"That the seal will call, then the deer", or What if everyone pisses off
Everything boils inside when they interfere with their work. And after all, the one who finds fault with nothing in business, but is always ready to delegate with feigned importance. It pisses me off when people are only judged by clothing and brands. Whatever the reason, the underlying causes of hatred towards people can be summarized in three categories …
You tell them in Russian: "To conclude a contract, go to ten and have your passport with you." Show up at noon with a driver's license instead of a passport and a claim instead of an apology. Is it really incomprehensible ?!
You come to the conclusion that 90% of people are primitive, stupid, hypocritical and limited. And how to step over the hatred of others every day in order to exist among them? Modern psychology argues that a person generally began with a feeling of dislike for another. So is it worth getting rid of the base of basics?
Everything boils inside when they interfere with their work. And after all, the one who finds fault with nothing in business, but is always ready to delegate with feigned importance. It pisses me off when people are only judged by clothing and brands. When everything is assessed from an unreasonably high bell tower. When "I'll tell you honestly" really means "now I'm going to blatantly lie." When the arguments of common sense are not heard - after all, there is an unshakable opinion of the "expert on life."
Whatever the reason, the underlying causes of hatred towards people can be summarized in three categories.
Three reasons for my hate
1. We just follow the example of our ancestors
The normal animal ate and calmed down. The early man wanted more food. This is how we began to differ from the animal - to demand more than is necessary to survive. It's not enough to fill your stomach, you also need to think about supplies for tomorrow. This primal desire became so great that it would eat its neighbors in the fire. But the law of the pack forbids. And a colossal tension arises - hostility for the fact that it is impossible to satisfy your insatiable urge at the expense of another.
For thousands of years, our desires have grown in different directions: someone wants success, someone is honored, someone is a villa on the Cote d'Azur, someone has five children, someone to become a president, someone to worldwide fame, someone comprehend the laws of the universe. But with such a range of desires, we often slip into a primitive perception of each other. We strive to use the other to get “ours”. And if it doesn't work out, we hate him.
2. We do not give the right to each other to be different
For some, punctuality is important, while others are not able to keep track of time. Someone is imprisoned by nature to scrupulously understand the details, and someone - to make plans for the future, not paying attention to the little things. Someone managed to develop in childhood to the level to see the essence of a person, while someone, due to objective circumstances, is "blinkered" so much that he perceives only labels and the color of lipstick. We are trying to remake each other, teach us to live correctly, that is, according to our own ideas. If this always succeeded, the human species would die out. From ancient hunting to modern business, we can only achieve anything significant by learning to combine our differences for one purpose.
3. We shift our inner tension to others, in which they are not even to blame
Bosses yell at subordinates, cashiers at customers, customers at suppliers, security guards at visitors, husbands at wives, mothers at children. Everyone understands that they need each other in order to receive a salary, have a family, orders, clients, partners. But unconscious dissatisfaction with life outweighs, and we lose control.
Dislike is bubbling in society. And everyone is ready to attack - it doesn't matter if there was an attack or not. Just in case, so they don't have time to attack me. And if they have already attacked, then I will release some of the tension on the weaker one. If you could just forbid yourself to do this … We are powerless in the face of the tsunami of hostility. But there is one loophole.
One universal step to peace of mind
You go to the housing department, above the accountant's window there is an announcement: "Let everything come back to you doubly what you want me." Judging by her face, most of the visitors do not wish her health, happiness and well-being. Her glance sullenly and rude "Why do you?" predetermines further "pleasant" communication. To live with wolves is to howl like a wolf. How else? How can you change a world where everyone is gloomy and angry?
Confronted with situations where people behave badly towards us creates an explosion of resentment. And the claim: “Is it really so difficult to be to each other
- more attentively?
- more responsible?
- friendlier?
- more decent?
- calmer?"
It is difficult to communicate with people if they behave like brainless and explosive cases of sawdust. They do not know how to understand and enter the situation, soften the intensity of the situation, smile and calm down when it is so hard.
Do I know how?
The only thing a person can influence is his perception of others and his demeanor. No matter what else. We perceive and react differently when we are able to look behind the curtain of the outside.
Are people hypocritical? Are you grumpy? Are they empty? Stupid? This means that the only thing we can do to experience life differently is to give someone real emotions, replace gossip and complaints with words of support, fill someone's loneliness with meaning, teach someone who does not know how to understand who is confused. Correct by your action what seems to be wrong. And this is possible only when we understand the human psyche, when we realize the forces that live in man.
Let's try. We dive to where everyone enrages everyone, change reality and swim out! The place of training is the counter for the return of goods. Rush hour after working day. Buyers get nervous, consultants grumble, or even swear openly. From one of the employees comes a gloomy and hopeless: "We must respect each other." He is constantly rushed by those who are waiting, constantly interrupted by colleagues. When the next one flies in his direction: "Faster!", He throws the computer mouse. Boils. He is not an evil person or a bad worker, he could be the best in his place.
I look at him and understand all the features of his psyche. I know his properties: he is a quality-oriented person, he is thorough, he finds it unbearable to be in this chaos of papers, wires, calls and urgent matters. The pain of his every day in this time trouble penetrates inside. And at the same moment, the desire to accuse an innocent person of a manufacturer's defect, his late dinner, a chafing sneaker and a bad mood recedes. You seem to be looking at him not from the point of view of a client deprived of attention, but you are filled with his attitude. You notice how he tries to catch everything, answer everyone, figure everything out. The claim disappears, you jump off the general wave of dislike and resentment. You understand him, say hello and …
- What do you have?
- Defective product. You will help?
- Of course.
- Thank! Can I change or return money?
- Everything is allowed! - the angry consultant answers with a smile a minute ago.
And all because you do not blame. Not out of politeness, but out of a deep understanding of a person. The exact words are found by themselves.
Without knowledge of the psyche, we see only the external manifestations of other people. And they enrage us, because they are not going according to our command. We don't understand what drives them. Awareness of deep unconscious processes changes everything.
What resources are hidden in each of us, you can find out at the free online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
