A life flavored with guilt: what to do when everything is to blame
When we share our burden with relatives or friends, we often hear in response: “You are not to blame. Forget and live on”or a simple advice:“Don't worry.” We see that not all people take their mistakes to heart. They manage to quickly cope with the pangs of conscience. But we can't just forget. Why?
I would like to never be wrong. Never in anything. Therefore, we try to live according to our conscience, we try to do any job well. But still we put a blot on a snow-white sheet. And this blot attracts all the attention, even when the text is written in impeccable calligraphic handwriting. And if the paper can be replaced with a new one, then how to rewrite the sheet of our life?
Metaphorical blots are our failures, blunders and mistakes. We look back and cannot fail to notice them. Sometimes it is a lot of small blots, and sometimes a whole spilled inkwell. We are upset that we were unable to live an ideal life without mistakes and regrets, and then a huge sense of guilt lodges inside.
Wine crushes, strangles, pulls to the bottom. Each time returning us to that unfortunate moment when we said a rude word to a loved one, when we did not keep our promise, when we could not overcome the circumstances, when we did not have time to say goodbye. And we scold ourselves, finding no excuse, and torture even more.
When we share our burden with relatives or friends, we often hear in response: “You are not to blame. Forget and live on "or a simple advice:" Don't worry. " We see that not all people take their mistakes to heart. They manage to quickly cope with the pangs of conscience. But we can't just forget. Why?
Balance - in equality
The feeling of guilt as it is is experienced exclusively by people in whose psyche there is an anal vector. He sets the perception of the world through clean and dirty. We strive not only to be flawless (clean) in actions, but also to surround ourselves with cleanliness in the physical world. When we spill wine on a white tablecloth, we cannot stop thinking about the stain that will remain. And in the same way, we endlessly return to those moments of life that made us look not in the best light: they tarnished our reputation. But how do we understand that we have committed an offense?
A person with an anal vector feels comfortable in equality. This property is equally manifested both mentally and physically: we were given a gift for 5 rubles - we must repay exactly 5 rubles; we have one apple - we will certainly divide it into two equal halves and share it with a friend; we gather in brotherhoods where there is no hierarchy, and everyone has equal rights and responsibilities. When we manage to maintain balance, we feel good. But if there is a bias: we were not given enough or we were not given enough to someone, then we feel resentment or guilt. And these feelings haunt us until we regain balance.
Feelings of Guilt: From Discord to Balance
For a person with an anal vector, the feeling of guilt is the compass that allows you to go through life without deviating from the course. As soon as he turned off the path - he did not give someone in the category of equality - he suffers from remorse until justice is restored. In such cases, he sincerely asks for forgiveness and tries to correct the mistake or damage from it.
Cicero said: "To be free from guilt is a great consolation." But in life there are situations when it is impossible to make amends directly. For example, if the person is no longer alive. If it was someone very close, then we can carry the feeling of guilt in ourselves for years, burdening them for the rest of our lives. We do not allow ourselves to move on, rejoice and have fun. The guilt is a silent reproach to any positive change. It's a hard feeling. It can chain us to the circumstances in which we will suffer, believing that we deserve it, that this is our punishment and retribution.
In such difficult situations, it is important to understand the essence of guilt and try to channel it in a creative direction. Even if we can no longer ask for forgiveness from the one from whom we should, we can correct this in our future activities, in our attitude towards people. An example of such sublimation is shown in the TV series The Good Doctor. The main character chose the path of a doctor, because one day he could not save his brother, who fell from a height. He couldn't help him because he didn't know how. Then he devoted himself to saving other people's lives. He did not forget what happened, he did not forget his brother and always felt sad when he remembered him, but no longer a feeling of guilt.
Guilty without intent
You can feel guilty even without committing an offense. This is a false feeling, as an established pattern of behavior, originally from childhood. When a child with an anal vector is systematically blamed for everything, he grows up with the confidence that he is the cause of all unhappiness. Such a feeling of guilt seems to put on a person glasses with unworn lenses: he sees the outlines of what is happening, but does not see the fullness of the picture and therefore feels responsible for all the troubles.
It is easy to recognize him: lowered eyes, timid movements, each appeal begins with the words: "Sorry", "Sorry." It seems to him that he - so small and insignificant - interferes with everyone else (in his eyes - large and strong), and asks in advance to forgive him for daring to bother him with his worries. In this form, wine is false nine out of ten times. Let's look at an example.
Two friends in a week agreed to meet on Saturday in a cafe. On the appointed day, it rained heavily. Our hero arrived at the meeting point. When his friend entered, he immediately began to lament that he was soaked to the skin, that the buses stopped, that he could hardly wait for a taxi and the car barely drove through the flooded streets. Our hero begins to feel guilty for all the inconveniences that his comrade had to endure. But if you look at the situation objectively, is there any fault here?
Get rid of false feelings of guilt
It is unbearable to endlessly suffer. Under such a heavy burden, we cease to live at all. We are not looking forward to the coming day and are in no hurry to start it. We fall asleep deep after midnight, scrolling in our heads new options for how to proceed. We do not allow ourselves to rejoice in atonement.
Therefore, in order to restore your condition, it is important to realize three main elements:
We are born with a certain set of vectors that determine our values and perception of the world. Until we open our psyche - we live by inspiration, as it turns out. All innate properties are given to us to achieve what we want. So, a good memory can become an assistant in the development of a huge layer of knowledge and its subsequent transfer, or it can become a repository of our failures, grievances and mistakes.
Nature has thought out every quality in man. Understanding why we are given something, we know how to apply it correctly.
- Displaced psychotrauma. While we are growing and developing, we often receive psychological trauma. This is because our parents did not have a parenting guide. They acted as best they could: somewhere they used the experience of their parents, somewhere their intuition. But they wanted only one thing - that we grow up happy and worthy people, but did not know how to do it. Often the parents themselves were unhappy, so they shouted, forbade, punished, accused. Now we have matured, but these injuries still control us. Implicitly. Slyly. But always not in our favor. It is important to realize what prevents us from being happy.
The psyche of other people.
How many times have we felt guilty, asked for forgiveness from a person, but he did not remember the situation or even did not understand what it was about. Or maybe he did not perceive the event at all. Or we apologize and hear in response: "Trivia." Sometimes we tend to mistake this for etiquette. But in fact, in most cases, this is a real vision of a person. After all, if he does not have an anal vector, he does not perceive the world in the category of equality and will not take offense. He has other guidelines and values. By understanding the inner perception of other people, we will be able to more accurately build our relationships with other people.
The feeling of guilt, absorbing our energy for life, for achieving what we want, colors the days with monochrome sepia. We are not happy, we are not making plans, we are not moving. We are stuck in its viscous swamp and cannot get out. The knowledge revealed at the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan is a saving reed that is able to pull out of the swamp, break clouded glasses and show how you can live this life in pleasure without remorse and heaviness in your soul. You can grab hold of the reed in a series of free online lectures and get the first results.