Modern etiquette: from law to culture
But the main thing that is curious to understand: what is the benefit to me personally to follow the rules of etiquette? I do not hope to meet a real prince tonight. I'm not getting a billion dollar deal with a Japanese business partner. In my environment, few people even follow the rules of the road - let alone noble manners. What's the interest?
Etiquette. Who needs these outdated aristocratic conventions? Even the rules of modern etiquette are far from being known to everyone, as is the very fact of the existence of such a concept - modern etiquette.
And yet reality proves: the more successful a person is in life, the more rules and restrictions he observes. Strange, isn't it? But first things first.
Etiquette in the modern world
Etiquette, as the rules of conduct established in modern society, are in one way or another everywhere. How do you behave towards women, elderly people. How you greet and show yourself in a public place will tell a lot about you.
The rules of etiquette appeared in ancient times and were revised taking into account the way of life of different countries, social or professional groups of people. Even in the most distant, in our opinion, community from etiquette has its own rules - someone has etiquette, someone has a concept. Are the trousers tucked in correctly, and the hair is correct? How you greet acquaintances, how you communicate with strangers. If you do not know the rules of modern business etiquette, you will lose potential partners.
Rules of conduct are created by two forces: the need to preserve the integrity of the society (or community) and following the authorities. Everything seems simple. You see these "markings" every day. And if you know the reasons for the appearance of this or that rule, the requirements of modern etiquette become clear, they are easy to follow.
But the main thing that is curious to understand: what is the benefit to me personally to follow the rules of etiquette? I do not hope to meet a real prince tonight. I'm not getting a billion dollar deal with a Japanese business partner. In my environment, few people even follow the rules of the road - let alone noble manners. What's the interest?
Let us analyze with the help of the knowledge of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Six thousand years before modern etiquette: first taboo, then law
A person is able to take place only when surrounded by his own kind. Otherwise you will not survive. Even the most notorious villain, opposing himself to society, strives to be a part of it, to enjoy all its benefits. Society determines the image and etiquette of a modern person. Not a single hermit exists in isolation from culture, religious ideas, and indeed general human skills, which are impossible without interaction with society, at least in childhood: to speak, write, use tools.
While a person was still neither intelligent nor cultured, it was possible to survive only as a single flock - a small handful of eternally hungry individuals. No fangs, no claws. Everyone who flies by, crawls and runs by strives to eat. Save yourself - only together. But it is hungry, and whoever is stronger looks unkindly at the weaker.
Modern etiquette for a primitive man is a natural taboo “don't eat your neighbor”. Otherwise, we would have exterminated each other without having time to come up with a stone ax. But “don't take away a piece of a mammoth from your neighbor” is already a law. The emergence of the law is examined in detail at the free online training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
The owner of the skin vector, if only to limit everything and everyone! He alone enjoys it. Don't go there, don't stay here, don't eat much - leave it for tomorrow. He, of course, greatly annoys everyone with his iron logic, but tomorrow he will also be hungry, a successful hunt does not always happen, so supplies are needed. He is pragmatic, this skinny man, he understands what is beneficial.
Development is in limitation: where do the rules of modern etiquette begin
Any psychologist will say: if you want development, get out of your comfort zone. This is partly true. All of humanity has developed because until the last few decades there was not even a hint of comfort. The same owners of the skin vector had to strain their brains a lot in order to get out. The rest, too, did not sit idle, of course, developed to the best of their ability. And the leather workers either built a bridge or invented the wheel - after all, you want comfort, but you don't want to go far and carry heavy things.
Now it is no longer necessary to reinvent the wheel, but the skin child develops in this way - in limitations. If not limited at all, he will not develop the most important quality - ingenuity. In all senses. Yes, an undeveloped leatherworker can be an inventive … a swindler, but with the potential given by nature, this is incomparable. The logical framework of the law and modern norms of etiquette set completely different thought forms - more global, useful for the whole society. Such a person is much more likely to achieve success in every sense.
