Favorite fool. When a word can kill …
Mom did not see a soul in her daughter, she was delighted with children's statements. Mom, like many adults, was very amused by her daughter's naive reasoning.
“You’re my fool,” my mother often said with love. But what about not a fool? Of course, you fool. Shy, almost, tears in my eyes …
If the doll comes out badly -
I will call it "Fool", If the clown comes out badly -
I will call him "Fool".
Two brothers came up to me, They came up and said:
“Is the doll to blame?
Is the clown to blame?
You don't love them enough, You don't mold them well, You yourself are to blame, And no one is to blame."
Novella Matveeva
Cozy Saturday tea. The sun peeps through the clouds, the house is warm and calm. The husband lazily teases the cats with the wrapping tape from the cake … What's going on ?! I do not understand. My body involuntarily contracts, my head is pulled into my shoulders. The throat seems to be blocked by a huge dry snag. Tears hurt my eyes. Don't breathe. It hurts, it hurts, it's scary …
“You’re my fool,” her husband repeats affectionately, addressing the cat …
* * *
The girl had a serious look beyond her years. Already an adult, she was told that at first the relatives were ashamed to make their stupid "uchi-ways" only to a baby brought from the hospital with such an adult look.
However, this did not prevent her from growing up as an inquisitive and cheerful little girl. The hooligan girl grew up. She wanted to know everything and had her own conclusions for all the missing pieces of information. For her age, they were even overly wise and philosophical. Many people said: "You think too much."
Of course, the baby was not that proud of her mind, no. But, of course, she considered these conclusions reasonable and certainly shared her thoughts with my mother. Who else?
Mom did not see a soul in her daughter, she was delighted with children's statements. Mom, like many adults, was very amused by her daughter's naive reasoning.
“You’re my little fool,” my mother often said with love.
But what about not a fool? Of course, you fool. Shy, almost tears in her eyes.
Mom, I miss so much
In the hour of the inevitable melancholy of the
Heart that understands everything, And warmth from the hand …
Irina Samarina-Labyrinth
Mother. A guarantee of safety and security for a child is the main condition for his development.
Despite the enormous emotional potential, my mother did not know how to express feelings. Yes, and did not try - it was not accepted. Maximum - pat on the head.
But she pitied everyone and took care of everyone. Is unnecessary. Obsessive.
Her childhood was during the war and the German occupation. Life far from my native land was not easy either. Therefore, she did her best to protect her late blood from a difficult fate. "Will grow up, still suffer."
Moreover, the daughter is so weak and nervous. Twitching, crying, afraid of everything.
- Why are you crying, you fool? All this is nonsense, you will soon forget. Lie down to sleep … And while I cook the porridge, otherwise you are completely dead.
* * *
Word. This is not a set of letters. Any word carries a meaning.
Adults know how to play with words, changing shades of meanings by intonation.
And it seems like you already meant something completely different …
Not. Nothing else.
Your subconscious mind gives out exactly what it wanted. This consciousness already hangs intonations and formulations in order to stay within the bounds of decency.
And the other hears exactly the meaning that you say. Yes, and his consciousness finds a suitable rationalization, why he should not give you head-on for insults, but laugh at a cute joke. But the meaning remains. And the relationship will never become sincere.
Children under a certain age do not know how at all. And for every mother's word, the child is completely open. It is completely open to mother's feelings and emotions, no matter how she hides them. Only he cannot explain, he does not know why it is scary or sad. Doesn't know why the usual word hurts her cheeks. A word spoken with love, but without love.
Mom, the edges are erased …
Only in appearance happy …
We remain in the trap of Grievances
folded into the soul …
Irina Samarina-Labyrinth
The Word affects every child in a different way. What will push one to develop will destroy the future of the other.
- A child with a skin vector strives for victory. Whatever he dreams of, in his dreams he is a winner. But the most significant person in life said: "You are a fool." Or: "You grow up - you become a prostitute." It is difficult for an adult to understand how severe this pain is. But the leatherman is able to defeat her. At what cost? A scenario for failure. He will win the competition for the most ridiculous life, whatever the cost. And no matter how he assures himself that he is going to success.
- A child with an anal vector wants to be the best and deserve mom's praise. But the most significant person in life said: "You are a fool." The moment you need support the most. And my mother's opinion is indisputable. The kid will also continue to try to learn well, but subconsciously will wait for "praise" for being a fool. And constantly resist it. After all, a child with analytical thinking may seem like a brake or stubborn, but never a fool. And when he grows up, becomes a professional, on the contrary, he will hesitate to express his expert opinion. It's a shame to be clever.
- A child's sensuality with a visual vector develops in a range from fear of death to the highest degree of compassion and love. But the most significant person in life said: "You are a fool." Crying is bad! Crying is stupid. This is not yet a ban on tears that completely stops the development of sensuality. But … the girl will not learn to love. Only regret. And her prince will be a beggar. How else to feel sorry for him? The boy will just grow up emotionally callous.
- The situation is most difficult if the child has a sound vector. A small sound person perceives meanings directly. Anything that another child can ignore, this one, you can be sure, will not miss. But the most significant person in life said: "You are a fool." A potential genius heard that he was not understood here. And he tried to withdraw into himself, into his world, away from unpleasant meanings. But in his world there is only an illusion. And in the real world - the inability to build relationships with people and depression.
It doesn't have to be that way. The development of the properties of each vector is a multilevel and complex process. Where will it skew? How many and what words or actions will be enough to fix the mistake, stop development?
And it is not so important what properties of the psyche a child should have, so that he would then spend his whole life on proving the right not to be considered a fool … And all his life he proved the opposite. None of the parents think about this.
* * *
I have heard my husband call the cat a fool many times. Yes, to be honest, and sometimes I call a cat myself. But the cat appeared quite recently, and the appeal to her in the female gender gave such a psychotherapeutic effect. Another huge part of life has taken shape.
Of course, only thanks to Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" I was able to put all the elements in the right order and, feeling all the pain of failed successes, close this scenario forever. I was able to see this painful point, which haunted me - where did the script for failure come from, if in childhood they did not beat, did not insult? There are no errors. Everything is systemic.
In someone's uncomfortable life, there are no guilty ones. Neither mom, nor mom’s mom, nor mom’s mom’s mom planned to harm their children. They loved with all their might and gave themselves completely to make us happy. As much as they could. How they could.
Life has already taken place. And it only depends on us what it should be. But the thorns of the past must be pulled out.
- In order not to pass on the baton of failures to their children, which superstitious owners of the visual vector will definitely call a generic curse.
- To tell other parents. Those who can hear and draw the right conclusions.
- So that those who carry the weight of unlived fate in their hearts hear, and be able to pull out their splinters.
- To finally sincerely tell my mother the words that were not said during her lifetime: “I love you, mom! Thank you for life!"
