Sex education for adolescents: what is allowed, what is needed, and what is not
Sex education for adolescents is a hot topic for educators and parents. Girls in grades 9-10 already come to a school psychologist with the problems of cheating, love triangles. They begin to try their feminine power, seducing one or the other. Let's deal with this topic, using the knowledge gained at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan …
Sex education for adolescents is a hot topic for educators and parents. Girls in grades 9-10 already come to a school psychologist with the problems of cheating, love triangles. They begin to try their feminine power, seducing one or the other. A teenage girl seeks love, agrees to have sex with one, the other, the third, but is constantly disappointed and remains a loser. Already at such a young age, she suffers because it seems to her that the boys have used her.
We are mistakenly trying to prohibit, restrict sex in adolescents, but this is impossible - instincts are stronger than prohibitions. Then we try to teach "how to do it right, so that without consequences." And that doesn't help either. On the one hand, I want to protect children from mistakes that they can commit, from tragedies and catastrophic consequences, on the other hand, wrong words and actions can harm, frighten or push them to destructive behavior, kill an incipient feeling, devalue love itself.
In the sensitive topic of sex education, we are often guided more by our fears and projections than by scientific knowledge about the psyche and needs of adolescents. We are afraid that the girl might become pregnant, the boy might become infected, and we forget that the most effective vaccination against venereal diseases and early pregnancies is moral education and upbringing of feelings. Teaching the basics of contraception and sex techniques is by no means the foundation of sex education. We can and must teach our children to love and feel, to experience joy from contact with the soul of another. Then their intimate relationship will be only with whomever is needed, and when needed.
Western theories of gender roles, where sex education begins in kindergarten, are foreign to our mentality. “Parent number one” and “parent number two” instead of mom and dad, a book where two princes fell in love and lived happily ever after, is an ordinary situation for them. We have a different mentality. Therefore, following the advice of Western psychologists in matters of sex education for children and adolescents causes serious damage to the psyche of our children. We will deal with this topic, using the knowledge gained at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
What is the role of sex education and adolescent education for their future happiness
To answer this question, it is necessary to separate the concepts of sex education and sex education.
Sexuality education is:
- to tell in biology lessons about the device of the genitals,
- about sexually transmitted diseases,
- about AIDS and how to prevent it,
- about the process of fertilization and intrauterine development of the child,
- and also about methods of contraception.
Sex education is necessary and important. The main thing is on time. At the same time, it is imperative to separate the audience of boys and girls so that they can ask questions of concern to them without shame and embarrassment.
Sex education is by no means teaching the mechanics of sex, but a purposeful and long-term process of educating feelings. When we adults think about this topic, what do we really want? We want our children to be happy with their soul mate when they grow up and find her. And so that, like a prince and princess from a fairy tale, "live happily ever after in love and harmony." We not only want to protect them from mistakes, we wish them happiness in relationships. Can deep, strong and lasting feelings arise without a strong moral foundation?
Mistakes in adolescent sex education
So, what mistakes, often with the best intentions, do adults make in the process of sex education for children and adolescents and thereby spoil their fate, deprive them of the happiness of paired relationships? Let's analyze the main ones. It:
- Premature awakening of sexuality.
- Neglect of moral education, devaluation of feelings.
- Lack of control over the information space.
- The so-called sex education lessons about the physiology of sex.
- Promotion of homosexuality and the theory of gender roles.
- Loyal attitude to mat, the use of obscene words.
The biggest mistake is prematurely awakening sexuality
A child from 7 to 13 years old (approximate time of puberty) is in the stage of latent sexuality. The task of his psyche at this stage is to gain experience in human relationships, companionship, study, play, sports. At this stage, such important components of the psyche as conscience, ego-ideal are laid, self-esteem and skills of adaptation to the surrounding world are formed. The awakening of sexuality before the onset of puberty destroys the still unformed child's psyche, inhibits the development of the soul.
Excessive sexualization of the information space, and so provides sufficient awareness of our children about issues of gender and childbirth. News, serials, talk shows, posts and tapes in social networks - this is the informational background in which the child lives. He cannot get away from this information, and the task of parents at the family level is not to focus on sexual topics, but, on the contrary, to captivate the child with interesting activities and control his information space from early childhood, not allowing content that corrupts the psyche into it.
The hormonal surge experienced by adolescents naturally awakens their interest in their own body, as well as in the topic of gender relations. And in order for a teenager to be able to cope with adolescent temptations without harm to himself, it is very important to lay a moral foundation in his soul by this time, to form the ability to deep feelings as opposed to the desire to receive pleasure immediately. In the era of gadgets and clip thinking, this task is extremely difficult, but challenging.
Sex education for adolescent girls
No matter what Western advocates of gender equality say, boys and girls need to be brought up differently. Freedom of social realization and freedom of gender identity are completely different things. Men and women differ in physiology and mentally. To prevent the human species from becoming extinct, nature has arranged so that men and women in relationships do not want the same thing. A man wants a woman - in the truest sense of the word. His desire inspires him to work and to feat, for the sake of the desired woman, he is ready to build a house, raise a son, defeat all enemies and get a star from the sky. A woman wants from a man, first of all, protection and safety. She is ready to inspire him, to be beautiful and caring for him so that under his wing she can give birth and raise children.
