Resentment at my husband, goodbye
If we subjectively feel that we have invested more in relationships, then there is an imbalance in justice and balance. Moreover, the spouse, for his part, may feel the same. Because each, not understanding the properties of the other, gave what he could, and not what the partner wanted.
If it were not for the offense at my husband, this understanding would never have come to me.
I want to forgive you for your deception and betrayal. For the fact that the family died before it could take shape. For short sex as the only expression of a relationship.
I want to forgive you for the fact that when our newborn baby was screaming around the clock for many months, you did not help me look after him. For quarrels, for the fact that in the most difficult moments you did not even hug me, you looked contemptuously and demanded to pull yourself together.
I want to forgive you for driving me out of the house that we dreamed and built together. For the fact that your good mood is a rare guest in our house. If it happens sometimes, you leave to give it to your friends.
I want to forgive you for your stony silence, ignorance, uncertainty. For your signature "don't count on me." For leaving home you don't say a word.
I was ready for this - I wanted to forgive you. But first I had to look inside myself and face my resentment.
Resentment is my earthly compass
The first discovery for me was that it is not common for all women to be offended by a husband. "Grudge" is inherent only in those whose memory, in principle, is better than others. In Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, such people (both men and women) are called carriers of the anal vector. The ideal, encyclopedic memory is given to them by nature, because in potential they are professionals, scrupulous and accurate, accurate and responsible.
The carriers of the anal vector have their important role in society - the accumulation and transfer of experience to future generations. And they perfectly implement it in the role of teachers, teachers, professionals in their field. But this does not always happen. If the memory properties of such a person are not used to accumulate and transmit knowledge, he concentrates on the negative memories of his life.
That is why a woman with an anal vector often simply cannot follow the advice of a psychologist and forget the bad. Resentment against a man accumulates, and she does not know how to influence it. Due to her innate properties - good memory, the priority of past experience - such a woman falls into a trap from which it is not easy to get out without knowing about herself.
How is resentment born? Also from the innate properties of the anal vector. For such people, justice is extremely important, which, in their understanding, means "equally." If we subjectively feel that we have invested more in relationships, then there is an imbalance in justice and balance. It is a big mistake to silently wait for him to give, so you can accumulate a strong resentment. Moreover, the spouse, for his part, may feel the same. Because each, not understanding the properties of the other, gave what he could, and not what the partner wanted. And he was not thanked.
To take revenge on her husband for insult
The desire to teach a husband a lesson for an insult is also characteristic of people with an anal vector. Because we are advocates of equality. We are comfortable when everything is equal. Including insults. With revenge, we try to return psychological comfort when the resentment has grown. We are eager to pay off the offender with the same coin. We think, since I was betrayed, then I will betray, it will become easier for me.
But punishing a husband for an offense most often does not work. The feeling of resentment as a property implies a tendency to constantly take offense at the big and small faults of people. Once offended, we often make it a habit. And we can maintain a state of balance only by taking revenge without stopping and tired - now with an insulting word, now with an act, even a trifle. This game is not worth the candle. It becomes clear that it is time to get rid of the resentment against her husband.
The wife's resentment against her husband. Why does he offend you
He does not offend in the literal sense of the word. He's just different. Not like you.
A person measures others by himself. You see external actions and explain them with internal reasons, inherent and understandable to you. And he has different ones.
A person may not even know that his actions are hurting another. Or he may wish to do good, but overshoot the values of the recipient. An ardent individualist with a skin vector bestows freedom and maximum personal space to a partner. And a partner with an anal vector - a desperate family man - perceives this as pain. He does not need such "freedom".
And if you don't forgive?
If a difficult situation was not lived through correctly and made him take offense at her husband, then later the label of the offender can automatically be hung on other men.
If there is no resentment left, then there is no bad experience.
Resentment against her husband - how to forgive?
It is easy to do this by understanding the true reasons for his actions. How? With the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology.
After passing free lectures, some of the grievances against the husband fall off, because the actions that previously offended are beginning to be perceived as a manifestation of his personal characteristics and now cause a smile. It is impossible to take offense at her husband for them after that.
The positive side of the "negative" properties becomes visible. A strict overseer of order and discipline himself. A cold philosopher is able to reveal the secrets of being. A romantic who is unable to defend in a fight will give the greatest love.
Some of the more severe grievances pass later, when a woman becomes able to understand those actions that are compensation for a person's internal frustrations.
Understanding a person's actions does not always mean approving them. It means freedom from offense.
It is also very important that the ability to understand and predict the actions of people frees from unjustified expectations. We begin to absolutely clearly understand what a person is capable of and what he will never be able to do. We understand the reasons for his actions, good and not so. This radically solves the problem of resentment in ourselves, gives an answer on how to cope with a difficult feeling.
Gratitude instead of resentment against your husband
When the iron curtain of grievances fell, the best moments of our lives became visible.
I also saw that resentment was inherent in me as a state, regardless of your actions. The old grudge against my mother opened up and let go of its snares. I am grateful to you for being with me, despite my resentment.
I am grateful to you for all the good things. For the very fact that I loved. It’s such happiness to love!
What to do? Register for free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan to let go of many years of resentment against your husband, understand him and yourself, see countless reasons for gratitude and happiness! Registration link