How not to think about you?
All she has left is thoughts. They became sticky, intrusive. "How can I forget and stop thinking about you already?" - I sounded tired in my head every evening. And in the morning again:
“Now we would drink coffee, be silent, smoke …” “I wonder where you woke up today? With whom? Although no … it's too early, you probably still sleep … And away we go …
“Wake up call. I don't have time to open my eyes - the first thought is about you. I reach out under the covers, I look at your pillow - it's empty. You left and everything was empty. My life, home, bed, heart. I can't accept it, change it, let it go. Live with you. I speak, consult, fall asleep and wake up, continuing an endless dialogue.
How not to think about you, if I even choose the dresses that you liked in the morning. Looking for you with my eyes on the bus on the way to work. I know you won't call or write, but I constantly check my phone. In the evenings I stay at home - and suddenly you get bored, and suddenly you come. Rave! I can't do this anymore! But I can't help thinking either!"
(from Irina's diary)
Thought is a product of desire. To figure out how to stop thinking about the person you love, why you miss him and how to live on if he is gone, you need to reveal the secrets of the unconscious.
When true desires are revealed, the reasons for the emergence of thoughts become clear and it becomes possible to control them. And understanding yourself and other people allows you to build happy relationships and enjoy life.
How come I can't stop thinking about you
Ira and Vitaly met on the Internet. The correspondence captured Ira from the very first words. Interesting, well-read, well-mannered and … with some kind of riddle. He had to be pissed off, "blabbed", but it was worth it. Ira began to spend all her free time at the computer. I ran home from work, connected and waited for him to appear on Skype.
Ira broke up with her husband long ago. He wanted children, she was not ready to live her whole life with him. The most important thing was missing: confidence in him, common interests, depth of feelings.
At first, she enjoyed being alone, then she began to feel burdensome. The correspondence with Vitaly became a long-awaited moisture for the soul, withered without communication.
Soon, overcoming her natural modesty, she offered to meet. She was also the initiator of each subsequent meeting. Ira was drawn to this man with terrible strength. He only condescendingly agreed, filling the holes with it between apathy and melancholy, creative search and philosophical reflections.
Vitaly painted pictures. They were dark and filled with vague meanings. Ira did not become his muse. But for her, he became a Master.
Their strange rare meetings and nocturnal correspondence lasted for several years. Ira did not even have an idea to start arranging her personal life. She guessed about Vitaly's mistresses, but put up - the artist, after all …
And then he disappeared. He stopped answering calls, blocked her on Skype.
Ira again plunged into complete loneliness. Parents are far away, husband, beloved man, no children. There were a couple of friends, but they also moved away, because she forgot everyone while meeting with Vitaly.
All she has left is thoughts. They became sticky, intrusive. "How can I forget and stop thinking about you already?" - I sounded tired in my head every evening. And in the morning again:
"Now we would drink coffee, be silent, smoke …"
“I wonder where you woke up today? With whom? Although not … too early, you are still sleeping, probably …"
And away we go …
How can I understand why I can't get rid of the thoughts of you?
It does not matter how many days there are in your life, it is important how much life is in your days.
Life is constant change, movement, process. Someone surrenders to this stream, consciously steps forward, overcome obstacles and difficulties with understanding and gratitude, enjoying every moment.
And someone gets stuck in a painful situation, cannot let go, the Groundhog Day lives for years.
Who are these people and why is this happening to them?
Time heals everyone, but I don't!
For any of us, memory is a thread connecting with the past. For a person with an anal vector, it is a steel chain that tightly binds to the events of days gone by.
What is left behind is familiar and familiar, which means it is psychologically comfortable. New things are stressful. Like Tsar Koschey, such a person wasted away over the treasures of memories, sorting through them in memory over and over again. It is difficult for him to part with things, people or thoughts. He values every little thing, detail, word, look. Perceives life, builds relationships with people based on experience - knowledge gained in the past.
Ira's experience showed that men cannot be trusted. Being married, she did not feel like “behind a stone wall,” communication with Vitaly was completely ghostly. His disappearance knocked out, albeit from a shaky, but already familiar rut. Memories remained - like an illusion of stability, a connection with the past - the only thing that could be grasped at. Ira held on to them with all her might.