The more developed the skin man is, the more self-limited and more consistent with society. He works for society, and the whole society works for him. The more limited the animal nature of man, the more he is a man.
But what does etiquette have to do with it?
Etiquette is an element of the next stage in the development of restrictions - culture.
Modern etiquette of a Cultural Man
Let's return to the past for a few more words. When a person with a skin vector limited the primitive flock by law, it became easier to survive. But dislike inevitably accumulated. You can't eat your neighbor, you can't take his wife, you can't eat him either. No personal freedom! Everyone is ready to gnaw each other's throats - the law alone will not hold back.
There is nothing superfluous or accidental in nature. A weak, unable to give birth, shy and overly impressionable, the skin-visual girl needed protection more than others. She would have been eaten, but girls are not eaten, and her eyes are special - everyone notices. To this day, this fragile girl walks alongside men on the roads of war, supporting and inspiring heroic deeds, saving wounded bodies and souls. Or he brings up kids, instilling in them the ideas of humanism and the rules of modern etiquette.
The visual vector develops from animal fear for one's life to the highest degree of compassion for others (fear for others) and to love for all living things. With her superemotionality, sensuality and inability to kill, the owner of the visual vector created the first cultural restrictions, and then the norms of universal human ethics. The path of the emergence and development of cultural restrictions is discussed in detail at the online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
And just like the developed and legally limited owner of the skin vector, the culturally developed owner of the visual vector is limited by many conventions. Culture, like laws, as society developed, became a common property, limiting hatred between people, regulating relations. And now culture has given rise to etiquette, setting the foundations of modern etiquette as well.
High society etiquette: be or seem
The law in the hierarchy is below culture. The natural leader is the owner of the urethral vector - the highest power and the highest justice. His goal is the survival and prosperity of society, not himself. Power creates the future. And the culture from the skin-visual beloved of the leader has always served the power, creating a framework for interaction.
It was culture that made it possible to preserve the human species, encouraging compassion, to protect the weak. The etiquette of modern communication is a culture of relationships.
Since culture has always been close to power, only a select few could use its benefits. For the first time, elite culture became available to the common people in the USSR. In other cases, to put it really rudely, the boyars get opera and good manners, and for other mass culture - parsley on the square.
Here you need to make a couple of clarifications. We are talking about vectors and natural hierarchy. It is not always that a real urethral leader is in power, capable of fulfilling his mission. Very rarely, unfortunately, his vassals have developed properties of the skin vector and are able to create adequate laws, and most importantly, follow them themselves. And the visual vector of those who establish the cultural framework of society, who should be the first to follow the principles of modern etiquette, is far from always sufficiently developed.
So that all representatives of the ruling classes could somehow correspond to their place, the first rules of etiquette arose. In fact, etiquette is a cultural framework in which a child develops until puberty, so that he can freely fit into an adult society. Secondly, the framework of communication in narrower groups. Those conditions that determine whether a person is properly developed.
Etiquette used in the modern world is actions that allow a person to independently and consciously put himself in the necessary framework.
How to become a princess: etiquette in modern life
Almost every girl with a visual vector dreams of becoming a princess as a child. And what is the difference between real princesses and real ladies from ordinary girls? Knowledge of etiquette.
Not even that. They do not "know" etiquette - they live within this framework, which to others seems unbearably tight. And that is why we see sophisticated and elegant women, regardless of age. We say: "A lady will never allow herself …" In fact, a real lady would never think of committing any wrong, unethical, rude act. Just like a developed owner of a skin vector, the idea of the possibility of theft, violation of the law will never occur. The foundations of modern etiquette have been literally built into their psyche since childhood.
And within these strict frameworks of ethics and modern etiquette, culture develops as much as possible, setting a limit on actions that bring others any discomfort. This is not yet compassion, not love, but the most important condition for the preservation of society and the human species as a whole.
