A wedding behind barbed wire, or why such love is needed?
Tatiana scored "relations with prisoners" into the search engine, she learned from the forums that not all marriages with the ZK are unsuccessful, there are exceptions. Of course, there are no reliable statistics, but she really wanted to believe that she should be lucky.
The next phone number from a dating site gave her a slight hope: maybe it was he, the one and only one she had been waiting for all her life? Shyly pressing a button on the phone, Tanya heard a pleasant male voice:
- Hi, I really liked you in the photo. Are you married?
- No, why?
The next two days passed in endless telephone conversations with Sergei. And in the morning, when she fluttered on the wings of happiness to work, everything inside sang and danced, and thoughts flashed through Tatyana's head: “Lord, well, is it really him? Finally, I met the man of my dreams, I just feel that we will succeed!"
Pictures of joint breakfasts, bed scenes, gentle hugs began to spin in my head. Weddings, kisses, walks along the embankment by the hand - all this was expressed by a special sparkle in the eyes and a beautiful smile on his face. A call from a beloved man pulled her out of the world of dreams and made her return to reality:
- I cannot … I must confess … You are so good, this is the first time I meet someone like you, I feel so good with you … But I am not worthy of you.
She froze with tremendous tension.
- I do not want to deceive you, you deserve the best, we need to part.
Tanya squeezed out of herself in shock:
- But why? - it seemed to her that the earth was beginning to leave from under her feet.
- Darling, once I made a big mistake and I'm very sorry. If I knew that I would meet you, I would never have done the stupidity for which I now suffer. In general, I am sitting in the zone.
- In which zone? Tatiana asked in surprise.
Her brains refused to understand what a zone was and how to call from there. The phrases “comfort zone”, “exclusion zone”, “impact zone” came to mind, there were no other zones in her lexicon.
“In a correctional facility, like a prison,” he continued.
“This is the end,” the girl thought, “why do I need a prisoner? I come from a good family, they just won't understand me, my relatives will never accept him. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she switched off the phone.
Broken dreams
The whole day passed in a fog. Tatiana felt a huge gaping hole instead of her recent feeling of happiness. The whole world went out again, having replaced the bright colors of joy and love for a gray oppressive, terribly frightening feeling of universal loneliness, where no one needs it, even herself.
By evening it became unbearably hard, and she had a crazy thought: “Well, if I feel so bad without him, maybe I should try it? In the end, half of Russia is in prison, and many because of a miscarriage of justice … And it’s not a fact that a man will treat me better than Sergey. I was already like that, I remember, I remember … I lied and cheated for three years, and then left for another. You might think that they are free at all, these decent men.
And in general, it can happen to everyone, it's not for nothing that they say, do not excuse yourself from the bag and from the prison. Well, who will guarantee that you yourself will never fall into the clutches of an unjust law? But our law is like a tongue: as you turn it, it happened, - Tatyana continued to reflect, and with each such thought it became easier on her soul, more and more calm and pleasant. - Yes, and I am not stupid at all, I can immediately understand if he tries to deceive me.
Arriving home, Tatyana scored "relations with prisoners" into the search engine, she learned from the forums that not all marriages with the ZK are unsuccessful, there are exceptions. Of course, there are no reliable statistics, but she really wanted to believe that she should be lucky.
Late in the evening she could not stand it, turned on her phone, 35 missed calls from Sergey were displayed.
“Well, he really cares about me,” Tatiana slowly dialed his number. Long beeps lasted only a few seconds, but this is in our reality. And in those seconds Tatyana's head contained her entire happy life with Sergei, full of mutual love and respect, passion and tenderness, trust and mutual understanding.
Finally, he picked up the phone:
- Hi baby. I'm so glad you called. I love you. You may think I'm crazy, but I've never felt so good with anyone. I will do everything to make you happy. Just wait for me. I have no one but you. I have nothing to live without you, do you understand? I'll go out, I'll start working honestly. Of course, I don't promise mountains of gold, but I will always love you. You are my Destiny. You are like a ray of sunshine that appeared in this gray terrible life.
