Early sexual experience. Why and how to keep a teenager
Today, among teenagers, it is believed that early sex life is cool. Keeping virginity is a shame. You still haven't been with anyone yet? Means, nobody needs you! Just not to be different - to be "like everyone else." But to become “like everyone else” does not mean to become happy. Let's talk about happiness - how early sexual experience affects women's destiny and the ability to build a happy relationship as a couple …
In our 21st century, unfortunately, too many people believe that the first sexual experience for girls at the age of 13-15 is the norm. In this article, we will neither blame, nor lament, nor lecture.
Let's talk about happiness - how early sexual experience affects women's destiny and the ability to build a happy relationship as a couple. The training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan will help in this.
The anticipation of happiness
Teenagers are always dreams of adult relationships and the anticipation of happiness. It's a sweet yearning for the future. These are magical dreams of gentle kisses and passionate hugs. This is preparation for meeting love.
And even if there is a completely different picture around, where there is no love, no hope, no happiness, deep inside there is faith: but I will succeed! Is it pleasure or disappointment for a teenager in adulthood? And what needs to be done to make the long-awaited happiness happen?
To be or not to be … like everyone else?
Teenagers strive to be “like everyone else”. And there is a good reason for this: a difficult age has its own laws, and if you differ from others, then you, as the most visible, can be assigned to the role of victim. In adolescence, the cultural layer that makes us tolerant, non-aggressive, polite towards other people is only developing. Cases of abuse are frequent among teenagers, and the worst thing is to get the role of the victim, against which the whole flock is up in arms …
Today, among teenagers, it is believed that early sex life is cool. Keeping virginity is a shame. You still haven't been with anyone yet? Means, nobody needs you!
This conviction is imposed on the girl literally from all sides: peers, social networks, talk shows, the so-called "sex education" on the Western model. Injection from day to day has its own result: the girl begins to become complex, becomes insecure, and then vulnerable and may decide on a rash act. Just not to be different - to be "like everyone else." But to become “like everyone else” does not mean to become happy.
Unripe apricot flavor
Have you ever tasted an unripe fruit? The little green apricot is not just sour - it tastes bitter and sour. And it could become a juicy, sweet, aromatic fruit if it was allowed to ripen. But they didn’t give it - they ripped it off, took a bite, didn’t like it, threw it away … But the process is irreversible and you cannot hang it back on a tree - it ripens.
“Children's sexuality is infantile and does not need intercourse,” explains Yuri Burlan at the training “System-vector psychology”. - An early start to sexual activity stops a girl in her psychosexual development. Regardless of who it happens to - an adult or a peer. " And the rest of his life will have to live with exactly this level of development of sensuality and sexuality, often insufficient for real happiness.
No, a grown woman with early experience won't become a monster. But only she may have problems in order to truly fall in love with the full amplitude of sensuality, build a stable relationship in a couple and completely trust a man, experience pleasure and feel equal to a man. Even if it does, immature sexuality blocks the path to higher levels of happiness - all of this will be in much less volume than it could potentially be. We can see many such women around: even if outwardly they are beautiful and successful, inside they are unhappy and disadvantaged …
This is especially sad because in the modern world, where there is no war and hunger, there are all conditions for the joy of life and unusually happy relationships in a couple that were inaccessible to previous generations of people.
Of course, everything is learned in comparison, and such a grown-up girl will simply have nothing to compare with. She will rationally explain her not very happy life, for example, by the fact that "all men - to …" or "love is fiction, there is no happiness in life." She will never believe that someone has it, and even more so than in the famous fairy tales!
The girl is not ripe, so she will not turn into a princess
As an example, I remembered the cult novel Trainspotting by the Scottish writer Irwin Welsh, based on which the film of the same name was filmed in 1996. Any of the young heroes of Trainspotting is a vivid example of the stop in psychosexual development we have described. This diagnosis is only confirmed in the sequel novel "Porn": ten years have passed, and the main characters have not matured - no real relationships, no important work, no interesting ideas or big thoughts in their heads, no real adult actions, no responsibility for themselves and others. They are all the same unhappy, restless and, unfortunately, useless people for society …
But in the light of our theme, we are interested in one of the heroines of the novel "Trainspotting" - Diana. The main character Mark meets her at a bar and takes her for an adult girl - they go to her house, where they have sex. And in the morning he has to meet her parents, and he is shocked by her outfit: the underage Diana appears before him in school uniform.
How is Diana's future fate developing? We can find out about this in the sequel - the novel "Porno". It seems that with her rich experience, she has every chance of finding a good man, building a relationship, starting a family. But we see something different: she is lonely, quite harsh, even aggressive in dealing with men and is writing a Ph. D. thesis on the psychology of sex workers.
