Emotional addiction
Now many people envy her. Good job. A wonderful husband. Children. Can you tell everyone how dull and sadly sugary in her life. Everything is on schedule - vacations, restaurants, children's victories at school Olympiads. Beautiful picture for girlfriends. And inside - even a howl …
- I can not live without you! Do not leave me! I will do whatever you say.
- You fool! How tired of you with your love. And do not try to breed dampness, it does not work for me. Go away!
She remembered how, as a child, she burst into tears when she saw in a winter park a beautiful bird entangled in a snare. The owner of the trap lured the hungry waxwing with a brush of scarlet viburnum berries. The bird fought in the net, screamed.
- Don't you dare cry! - Mother's icy tone ran thorns on the skin.
- Mom, let's help the bird to get free, she wants to be free! - the girl started crying.
Several spanks. The mother grabbed her daughter by the arm and shook her well. Fear gripped the baby.
Now she felt like that little waxwing caught in a cleverly set trap. Why is my whole life unhappy love?
Little girl with a big heart
Sensual, gentle girl stood out among her peers. She rejoiced in the sun, caught the morning rays with her palm, imagined that she was washing her face with them. I admired the beauty of the flower, which was decorated with dew pearls. She cried over the fate of the Malchish-Kibalchish, who did not betray the military secret. Crying secretly. Because my mother scolded for tears.
First school love. The boy from the parallel class seemed the best in the world. Although the teachers considered him a bully and a difficult teenager. She felt sorry for him. The guy did not study well, his parents were called to school, he was registered with the juvenile affairs unit. She loved faithfully and selflessly - she solved problems for him, wrote essays, drew contour maps. Once I did not have time with the abstract. He laughed cruelly at her and broke the friendship in the presence of friends. Then she thought that it was impossible to survive. I was ill for a long time. And she cried while my mother was not at home.
Her whole life is a continuous path in search of love. Real. Such that for life. So that the wings unfold behind my back. To give a beloved one with everything that has accumulated over the years. After all, the best thing in life she knew how to love.
To live is to love
Now many people envy her. Good job. A wonderful husband. Children. Can you tell everyone how dull and sadly sugary in her life. Everything is on schedule - vacations, restaurants, children's victories at school Olympiads. Beautiful picture for girlfriends. And inside - even a howl. And you will not complain to anyone - they will not understand.
And then he appeared. Burst in a spring wind into a personal social network asking for permission to admire her. Gallant. She had never heard such words in her life. He sent her poems by Yesenin. Struck by persistence and inexhaustible compliments. And one day he drew it. She had not expected such a gift.
Spun. "You are my universe. There was a Black Hole before you,”he broadcast. She melted and felt her heart begin to revive. It trembled, beat against the cage of the chest, threatening to fly out forever. "Well, let it be, if only to him and with him." It turned out that they were from the same city.
We met. He is shabby, puny, stooped. Beaten by moths and circumstances. It turned out that he is an artist. He left to work and was left without an apartment. So he met her, the love of his life, to say goodbye. He will remember and suffer. But I have to return to my old mother at the end of the world. Do not stay on the street.
Will she leave in trouble? Rented an apartment. She gave money for food and even more. He's an artist, you need to help a creative person. The novel dragged on for three long years. As a relationship should, it evolved. She kept him, he humiliated her. She suffered and continued to give him money. "I love …" - she sobbed, unable to stop the torment.
Broken feelings
Only every twentieth person knows how to love. You can't learn this. A special gift to be born with. Deep sensuality, extraordinary empathy allow you to feel someone else's pain as your own. See beauty, color, smell like no other. Share your perception with others, beautifying the everyday. This is if the parents gave the correct upbringing and impetus to the development of the child's sensuality. After all, all people on earth develop into their opposite. Thus, a whiny baby who is afraid of even the shadow becomes brave, able to defend the weak.
Of course, not all parents are aware of this. The prohibition on tears stops the development of such a child's sensuality. In the future, an adult can only feel pity, without having learned compassion. Instead of loving a worthy partner, a person will seek to realize their feelings with a loser. Because it is he who causes pity. And if the baby is punished with a belt, then he learns to enjoy the pain, and a tendency to masochism develops. In adulthood, he will unconsciously look for a partner who will beat or humiliate.
Emotional addiction or love?
A woman with a vivid imagination yearns for beautiful love. Her natural gift requires the sensation of flight and butterflies in her stomach. She comes up with a handsome prince, endows him with non-existent qualities. And then she bitterly suffers from wormwood love when everything does not go according to her plan. But, since too much effort and emotion was invested in him, she becomes attached with all her soul to the person, pity him, taking pity for love. Arranges scenes for him: "I love you so much, I helped you so much, I invested money and energy in you, and you remain an insensitive chest."
How to understand where is love and where is emotional dependence?
- Love inspires: "I love you and this whole wonderful world!" Addiction suppresses. “You are the only light in the window. Life is not without you."
- Love bestows: “I will give you real feelings. You will become the happiest person in the world. " Addiction asks: “Stay with me. Call me. Love me!"
- A person in love is happy and infects others with his joy. The addict is morose and unhappy with small glimpses of encounters with the subject of adoration.
From the snare to the wild
When a single path has been trodden down and the eye is blurred, it is worth looking at yourself and your problem from a different angle. Try to figure it out and finally get out of the trap. How would you answer the questions:
- Do your last meetings give you the same excitement and stream of joy as the very first ones?
- What progress has your relationship brought about over the past year?
- Can this person protect you in all circumstances?
- Will he take care of you in difficult times (illness, unemployment)?
- If another man fell in love with you, would you give yourself a chance to respond to his feelings?
If the hopelessness lasts for years, if a man humiliates you, emotionally blackmails you, squeezing out your strength to the drop, this is not love. This kind of relationship will never make you, a woman born to love, happy.
You are more than anyone else capable of building lasting, healthy relationships. After all, you are the one who knows how to build trusting relationships: listen carefully, share secrets, empathize. This is what makes you happy.
Those who need real help are drawn to such people. Forgotten parents who miss their daughter will become younger at heart. A lonely neighbor's grandmother will rise from your kind words. Your nephew will listen to your story with all his ears. These are the first steps towards true love. The one with wings and butterflies.
You are not the only one who happened to face emotional addiction - rust that eats away at real feelings. How many tears and empty years lived. Students who have completed the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan write about this. The creator of a unique method of psychoanalysis delicately helps to reveal the causes of such a problem and to work out a mechanism for getting out of love addiction. Time to love!
