he has begun, this is how his psyche works.
For such a child, the mother and her attention are very important. If the mother possesses the mental properties opposite to the child, is, for example, the owner of the skin vector, then she will be inclined to constantly rush, jerk it.
It can be difficult for a skin mother to understand that leisurely and thoroughness are completely normal properties of her baby. After all, she herself is fast, very mobile and always in a hurry. She is annoyed at the child's slowness and constantly urges him on, interrupts his speech and rips off the pot, where he sits longer than other children (and for him this is normal). By preventing the child from completing the act of cleansing the intestines, it violates an important component of the correct development of the child's mental properties with the anal vector.
Flickering of the skin mother, when one demand is replaced by another, as well as pushing, rushing the child who needs time to think, assimilating information for the thorough completion of the action begun, lead to stress, the child falls into a stupor, loses the ability to act. So a baby, already indecisive by nature, has an inability to start and end an action.
In addition, the factor of novelty itself for the owner of the anal vector is stressful, since he has a natural aspiration to the past. This is natural and necessary for the realization of the properties of the owner of the anal vector: the accumulation of experience, careful selection, systematization of knowledge and its transfer to the new generation. An anal person needs time to accept something new and adapt to changed conditions, and if the vector properties are not sufficiently developed, then adaptation may inadequately stretch in time or never occur.
When the dermal mother, being unable to listen to the detailed story of the anal child, full of important details, cuts him off in mid-sentence, the baby's important process of forming thoughts and taking it out is interrupted. An anal child develops a viscous thinking, an inability to clearly formulate his thought to the end. And he gets stuck, becomes unable to move on.
For such a person, a fair assessment of his actions is very important. Striving to be the best, the anal child tries to do everything very well so that the mother will notice it and praise him. He studies diligently, becomes the best student in the class, but the skin mother, buying up for affection and expression of feelings, does not praise him, devaluing all his efforts.
So the child's sense of justice is violated, which leads to the appearance of resentment against the mother (everything should be equal - this is the value of the anal vector). Subsequently, resentment against the mother can be projected on all women and on the whole world as a whole: they did not appreciate it, they didn’t give it enough. Resentment takes away strength, the desire to do something, does not allow to move forward, and the person gets stuck in this swamp, he is no longer able to budge.
Getting stuck, inability to complete the work started, annihilate the wonderful quality of an anal person, testifying to high professionalism - perfectionism. It is taken to the extreme, when the anal person can no longer stop in time: finish the job, paint a picture or a book and put an end to it, but continues to look for inaccuracies and distortions in an effort to bring his creation to perfection.
And this process never ends: the picture is not finished, the book is not finished, the job is not done, and life is postponed, while the "perfectionist" brings everything to absolute perfection.
Sowed, but there is nothing to reap …
By nature, everything was set: both desires and properties for their realization, but during the formation of the child there was a failure. And this means that due to wrong upbringing, resentment against the mother and the projection of this resentment to the whole world, life is being postponed.
A person cannot force himself to act, cannot budge, take up a new business and finish it, cannot stop, endlessly polishing and looking for inaccuracies in the results of his labor, thereby turning it into Sisyphean labor.
Life passes by and potential professionals, reliable husbands, loyal friends, the world's best fathers are left on the sidelines. Their life seems to stop, postponed until tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, forever …
To live or not to live …
Life cannot be postponed. It happens today, now, at this very moment, whether we are ready or not.
We came to this world in order to fulfill what nature has given us, and to enjoy the realization of our task.
Today we can change our lives for the better ourselves, through awareness of our nature, our true desires, through understanding the reasons that led us to postpone life. The tool for this is system knowledge, which allows us to look into our hidden subconscious and understand its mechanism.
Time rushes by rapidly, and as adults, we can no longer turn back and blame someone else for our lives. Today we ourselves are responsible for how it will turn out: will it be happy, filled with fulfillment or buried under a pile of unfinished business and failed relationships, drowned in a swamp of resentment. We make our choice ourselves.
And if this choice is to live to the maximum, without getting stuck in the past, you can start by realizing your innate properties and understanding yourself, your potential at free online lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register here:
