Passion symptoms, or love addiction
Usually an addict understands perfectly well that there are no prospects. But there is hope! You can accurately assess the prospects of the relationship and the options for your own future in that relationship …
“He reacts weakly to me, but I can’t do anything normally, I think only about him, I only want him, I suffer and generally behave stupidly. I understand with my brains that all this will not lead me anywhere, but understanding this does not help, on the contrary, it even somehow aggravates everything. I need to forget this person, but I can't. I feel like I’m going crazy, despair gives way to complete apathy. This has not happened to me yet, but not 18 years ago, which has never happened in my life …"
This is not a delusion induced by sorcerers, not a love spell, no matter what superstitious friends may say. And certainly not the stupidity of someone who is caught in the net of destructive passion. This is love addiction. Dealing with it is no easier than dealing with other addictions. And the harder you try to fight, the tighter you tighten the noose of thoughts, feelings, desires.
Consciousness understands everything. But the noose is tightened on the heart, and you turn into a puppet, subordinating your whole life to HIM - the source of sweet pain.
“I can't breathe without him,” she says. And at first, this feeling resembles a beautiful story from women's novels. The whole world is filled with the presence of the Beloved. And it doesn't matter that the beloved may not be aware of the role assigned to him at all. Or is burdened by the obsession of a woman to whom she does not feel strong attraction. He does not chase away, but also does not answer messages, "forgets" to call back, there are always excuses - "It's just, the situation is complicated."
Or maybe at the beginning of our acquaintance everything was for real. Lovingly looked eye to eye. Walking around the city at night, hand in hand, and two hearts beating out a common rhythm. Kisses, promises. It seemed like forever. But over time, the beloved began to move away. More and more tears, more scandals … And chilling horror at the thought that you can lose him.
Love addiction: signs
It's not just women that fall into addictive relationships. Men, too, fully understand the "delights" of these sufferings. But there are some peculiarities, which we will talk about further. In the meantime, we will collect the most common signs by which you can make a preliminary diagnosis.
- The relationship of two is always a movement towards each other, when both are ready to adjust in something, to accept the habits of the partner. Both! Not alone.
- No matter how strong love is in a couple, people live in society - at least they communicate with relatives and go to work. If you perceive any object as a threat to your feelings, such obsession is not the norm. For example, if your favorite job becomes a burden, your old hobbies lose their meaning. Friends, even your own children, become annoying factors - a distraction.
- "Parting is a little death." And sometimes not small. Despondency overtakes you, fears appear, causeless tears. It hurts when the sweetheart is not around. Nothing can replace the object of passion, only next to it you feel alive.
A dependent relationship is a huge field for manipulation on both sides. One can take advantage of a partner's blind devotion. The second is trying to evoke at least some kind of response emotions, at least a hint of love.
- It is almost impossible to break this painful connection on your own. Even if the addict becomes the initiator of a break, realizing the futility of the relationship, "out of sight - out of mind" does not happen. But there may be a feeling of guilt and a ghostly hope that the other side will "understand everything" and want to return.
There is another type of addiction, which is also sometimes called love, but it manifests itself in a completely different way. In terms of the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan - sound transfer. We'll talk about it in more detail below.
Love addiction: how to get out of unhealthy relationships
Having discovered the first symptoms of addiction, it is not necessary to immediately run headlong away from the object of attraction. Will not help. Your inner striving for love is primary here, so another object will easily be found.
Therefore, to get out of the protracted obsession, you need to figure out where and where we want to get out.
So. The diagnosis has been made to yourself: you have become heavily dependent on a person who does not see you as a partner for a serious relationship, even if you are currently officially married to him. You only have to start with yourself. You are completely focused on the object of attachment, and you need to transfer your attention … Where?
You've probably heard the advice: take care of yourself, love yourself. For some time, I also firmly believed in this "technique", falling more and more into a fog of fantasy. I tried to love myself even more, not noticing that these attempts tighten the noose more. Only the training of Yuri Burlan put everything in its place.
Is it possible in this way to stop loving the image created by your own fantasy? Feelings are inside, you just can't remove them. Where else should you transfer attention to yourself? Everything ends with a nervous breakdown, black melancholy, apathy.
Such a strong emotional attachment is characteristic of the owners of the visual vector. And the dependence is especially strong when the visual and anal vectors are combined in the psyche. The visual vector is emotions that require space to manifest, and incredible imagination. Potentially, it is the highest form of love, up to and including self-sacrifice. Or fears and demands for attention. A person with an anal vector is inclined to "stick" in states, because he is conservative, thoroughly approaches everything and is difficult to decide on changes.
How to get rid of love addiction to a woman
Many are accustomed to believe that excessive emotionality is unacceptable for a man. Alas, the habit of hiding feelings leads to the fact that unspent love at one "perfect" moment falls on the chosen one. Not everyone is ready to catch a KamAZ that suddenly jumped out from behind a turn, filled with love and care.
Since childhood, have you been banned from expressing feelings and are you sure - "men don't cry"?