Knowing the rules of modern etiquette, having a little understanding of the tricks of style and behavior in society, any woman can look like a real lady. Like any man can create for himself the image of a true aristocrat. The question is - why is it needed. If you, as the best tractor driver of the republic, were invited to a reception at the ministry, it makes no sense to pretend to be a count. It is enough to get acquainted with the rules of modern business etiquette at least a little. But if you yourself are preparing to become a minister, this knowledge is necessary.
And no less necessary is internal conformity. The main thing is not to overdo it with the frequent companion of the "cultural image" - snobbery. When in the visual vector the level of development of intellect significantly surpasses sensuality or sensuality does not find realization, there is a feeling of one's own "elevation" above other "cattle". The rules of etiquette are becoming a bargaining chip for demonstrating their superiority.
Problems of modern etiquette: princesses are not born
The main problem is an attempt to "develop" oneself in form in the hope that the content will somehow improve. Numerous trainings for success, personal growth, bride schools and others are aimed at this. The girl dreams of marrying a millionaire - she goes to etiquette courses, takes care of her body, extends her eyelashes … And repeats like a mantra: "I am the most charming and attractive." The boy sticks the yacht of his dreams on the wall and expects that tomorrow he will be included in the Forbes list.
It seems to many that etiquette is only a set of rules in modern society and in the circles of hereditary aristocrats. But action is the result of thinking. If irritation rages inside you or your face involuntarily twists into a grimace of disgust - it doesn't matter which hand you hold the fork in and what you said to the hostess when you met. Others will inevitably feel this. Perhaps only etiquette will not allow the owners to quickly get rid of your society.
We return to the main idea: the more successful a person is in life, the more rules and restrictions he observes. These restrictions are internal. It is impossible to declare that you are worried about the life of retirees, and at the same time not give them a place in transport.
If you can't “fit in perfectly with society”, the rules of modern etiquette will tell you what to do. And knowledge of system-vector psychology will help to translate this into life naturally, and not in form.
A simple example.
Recently I heard the phrase: "Ladies do not fuss." Vanity is a sign of a skin vector in not very good condition. Or underdeveloped properties, or too much stress. Have you noticed excessive fussiness? You can't get rid of it deliberately. You can force yourself to look calm, "like a true lady" by an effort of will. For a while. Internal tension will constantly increase. The consequences are skin problems, itching and rashes. This is at its best.
The path offered at Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" is a little longer, but more effective. And a side effect for the owners of the skin vector may well become, on the contrary, an improvement in the condition of the skin.
Modern etiquette as a state of consciousness
It is not for nothing that "ethics" and "etiquette" are the same words. The rules of existence in society, be it law or etiquette, are created to facilitate interaction between people. To make everyone feel protected at any age. You do not interfere with others, others do not interfere with you.
This is ideal. In fact, the vast majority of people think about etiquette when they need to impress. Does anyone remember family dinner etiquette? Units. And which of the pedestrians follows the right-hand traffic on the sidewalk? We hustle and bustle, do not let either women or old people pass. “Remembering” or “not remembering” the rules of modern etiquette is determined for us by personal gain and … this leads to a total loss.
Culture today is failing to curb hate. The law has not restrained anything for a long time. What remains? To establish new rules of the game, new modern etiquette - as a set of internal restrictions. For yourself.
Of course, here, too, there is an expectation of receiving benefits for oneself. But when the calculation is based on a systematic understanding of the situation, everyone wins. Try to start today with at least the traffic rules. Do not break even in small things. Even if everyone breaks.
If you do not have a skin vector, following the rules will give you support in life, a sense of balance. You will begin to respect yourself. If there is a skin vector, you, perhaps for the first time, will feel the pleasure of limitation, and completely different thoughts will begin to arise, leading to more effective solutions in any area. And if you are endowed with a visual vector - "aristocratic manners" are in your blood, all that remains is to give it cultural support.
Hear how interaction with other people changes after the training, how much joy it can bring to life:
It's simple! For details, visit the free online training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
