I beat my daughter! I'm ashamed and scared
The teenage daughter skipped school, which was reported to the mother by the class teacher, calling the parent to the teacher's room and reprimanding the other teachers. After such humiliation, my friend beat her daughter "like a dog" …
The voice on the telephone was muffled. The woman could be heard taking a puff and exhaling cigarette smoke: “Something is wrong with me. I can’t take it anymore.” Then for a few more minutes I listened to curses mixed with sobs and sobs. Then desperate: “I beat her like a dog! Shames me in front of people! And I myself am suffering now: I love her, she is my only child, I live for her! After all, I plow like a horse without days off and holidays! What is happening to me?"
In the course of a long conversation, I managed to understand what happened after all. The teenage daughter skipped school, which was reported to the mother by the class teacher, calling the parent to the teacher's room and reprimanding the other teachers. After such humiliation, my friend beat her daughter "like a dog."
What drives us
To understand what happened and why the ideal mother raised her hand against her child, the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan will help. This human science explains that our behavior, reactions to situations, our way of thinking depend on the internal structure of our psyche. Each of us is the owner of a certain set of innate desires and mental properties. This set is called a vector. There are eight vectors in total. The heroine of this story is the bearer of the anal vector.
Women with an anal vector are potentially the best daughters, wives and moms. It is they who in childhood most often play with dolls and houses, trying on the role of expectant mothers and housewives. They are naturally endowed with such qualities as loyalty, caring, accuracy and patience. It is for such women that family and home are the greatest values. They are wonderful needlewomen, able to keep the house clean and comfortable.
The very nature of the anal vector forms in such women the skills to teach and raise children, they learn easily and with pleasure, they have an excellent memory and ability to analyze. Attention to detail, perseverance and the ability to memorize a large amount of information make such people excellent specialists in any field. They are responsible, decent and able to bring any business to a result.
I love my mother and take offense at her
The mother of the heroine of this story early married a man who drank and beat her. Having given birth to a girl and not enduring the beatings and hardships of family life, she fled from him to the end of the world, leaving her three-year-old daughter with her father and mother-in-law, the child's grandmother, until better times.
Lena grew up as a beautiful spoiled child. The grandmother, after whom the granddaughter was named, doted on the plump angel. The girl was calm, obedient and loved books. A kind and reasonable grandmother provided the girl with a sense of security and safety.
When mom returned to pick up her daughter, Lena turned 6 years old. A beautiful, slender and successful mother immediately took up the upbringing of the girl: “Why are you digging? Come on faster!”,“If you don’t want to be late for school, put on your tights at a run!”,“How long can you pick in the porridge ?!”,“Fix the ribbon! You’re a girl, not a cow!”“Why did you stick out your lip? You always frown! "," Well, what are you stubborn! ".
Lena's mother is the owner of the skin vector. Skin people are endowed with completely different qualities that are not characteristic of people with an anal vector. Stylish and toned skinned mom, who feels the time "with her skin", for whom saving emotions is as natural as saving time and money, turned the girl's life into a real challenge.
She idolized and feared her mother. There was always a disarming truth in my mother’s biting, straightforward remarks. She, Lena, is slow, not so smart, not so slim, and so on. The girl tried her best as a child to meet her mother's standards. But the natural properties took their toll. Mom was unhappy with her detailed and "lazy" daughter. Lena took offense, cried, forgave her mother, but continued to remember every mother’s word.
The fact is that the presence of a good memory in the anal vector determines not only the fact that such people remember all the good things that others once did for them. They, like no one else, are able to appreciate noble deeds and love to thank for them. A good memory allows the carriers of the anal vector to remember all the bad things, turning them into touchy and vindictive people.
It is people with an anal vector that are more reverent than others who relate to such categories as equality and justice. They tend to expect praise and recognition from others. They perceive the lack of recognition of their value and importance as deprivation. Lena's childhood resentment against her mother, hidden in the deep corners of her subconscious, remained with Lena for life.
People like us do not forgive betrayal
Mom's remarks were not in vain. From an obedient girl, she turned into a charming and interesting girl who attracted attention with her bright appearance and ability to support any conversation.
And then - the institute, the hostel, love and pigeons. She got married not out of great love. Rather, she ran away from a disgusted house, where her mother constantly criticized her, and did not arrange her female fate.
The guy seemed to her capable, businesslike, ambitious. These are the qualities that the skin vector gives people. She dreamed of how she would build her life differently - not like her mother. Mom will see how wonderful everything will be with Lena! Someday, instead of condemnation and disappointment, she will see admiration for her adult daughter in her mother's eyes!
After a year of marriage, Lena gave birth to a daughter. A wonderful mother and hostess, she plunged headlong into family chores. The husband did not meet the expectations of the young wife. Things were not going well at work, he more and more often came home after midnight and drunk. There was not enough money.
And then Lena found out that her husband has a girlfriend with whom he has fun and on whom he spends most of his already small salary. She could not forgive. They divorced quickly. Lena was left alone with a one-year-old daughter in her arms and without a livelihood.
