How to understand that you have fallen out of love with a person - no longer halves?
Love is often spoken of as something external, unpredictable, like the weather. Will there be a chance in life to really love? Is the couple threatened by a gradual cooling? Or a sharp ice age? Or is the current thaw sluggish for years? Can we ourselves influence the temperature of the senses?
How to understand that you have stopped loving a person? It is difficult to determine how you feel when the warmth has evaporated somewhere from the relationship. Scientists have long ago identified the coordinates of love in the brain. If you need physical evidence that you have fallen out of love, you can check on a specialized MRI if there is increased activity in the midbrain area. Strong excitability of neurons in a particular area of the brain is only a consequence of our unconscious desires. And for their accurate identification there is a tool that looks deeper than gray matter - directly into the soul.
To love / stop loving - terminological reference
Love is often spoken of as something external, unpredictable, like the weather. Will there be a chance in life to really love? Is the couple threatened by a gradual cooling? Or a sharp ice age? Or is the current thaw sluggish for years? Can we ourselves influence the temperature of the senses?
To understand that something is over, you need to decide what it was. And what you really want. At the beginning of a relationship, a warm wave of energy is overwhelmed, a surge of strength, an impulse to act in order to achieve reciprocity and consolidate it. Run, fly, do to please your loved one, become the reason for his smile, the reason for his happiness!
What flowers does she like?
Will he like the film or concert better?
I won't call early - he's a night owl.
I wanted to go to the mountains, but let's go to the sea - if only her eyes were shining!
Cherry strudel or curd casserole, an evening in a noisy company or a tete-a-tete walk under the stars, a previous job or a new project of your own - every small and large choice is now automatically aligned with the interests of the half. You try to guess and exactly fall into the desires of a loved one, you want to become his personal gin. Be worthy of his / her choice. To kiss your beloved creature again and again.
If a person is drawn with an irresistible force, then there are no disputes with his own ego: “Why should I give in ?! But what about my desires ?! " Their "want" do not remain deprived for two reasons:
- if feelings are mutual, both start a program of “total happiness” of the other, both strive to give each other warmth, which means there are no losers;
- delighting a partner to whom there is a natural attraction, we are guaranteed to receive our own joy: a man - a desired woman, a woman - a feeling of safety and security next to a beloved man.
The basic definitions for relationships are extremely simple: to love is to make the other happy, then to stop loving is to feel that you can no longer give a person what fills him.
Two are like one soul, otherwise why?
When concepts are confused, landmarks shift, and dissatisfaction arises in relationships and in life in general.
Signs of the disappearance of feelings
Feelings seem to have passed:
- when you don't want to kiss a person, his smell, touch, look, sex are unpleasant;
- when it is more desirable to stay late at work than to come home and spend the evening together;
- when it is disgusting, how he chomps, licks a spoon, holds a knife, how he breaks off bread, irritates the traces of his presence next to him;
- when you are ashamed of how he behaves in public;
- when you can't imagine the future together;
- when there is nothing to say, it's empty together;
- when the pain of past grievances killed trust;
- when you look for and notice a better candidate;
- there is no more jealousy, worries about a possible parting, indifference.
Based on sexuality, we are given a chance to fall in love with a hero, protector, genius, nymph, muse, goddess. But this enchantment has a limited duration, unless it is regularly fed with the desired "potion" of a different consistency.
Sexual attraction to one person quickly ceases to have power over us. And if, on its basis, no trusting relationships with emotional involvement in each other are created, only irritation and complaints remain. Like in a crowd of strangers in the subway, where one annoys with a pungent smell, the other with an impudent look, the third with a huge backpack, the fourth with the sounds of rumbling music from headphones. Why does everyone think only of themselves? Why doesn't everyone care about the comfort of others? For my comfort? How long can you tolerate this?
The same inner cry of indignation is directed at a partner when he suddenly becomes a stranger, taking away the hope for joint well-being. Such a person begins to infuriate more than random uncomfortable fellow travelers, because we do not blame them for our happiness. And since it became bad together, the questions arise: "What did I find in him?" and "How could I marry her?"
Moreover, if one is unhappy in a couple, then the other cannot be fully satisfied with the relationship. A couple is a single barrier-free zone, where there is either one sensuality for two, or one dissatisfaction for two.
The reasons why the feelings are gone
Everyone knows that in order to sort out a relationship, you need to talk. It is even more necessary, before entering into a complex dialogue with another person, to hear and decipher the signals from your own unconscious. Behind the external cooling of feelings there is always a deep reason within.