The inability to let go, to relax the grip is one of the features of the anal vector. Such people tend to cling to relationships, pester and harass their ex, even when the love has already passed. And if the feelings are still alive - and even more so. The Internet is a space for stalkers. But Vitaly did not appear on social networks, and Ira did not have the opportunity to follow him, "take revenge" on him with photographs of her happy everyday life, in order to somehow remain involved in his life. The connection with him existed only in the head.
I will never give you away to somebody!
A person with a skin vector has the opposite properties. The conditions for his psychological comfort are plan, control, logical order. He is rational: he evaluates things, efforts, relationships from the point of view of practical benefits. Owner. He does not value the past, but he is not ready to lose what he possesses, what is obtained, won from people or fate.
Vitaly was a dubious "prey" for Irina - he did not attract any benefits, did not promise anything. But he WAS. By his departure, he presented her with a fact. The situation is out of control. A sense of loss arose, jealousy intensified. Fleeting connections do not count, but she was not ready to give it to someone "for good". The thought vibrated in her day and night.
Love me!
The greatest need for emotional closeness is in people with visual vectors. Feelings are air for them. A rich imagination completes the strokes that are missing to the ideal to the image of a loved one, evokes delight, ignites passion. Dreams, in which a person imagines his future as joyful and happy, relieve stress and inspire hope.
For any woman, the presence of a man in her life is a guarantee of security, a guarantee of a comfortable tomorrow. A woman with a visual vector experiences a much stronger need for a sense of security. Images frightening from childhood - darkness, loneliness, death itself - recede when a loved one is nearby. To lose it means to lose support, rear, again fall into fear and uncertainty.
Even in an existing relationship, a visual woman, feeling the slightest cooling from her partner, can burst into tears or throw a tantrum in order to immediately return herself to the center of his attention. When a man leaves without saying goodbye, an abyss opens up before her. The heart breaks to pieces, the head is filled with gloomy thoughts, despair pulls to the bottom.
Ira needed love. Let it be illusory, let it be fake! "How can I stop thinking about you?" - in her mind she asked Vitaly. And she added: "After all, I live with these thoughts!"
There is no meaning in life without you!
We part with you forever, friend.
Draw a simple circle on paper.
It will be me: nothing inside.
Look at it - and then erase it.
Everyone has their own reasons why it is difficult to part with thoughts of someone. It is harder than others to stop thinking for someone for whom the brain is an "erogenous zone". A person with a sound vector "lives" in his head. For him, earthly existence is illusory and empty if there is no meaning in it. The search for this ill-fated meaning begins in childhood with the questions: “Where does the Universe end? Why do we live? What will happen next? " The answers of parents and teachers are vague, information in books and on the Internet is contradictory, it remains to look in oneself. But even there there are no answers - an oppressive emptiness.
Hope flares up when a like-minded person meets on the way, the same wanderer, wandering in the desert of life in search of something important. He hears, he understands, he feels the same pain. Communication with him is like a bottomless well from which you draw deep, refreshing thoughts.
With her husband, it never happened, but with Vitaly Ira could talk about everything in the world. They understood each other without words, they thought one thought. For Ira, it was a kindred spirit. She reached out to Vitaly, absorbed every word. He was her guide, guide, teacher. The smaller is always filled with the larger. But not vice versa.
Vitaly also needed meanings, inspiration, Muse. But to fill his volume of desires, she did not have enough power. So he left without her. The lighthouse light went out. Wandering in emptiness, she continued to turn to the one who was her hope to find the meaning of life, tried to keep the most precious thing - thoughts.
Thoughts are opium for the people
Until a person understands himself, does not realize what he really wants and what he lacks for happiness, it is difficult to get rid of obsessive thoughts. The reasons lie in the unconscious, while consciousness only confuses, leads away from solving the problem.
Over and over again, thinking back to what once filled, a person leaves reality, lives a fictitious life. It seems to him that he created a safe space for himself, a world where everything is under control, where every thing, thought, memory is in its place, where people love and understand.
This is akin to drug addiction. The addict needs another dose to get rid of suffering, disconnect from reality, experience the high. Likewise, a person runs into his thoughts in order to switch attention from true problems, relieve tension, and get a portion of endorphins.
How to get rid of thoughts of you? Practical advice
A person who is obsessed with thoughts of past relationships is like a pony running in circles. Life slips, there is no forward movement. These thoughts are like a bad habit - it is understandable that it is harmful, but it is impossible to stop.
