Severe depression. Do you think everything is bad? Do not you think
Various "wise men" say … Yes, I don't care what they say. The authorities of bygone days are of no interest to anyone. What can they do? I have a specific question: why am I here and why exactly here?
Others say that I have severe depression.
Fools …
What do they understand about this?
Snow falls in flakes, spinning around its axis, confirming the sadness and meaninglessness of everything that surrounds me. No, I'm not dependent on the weather. It's not about her, it's about me. The corrosive loneliness inside is exacerbated. Like a disease, only without symptoms. Although if we take into account the aversion to life, then this is the main symptom …
Recently I went to a psychologist, it turned out to be funny. Says: "Smile and people will be drawn to you." A strange woman … do I want them to reach out to me? Correct my condition so that prolonged depression will let me go … and let people roll … “You have moderate depression. This is all due to the weather - the sun has become less, the nights have become more. Thank goodness … quieter and better at night. "How do you sleep?" On my own schedule when it suits me. Got a recipe: eat, walk in sunny weather, wear brighter clothes. Funny. Does this nonsense help someone? Although, there are some.
As for me, you can't breathe before you die. Is there any point in clinging to this life …
Chronic depression is my grudge against God
Thinks better at night. And not only thinks, but also suffers. At night, a feeling of immense loneliness covers. It is endless and sucks in, depriving other thoughts. At one point, the head, not nailed by the day's noise and screaming, begins to provide the results in full. I am worthless, life is empty. What is it all about? Am I here to wallow in this delirium? Live for the candy wrapper? I do not want.
I have severe depression … What will that annoying aunt say to me? Dress in bright underpants? Let it wear it, and leave me alone. She does not exist at all, these clothes and these people are absent. This is all an illusion. God laughs at me …
Wretched god. Where was he when I was disappointed in all this? Why, if he loves us all so much, did he not make me happy? Mom says it's Murphy's Law. But she also does not know what is needed for happiness. And how does she know, her life is also not distinguished by joy.
There was hope for a social network. But she also failed. Sometimes I watch quotes in idiotic publics "suicidal depression …" - and what, there is some other? I don't correspond with anyone - only idiots around. I don't like anything - I didn't deserve it. I'm looking for something smart, something that gives me an idea. Wasted. And how do they know how to live in constant depression?
Does anyone else know what deep depression is?
Various "wise men" say … Yes, I don't care what they say. The authorities of bygone days are of no interest to anyone. What can they do? I have a specific question: why am I here and why exactly here? Why not in a woman's body, why am I not Asian, why am I not Einstein? And my answer is: forgive each other and love each other - that is the point. Let them love, but I will stand on the sidelines and observe. True, acute depression covers with renewed vigor. I want to die of melancholy.
I wonder if anyone else feels like me? Or am I the only one?
Complaining to someone is pointless. Once I wrote somewhere on the wall that I feel bad and that the end of the edge is not visible. That there is no way out of severe depression. Nobody answered me. This was to be expected.
What do I need to do to clarify something? Music allows me to forget for a while, but then, behind the hum of my own questions, I stop hearing it. We have to rewind the tracks in a new way. Sluggish bullying, not life.
Prolonged depression and my loneliness
Autumn gives way to summer, then winter comes - I don't feel the passage of time. Only external stimuli - it's cold, you have to pull on more clothes. But who would know how painful all this fuss is. If it was not necessary to fiddle with this body - to feed it, dress it, wash it … it would probably be bearable. But it is there. I can feel the air temperature outside.
The street is damp and dirty. Coming home. I pull off these rags, close the door of the room, exhale. Finally, all this stuff is not my life outside the door. I fall onto the bed. One. Maybe it would be nice to be here with someone? With whom can you share this loneliness? Is there really none of the 7 billion? No … probably in the next life.
The circle closes, the black capsule of nothingness closes the world around me. Well, okay, I don't want to see him.
That would be the end of the world … then everything would stop. All this useless gimmick, mistakenly called life.
Severe depression: what to do and where to run?
And you don't need to run anywhere. I feel bad - and it doesn't seem to me. This is a vital question - what should I do. For a very long time I thought that he was unrequited. But I got the hope that I was wrong.
I came across someone's thoughts, which one to one repeated my own. I couldn't believe it was possible. That's how I learned about the sound vector.
It turns out that I'm not sick, I'm just different. I am a sound engineer. I was born with other desires that have nothing to do with material values. It is not surprising that I am not interested in all this fuss around money, positions, show-offs, sweet songs about love … This is not the main thing, and I do not live for this.
On this planet, a sound engineer has the most important task - to know his I, the laws by which the Universe lives. No wonder he (that is, me!) Was given the most powerful abstract intellect in its capabilities - to think, to comprehend the meanings. And it is clear that in solitude and silence it is easier to focus on your thoughts.
I'm an introvert. I am not inclined to communicate, but that does not mean that I am doomed to avoid people. Only idle thought, focused on myself, brought me earlier to insomnia and unbearable headaches, to depression, severe, unbearable … The feeling of worthlessness of existence signaled only one thing - I was going in the wrong direction. Unsurprisingly, I wanted to quickly end this terrible torture, mistakenly called life. And yes, this life was my mistake.
Only now am I beginning to understand that everything in the world is comprehended through opposites. You cannot see white if you have not seen black. It is impossible to know good if you have not known evil. And it is here that lies the main mistake of the sound engineer, who detached himself from the world inside his impenetrable cocoon. In a closed space, there can be no cognition within oneself. Plus and minus, wave and particle, body and soul, consciousness and the unconscious - everything is built on opposites and is cognized through opposites. Therefore, if I plug my ears with music, close myself off from people, shutting myself in on myself, I only increase the feeling of illusion and emptiness, distance myself from the possibility of knowledge. This is the mistake. Seclusion by itself does not lead anywhere. Only to severe depressive disorder.
Already at the first free lectures on systemic vector psychology, I began to understand things that I had been looking for an explanation for for many years. I didn’t have to believe what was said - everything that Yuri Burlan said was observable and rechecked in life. For the first time, I was surprised to discover how pleasant it is to understand yourself. And the severe depression began to recede.
The first time I see other people, I get glimpses of joy instead of dislike. After all, it was me who was given a special potential to reveal what is impossible to touch with my hands - the soul of a person, his unconscious.
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