New life
Tatiana silently listened to him, and tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks. She had never felt so good in her life as now. Here he is, the one she has been waiting for all her life. Sobbing quietly, she said:
- I cannot live without you, Sergei … Promise me that you will never deceive me.
- Kid, of course, I promise. But you also promise me that you will be faithful to me and never, do you hear, never lie to me, with a lie begins devastation …
6 months have passed …
The lovers signed right in the zone. Tatiana went to see him for long visits four times a year for three days. The whole life was lived from "date" to "date". Trips over 500 km with 25 kg of "gear" in the car gave Tatiana a feeling of happiness, of her need. She was incredibly pleased and at the same time terrified to wait until she was summoned from the checkpoint for a date, despite the fact that it was 30 degrees below zero outside. And even the rude searches of the orderlies down to her underwear before the date did not darken her feelings. And she had long been accustomed to the sidelong glances of the prison staff and perceived them as incomprehension and callousness towards people in general and towards the wives of prisoners in particular.
“I am strong, I can bear it,” Tanya often told herself. - He is much worse than me. And I'm ready for anything for him."
Everything was wonderful. And only some vague, vague suspicion sometimes visited her during a meeting with her beloved. It seemed to her as if it was not him. That is, on dates, the husband seemed different, not the same as she imagined him when talking on the phone. The image in the head and the real real husband were not identical. Tatiana brushed aside this feeling, writing off this discrepancy to the fact that she was simply not used to her husband yet.
So the years passed, the term of the "call" of the beloved came. With horror for herself, Tatiana began to understand that she was afraid of this day.
Love or self-deception?
Often, such absentee marriages break up under very harsh circumstances. And the reason, as a rule, is always the same - the discrepancy between the real man and the image in the head of women, which they come up with for themselves. Remember, as in the song of Alena Apina: "I blinded him from what was, and then what was, I fell in love."
What hooks women to this hook?
After all, in essence, such an absentee marriage is a jump into a pool with your eyes closed, but is there water in that pool? By the terms of the problem, it is unknown.
There are several reasons that push women to take such desperate steps:
1. Acute lack of love in everyday life.
2. Great need for emotion
3. Great desire to have a family.
4. The sad experience of unsuccessful relationships.
What leads us if common sense slumbers?
Very often we have unconscious motives. And it is impossible to understand them without exact knowledge of the structure of the human psyche. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan in its entirety reveals the internal motives of human behavior and explains any of his, at first glance, extravagant desires and actions.
The sacrificial line of behavior for our heroine is set by the visual vector. Spectators are by nature the most sensual, receptive and emotionally mobile. They are subject to frequent mood swings and have an extraordinary imagination.
A special talent for the visual person is to establish emotional connections with other people. With a successful social realization, this makes the viewer compassionate, capable of actively helping the sick and weak. Often such people work with disabled or seriously ill people, work in hospices. The lack of adequate realization of its properties forms a completely different, unfavorable life scenario for the owner of the visual vector.
Emotional connections are necessary for spectators, like air, it is unbearable for them to feel their loneliness. When emotional hunger becomes incredibly strong, Tatiana, almost without hesitation, directs her desire for an emotional connection to the first suitable object, in this case, to the prisoner in prison, Sergei.
Instead of herself being a source of love and compassion for the weak and the weak, she turns into an extortionist for this very love, greedily absorbing the love of another for herself. And if the object gives her these sensations and fills her with such desired love emotions, then she is drawn deeper and deeper into even a knowingly hopeless relationship. So our heroine gradually forms an emotional dependence on a man. All this beautiful tinsel of words and promises becomes a real trap for Tatiana.
This is the key problem of the whole story, because it is using its natural gift for compassion in a completely different way. Instead of pitying and compassion for those people who really need her support and sympathy (the frail old people, the disabled, sick children), she spends her warmth on an adult, strong, independent man who has chosen his own path and bears for it is a punishment.
On the other hand, giving her emotions to her beloved, Tatyana in return receives many beautiful enthusiastic words, surprisingly sincere SMS, oaths of fidelity and eternal love, a sea of compliments, a lot of attention, a kind of care. All this visual "tinsel" plunges her into a state of euphoria, in which she bathes, not understanding what is really happening in her life.