For a heavy smoker, a cigarette is an automatic reaction in any situation: when he is excited, tired or stressed, when he is relaxed, satisfied, has a tasty meal or a glass of wine, when he is working, resting, or just a way to keep his hands busy. So obsessive thoughts - become automatic, fill free time, plug up the spiritual emptiness.
How to stop thinking about a person if you find it difficult to forget him? To start:
- DO NOT look for reasons to meet. If the relationship is unpromising, it is better to avoid all kinds of contacts - friendly, business, sexual.
- DO NOT call, DO NOT write, DO NOT track social media activity. Letting go, you need to let go for good. "They do not seek from goodness." If a loved one leaves, it means that he was missing something important for happiness, and now there is a chance to find what is missing. Respecting the choice of a person, giving him the opportunity to continue his journey along the new route is a manifestation of love, an adult responsible decision.
- DO NOT complain. By constantly talking, telling friends or acquaintances about his unfulfilled hopes, a person lives in the past, revels in self-compassion, receiving short-term and unhealthy satisfaction.
- DO NOT feel sorry for yourself, DO NOT mourn fate. Feeling like a victim of circumstances means relinquishing responsibility, going with the flow, surrendering to the will of fate.
How to behave so that you no longer think about what gives you pain?
Will switch to others. Do not think about your unhappy lot, about a person with whom you cannot return, but focus on those people who are now worse, who are sick or need help. For example, visit your grandmother, listen to stories about her youth. Or make repairs in the apartment of a lonely aunt, take patronage over an elderly neighbor, help a large friend with the kids.
The steps are simple but effective. When a person concentrates on the problems of others, there is no time for empty thoughts, his problems fade, pain recedes.
Remember forgotten desires, ideas, plans. Have you ever wanted to sign up for a dance, learn to knit or learn a new language? It's time to do it now. The brain will automatically shift focus to other priorities. When attention is focused on new information, the value of the “old” thoughts diminishes.
In addition, when a person chooses an occupation that corresponds to his true desires and interests, realizes the abilities inherent in nature, develops talents, he is inspired, feels joy. The brain produces endorphins - hormones of happiness, and gloomy thoughts are repressed.
Read more. Classical literature develops sensuality and imagination. When the relationship has broken up, there is no way to pour out your feelings on your loved one. Emotions remain "locked", tearing from the inside, breaking out in a distorted way - in the form of hysterics, fears, despair. Reading allows you to express emotions adequately: to live them with the heroes, to sympathize and rejoice, without thinking about yourself.
Controlling thoughts and controlling fate - is it possible?
A person cannot influence his thoughts and feelings until he realizes why they arise. When he opens the unconscious, he understands the deep psychological causes of obsessive thoughts and difficult conditions.
An understanding of the true desires that drive people comes, and the patterns according to which relationships are built. It turns out what is behind each thought, what is its nature, why it is born in the head and whether it can be influenced.
Learning the hidden psychological mechanisms, a person gets access to the "control panel" of his own destiny.
Such knowledge allows you to solve not only the problem "How not to think about you?", But many other questions that have accumulated over life. For instance:
- Who am I, what do I want, what do I need for happiness?
- Why do I choose such partners?
- How to learn to understand people and find a kindred spirit?
- Why did the relationship break up and how to build a real happy and long-term union?
Love is not a static state. This is not something that a person receives from other people, "squeezes" out of a relationship. This is what he gives away. While the two are together - this is attention, care, trust, sincerity. When there is nothing more to give to make a loved one happy, all that remains is to return freedom, to let go, to give a chance for new happiness.
It is natural and normal to be in pain when love is gone. It's bad if light sadness turns into a black abyss. Obsessing over his thoughts, a person tries to keep, to keep for himself at least a shred of former happiness, locks himself in himself. This is a dead end.
Moving forward is possible only through recoil. When a relationship ends, the last thing to give is gratitude. For a meeting, feelings, life experience, new thoughts. To give goodness means to give goodness, goodness, to wish happiness to someone who was dear.
Cannot be added to a full vessel. But when a person gives, gives, lets go - energy is released, space appears for new love, fresh thoughts, good experience.
Not a single moment can be “preserved”. Life goes on. Be happy today!
