You can't live like that, or Where the wind of change blows
He blows in the face. Mercilessly forcing them to close their eyes, wrap themselves in a collar or scarf, bend down, resisting its unbridled strength. There comes a period in life when the tailwind, which pushed, gave drive and lightness, suddenly changes. There is no one else and nothing to push me. The forces that moved in my youth no longer work. There is a feeling that you are going in the wrong place, in the wrong way, with the wrong people, in the wrong way and yourself not the way you would like …
Let the home walls be fragile, Let the road lead into darkness, -
There is no sadder betrayal in the world, Than betrayal to oneself.
Nikolay Zabolotsky
There comes a period in life when the tailwind, which pushed, gave drive and lightness, suddenly changes. There is no one else and nothing else to push me. The forces that moved in my youth no longer work. There is a feeling that you are going in the wrong place, in the wrong way, with the wrong people, in the wrong way and yourself not the way you would like.
The wind of change begins to blow, because now, in order to move, one needs other efforts, other aspirations.
Where does the wind of change blow?
He blows in the face. Mercilessly forcing them to close their eyes, wrap themselves in a collar or scarf, bend down, resisting its unbridled strength. Sometimes you have to stop, turning away and waiting out especially violent impulses, clinging, holding yourself in place. This wind of change blows until you begin to accept it, rejoice in the freshness that it brings, your own stamina and strength. And then he changes, just as I change, having managed to lose something in myself and at the same time gain.
Someone once called such a state a crisis (translated from Greek - a decisive, turning point or condition). In medicine, this term is understandable - this is a turning point in the course of the disease: will the patient recover or will his condition worsen? In life, a similar situation.
They say that only the devil walks in a straight line, and the path of human life is winding and full of turning points. No wonder the symbol of human development is the spiral. I would like to jump from the current level and a couple of levels higher, but still we have to go through all the stairs and flights that life has prepared for us.
Since childhood, one has to overcome such turning points - "flights of stairs". It's good when there is the realization that such a platform, or a state of crisis, is an inevitable part of the path.
Something has become impossible: it is impossible to solve new problems in the old ways, it is impossible to enjoy oneself, others, life, it is impossible to live without money, without love, without a family, it is no longer possible to feel emptiness and loneliness. And there is a stop to take a breath, to look around in search of new knowledge and solutions.
When does the wind of change begin to blow?
When I linger on the "staircase", when I decide to stay in the comfort zone, feeling anxious, dangerous before the next step. This stop imperceptibly turns my world into a boring "I know and understand everything, but something is not joyful."
Doubts come: “Maybe I do not live like this? Why do I feel false in myself, in others? What if someone notices this? What am I living for? Do I need to live like everyone else or live the way I want? " Regrets come: “So many years have been wasted, because I have not yet found my uniqueness. I have not done anything important and meaningful in my life. Youth has passed, and I have missed so many opportunities. " A sense of the meaninglessness of existence comes, confusion, and finally the fear of one's imperfection.
And in resisting the wind of change, I empty myself, weaken and freeze, fearing to take a step in any direction.
When will the wind of change stop?
It will not stop, it can only change and become a passing one, but I have no idea that I can control it. But I am full of illusions, like the Scarecrow with straw: about my identity, about my difference from other people, about the fact that I am a person, that I am significant and important. This illusory image has become so entrenched and stuck that I am unable to accept the reality of my usualness.
I chase these thoughts, I am scared to part with my own significance, and let the soil slip out from under my feet, I will cling to an unreal, invented image, so as not to survive the collapse of illusions. As a result, I freeze, experiencing what is called a "crisis", swinging on a swing of doubts, regrets and sobbing over delusional fantasies about myself.
The reality is far from my ideas about myself. I wanted to be a famous singer, but hearing and voice are a problem. I was going to become a translator, but entered a pedagogical university. Instead of working at school and benefiting society, I work in a private company, sorting through pieces of paper. I live as if I'm rolling on the rails on which I was once put. They told me - I did.
And now there is a soundless cry inside: "What do I want?", "What can I really do in this life?", "Am I happy?"
Do I rule the wind of change?