Yes, there are exceptions. Yes, in the modern world, women have become more independent and no longer need protection so much, so the roles have shifted somewhat. And yes, there are different boys and different girls. If a boy with a gentle soul, vulnerable and mentally fragile, this does not mean at all that nature was mistaken and placed a woman's soul in the male body. Conversely, a strong, strong-willed, strong girl is not at all a man in a woman's body.
Often, under the guise of sex education, adolescent girls are broadcast completely opposite meanings. Under the guise of gender equality, they introduce the concept of sexual freedom, in fact they call sexual freedom sexual licentiousness.
If we are talking about sexual freedom, then for a woman it is the freedom to say “no” when she doesn’t want to, without feelings of guilt and consequences in the form of violence or psychological pressure. Teenage girls need to be taught to say this feminine no with firmness and dignity. Moreover, this should be done so as not to instill cynicism and disrespect for the entire male sex, dividing the concepts of love and love, desire for emotional closeness and sexual attraction, so that when the time comes, a woman can say her sincere "yes."
It is very important to talk with girls about such concepts as maiden honor and female dignity. By the example of the heroes of films, books or by the example of real situations. Unfortunately, a massive social media trend is for girls to portray themselves as sexy merchandise. Men enjoy using such girls, but they marry others, those in whose loyalty they will be sure. A man cannot respect and appreciate a woman who behaves unworthily.
The love of reading classical literature is one of the most effective ways to prevent adolescent deviant sexual behavior. A girl who has read the correct literature will never follow simple instincts. For her requests, "just sex" is a meager pleasure. Therefore, she is maximally protected from early sexual intercourse and unwanted pregnancy - this is not her problem at all.
Sex education for adolescent boys
In order to raise a worthy man from a boy, it is not enough to give him to sports or teach purely male activities from the series to hammer a nail or disassemble a computer. It is important to instill in him a sense of responsibility, to form a caring and respectful attitude towards the girl, to help him realize the high importance of the role of women and the beauty of chastity in girls.
Of course, it all starts with a warm and respectful family relationship. If a boy has not learned to love and respect his parents, brothers and sisters, it will be difficult for him to love another person. For young men, a tender attitude towards their mother is of particular importance. Resentment against his mother clearly forms a bad scenario for his future pairing relationship. Such a young man will unconsciously choose frivolous girls or push them into provocative behavior. At the same time, each time he will suffer from betrayal, burn himself again and take offense at the entire female gender.
A boy in our mentality is a desire to be a hero, to accomplish a feat. Show where is true heroism and where is feigned. Classical literature and the real history of our country, rich in real feats and heroes, will help parents and teachers at school. It is very important to teach the future man to subordinate the awakening sexual feelings and experiences to higher interests, intellect, will, and creativity.
It is also good to involve adolescents in socially useful activities - helping the school in assembling furniture, visiting a sponsored orphanage, participating in contests for social projects. Helping teenagers in their desire to earn an independent income is also an important step on the path to adult responsibility and self-organization.
But adolescents' fascination with modern music is often frankly destructive. This refers to rap singers popular among teenagers and even children who use foul language in their songs, thereby legalizing swearing.
How swearing affects adolescent sex education
For the first time, children receive information about sex in preschool age, when they hear a mate from a peer, usually at the age of six, plus or minus a year, then we “find out” where the children come from. Mat and sex are tightly connected concepts, because any obscene word semantically is either the genitals or the act of intercourse. Learning about it from peers is normal, natural. When children hear obscenities in the family, it is like the forcible imposition of information about sex in a rude form. Sensually, children perceive this as a violation of parent-child boundaries, as if he went into the parents' bedroom and saw intercourse. In this case, the child's psychosexual development is slowed down: he loses a sense of security and safety, becomes confused, depressed, frightened and often crowds out these emotions.
In addition, if a teenager grows up in an atmosphere of a mate, he suffers serious psychological trauma, which jeopardizes his future personal life. For example, a girl in the future may avoid intimacy, perceive sex as dirt and humiliation, it will be difficult for her to trust her partner and feel the joy of love. Thus, a girl who grew up on a mat is deprived of a huge part of what is called female happiness.
Public obscenities (from rappers and other "stars") similarly negate the perception of intimacy between a man and a woman as something bright and beautiful. In the still unripe adolescent psyche, the process of formation of disgusting associative connections is launched: "a woman is a heifer", "a relationship is a mating," who is rude, he is cool, etc. The most vulnerable to the influence of a mat are children, due to their age received due sensory education.
That is, it is necessary to protect the child from the mat, develop and bring up feelings in him long before adolescence. If a teenager is already fond of obscene rap, then he has already formed certain frustrations, which fills this kind of "creativity", the prohibitions in this case will not work. You can only try to captivate him with something more interesting and promising for his future. For example, to help change the environment, as an option - to enroll in some online courses of interest to him or to captivate with the idea of mastering the Internet profession.
To summarize, let us say that, alas, it is too late to start sex education in adolescence. And in order to make a teenage boy a real man, and a teenage girl a worthy woman, you need to start much earlier than the time when the girl's breasts begin to grow, and the boy's mustache breaks through.
If you are interested in the details of the formation of sexuality, if you want to help children grow up happy, able to take place in pair relationships and in life in general, come to the introductory online lectures of the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
Useful articles on the topic:
Gender Identity Disorders, or How Not to Raise a Gay from a Boy
Why does a boy become gay