Why do you think the girl chose this particular topic for research? True, by studying her, she tries to cure herself first of all.
Sex and mate - two in one
The heroes of the novels described above are not shy in expressions. But if twenty years ago the marginals and the scum of society used to speak profanity, today obscenities are becoming a mass phenomenon.
Unfortunately, most people do not know about the consequences of using the mat, otherwise they would not do it. Mat devalues sexuality by acting through the unconscious. All obscene words are about intimate, but at the same time they are used as curses, insults and threats. As a result, sex begins to be unconsciously perceived not as a sacred act of intercourse between a man and a woman (remember the "Song of Songs" of King Solomon), but as a dirty, shameful occupation, as a manifestation of aggression.
In addition, there is a loss of intimacy: today, this side of the relationship between a man and a woman is talked about in public without any hesitation. This is completely unacceptable. Relationships should remain the property of two, there is no place for a third. Otherwise, they simply merge already without any hope of trust, sensuality, happiness …
The modern person has much more opportunities for a happy life and relationships that will give satisfaction and joy. But for this, you first need to absorb human culture, develop the ability to feel and empathize with other people, to allow sexuality to mature.
A person always has a choice
Living in a society, it is very difficult not to succumb to general tendencies, even if these tendencies are harmful. But you can take an antidote to mate and unhappy fate, and also learn to build relationships according to fundamentally different psychologically verified rules, and not according to the principle of an outcast and a victim. How exactly?
Education of feelings is the best prevention from early connections and a guarantee of happy relationships in the future.
Human sexuality is more than procreation, it is much more than just skillful gestures and "experience." Human sexuality is primarily about feelings. Therefore, it is the development of sensuality that allows our sexuality to be fully formed.
The best tool for developing sensuality is classical literature. She often saved children and adolescents from the pernicious influence of not the best environment, gave guidelines for life, ideals to which they wanted to strive. The same principle works for sex education: when reading good literature, adolescents have an imagination about love, high feelings and trusting relationships, about tenderness and care. An adolescent involved in sensory development will seek stronger feelings and emotional experiences rather than bodily contact, because child sexuality is infantile, that is, does not require intercourse.
The truth is that often it is the lack of sensory (from the word - feeling) connections that often pushes adolescents to this fatal step. In relationships with the opposite sex, girls seek a sense of security and safety. When he is sorely lacking in the family, when she does not develop emotionally close relationships either at home or with her peers, the girl instinctively wants to “stick” to the guy. She does not need sex, but only a feeling of confidence, need, attractiveness, but goes to sex, because all circumstances seem to force her to do so.
Developed sensuality becomes a kind of antidote to such a step. And also from swearing, pornography, vulgar trends. The contrast between literary images, true feelings and primitive realities will be too strong and obvious. In the future, the ability to love and empathize, developed on literary examples, will help to create trusting, strong relationships not only on attraction, but also on spiritual, intellectual relationship.
Not to lose confidence = to be or not to be …
Parents, especially mothers, need to remember about trust and emotional connection with their daughter, which often collapses in adolescence, even in the best families: adolescents try to take their first independent steps, become categorical, unpredictable, uncontrollable. And it is during this period that it is especially important not to lose their trust, in order to support them in a difficult situation, so that if doubts or problems arise, the girl runs not to the street, but to her parents.
Prohibitions, control, categoricalness, ultimatums from parents will have the exact opposite effect. In adolescence, even the most golden, well-bred mother's daughter can easily run away from home if her parents do not accept her friend - whatever he may be! - will devalue or ridicule her problems and feelings. If you do not lose touch, understand what is happening in her soul, you can push her to the fact that she herself will draw the right conclusions. Such examples are discussed in detail in the online training. The adolescent psyche is a special territory, you need to know it, and not go there in boots or with a shovel.
The training "System-vector psychology" makes it possible to more accurately understand people, not to doubt whether a good boy or an inveterate bully is in front of you, for what purpose the company is going: to teach lessons or try alcohol with all the consequences … Understanding the psychological nature of a person and the rules of building relationships in a team will help adolescents avoid the role of a victim or an outcast, consciously choose their environment and build relationships with their peers, and parents - direct the life of their child in the only right direction - the direction of pleasure and happiness!
#system-vector psychology # yuriburlan
Publication of Yuri Burlan (@yburlan) 6 Feb 2018 at 8:24 PST
Women's happiness is not the result of a miracle at all, but of quite natural things that we can control if we understand.
Do you want to raise a girl so that she becomes a happy woman, realized in all areas of her life? Come to the free online training "System Vector Psychology". Having learned to see the world around you through the prism of the psychic, you can not only avoid many annoying mistakes, but also neutralize their consequences, if they have already been committed.