What's really going on? I came up with it myself - I believed it myself
She came up with it herself, she believed - this is a classic of the genre in such a relationship. The innate imaginative thinking and the extraordinary imagination of the spectator are capable of creating in their head the image of a "prince on a white horse" even from a real criminal. Pity in this visual fairy tale adds a spice, for the poignancy of the plot, just like in Hollywood films. What prevents our heroine from seeing reality as it is?
The point is that the root emotion of the visual person is fear. Only with a successful social realization, he is reborn into his opposite - sympathy and compassion, unconditional love for people. In the absence of such a realization, fear remains and destroys the life of the owner of the visual vector.
Reality frightens our heroine so much that with the help of innate imaginative thinking, she begins to add to her beloved those features and qualities that he does not have at all. Staying alone and losing their emotional connection is much more scary for her than looking at a man with open eyes. And the mental round dance plays up the situation in such a way that Tatyana comes to the conclusion about possible judicial errors, that he may indeed be innocent and unjustly condemned.
And Tatiana knows firsthand about injustice. The relationship that she had before Sergei with a free man gave her a lesson for life. He was no better than Sergei, and even worse, he cheated on her with her friend.
Bad experiences, loyalty, and the desire to start a family
The owners of the anal vector become hostages of a bad experience. Such people are characterized by justice and decency, patience and perseverance, gratitude. These are people with the best memory and analytical skills.
The owners of the anal vector feel the past as a special value. In a sense, they are generally “people of the past”: they are fond of history or archeology, they value antiques. Unfortunately, it is this feature that sometimes makes them live their present with a constant look at the past, which is what happens with Tatiana. Recalling the insult and injustice towards herself, she unconsciously endows all other men with the desire to deceive her. This greatly interferes with creating relationships at large. Memory is always on the alert: "she knows such" - and it is difficult to let new things into your life.
For the anal vector, everything new is stress. The habit of talking on the phone for hours gradually makes Sergei "his" person, with whom he is familiar and comfortable. It becomes incredibly difficult to end a relationship at this stage, especially since natural congenital monogamy and fidelity in the anal vector completely atrophy the desire to change partners, but the desire to belong to only one is always in the first place for Tatiana.
And also innate decency and responsibility do not allow her and the thought to admit that you can just take a person and "throw". Throwing him in a difficult situation is not human, he hopes for it, counts on it. How can you let him down?
All these properties of the anal vector prolong Tatyana's dependence on this relationship with Sergei. A woman with such properties can “pull this strap” for years, because the owners of the anal vector are incredibly patient.
Getting stuck in this scenario is also fueled by an overwhelming desire for a happy family. After all, it is the family and children that are the key values for the owner of the anal vector. Without them, life is not fulfilled enough, and there is no feeling of happiness. The values of marriage are so important to Tatiana that she even agrees to a wedding in the zone.
Freedom of the soul instead of the fetters of emotional dependence
The combination of the properties of the psyche in such states of the visual and anal vectors ties Tatyana to the object of her love with tight lace. Like a fly in a spider's web, it becomes emotionally dependent and, as a rule, for a long time. Is it love?
Of course, you can complain about fate and sigh, cry furtively from your family in the evenings and declare your "real happiness" to all those trying to help people. And you can also try to understand yourself, your problems at the training in system-vector psychology directly online, without leaving your home.
The training helps everyone understand what exactly he gets and gives in the relationship, what are the prospects for your couple. Finally, you will be able to look into your soul without fear and honestly answer to yourself the question: “What do I really feel about this person? Do I really want to live my life with him? And most importantly, you will finally be able to see your partner as he is:
If the realization comes that the relationship needs to be completed, then there is also an understanding of how to do it with the least worries for both partners.
After the training comes the ability to clearly separate the concepts of love and emotional dependence on a person, and this gives incredible strength to make the right decision. Here's what the trainees say about it:
Give your soul freedom and the ability to make informed decisions. Register for free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan by following the link.