- For some reason, you decided to prove to everyone that you are a tough macho?
- You are aware of your "excessive" emotionality, but your work and lifestyle do not involve the manifestation of emotions or there is simply nowhere to show them?
It is a continuous process of exchange with the outside world. You love - love you. Emotions in their entirety must be realized. When the owner of the visual vector does not use the ability given to him by nature to see and create beauty around him, to sympathize, to cry over someone else's misfortune, fears arise: darkness, babayka, loneliness. The list of possible fears is endless.
Both a man and a woman with a visual vector cannot imagine life without love. Where there is love, there is no fear. When love is born in the soul and is directed to the whole world, the ideal partner naturally appears next to you. When a person wants love, but for some reason himself is not taught to show sensuality, he expects love and attention from others.
To reduce the emotional load, his fantasy creates an illusion, under which the missing link is selected - the beloved. And it seems that love should bring happiness, but … A new cause for emotions appears: self-pity. Instead of compassion for others, there is our own suffering. But the sea of emotions - as required. And if we add here the feelings of guilt and resentment, fear of change, characteristic of the anal vector, a difficult situation turns out.
I try to describe in as much detail as possible so that there are no doubts: dependence on your beloved is a "program failure" that occurs through no fault of yours. The reasons are in ignorance of the peculiarities of one's own psyche, in a misunderstanding of one's nature.
Take a break from worrying about your beloved woman and focus on what you can give to others. For example, channel your feelings into creativity. If you know how to draw - draw! If there are those around you who need help, support them. Take part in amateur performances, go to design courses.
The scope for the implementation of the figurative intelligence of the visual vector is huge. The possibilities for emotional fulfillment are endless. And the training "System-Vector Psychology" will help to reveal talents in yourself that you did not know about.
How to get rid of love addiction to a man
The fact that it is more permissible for women to cry, even to throw tantrums, is not easier. Despite significant changes over the past century in the perception of the role of women, family values and relationships in general, women in general are more interested in creating a family than men.
A man needs a muse for full realization. A man who has fallen into love addiction has the opportunity to express all pain in creativity and enjoy suffering without prejudice and even for the benefit of society. A woman can too. But according to the design of nature, she receives protection and safety from a man. Not knowing how to build relationships, she will demand proof of love over and over again, like a saving straw clinging to an illusory feeling in an attempt to get at least a short time a sense of security.
Usually an addict understands perfectly well that there are no prospects. But there is hope! You can accurately assess the prospects for the relationship and the options for your own future in that relationship. Maybe the man is too shy or in fact "the situation is difficult." You can get an idea of the differences in the perception of reality by different people at the free online training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". Understanding resolves all doubts.
What else is important to know for those who have fallen into love addiction: no matter how burdensome the beloved with your relationship, they are beneficial to him.
I think many have noticed that attempts to escape from destructive passion, actively engage in some hobby, and meet with friends more often ended with a new round of hope for happiness. Regardless of whether you live in such a relationship or your lover appears on the horizon once a month, as soon as you take a step aside, he no longer likes this state of affairs.
Don't let addiction rob you of others' enjoyment of life.
How to get rid of love addiction if He is God
A woman with a sound vector, like other women, subconsciously perceives a man as a potential protector and “breadwinner”. Only now, in addition to worldly concerns, she is worried about completely different issues. Her erogenous zone is intelligence. She needs meaning. An idea worth living for.
Just as a girl with a visual vector dreams of a strong and courageous prince who will bring her victories to her feet, so the sound engineer is looking for a man who will reveal to her the plan of the Universe - no less …
Further - the same erroneous scenario, only in a different scenery.
In her quest for knowledge She meets Him. A friend, teacher or just an acquaintance with whom they intersect at work. She thinks this man is able to give all the answers. And it doesn't matter if he knows about her existence, if there is at least one chance for a real relationship. We are not talking about physical contact, because HE becomes the likeness of God. She transfers her search to him and is ready to listen to every word, breathe with the thought that this man simply is in the world.
The so-called sound transfer is the most difficult to deal with. There is not even a shadow of the feeling that "life is passing by and it would be possible to build other, normal relationships." A woman finds herself in a dead end, refusing to fully implement the properties of the sound vector, but this dependence gives a sense of the meaning of life.
Then disappointment will come. And followed by depression with a complete depreciation of life.
Love addiction: how to get rid of yourself
Emotional addiction or sound transference are negative states also because they do not allow a sober assessment of reality. When you get addicted, you hope for a miracle, so this relationship can last for many years. And it's not you who choose when to end the relationship. Directing the relationship in a different scenario is also not your choice.
In a relationship, focus on the partner is important, but you need to understand well where his desires are and where your interpretations are. For example, excessive attention and care sometimes causes more disgust than the most bad habits. A systematic understanding of the situation will make it possible to shift the focus, change your behavior. Maybe it's time to talk not about getting rid of love addiction, but about the possibility of an independent choice - to love or be dependent?