Children's hysteria. How to win in 10 minutes?
The silence of the children's bedroom, the first rays of a new day break through the curtains … the first worker after a series of weekends. Already dressed and ready for work, I gently stroke the baby's snoring sweetly on the head.
The silence of the children's bedroom, the first rays of a new day break through the curtains … the first worker after a series of weekends. Already dressed and ready for work, I gently stroke the baby's snoring sweetly on the head.
"Good morning, honey, - I whisper softly in my ear, - it's time to get up."
One glance out the window and at the dressed mother becomes enough to guess where we are going …
“A-ah! Mom-ah, I want with you! I will not go to kindergarten. I want a home! I'll go to work with you, I won't go to kindergarten. I feel bad there, I'll be at home with you!"
Tears run in a stream, feet stomp, hands cling tenaciously to mother's neck, wet nose-stick pokes into mother's hair, clothes and toys are scattered, any distracting tricks do not work.
In severe cases, shortness of breath begins, mixed with sobbing and swallowing air, rolling on the floor and jerking legs and arms.
Crying intensifies in the presence of spectators and … breaks my mother's heart.
What, then, do we want to do first? Explain something logically, shout or threaten, reassure and promise at least a star from the sky, if only to be silent, to slap in the end to shut his mouth.
Does it help?..
It was not so! The visual vector is pure emotions, without a shadow of logic or common sense, without the ability to draw conclusions or conclusions, and hysteria is a manifestation of the negative state of the vector, which requires emotional feedback, attention to yourself, your emotions. Still, going to the garden is the same loss of emotional connection with mom for the whole day! The brighter and more impulsive you react to a childish tantrum, the more you add fuel to the fire.
“They shout at me - oh, how bad I am! A-a-a! " “Mom is crying with me - oh, how bitter I am! A-a-a!"
It doesn't matter what emotions you feed the visual hysterics, only their intensity matters. You are louder - it is louder, you are bitter - and it is bitter, you spank - it knocks with its feet and goes in even more.
How to stop a tantrum?
Deprive of fuel!
No emotion in return. No threats, no exhortations, no sympathy, no promises - nothing. But it is imperative to react! Remember that the absence of your reaction makes the child want to raise the tone - well, so that the mother can still hear if she still does not hear … Ignoring is not an option.
We react. Calm, quiet, emotionless, like a robot. Yes, this requires an incredible effort on your part! Let everything boil inside with an excess of feelings, outside you are an iceberg!
“I don’t want to go to kindergarten! A-a-a! " Calmly: "I don't want to either."
"Want to be with you! Ah-ah! " Even calmer and quieter: "And I want to, but I have to go to the garden."
And so on, the main thing is to keep cool, at least outwardly. Without external replenishment, any hysteria will subside in a few minutes. Gradually, by a little fading away, losing viewers and response, turning into a weak whining, already without even tears, but just like that, for show.
Be prepared that a dozen sweats will disappear from you, the headache will pass only in an hour, but you will arrive at your destination without tears, completely exhausted, so the parting will be more or less calm. There will be no strength, no desire, no emotions to continue, and even more so to resume hysteria.
Another time, realizing that this issue will not work with my mother, such a scenario can be expected extremely rarely. However, do not underestimate our children - they will definitely come up with something new! Especially endowed with visual imagination …
Visual children
A kid with a visual vector is a small fountain of emotions. If he is happy, then he laughs and jumps, waving his arms, if he is upset, then he cries out loud, experiencing every feeling with the maximum possible amplitude, and from the positive pole to the negative one moment (one word, one act). Sometimes even parents don't know why their child is crying. It seems to them that there is no reason - this is alarming, especially for caring parents. Visual fantasy knows no boundaries: he invented something for himself and experiences it with all his emotional strength. Imaginary friends exist only with visual kids, and they are quite real for them, visual children sincerely believe in what they have invented.
In no case forbid the visual child to express himself. He wants to cry - let him cry, wants to laugh - to your health. Most often, visual boys are forbidden to cry, especially their anal fathers. So they say: "After all, he is a man and should not behave like that." As a result, the boy begins to suppress any manifestations of his emotions, there are growing shortages in the visual vector, "the glass is filled" and one fine moment pours out into violent hysteria.
The greatest pleasure for a visual child is getting the same emotions for himself, that is, creating an emotional connection: first of all with his mother, then with the rest of his relatives, friends, educators. With insufficient communication with the mother, the baby tries to create her with fictional characters, with his toys, pets. A break in the emotional connection with a pet, especially a tragic one, can cause loss of vision in a child with a visual vector.
Hysteria as a negative state of the visual vector is a manifestation of not yet developed innate properties. A small person is just learning to express himself in life and acts according to inner feelings, trying to get pleasure in any way.
This is where parents come onstage. During the time during which the development of vector properties is possible, namely until the end of puberty, we have a chance to help our child move from a hysterical, requiring attention only to himself, into a person who subtly feels the feelings of the interlocutor and is capable of compassion and sincere love for his neighbor. …
The first and very important rule is NO SCOOTERS! In no case should a small spectator be intimidated, this is the most primitive way to swing the emotional sphere. Frightening the child with babies, yagas, kashcheys, babai and other nonsense, we fix in his mental this way of filling the visual vector.
Of course, it becomes easier for a child to tickle his nerves with a terrible fairy tale, horror movie or bloody computer game than to develop, share emotions, empathize, love. This will require an effort. So, make it so that he had no choice! Only one way is to develop. No horror stories, fairy tales with eating, cartoons with murders, scares from around the corner, in the dark, manipulation of threats in the style of "the top will bite the barrel" or "the goblin will take you away." No pleasure from fear, pleasure should be from love.
If you teach a kid a more effective way of getting emotional pleasure, he will forget about some primitive tantrums that give very meager and temporary pleasure.
There is a vector - it requires filling. If there is no filling, he finds it himself, as he can, as he feels, as he can. Such emotional swings as hysteria at the earliest stage of a child's development are the only known way for him to get pleasure, the only way he can fill the visual vector.
The second and no less important rule is an emotional connection with mom. It is with my mother! An emotional connection is a feeling of emotional relationship, trust, closeness. Experience emotions together, read compassionate books, watch good cartoons, empathize with the characters, talk, ask the kid who is good, who is bad, why he did this, who loves whom …
Have pity on the fallen teddy bear, plant flowers together in the yard, let the child learn to care for them and enjoy the colorful petals, make a bird feeder, ask to pity a crying comrade in the garden, on the street, in transport, give the sick daddy tea with raspberries, offer your help an old lady neighbor - go to the store, take out the trash, etc.
A strong emotional connection with the mother, who always finds the strength and time to communicate with the baby, reading children's books and cartoons, the characters of which cause empathy, not fear (!), Switching from toys to people: share sweets with a friend; give a toy to someone who does not have it; pity the one who cries; look after someone who is sick; to show your love for mom (dad, grandmother, brother) by actions - all this makes it possible for the child to learn how to enjoy, satisfying the needs of the visual vector at the highest level of a modern person, feeling the fullness of life.
Teach emotions to give, and not demand to yourself. Gradually, step by step, without coercion, by your own example, by your own actions, living with the baby all his feelings and directing his emotional avalanche in the right direction.
Parental efforts to competently educate a visual baby will return to them with manifestations of sincere filial (filial) love and will make the life of today's little spectator filled with strong feelings of compassion, empathy and love for people. You will grow up a person devoid of any fears, phobias, panic states, capable of real feelings and strong actions for the sake of your love. Read reviews from trained parents and come to the free online training for answers to your questions.