Not connected by anything
Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" shows that a person is a sensual and conscious form of life. In a relationship, these two components require equal attention. Sensual sexual pleasure inherent in nature sometimes overshadows the importance of creating a conscious, unified space between two people. The touch of hands and lips ceases to bring pleasure if people do not touch their thoughts, do not share feelings, do not penetrate deep into words.
How long have you been able to talk and listen to each other, like on your first dates? Eagerly, catching every grain of a person's thoughts in order to better understand him, feel him deeper?
It hurts too much to be together
The whole stream of feelings that was directed to the person collapsed into unbearable pain. Treason. Betrayal. When you feel that all these years you have lived with a hypocritical werewolf, there is no strength to restore the ruins. What for? To get the same hit again in a couple of years or months? To never be sure, does a person linger at work or again in the arms of someone else?
You can free yourself from a heavy burden of resentment, heal a lacerated wound, realizing the mental characteristics of a person capable of treason. If you understand the reasons and stop blaming, it will be easier to rebuild this or other relationship.
She has become completely different
The human psyche is a puzzle of multifaceted desires that he did not choose. They are given by nature. Life circumstances can influence which of the innate properties come to the fore and attract the appropriate partner to us.
When Anya and Fedor got married, she was carried away by household chores, wanted children, knitted booties, sculpted from clay. A baby was born, and after a while the family decided to immigrate to another country. The need to quickly adapt to new conditions, start earning money in order to rent a house and provide herself and her child with a decent existence, turned Anya into a sales shark. The properties of the girl's skin vector, which were not in great demand at home, in a stressful situation helped her quickly climb the career ladder, acquire connections and achieve a high income. Fedya also worked, but took off not so enchanting. They were less and less drawn to each other. And all because the move provoked the switching of the "toggle switch" in Ani's properties. And the mutual attraction is gone. Who is guilty? What to do?
There are natural laws of attraction that we cannot resist. They just need to be considered:
Mismatch between supply and demand
I'll get you the moon from the sky!
- I need a saucepan!
- I will call the star by your name!
- Just buy me a pot!
Misha loved art, painting, theater, wrote poetry. Marina caustically called him a weakling when he cried from watching a movie. He himself began to think that something was wrong. He tried to remake himself, began to go to the gym, went hunting in horror. Everyone told him what to become, and Marina led the process. After such hardening, Misha ended up in the hospital with a stomach ulcer and anxiety. Everyone realized that the "flashing" project had failed. Later, Misha found confirmation that he has enormous sensual potential. And only by realizing it, he can be happy. He met a girl with beautiful, sensitive eyes and a kind heart. Together they felt for the first time what love and inspiration are. Two people with a visual vector with one focus of reality perception - eye to eye, palm to palm,soul to soul is a flight over the Earth.
Until you understand the real desires of your partner, they seem to be wrong, if you yourself have never experienced such. I would like to teach him how to live as it should. He would like to spend hours telling her about the mysteries of the Universe, and she is only interested in the calories in her plate. She dreams of going with him on a trip around the world, and he loses his composure more than fifty kilometers from home. He would like sex in nature, and she is ashamed even with the lights off under the covers. There are thousands of examples of inconsistencies in each pair. This does not mean at all that if two desire different things, their love is doomed.
Having realized the psycho-emotional difference of each other at the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, we bring the relationship to a new level of intimacy, trust and mutual pleasure. It becomes clear whether it will be possible to become one with this person. And if not, there will be strength to make the decision to free himself in order to love again with all his might.
How to deal with feelings?
Love is the ability to imagine. We see brighter when we love. We breathe in and out the pleasure of living and being with this person. It cannot be imitated. Especially in front of myself. How to get back the ability to feel this way?
- Talking about intimate things, being able to formulate and convey your thoughts to a loved one, show interest in his experiences, be able to hear are simple skills that can return passion and hold together those who were ready to disperse forever.
- Open your heart. The fear of trusting goes away if you understand yourself and feel the one who is near.
- Read classic literature. Feelings are images that are born from words. The rich language of 19th century literature reveals our emotionality. Living the drama of the heroes, we awaken ourselves to a bright, juicy, deep feeling.
Do not put up with the shortcomings of another, do not swallow offenses, do not hold back resentment, but feel a loved one as yourself. Smacking your lips together from the pleasure of being close - those who dream of it deserve such love. And she is waiting for them.