People with an anal vector are the most loyal and devoted. They are able to fully give their partner all the best in a relationship. And they are waiting for reciprocity and devotion from the partner. It was natural for Lena's skin husband to compensate for her problems in social fulfillment through new sexual relationships. For a woman like Lena, her husband's betrayal became a real betrayal. In her mind, he dared to encroach on the most valuable thing in her life - on her family.
It was unbearable to ask my mother for help, admit her failure and admit that she was a failure. She took her daughter and went to the North, to a small town, to her aunt.
Hostages of the first experience
We didn't see each other for a while. Lena moved back to Moscow and quickly found a job. She was an excellent specialist, she was not afraid of work. Now her main goal in life was to put the girl on her feet, to give her a good education.
Lena appeared on the threshold of my apartment in a hat with earflaps, in a down coat below the knees, tied around her neck with a thick scarf. She became different. No, not that she had greatly recovered, still quite a young woman looked overweight, older than her years, more an aunt than the girl I remembered her. Not a trace of lightness remained. To my joke about how she dressed warmly, I heard: “Why freeze your ass? It is in your Moscow that women are ready to stagger for the sake of men with bare legs in winter.
In each phrase, there was resentment against people, resentment against men, bitter disappointment in people and self-pity. The once attractive and smiling face now did not leave an expression of fatigue and doom. I was amazed at how harshly and harshly our mutual acquaintances, employees at work, Moscow, the government and all this "shitty" life were criticized.
People with an anal vector are held hostage to the first experience. Resentment against a man who, following his mother, did not appreciate her loyalty, devotion, care, turned into an insult to the whole world.
Already at the introductory lectures of the training "System-Vector Psychology" Yuri Burlan explains to the audience how the tendency of anal people to cleanliness and order in the case of sexual frustration (dissatisfaction) leads to the opposite phenomenon - the desire to "dirty" with a word, criticize. Lena, an intelligent and well-mannered woman, “dirty” everything and everyone around her, using “toilet” vocabulary in conversation. She, apparently, was already then in deep frustration.
Scary way to align brain biochemistry
That phone call happened a month after our last meeting. Lena punished her daughter with beatings. The girl had bruises and abrasions. Lena's soul ached. She was scared. She did not understand at all how it happened. How did what happened?
Yes, she used to scream when she was raising her daughter. After all, it is clear that out of love! She has lived her life, she knows how difficult it is to raise a worthy person from a child! The daughter had to understand that her mother was right, that everything that her mother teaches was for her own good, daughter. But today she beat her. Unfortunately, such stories are often encountered in our time.
There is such a concept in Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology as the geometry of the greatest comfort in each vector. In the anal vector, it is a square with clear and straight lines. Any bias in the configuration of the square creates the strongest discomfort in the mental state of the anal person. There is a need to align the "brain biochemistry". If he is offended, he takes revenge. If he was given more than he bargained for, he feels guilty.
Resentment can also result in a tendency to hurt with words. Thus, frustrated people with an anal vector try to compensate for their social or sexual dissatisfaction. But sometimes the need for verbal sadism can develop into a threat of physical violence. Men with an anal vector in such states beat their wives, women - children.
The biggest fear for people with anal vector is the fear of dishonor. For my friend, the trigger was a humiliating moment in the staff room. Public reprimands for her daughter, fear of being a bad mother, poor mental state resulted in uncontrollable rage, which led to severe physical punishment of her daughter.
How to tame demons
Women with an anal vector are naturally endowed with all the necessary properties for raising and educating children. It is they who, having shouted at the child or hitting him, subsequently experience burning shame and suffer from remorse. Of course, we find excuses for our actions, because we were once also brought up with a whip. But we grew up as people and we love our parents, and we do not remember any offense.
The danger is that without knowledge of our own psyche, we wander in the dark and can make irreparable mistakes. The powerful libido of the anal vector, which controls us through the subconscious, pushes us to actions that we ourselves cannot subsequently explain. That is why so often frightened mothers say: “I don’t understand how this could have happened!”, “I don’t remember what happened!”, “The demon seemed to have possessed me!”.
In the anal vector, frustration and resentment can accumulate for years. They will not disappear on their own. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan shows the deep reasons for the emergence of negative states, and understanding this opens up opportunities for overcoming them.
The results of people who have learned to understand themselves and their children can be found here:
It seems like 100 years have passed. But in fact, a month and a half. The relationship with the child has changed completely! Now I constantly tell him that I love him, that in the evening we will definitely meet, that he is under my protection.
I came to life. As strange as it sounds, my changes were witnessed by the people on the bus I took to work. Same people every day at the same time.
Oksana B. Read the full text of the result Evening. Mom and son are doing their homework. But something has subtly changed. We also do what can be done in 15 minutes, hours. The child also turns on the chair like a whirligig. He also flies into one ear, flies into the other)). His mouth does not close. We need to talk about everything. And you sit next to me and catch yourself thinking that just a few weeks ago we would both suffer. The son is from fright, from the fact that his mother does not love him, and his mother - from the feeling of guilt for her cry, for her anger.
Just a few lectures - and everything changed dramatically. I became calm, patient. I completely stopped yelling at my son. I don’t shout, and I don’t want to. I wanted a change in my life, a change in my relationship with my son, especially with my son - I got this from the SVP training. And she got much more than she wanted.
Zhanna B. Read the full text of the result
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