Not yet. While despair, disappointment, fear of a rapidly passing life and attempts to find at least something - any pill, any solution to relieve pain. And it may happen that I freeze, hold on, clinging to some setting, for example: “Everyone lives like this,” “I do everything that is important to me”. Then the wind of change will disappear, and the tailwind, too. It will be quiet around. Because she did not rethink, stumbled and did not overcome the threshold when she could do something, change. But she did not want to make an effort, gave up, remained in an imaginary role, in a flat picture of the world drawn by the imagination.
Everything changes in the real world, winter gives way to spring, but even next year it does not repeat itself. Mountains are born, rivers dry up, the planet moves in its orbit, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly. And in man, in his foundation, in his nature, there is also a change.
But no, let everything change around - just not me! After all, it will be necessary to part with something - personal, mine, stuck. It is similar to the feeling when your favorite shirt becomes small, but the thought that you have gained weight, that you have just grown, is not allowed. After all, in my head I remain the same as I was.
The fear of the unknown interferes: “What will happen? What if it gets worse? I’ll give up the old, but what is it - new? I try to live like I used to, act and think like I did before. Be guided by old, proven values. I am trying to adapt to the changed situation using old ways that no longer work. And in general I refuse to notice that everything is already different.
Life is postponed, freezes, and the story begins about a man stuck in the middle of life, who did not allow himself to change.
It turns out I will betray myself, human nature, choosing immutability?
All changes come from me. How ready am I for a change? Will I be able to cope with my fears, will I be able to accept a new desired image? After all, a crisis is a litmus test of a person's readiness for change. It's time to understand yourself, get to know and understand yourself, realize your true desires, psychological characteristics, acquire the knowledge that makes it possible to solve any problems in your life path without burning bridges or experimenting with your own destiny.
I choose the wind of change
I am ready to accept the challenge and I dare to change something in my life. This means my acceptance of the "wind of change", overcoming the fear of the unknown and the new, resignation to the fact that "on the new earth you are a beginner." It empowers you to distinguish between the imaginary and the real, gain experience, learn again, adapt and strategize. It helps to bring back meanings, enhances motivation and increases sensitivity to life events.
But strong gusts of wind will surely lie in wait for me: raise my head, declare myself openly. Scary. Highly.
Probably, relatives will not want changes, they will not understand, they will laugh, say that nothing will work out, it doesn’t suit you, you have become worse that you are completely frivolous and, in general, a bad mother, wife, friend … Perhaps someone significant will criticize or completely scold, and acquaintances will begin to envy (regret, insult, ignore).
Or maybe, on the contrary, they will support and encourage me.
Difficulties will await me, therefore it is so important to learn to determine the state or, more precisely, my position in time and space in relation to the rest of the world, to determine the changes that are occurring in me, to notice them, to solve problems in time, without expecting a kick, collapse or tragedy … See the difference in your own changes and surroundings. To see the difference between the reality of the present life and the dream to which I am going. When there is such a difference, the meaning of life and strength appears.
Difficulties arise due to the lack of understanding and acceptance of their real, nature-given properties and qualities. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps a lot here. Thanks to studying myself, understanding who I can become and who I will not be able to become, understanding the authenticity of my own choices, internal motivation grows, the force returns, helping to change and live with new meanings.
From the feedback after the training:
When I overcome the "headwind" - I feel energy and desire to move forward. Own answers to the questions come: “What do I want? What can I and what does life require of me? What can I give this life? Am I doing what I have to, or am I failing? " I choose what I like, which contributes to my personal development and the development of society. I choose what pleases me, brings satisfaction and encourages me to live! I stop pretending to be someone else, value my individuality, and not ashamed of it.
The world opens up from the other side: opportunities that I did not think about, people so diverse in their manifestations, but, as it turns out, so necessary, necessary, because without them, this is not life …
Everything becomes easy when you start to follow your destiny in the flow of a favorable wind (after your nature, natural desires), feeling the strength for realization and a happy life.
We change rivers, countries, cities, Other doors, new years … ⠀
And we cannot get away from ourselves anywhere, And if we do, we can only go nowhere. ⠀
Omar Khayyam>
